Jonno White
Jan 6, 202352 min
1. If you can’t get someone out of your head, then maybe they’re supposed to be there.
2. Life is as random as the weather. You can’t change what’s headed your way, but you can be ready for whatever comes.
3. When you care about someone, their happiness matters more than yours! Good thing is listening a new song is that.
4. Don't be so humble — you are not that great.”
5. Sometimes life just seems like chapters. Some good, some bad, but all come together to create the story of our lives.
6. I hate it when someone turns the lights on while I`m asleep and I`m all like {oooo}
7. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter… people the opposite.
8. I forgot to work out today. That’s five years in a row!
9. My attitude is based on how you treat me.
10. My heart always will be yours.
11. Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control.
12. You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.
13. When someone makes you an option, Make them a memory.
14. Someone asked me, how’s life? I just smiled & replied, she’s fine.
15. Life is what happens when you are looking sadly at the past and looking too far into the future.
16. I am a slow walker, but I will never walk back.
17. I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
18. Sometimes you need to maintain a distance to keep them close to you.
19. The most beautiful thing in this world is to see your parents smiling and knowing that you are the reason behind that smile.
20. I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat.
21. The assassins have failed once more since I could get out of bed this morning.
22. Live, don’t just exist.
23. Style is a reflection of your attitude and personality.
24. I drink to make other people more interesting.
25. People are like ‘Music’ some say the ‘Truth’ and rest, just noise…
26. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
27. Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
28. Don’t be afraid to move on and start a new chapter.
29. The best way to triple your cash is to fold it thrice.
30. Stop falling in love with me.
31. Alter your attitude and you can alter your life.
32. When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
33. In life, what you really want will never come easy…
34. Enter your status update, be it text, video, or picture
35. I collect smiles, and then I give them away. Appreciating the blessings God gave me.
36. Haircuts are the reason why I have trust issues.
37. What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.
38. If you show me 1% of goodness, I’ll show 100% in return. But if you show 1% of attitude, I’ll show 100% of it.
39. That awkward moment when you wave to a stranger on Facebook by accident.
40. When an astronaut feels unwell, that is an oxymoron.
41. Laughing freely is one of the most important things.
42. I don’t like waiting, I’m so impatient. But I’ll wait forever, as long as I end up with you.
43. Making mistakes is better than faking perfections.
44. I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.
45. I’m not a second option, you either choose me or lose me.
46. The day you are born, and the day you discover why are the two most significant days in your life.
47. Trust me; you can dance. ~ Vodka
48. Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass… It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.
49. Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.
50. Dear My Life, A pause button would be greatly appreciated!
51. Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
52. I was reminded that my blood type is be Positive.
53. Good Morning! It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood! Everyone, get out there and share your beautiful smile with the world.
54. I wake up every day with a smile b’coz I know I have something to be thankful for.
55. Life would be perfect if some girls had mute buttons, some guys had edit buttons, bad times had fast forward buttons, and good times had pause buttons.
56. Facebook is worse than medieval torture devices.
57. I am a natural person, and I use the actual internet.
58. I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money.
59. You must be logged in to your Facebook user account
60. Are your children missing? When you do that, they appear out of nowhere.
61. Reality continues to ruin my life.
62. If your friend is not right, then he is at your left.
63. Comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.
64. The lord gave us two ends: One to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.
65. Dream like you’ll live forever: live like you’ll die today.
66. I am envious of my folks. I can never have a child as cool as theirs.
67. We have one more person who is in blood relationship with us. Guess who? That’s a Mosquito!!
68. Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn’t attend.
69. You become what you BELIEVE.
70. Count your age with friends but not with years.
71. Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.
72. Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.
73. Nothing is perfect, but when I’m with you everything is perfect.
74. Facebook should also have ‘nobody cares’ choice as well.
75. The first thing I imagined when I saw the word ‘love’ is you.
76. Stay Strong, Make them wonder how you’re still smiling.
77. I’m not perfect, I am original.
78. Life is like a bar of soap, once you think you’ve got a hold of it, it slips away.
79. Once again, I’ve woken up without superpowers.
80. Be a good person but don’t try to prove it.
81. Getting over him sounds great but being in his arms sounds a lot better.
82. The only person you should try to be better than is the one you were yesterday.
83. Never lower your standards for a guy, make him raise his standards for you!
84. In the event that you are reading this, be glad you know how to read.
85. Remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it when it seems like everything is working against you.
86. Someday, somewhere, somehow me and you will be together in life…
87. *मनुष्य को धोखा*
88. The happier you are the more beautiful you become.
89. When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
90. The madness of love is the greatest of heaven’s blessings.
91. Before you judge me make sure that you’re perfect.
92. The first time I saw you, my heart whispered: That’s the one.
93. My road to success always seems to be under construction.
94. I wish I had ‘Google’ in my mind and ‘Antivirus’ in my heart…
95. Why bother reading books? We have Eminem; he can read a whole story in 4 minutes.
96. A room without books is like a body without a soul…
97. Let me love you if not for the rest of your life then for the rest of mine.
98. In order to be successful, you would have to focus on your mistakes, not on your victory.
99. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
100. “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards.” —Soren Kierkegaard
101. To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.
102. We drank and had all the fun last night.
103. The first part of our lives is always better.
104. Be a good chuckle.
105. What is long, hard and has cum in it? Dirty mind! It’s Cucumber.
106. I wish my parents were like Google. They should understand me even before I complete.
107. Never stop learning, because life never stops teaching.
108. About to do a crazy foot dance!
109. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.
110. Smile while you still have teeth.
111. If bathing is harmful for the environment then I am doing a major favor for the environment.
112. I can do everything but I can’t change my child’s diaper everyday.
113. You either live in love or die, there is no way in between!
114. I don’t need TV as I have Facebook.
115. Born to express not to impress B|
116. What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing they just waved. Did you “sea” what I did there? I’m “shore” you did, beach.
117. Whatever makes you feel bad, leave it. Whatever makes you smile, keep it.
118. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
119. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it.
120. “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” —Milton Berle
121. When nothing is going right, go left.
122. I hate it when I’m singing a song, and the artist gets the words wrong.
123. Silence and smile are the powerful tools, smile solves all your problems, silence keeps all your problems at bay.
124. “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.” —John Lennon
125. Someone asked me How is your life? I just smiled and replied, She is fine…
126. Silent people have the loudest minds.
127. When I smile I am hiding a tear inside. When I laugh I am hiding pain inside. When I say everything is OK nothing is.
128. When you are successful your well wishers know who you are but when you are unsuccessful you know who your well wishers are.
129. Someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I told them happy. They told me I didn’t understand the question. I told them they didn’t understand life.
130. Thinking of you is easy, I do it every day. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away…
131. Tap Finish
132. A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can’t go anywhere till you change it.
133. Make your own path & Leave a trail.
134. Where there is love, there is life.
135. I have seen the best of you, and the worst of you, and I choose both…
136. Love is heat… you are sweet… when two Lips are meet each other. then love is complete…
137. Funny Facebook Status Quote –
138. Mark Zuckerberg, this is my original Facebook account, please, don’t spy on me!
139. You can't have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic.
140. Like friend’s list Facebook must also have Foe list as well.
141. When I die, I want my grave to offer free Wifi so that people visit more often.
142. I’m pretty sure I have at least one ancestor who would be pretty pissed about finding out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
143. I occasionally choose to utilize emojis of my face.
144. Life isn’t hard. People with their needless complications and unnecessary lies make it that way.
145. When you say YES to others, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself.
146. “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” —E.E. Cummings
147. We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.
148. Funny jokes to crack you up.
149. His story is History, My Story is Mystery.
150. Relationship Status: COMING SOON
151. When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
152. Success all depends on the second letter.
153. My life isn’t perfect but it does have perfect moments.
154. My pillow is my hairdresser because I wake up always with strange hair styles.
155. I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.
156. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
157. I don’t care what people think or say about me, I was not born on this earth to please everybody.
158. Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.
159. True friends are like stars- they shine best when your world is in darkness!
160. When i was BORN i was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year & a half.
161. I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong, oh but life goes on.
162. Nothing is illegal. Until you get caught.
163. All noble things are as difficult as they are rare.
164. “Be yourself; everyone else is taken.” —Oscar Wilde
165. Just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
166. I've had great success being a total idiot.
167. Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.
168. To download Facebook for PC – Go to your laptop app store
170. I enjoy when people show Attitude to me because it shows that they need an Attitude to impress me!
171. What doesn’t kill you … makes me really sad.
172. All things are difficult before they are easy.
173. “Love the life you live, live the life you love.” —Bob Marley
174. God is first, I am second.
175. Life is too short Don’t waste it updating status every hours.
176. Nothing harms more than you go to unfriend somebody but discovered they have outsmarted you.
177. No matter what has happened. No matter what you’ve done. No matter what you will do. I will always love you. I swear it.
178. By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn’t believe me.
179. I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
180. The best way to get things done is to simply begin.
181. Always do your best. When you plant now, you will harvest later.
182. I don’t Care whAt #You_think of Me! Unless yOu thiNk I’m #Awesome – in whiCh CaSe, YOu’re #RiGht! #Carry_On…
183. My one hand is enough to fight against the world… If you hold the other one.
184. I was pushing my luck; I workout enough.
185. Dip me in chocolate and call me dessert.
186. I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
187. I love my life, it has its ups and downs, but I wouldn’t change it. I’m totally happy, and nothing and no one can take that away from me.
188. I can’t place anyone above you but I can place myself above you, not to be a master but to be your shield and always protect you.
189. Don’t rush things. Anything worth having is worth waiting for.
190. I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
191. You’ve got one life to live, live it proud and free; don’t waste time with hate or greed, love this life, and lead.
192. I want to thank those grads and offer my congratulations on surviving the most straightforward phase of your lives. Indeed, you maintain optimism. Cheers!
193. Even some of the greatest people in life, started out as nothing.
194. My life is like a speeding bullet that just hasn’t hit the target yet.
195. Don't waste so much time thinking about how much you weigh. There is no more mind-numbing, boring, idiotic, self-destructive diversion from the fun of living.
196. Dreams and Dedication are a powerful combination.
197. Do not underestimate yourself by comparing yourself with others. It’s our differences that make us unique and beautiful.
198. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain but for the heart to conquer it.
199. Let’s have a date at a train station.
200. Who are you to judge the life I live? I’m not perfect and I don’t have to be! Before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.
201. It feels so good to wake up with you in the morning.
202. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
203. Without you, I am nothing. With you, I am something. Together we are Everything.
204. My haters are my biggest motivators.
205. Being this fabulous is a full-time job.
206. When I’m not doing anything with m
207. Life is not about how hard you can hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.
208. I look at people sometimes and think… Really??? That’s the sperm that won.
209. Was going to rob a bank today but the pen was chained to the desk.
210. Say it before you run out of time. Say it before it’s too late. Say what you’re feeling. Waiting is a mistake.
211. The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
212. Don’t be afraid just be yourself.
213. You meet thousands of people, and none of them really mean anything to you. And then you meet one person, and your life is changed forever.
214. I’m not weird. I’m just cooler than you.
215. I move like the inflatable tube man from a car showroom.
216. The good thing is listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone…
217. There is no rationale in why short jeans should cost the same as long jeans.
218. Life is not a matter of milestones but of moments.
219. As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice. You can either be right, or you can be happy.
220. Love is a feeling that is felt _deep in the heart and I feel it for you.
221. Life is a collection of mistakes, you will never learn if you don’t make them.
222. Straight roads do not make skillful drivers.
223. I love my life because it’s you.
224. A bad attitude is the worst thing that can happen to a group of people. It’s infectious.
225. Lipsticks are red and sky is blue. I have no mutual friends then who are you?
226. What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing they just waved. Did you sea what I did there? I’m shore you did, beach.
227. I have tested Many sweet dishes but All they are not as sweet as my lover’s lips…
228. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK, then it's you. —Rita Mae Brown
229. You know you’re broke when your bank flags deposits as a questionable activity.
230. Never look down on anybody UNLESS you’re helping him up.
231. Every people is a intelligent, when he work hard!
232. Why did you ignore my text message? So how exactly do I respond to LOL?
233. No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.
234. Love me ?? Great. Hate me ?? Even Better. Don’t know me ?? Don’t judge me !!
235. A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.
236. Would I be able to click your photo? I cherish pictures of catastrophic events.
237. Happiness is like a Butterfly. You keep running after it, it keeps flying away. If you stand still, It comes and sits on your shoulders.
238. I am willing to make mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
239. Life is not about how hard you can hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep.
240. Life is short, Time is fast, No replay, No rewind, So enjoy every moment as it comes.
241. I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.
242. Do what’s right, the right way, at the right time.
243. I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy.
244. I embrace mistakes, they make you who you are.
245. All men’s souls are immortal, but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine.
246. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning.
247. True love comes once in a lifetime. Don’t miss it ,open your eyes and your heart…
248. Every time you text me my cheeks hurt! I guess I smile too big.
249. You are just a memory of my love.
250. “What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, ‘This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!’ Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, -‘Never have I heard anything more divine’?” —Friedrich Neitzsche
251. Where there is love there is life.
252. Always keep smiling. It irritates those who wish to destroy you.
253. I’m in love with Whatsapp.
254. You cannot buy Love, but still you need to pay for it.
255. Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.
256. When life puts you in tough situations, don’t say, why me? Just say, try me!
257. Dear Facebook, I don’t need fake friends.
258. Love means two minds without a single thought.
259. People are made to be loved & things are made to be used. The confusion in this world is that people are used & things are loved!
260. Today’s society is always hooked on the internet.
261. Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos.
262. Love hurts more than hate. I think we have made a perfect crime. I have stolen your heart, and you have stolen mine.
263. We have to hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, and lose in order to gain because most of life’s lessons are taught through the pain.
264. The older I get, the less I care about what others think of me, and the less I care, the more I live.
265. Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.
266. The biggest slap to your enemies is your success.
267. A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.
268. Phones are better than girlfriends, At least we can switch off!
269. When I say “It’s a long story”, it simply means that I don’t want to tell you that.
270. Blessed are the weird people. Poets, misfits, writers, mystics, painters, and troubadours. For they teach us to see the world through different eyes.
271. Freedom is the ability to shout “THEATRE!” in the middle of a crowded fire.
272. If you appear severe and carry a clipboard, you can go wherever you choose.
273. I cannot change the seasons or the wind, but I can change myself
274. Humans make mistakes. It is pirate to arr.
275. What a long story.
276. When I dream, I dream of you. Maybe one day, dreams will come true. Because, I really love you.
277. I used to think life was about winning battles and trophies and applause, but it’s not. It’s about learning, loving, growing, and changing. What you learn is what really counts.
278. I already know what my Halloween costume will be. Drunk.
279. I don’t Care whAt #You_think of Me! Unless your think I’m #Awesome – in whiCh CaSe, YOu’re #RiGht! #Carry_On…
280. I am who i am, you approval is not needed.
281. Smile, Happy looks good on you. Keep smiling…one day life will get tired of upsetting you.
282. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me."
283. Why even bother reading? Eminem is here; he can finish reading a book in four minutes.
284. “I’m a mirror. If you’re cool with me, I’m cool with you, and the exchange starts. What you see is what you reflect. If you don’t like what you see, then you’ve done something. If I’m standoffish, that’s because you are.” —Jay-Z
285. I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
286. I don’t think of myself as pretty. I am what I am.
287. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
288. Status of the relationship: COMING SOON.
289. I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
290. I can’t pinpoint the moment when we started working toward uncommon goals, but I’m fairly certain that it corresponds with the moment when we stopped being productive.
291. You have no idea how fast my heart beats when I see you.
292. I always learn from the mistakes of others who take my advice.
293. That is it. You are good to go.
294. Do you love candy crush?
295. I love my bed, but I’d rather be in yours.
296. If you left me without a REASON, do not come back with an EXCUSE.
297. Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.
298. Work until you don’t have to, introduce yourself.
299. If Opportunity Doesn’t Knock…
300. I want to go for a long drive and forget about my problems for a while.
301. Life is a dream: live it. Life is a challenge: meet it. Life is a song: sing it. Life is a promise: fulfill it.
302. A person who falls and gets back up is much stronger than a person who never fell.
303. I’ll love you until the day after forever.
304. A big shout out to the gorgeous women who date unattractive and financially struggling men.
305. Some days, I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
306. People with high ego and unnecessary attitude deserves the standing ovation of the tallest finger…
307. Love is cute when it’s new, but love is most beautiful when it last.
308. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
309. If stress actually burnt calories..I’d be a size zero!
310. Hold my satchel, these are the words which will embarrass men everywhere.
311. Why didn’t you reply to my text? Well, how am I supposed to reply to LOL?
312. Log on to your Facebook home page
313. The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
314. Never walk alone, develop a multiple personality
315. The simplest things in life—a smile, a hug, a kiss, holding hands—are priceless treasures… enjoy the simple things.
316. I want to buy everything from the grocery stores.
317. For someone who hates my guts, you sure talk about me a lot! Love me or hate me, it’s still an obsession.. Here’s a tip.. Get a life and stop talking about mine
318. The decision to take action is the most challenging part; the other things require tenacity.
319. May your life someday be as good as you make it out to be on Facebook.
320. You don’t want to question me. I’ve forgotten more in the past week than you’ve learned your whole life.
321. I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?
322. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that’s not my problem.
323. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
324. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
325. Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.
326. Life is the greatest mystery. You never know where it will take you and when it will end.
327. The best way to change a woman’s mind is to agree with her.
328. ‘Dream’ as if you’ll live forever. Live as if tomorrow is last one…
329. I always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife were “I want a divorce”. but it’s actually, “What is your password”.
330. Love is like a rubber band you need to hold it from both the sides by two people. When one leaves it hurts.
331. A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as him and hates them for it.
332. I put the ‘Me’ in ‘Someone,’ and things get awkward.
333. I wasn’t drunk; I was just testing if the plant was as soft as my bed.
334. I like bad girls.
335. I find it very challenging to focus in a room packed with cookies!
336. You look fantastic today.
337. You are the best thing that’s ever been.
338. People say me bad. But trust me I am the worst!
339. Reality check: Even the calendar reads W T F on the days following Monday and Tuesday.
340. Waking up every day seems a little excessive.
341. If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.
342. Surround yourself with people who reflect who you want to be and how you want to feel; energies are contagious!
343. When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'
344. Until you add them as Facebook friends, everyone is normal.
345. When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the.
346. People should be required to disclose any potential adverse effects, just like with prescribed medications.
347. Don’t look back you’re not going that way.
348. Looking at school books and thinking: what a waste of a tree!
349. Surround yourself with people who don’t try to suck the positivity from you.
350. Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.
351. Life is too short to spend all your time trying to make everyone else happy.
352. Someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I told them happily. They told me I didn’t understand the question. I told them they didn’t understand life.
353. Everyone is beautiful in their own way because God makes no mistakes.
354. When I first saw you, I fell in love with you and you smiled because you knew.
355. I just find myself happy with the simple things. Appreciating the blessings God gave me.
356. Sometimes you succeed… and other times you learn.
357. If crying doesn’t make the sad things better, then why do we do it?
358. History reminds us that when all other options have been exhausted, men and nations act honorably. Eban Abba
359. I don’t need to explain myself because, I know I’m right.
360. Switch ON your device
361. I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.
362. If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
363. Close your eyes and I will kiss you,then Tomorrow I will miss you.
364. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
365. The darkness whatever you are going through now, is only to help you shine brighter in the future. Be strong..!!
366. My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my BED.
367. People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever's in the glass.
368. Thinking of you is easy, I do it every day. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away.
369. Life isn’t always sunshine and butterflies. Sometimes you got to learn to smile through the pain.
370. Life is like coloring: sometimes it’s okay to go outside the lines. It’s the experience of no boundaries that counts.
371. I Am In Love With Myself, With My Heart.
372. If you are in love you can’t get in comfort zone.
373. “Many people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75.” —Benjamin Franklin
374. Not all men are fools, Some stay bachelor 😉
375. Click Login
376. Your insight is the presence of mind I have.
377. People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.
378. Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I’m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
379. About to dance my feet silly!
380. When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, “I think it’s Santa Claus!” so I don’t have to get up.
381. All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.
382. If you lower you expectations, you limit your disappointment.
383. I will win, not immediately but definitely.
384. Realize your potential.
385. Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.
386. There are no winners in life…only survivors.
387. Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re selling something or not dazzling.
388. A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
389. When you see a person without a smile, give them yours.
390. Don’t go through life, grow through life.
391. You’re the ping to my pong.
392. Good dog, what is your full name?
393. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing.
394. “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” —Plutarch
395. Never walk alone, develop multiple personalities
396. Falling in love with you is the 2nd best thing in the world. Finding you is the 1st…
397. Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company.
398. A smile is the prettiest thing you’ll ever wear.
399. What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘OK’?
400. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
401. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
402. I like your funny Wifi name until it insults me.
403. I once prayed to God for a bike, but I soon realized that He didn’t operate in that way; as a result, I stole a bike and pleaded with Him for mercy.
404. No matter what the inquiry is, “chocolate” is the response.
405. The difference between school and life is that school teaches you lessons and then gives you a test while life gives you a test that causes you to learn the lessons.
406. was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
407. So this is my life — until I win the lottery.
408. If you believe things cannot be worse, it is most likely only a result of your limited imagination.
409. There is no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs.
410. The people who do not appreciate the little things of life, are not worth the big ones.
411. I am a rare species, not a stereotype.
412. Anybody who tells you money can't buy happiness never had any.
413. Nobody around here treats me like a glamour model, so I’m just going to sit here taking selfies by myself.
414. Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain. I am in charge of how I feel and today I’m choosing happiness.
415. Then search for your friend
416. Beautiful things can happen when you distance yourself from the negative.
417. Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows!
418. Hate me? don’t care? love me? love you too? think I’m a bitchy? fuck off?
419. In a word, most bad attitudes are the result of selfishness.
420. God is really creative, I mean…just look at m!!!
421. Never test how deep the water is with both feet ?
422. Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
423. The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.
424. Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.
425. Who is left after a war is decided, not who is right?
426. You are done.
427. It doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside. It’s what on the inside that counts.
428. I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
429. Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
430. Get in line to worship me, minions.
431. If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.
432. That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
433. it doesn’t remind you of anyone…
434. A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
435. Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them.
436. Your life doesn’t get better by chance, It gets better by CHANGE.
437. Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.
438. Move on. It is just a chapter in the past, but don’t close the book – just turn the page.
439. I wish I could tell you how I feel because every night before I sleep, you are all I think about.
440. If you initially fail, redefine success.
441. Don’t be creative. Think like there is no box.
442. Nothing is fine, but when I’m with you everything is fine.
443. My heart is, and always will be, yours.
444. There are only two times that I want to be with you… Now and Forever.
445. Scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal my status :p
446. The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
447. Because I love myself, I listen to myself.
448. Self-doubt is the anchor that keeps our ship from sailing..!!
449. This is who I am. Nobody said you had to like it.
450. If something’s not going right, try left.
451. The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.
452. I take a lot of pride in being myself. I’m comfortable with who I am.
453. That moment when someone you met for 3 seconds sends you a Facebook friend request.
454. It’s cute when your crush’s crush is you.
455. Back in 5 minutes (If not, read this status again).
456. Love is when you look into someones eyes and see everything you need.
457. Happiness is falling asleep next to you and waking up thinking I’m still in my dreams.
458. When i was born, i was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and half.
459. I was right when I thought I would be among those who go to the gym early in the morning.
460. Everyone has three lives; a public life, a private life, and a secret life.
461. Dreams Don’t work unless you do.
462. Diets are hard because I get hungry.
463. You never fail until you stop trying.
464. My FB status is my attitude online
465. A life without love is like a year without summer.
466. Life is a book. Sadly, I am writing in a pen so I can’t go back and erase the mistakes I have made.
467. As devastating as things may seem, there is always that glimmer of hope to guide you through the storm.
468. Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don't have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!
469. I don’t have time to hate people who hate me because I’m too busy loving people who love me.
470. Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove. But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins became a tourist attraction.
471. Have you ever tried to scare a fly or other little bug off your computer screen with the cursor as your first response?
472. I once tried to act normally—the dullest hour of my life.
473. Your future will always be Bright – when you stay Focused, Optimistic, and Confident.
474. Don’t be afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
475. Love the life you live, and live the life you love.
476. Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.
477. If you want to appreciate yourself, simply like your status.
478. Do they sell decaf coffee tables at Ikea?
479. Life is like driving a car. It’s okay to look behind sometimes but keep looking straight because life’s goes on.
480. Age is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese.
481. #इश्क़ ? जिस ☝तरफ #निग़ाह ? कर गया,?
482. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
483. Boom, you can now see all their recent and outdated status updates
484. The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money
485. I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.
486. Sometimes, it’s not what you say that matters, it’s what you don’t.
487. True romance isn’t Romeo and Juliet who died together but grandma and grandpa who grew old together.
488. The heat of the beat is negatively and inversely proportional to the angle of the dangle.
489. A bad attitude can literally block love, blessings, and destiny from finding you.
490. Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
491. Love is deaf. You can’t just tell someone you love them. You have to show it.
492. In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
493. A negative mind will never give you a positive life.
494. Does a silent person’s burp produce a sound?
495. Love yourself first, because that’s who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.
496. Love is life. If you miss love, you miss life.
497. Marriage is like to go to an eatery, order something, and afterward takes a glance at the close-by table, and wish you would order that.
498. There comes a point in our lives when we begin to understand and appreciate the reasons why we needed to just let go of some people we could have chosen to love.
499. Coins always make sounds..but paper moneys are always silent. So, when your value increases, keep yourself silent and humble..
500. Wife: I’m expecting; what do you want? Wife: A joke.
501. I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It’s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
502. Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
503. It is up to you to see the beauty of everyday things.
504. You are done
505. Every moment I spent with you.. is like beautiful dream come true.
506. Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
507. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
508. I wish dreams were like wishes, and wishes came true, cause in my dreams I’m always with you.
509. The longer the title the less important the job.
510. Cash can’t purchase joy. It pays for the web, which is a similar thing.
511. DARE TO BE DIFFERENT!
512. Apparently, people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a “gym.”
513. People most frequently relinquish their authority by believing they lack it.
514. I’m not online, it’s just an optical illusion.
515. I ran a half marathon sounds so much better than “I quit halfway through a marathon”.
516. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught. No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
517. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. —George Burns
518. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.
519. “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards.”
520. I wouldn’t say I like weird things.
521. Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
522. Yes I am weird, weird is good. Normal is overrated.
523. “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” —Soren Kierkegaard
524. I really don’t need to explain myself. I know I’m right.
525. Facebook resembles a jail since you write on its wall.
526. A teacher’s job is to take a bunch of live wires and see that they are well-grounded.
527. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
528. A woman is like a tea bag: You can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
529. Happiness is like a Butterfly..You keep running after it, it keeps flying away..If you stand still, It comes and sits on your shoulders.
530. The most beautiful line is But, I love you!
531. I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
532. Don’t PLAY with Me! Coz I know I Can PLAY Better Than You.
533. Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.
534. If you are brave to say GOOD BYE, life will reward you with a new HELLO.
535. You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
536. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
537. She who dares, wins.
538. Saying that you finished a half-marathon is preferable to say that you gave up midway through a marathon.
539. I love mankind... it's people I can't stand!!
540. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.
541. LIKE if you hate it when someone tags you in a photo, you look horrible in because they happen to look so good in it.
542. If you lower your expectations, you limit your disappointment.
543. You’re not gonna tell me who I am. I’m gonna tell you who I am.
544. Phew! Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my toaster in the shower this morning.
545. Don’t argue with an idiot, they will always beat you with their stupidity.
546. “Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!” —Anne Frank
547. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
548. “One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.” —John Green
549. Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
550. Love is more than my live and my love is you.
551. I’ve had to learn to fight all my life – got to learn to keep smiling. If you smile things will work out.
552. In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.
553. Don’t overreact or give advice too quickly. This only trains people not to be open with you.
554. I am in charge of how I feel and today I’m choosing happiness.
555. It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.
556. I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted.
557. Using sarcasm, you can prevent others from figuring out what you think of them when speaking.
558. Stop calling yourself hot, the only thing you turn on is the microwave!
559. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
560. Every time you texts me my cheeks hurt! I guess I smile too big.
561. You gave me a reason for my being, and I love what I’m feeling. You gave me a meaning to my life.
562. I’m making some changes in my life, if you send me a message and I don’t get back to you..your probably one of those changes.
563. A good day starts with a positive attitude and a great cup of coffee.
564. Facebook is like a refrigerator. Truly, because when you are separated from everyone else, you open it to check whether there’s anything.
565. My mother thinks I’m attractive; all I hope is that girls would see that sooner.
566. I believe there should be a better way to start each day… instead of waking up every morning.
567. Such an awkward moment.
568. This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
569. People believe I treat them too patronizingly, which is to say as if they are stupid.
570. The 4 R’s of life: Respect, Responsibility, Right from wrong, and Reality check… think about it.
571. If you don’t arrive, you can’t be late.
572. Not always ‘Available’ try your luck!
573. Everything is in mind. You become what you think!
574. Every morning would be perfect if I woke up next to you.
575. Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
576. I want to share a good laugh with you.
577. The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
578. Just want to give a shout out, a hug, some dap, a high 5, a pound, handshake, a pat on the back, a kiss, some love and a good morning to you Facebook.
579. I’m just busy being myself.
580. Be somebody who makes everybody feel like somebody.
581. I am learn from my mistakes! without mistakes we can’t learn.
582. You all laugh at me because I’m different, I laugh at you because you’re all the same.
583. While you still have your teeth, smile.
584. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right 😀
585. The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
586. I’m not ashamed to be me. Whats wrong with being unique?
587. Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not ?
588. Your smile is more beautiful than stars.
589. Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
590. You are right, whether you believe you can or cannot.
591. Life is like an ice cream, enjoy it before it melts.
592. You can have RESULTS or EXCUSES not both.
593. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories.
594. Distance is just a test to see how far love can travel.
595. Broken Crayons Still Color..
596. You’re the driver of your own life, Don’t let anyone steal your seat..!!
597. If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.
598. Enter your Facebook account’s email address and password
599. The only disability in life is a poor attitude.
600. I’m under your bed, so don’t peek now.
601. Everything I have I owe to this job... this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.
602. If I went to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn’t at work.
603. I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.
604. Everyone in your life is there for a reason. You just have to figure out why and decide if that reason is good enough.
605. People who say “I hate to bother you” need to learn to hate it a little more.
606. Being positive in Life doesn’t mean that things won’t happen. It just means that you choose to not let the challenges affect your inner peace and that your happiness is worth the extra effort too look for the good and let go of what you. cannot change.
607. I’m single because I was born that way.
608. Agree with a woman if you want to change her mind.
609. I feel sorry for people who don‘t know me.
610. Look outside of yourself, and you will appreciate others’ accomplishments, failures, hardships, and journeys.
611. I will be driving today.
612. No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You're old, you sag, get over it.
613. Two people are most famous on Facebook. One who get most likes and the others are men.
614. To download Facebook for Android .apk file Click HERE
615. There are some people who will not stay in our life but will always be in our hearts.
616. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
617. Click on “Manage List”,
618. Knowing that you are loved by someone is the best feeling you could ever have.
619. Time is valuable. Prudently waste it.
620. I’m not drunk, I’m in love.
621. Send a lady to the store to buy five things, and she’ll return with 54. But if you send a man to the store to buy five things, he will return with four. It’s elementary science.
622. I am not this funny in real life.
623. Your looks don’t make you Beautiful, it’s the person inside who makes you beautiful…
624. I’m in love with the idea of being in love.
625. There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
626. I’d rather die my way than live yours.
627. Always listen to your heart. It’s on your left side but it will always be RIGHT.
628. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
629. Nobody pissed me off today. I got to get out more.
630. Mute person burps.
631. You may have missed that I repeated a word in this phrase.
632. Good girls want to have fun.
633. May the space between where I am and where I want to inspire me.
634. Courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid. Courage means you don’t let fear stop you.
635. Sometimes I can’t see myself when I’m with you. I can only just see you.
636. Everyone has weaknesses, but I’m not everyone.
637. “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” —Albert Einstein
638. I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it's natural.
639. You are a player! I am the mentor here.
640. The simplest things in life are a smile, a hug, a kiss, holding hands are priceless treasures. Enjoy the simple things.
641. Go away, bad mood. I didn’t invite you into my world today.
642. My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.
643. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. —Jerry Seinfeld
644. Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face.
645. Please refrain from forcing me from hurting your inner child.
646. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
647. Never let your failures get to your heart and never let your success get to your head.
648. Inhale confidence. Exhale Doubt.
649. Women in line for the restroom were the ones who first came up with the idea of line dancing.
650. y life, it takes a surprising amount of time.
651. I collect smiles and then I give them away.
652. Who wants funny photos when you can share funny quotes?
653. You know you’re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
654. Many people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75.
655. Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.
656. I want my Girlfriend like Google, She will understand me better.
657. You may see me struggle, but you’ll never see me quit.
658. If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.”
659. No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early.
660. Silence is the best answer to a FOOL.
661. Don’t die with your song still inside of you.
662. Nothing can stop you from climbing a cliff only if you know how to fall.
663. Tomato is an organic product so you better don’t put in mixed products.
664. Smile, Happy looks good on you?
665. I hate when people act like they don’t know me until they need something.
666. Enjoy life. It comes with expiry date.
667. I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
668. I am a glamour model.
669. I’ve stopped using Facebook to face my book for exams.
670. It’s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball… But won’t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry.
671. Whenever I consider whether I could get away with murder, I always keep in mind that I can’t eat pancakes without getting syrup all over my body.
672. As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
673. The hardest test in life is the patience to wait for the right moment.
674. Being positive in Life doesn’t mean that things won’t happen. It just means that you choose to not let the challenges affect your inner peace and that your happiness is worth the extra effort too look for the good and let. go of what. you. cannot. change.
675. It’s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball. But won’t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry.
676. I’m one of a kind and I’m unique. Never forget that.
677. When your time is good, your mistakes are taken as a joke…But when your time is bad, even your jokes are noticed as mistakes.
678. A hero is born among a hundred, and they found a wise man among a thousand, but we might not find an accomplished one even among a hundred thousand.
679. Tap on SHARE
680. Love has no age, no limit and no death.
681. Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
682. Today’s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
683. Nothing is forbidden until you are discovered.
684. Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
685. I wasn’t ready for any further dialogue when I said hello. I apologize for it.
686. Mirrors can’t laugh aloud, which is fortunate for you.
687. The only exercise I’ve done since this month is running out of money.
688. life is too short to wait on someone to love you the way you love them.
689. Choose Edit List from the drop-down menu
690. I am not perfect but I am limited Edition.
691. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.
692. Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and regret nothing that makes you smile.
693. A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
694. We never get what we want, We never want what we get, We never have what we like, We never like what we have. -That’s life.
695. That moment when the random person you just met asks for your full name, and you know it’s because they want to stalk you on Facebook.
696. One of the simplest ways to stay happy; just let go of the things that makes you sad.
697. The best revenge is living a successful, good life, and just being happy.
698. I’m destined for greatness. I’m just pacing myself, so I don’t freak you out.
699. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.
700. When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
701. Everything is fine in Love and War.
702. At the top, click on your name
703. When life gets blurry adjust your focus.
704. There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.
705. My life is never empty because my heart is always full.
706. People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they’re likely to cause.
707. There are exceptions to every rule, particularly this one.
708. Two things are similar in politicians and diapers, both needs to be changed consistently.
709. If Opportunity Doesn’t Knock….
710. One of the great regrets of my life is that I suffered so many assholes so gladly for so many years, all for the sake of a paycheck.
711. My life is not complicated, just the people in it.
712. For someone who hates my guts, you sure talk about me a lot! Love me or hate me, it’s still an obsession. Here’s a tip.. Get a life and stop talking about mine
713. Heart is equal to a mirror, Mirror shows reflection, & Heart shows affection. Both have one equal quality, can’t be reformed once broken.!
714. Everyone is normal until you add them as your Facebook friend.
715. The heart is equal to a mirror, Mirror shows reflection, & Heart shows affection. Both have one equal quality, can’t be reformed once broken.!
716. Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
717. People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don’t want to talk.
718. A friend to all is a friend to none.
719. Don’t treat people as bad as they are, treat them as good as you are.
720. Doors will open for those bold enough to knock.
721. You can’t be late until you show up.
722. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer women with eyebrows made of hair.
723. Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more Birthdays live longer.
724. Be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people.
725. The Comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.
726. Staying alone on Valentine’s Day helped me save a ton of money. Highly suggested.
727. There are no mistakes in life, just lessons.
728. Successful people keep moving on. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.
729. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
730. I’m writing my autobiography on my Facebook account.
731. Either you control your day, or it prevents you.
732. While it may appear that I’m doing nothing, I’m waiting for my problems to resolve.
733. Someone at work said to me, “Inquiring minds want to know if you have a boyfriend.” I said, “Yes, I do, but don’t tell my husband.”
734. “The word status refers to social stratification on a vertical scale” Well, the offline status of a couple of persons is quite different from the virtual online status, we update on social media platforms and messaging apps.
735. I’m not lazy, I’m just in my energy-saving mode.
736. Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms.
737. You aren’t stupid, in my opinion. Although I wouldn’t say that, you are.
738. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.
739. My ‘last seen at’ was just to check your ‘last seen at’
740. Prepare to be in jail for taking my heart and playing with my sentiments.
741. I may not be perfect, but I’m the best you’ll ever have… you’ll realize it the day i stop coming back!
742. Sometimes a simple hug makes everything a lot better especially when the hug comes from your child.
743. If Coca-Cola cared about the obesity problem, they would reinstate cocaine in their recipe.
744. Sometimes letting go of the person isn’t enough, sometimes you have to let go of your memories with them too.
745. Happiness means you.
746. Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
747. Your eyes are the sweetest stars in world I’ve ever seen…
748. I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
749. A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
750. Love the life you love, love the life you love.
751. If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door.
752. Do you want to play a family-friendly board game?
753. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.
754. Such a busy day.
755. I don’t go crazy. Also, I am crazy. I just go normally from time to time.
756. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence — then success is sure.
757. Protect her like a daughter, love her like a wife, and respect her like your mother.
758. Every day is a second chance.
759. There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.
760. Go to the blank box (What’s on your mind?)
761. Smile, Happy looks good on you ?
762. Don’t let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world
763. Don’t tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
764. Instant gratification takes too long.
765. I’m afflicted with Awesome. There’s no curing it.
766. Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but it’s your choice to either scream or enjoys the ride.
767. You are telling me, a chicken fried this rice.
768. Every problem comes with solution, but my GF don’t have.
769. You have two hands, one to help yourself, the second to help others.
770. Could you take my word for it; I never follow it?
771. Keep your best friends happy.
772. The things that come to mind even when I don’t need to remember anything are amazing.
773. People change and things go wrong, but always remember, life goes on.
774. I am multi talented, I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
775. Don’t look for society to give you permission to be yourself.
776. Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
777. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
778. I tried being like you, my personality didn’t like it.
779. Housework can't kill you, but why take the chance?
780. We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
781. I don’t aspire to be like other, I aspire to be unique in my own way.
782. are the five stages of waking up.
783. Girls expose 90% of their skin when they wear a bikini, but men stare only at the covered areas.
784. The minute you think you’re going to lose something, it suddenly becomes the most important thing in your life.
785. The past week was fun.
786. The first day of your life begins today, and if things don’t go as planned, the first day of your life starts tomorrow.
787. I’m the most awesome person I know.
788. Please only use Visa or Mastercard if you give me a Valentine’s Day card.
789. If hard work is your weapon, Success will be your slave.
790. I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
791. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
792. I will be yours, you will be mine and together we will be one love.
793. Every love story is beautiful, but our is my favorite.
794. It’s easy to stand with the crowd, It takes courage to stand alone.
795. When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you’ve done recently.
796. Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
797. It’s Valentine’s Day, yet I’ve only connected to my wi-fi once this year.
798. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
799. Change your thoughts, and the world will change with you.
800. It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong.
801. Life is a book. Sadly, I am writing in pen so I can’t go back and erase the mistakes I have made.
802. I'm not crazy — I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.
803. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too ?
804. Funny Facebook status: You know what, last seat is the best place to fart
805. They will gain nothing by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere; it will only give you restlessness.
806. “Let your soul stand cool and composed before a million universes.” —Walt Whitman
807. Never give up on someone you love. Great things take time.
808. Single isn’t to be miserable, and the relationship isn’t to be cheerful.
809. Don’t look for love. Quietly give it away and let if find you back.
810. I just broke my record for most days lived.
811. Whenever i have a problem, I just sing, Then i realize my voice is worse than my problem.
812. Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
813. Life isn’t about waiting until the storm is over; it’s about kicking off your shoes and dancing in the rain.
814. I have a new theory in life…what other people think of me is truly none of my business!
815. A person who loves you truly will never let you go whatever the situation is.
816. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. The five stages of waking up.
817. I have learned that life may not always be easy, but it’s always worth living
818. The space between your fingers are meant to be filled with mine…
819. The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.
820. If I delete your number, you’re basically deleted from my life.
821. There are two type of people winner and Losser, winner always working hard, losser always try to shortcut for win.
822. Facebook in short Add Friend – > Approve – > Write on Wall- > Chat- >Block
823. No matter how hard we try, life will never be perfect.
824. Remember, it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
825. My strength did not come from lifting weights. My strength came from lifting myself up when I was knocked down.
826. Click on their profile
827. You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
828. Halloween is the one night of the year when I can legitimately get away with watching scary movies while eating candy in the dark.
829. Excellence is not a skill, It is an attitude.
830. There comes a point in life, when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will…
831. Love is sweet, When its New. But it is sweeter when its true.
832. Don’t leave your friends alone. Disturb them forever.
833. Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
834. Life is best friend when you get what you want, and life is teacher when you dont.
835. The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
836. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
837. Before you judge how I live my life, I suggest you take a good look at your own.
838. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth gets its pants on.
839. If people are trying to bring you ‘down’ It only means that you are ‘above them’.
840. Hate me? don’t care? love me? love you too?think I’m a bitchy? fuck off?
841. We live in a nation where Pizza gets to your home sooner than the Cops.
842. A life without reflection is not worth living.
843. Go to your phone browser e.g Chrome, UCweb, or Firefox
844. It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.
845. Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
846. The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana.
847. *बड़ी अजीब सी बादशाही है,*
848. I was not part of the problem, but I will be part of the solution.
849. Love is like a baby, it needs to be treated gently.
850. I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
851. You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
852. Never expect things to happen. It’s better to feel surprised than to feel disappointed.
853. Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
854. I’m cool but Summer made me hot!
855. Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
856. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.
857. Try to solve your problem yourself… Don’t Depend on other!
858. I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!
859. People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
860. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence.
861. Life isn’t about getting and having, it’s about giving and being.
862. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
863. If you watch the Titanic backward, it’s about a magical boat that emerges from the sea and saves people.
864. The beauty of life is, while we can’t undo what is done, but we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change.
865. Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I’m tripping? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit back down. Can’t face me? Turn around.
866. Why hasn’t anyone else recognized my attractiveness yet if my mother thinks I’m attractive?
867. Stars can’t shine without darkness, Darker the night brighter the star.
868. Love. Lust. Laugh. Lie. Lose. Loss. Lessons. The “7L” that created “LIFE”
869. Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.
870. Silence and smile are powerful tools, smile solves all your problems, silence keeps all your problems at bay.
871. The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
872. Life is not about people who act true to your face. Its about people who remain true behind your back.
873. Love is just love, it can never explained.
874. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true.
875. I came from a really tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me, I knew he wasn’t a professional; the knife had butter on it.
876. Keep smiling..one day life will get tired of upsetting you.
877. Friends are like boobs: some are real, some are fake.
878. Every time I want to flee, I remind myself how much I wouldn’t say I like running.
879. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
880. If you can't be kind, at least be vague.
881. When children are around, you feel like you are cleaning up after a big party you didn’t even attend.
882. I am lover, Not a fighter. But i can fight for what i love.
883. Life is a lesson you’ll learn it when you’re through.
884. People often mistake me for being a good listener. Also, I really just don’t want to talk.
885. I love my life, it has its difficulties, but I wouldn’t change it. I’m totally happy, and nothing and no one can take that away from me.
886. Where is my electric chair?
887. The issue with being prompt is that nobody cares about you.
888. It’s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
889. Don’t choose the one who is beautiful to the world; choose the one who makes your world beautiful.
890. Only Love takes you to heaven without the dying part.
891. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
892. I don’t have dirty mind, I have sexy imagination.
893. Life is like a roller coaster. It can be enjoyable, but it can be scary too. It’ll flip you, jerk you, and even hurt you. But it can also make you very, very happy.
894. “What we need is more people who specialize in the impossible.” —Theodore Roethke
895. I am not 50 years of age; I am only 18 years with 32 years of experience.
896. If people are trying to bring you down it only means that you are above them.
897. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
898. Society will make no progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other.
899. Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors. And if you see a group of people that looks interesting, go find out what they are doing. Do things without always knowing how they’ll turn out.
900. No one is perfect that’s why pencils have erasers.
901. When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.
902. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. The longer the title the less important the job.
903. The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.
904. When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.
905. Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed was game requests?
906. My life motto is ‘Do my best so that I can’t blame myself for anything.
907. I never lose, either I WIN or I LEARN.
908. I don’t care what people think or say about me!
909. It will take you to their timeline
910. I am single because god is busy writing to best love story for me ?
911. Always dress like you are going to see your worst enemy ?
912. Stop looking for love if you’re single; else, you’ll just get married.
913. Dear Teacher,
914. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
915. Look, you didn't ask me for my opinion, but I'm old, so I'm giving it anyway.
916. “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched—they must be felt with the heart.”—Helen Keller
917. One more Funny Facebook status that will get like is that when your friend is washing dishes, you put another plate on the sink for him.
918. Distance doesn’t matter in true love.
919. Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
920. Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.
921. No one is a virgin life screws us all
922. Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
923. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
924. If you’re so caught up in avoiding lightning, you may not ever enjoy a single thunderstorm.
925. People who tolerate me on the daily basis! are real heroes in my eye.
926. I am a pandora’s mistake.
927. We never get what we want, We never want what we get, We never have what we like, We never like what we have. That’s life.
928. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
929. If you initially fail, remove all proof that you ever attempted.
930. Sometimes life can surprise you with a happy coincidence.
931. You never know how bad it hurts until it happens to you.
932. A big shout out to the gorgeous women who date unattractive and financially struggling men. I want to thank those grads and offer my congratulations on surviving the most straightforward. phase. of. your. lives.. Indeed,. you. maintain. optimism.. Cheers!
933. Life isn’t about waiting until the storm is over, it’s about kicking off your shoes and dancing in the rain.
934. It’s a beautiful thing when a career and a passion come together.
935. I’ve learned if you love life, life will love you back sooner or later.
936. Being a new teacher is like trying to fly an airplane while building it.
937. The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.
938. If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
939. My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
940. I recreate myself; that is my only power.
941. Life is like race between cat & rat. But rat mostly wins because cat runs for food rat runs for life. Always remember purpose is more important then need.
942. My attitude based on how you treat me.
943. When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, “My wife took everything when she left”
944. Never correct your adversary when he is committing an error.
945. If a plan didn’t work, Alphabet has 25 more letters.
946. When one maintains her proper attitude in life, he does not long after externals.
947. My dreams are bigger than my wallet, but I’ll find a way.
948. You look like I need a drink.
949. Just because my path is different doesn’t mean I’m lost.
950. Be aware to touch me… you may be victim of Love.
951. What a lovely day, people.
952. Your speed doesn’t matter forward is forward.
953. Lucky for you, mirrors can’t laugh out loud.
954. I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved by whom I am not. No one is perfect that’s why pencils have erasers.
955. What people say to your face is not a problem. The problem is what they say behind your back.
956. Attending is 80 percent of success.
957. Line dancing was originally invented by women waiting in line for the bathroom.
958. You must be logged in
959. When I see my phone light up, I always hope that it’s a text message from you…
960. Live life doing what YOU love, not what impresses others..
961. Be sandalwood, which imparts its fragrance to the ax which cuts it.
962. "I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
963. One of the simplest ways to stay happy; just to let go of the things that make you sad.
964. I am a bomb technician.
965. I want everyone to meet you. You’re my favorite person of all time.
966. Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
967. A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s – That’s because she changes it more often ?
968. Have nothing to update your status on Facebook, imagine that you are busy at a gathering.
969. Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
970. Why are you staring my checkbook, have a look on your Facebook account.
971. ‘Don’t love the person who enjoy with YOU… Love the person who really suffer without you Because, The pain of love can never be defined.
972. My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.
973. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
974. Don’t let people tell you the sky is the limit, when there’s footprints on the moon..!!
975. Although I have loved and lost, it does not make this tragic time any less devastating. All that I can do is remember the life and love that was given and give thanks for the wonderful people brought together at such an enormous expense.
976. The person who first proposed the notion that you are your own harshest critic was never wed.
977. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” —Anais Nin
978. A Tesla can be compared to how I feel. My car is not a Tesla.
979. They say life gets better. When?
980. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
981. “F#%K It.” – my final thought before making most decisions.
982. The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.
983. My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.
984. There was a time when we used to tell friends: ‘Lets meet & plan something’ and now we say: ‘Lets plan and meet some day’. Thats how the life change.
985. Girls want to find a superman but walk past Clark Kent every day.
986. Time heals almost everything.
987. To download Facebook for iPhone Click HERE
988. Dreamlike you’ll live forever: live like you’ll die today.
989. No artist could ever compare to the mastery of Mother Nature.
990. Life is a journey not a Race.
991. Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.
992. Hang on to the things in life that make you smile, and let go of what doesn’t..!!
993. Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
994. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance
995. They keep saying, “I’m sorry to trouble you.” I believe they ought to develop a stronger dislike for it.
996. Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think i’m trippin? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit back down. Can’t face me? Turn around.
997. Don’t you wish certain people’s mouths had a clap-on, clap-off device?
998. Life goes on… Whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown. or stay behind locked in the past thinking of what could’ve been.
999. At the left, click on ‘Friend Lists’
1000. A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
There you go! Quotes by people like george burns, mark twain, lucille ball, phyllis diller, george carlin and charles m. schulz.
Share these funny things many times or just one time. But know you're making someone's day!
Use these funny facebook status quotes to share with friends you've known for a long time or those you just happene to meet in the right place. Funny can be common sense or a meaningful benjamin franklin quote or joan rivers quote. It's up to you!