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1,000 Funny Facebook Quotes For Likes And Status (2023)

1. If you can’t get someone out of your head, then maybe they’re supposed to be there.

2. Life is as random as the weather. You can’t change what’s headed your way, but you can be ready for whatever comes.

3. When you care about someone, their happiness matters more than yours! Good thing is listening a new song is that.

4. Don't be so humble — you are not that great.”

5. Sometimes life just seems like chapters. Some good, some bad, but all come together to create the story of our lives.

6. I hate it when someone turns the lights on while I`m asleep and I`m all like {oooo}

7. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter… people the opposite.

8. I forgot to work out today. That’s five years in a row!

9. My attitude is based on how you treat me.

10. My heart always will be yours.

11. Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control.

12. You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

13. When someone makes you an option, Make them a memory.

14. Someone asked me, how’s life? I just smiled & replied, she’s fine.

15. Life is what happens when you are looking sadly at the past and looking too far into the future.

16. I am a slow walker, but I will never walk back.

17. I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.

18. Sometimes you need to maintain a distance to keep them close to you.

19. The most beautiful thing in this world is to see your parents smiling and knowing that you are the reason behind that smile.

20. I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat.

21. The assassins have failed once more since I could get out of bed this morning.

22. Live, don’t just exist.

23. Style is a reflection of your attitude and personality.

24. I drink to make other people more interesting.

25. People are like ‘Music’ some say the ‘Truth’ and rest, just noise…

26. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

27. Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

28. Don’t be afraid to move on and start a new chapter.

29. The best way to triple your cash is to fold it thrice.

30. Stop falling in love with me.

31. Alter your attitude and you can alter your life.

32. When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

33. In life, what you really want will never come easy…

34. Enter your status update, be it text, video, or picture

35. I collect smiles, and then I give them away. Appreciating the blessings God gave me.

36. Haircuts are the reason why I have trust issues.

37. What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

38. If you show me 1% of goodness, I’ll show 100% in return. But if you show 1% of attitude, I’ll show 100% of it.

39. That awkward moment when you wave to a stranger on Facebook by accident.

40. When an astronaut feels unwell, that is an oxymoron.

41. Laughing freely is one of the most important things.

42. I don’t like waiting, I’m so impatient. But I’ll wait forever, as long as I end up with you.

43. Making mistakes is better than faking perfections.

44. I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

45. I’m not a second option, you either choose me or lose me.

46. The day you are born, and the day you discover why are the two most significant days in your life.

47. Trust me; you can dance. ~ Vodka

48. Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass… It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

49. Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.

50. Dear My Life, A pause button would be greatly appreciated!

51. Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

52. I was reminded that my blood type is be Positive.

53. Good Morning! It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood! Everyone, get out there and share your beautiful smile with the world.

54. I wake up every day with a smile b’coz I know I have something to be thankful for.

55. Life would be perfect if some girls had mute buttons, some guys had edit buttons, bad times had fast forward buttons, and good times had pause buttons.

56. Facebook is worse than medieval torture devices.

57. I am a natural person, and I use the actual internet.

58. I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money.

59. You must be logged in to your Facebook user account

60. Are your children missing? When you do that, they appear out of nowhere.

61. Reality continues to ruin my life.

62. If your friend is not right, then he is at your left.

63. Comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.

64. The lord gave us two ends: One to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.

65. Dream like you’ll live forever: live like you’ll die today.

66. I am envious of my folks. I can never have a child as cool as theirs.

67. We have one more person who is in blood relationship with us. Guess who? That’s a Mosquito!!

68. Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn’t attend.

69. You become what you BELIEVE.

70. Count your age with friends but not with years.

71. Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.

72. Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.

73. Nothing is perfect, but when I’m with you everything is perfect.

74. Facebook should also have ‘nobody cares’ choice as well.

75. The first thing I imagined when I saw the word ‘love’ is you.

76. Stay Strong, Make them wonder how you’re still smiling.

77. I’m not perfect, I am original.

78. Life is like a bar of soap, once you think you’ve got a hold of it, it slips away.

79. Once again, I’ve woken up without superpowers.

80. Be a good person but don’t try to prove it.

81. Getting over him sounds great but being in his arms sounds a lot better.

82. The only person you should try to be better than is the one you were yesterday.

83. Never lower your standards for a guy, make him raise his standards for you!

84. In the event that you are reading this, be glad you know how to read.

85. Remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it when it seems like everything is working against you.

86. Someday, somewhere, somehow me and you will be together in life…

87. *मनुष्य को धोखा*

88. The happier you are the more beautiful you become.

89. When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

90. The madness of love is the greatest of heaven’s blessings.

91. Before you judge me make sure that you’re perfect.

92. The first time I saw you, my heart whispered: That’s the one.

93. My road to success always seems to be under construction.

94. I wish I had ‘Google’ in my mind and ‘Antivirus’ in my heart…

95. Why bother reading books? We have Eminem; he can read a whole story in 4 minutes.

96. A room without books is like a body without a soul…

97. Let me love you if not for the rest of your life then for the rest of mine.

98. In order to be successful, you would have to focus on your mistakes, not on your victory.

99. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

100. “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards.” —Soren Kierkegaard

101. To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.

102. We drank and had all the fun last night.

103. The first part of our lives is always better.

104. Be a good chuckle.

105. What is long, hard and has cum in it? Dirty mind! It’s Cucumber.

106. I wish my parents were like Google. They should understand me even before I complete.

107. Never stop learning, because life never stops teaching.

108. About to do a crazy foot dance!

109. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.

110. Smile while you still have teeth.

111. If bathing is harmful for the environment then I am doing a major favor for the environment.

112. I can do everything but I can’t change my child’s diaper everyday.

113. You either live in love or die, there is no way in between!

114. I don’t need TV as I have Facebook.

115. Born to express not to impress B|

116. What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing they just waved. Did you “sea” what I did there? I’m “shore” you did, beach.

117. Whatever makes you feel bad, leave it. Whatever makes you smile, keep it.

118. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

119. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it.

120. “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” —Milton Berle

121. When nothing is going right, go left.

122. I hate it when I’m singing a song, and the artist gets the words wrong.

123. Silence and smile are the powerful tools, smile solves all your problems, silence keeps all your problems at bay.

124. “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.” —John Lennon

125. Someone asked me How is your life? I just smiled and replied, She is fine…

126. Silent people have the loudest minds.

127. When I smile I am hiding a tear inside. When I laugh I am hiding pain inside. When I say everything is OK nothing is.

128. When you are successful your well wishers know who you are but when you are unsuccessful you know who your well wishers are.

129. Someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I told them happy. They told me I didn’t understand the question. I told them they didn’t understand life.

130. Thinking of you is easy, I do it every day. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away…

131. Tap Finish

132. A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can’t go anywhere till you change it.

133. Make your own path & Leave a trail.

134. Where there is love, there is life.

135. I have seen the best of you, and the worst of you, and I choose both…

136. Love is heat… you are sweet… when two Lips are meet each other. then love is complete…

137. Funny Facebook Status Quote –

138. Mark Zuckerberg, this is my original Facebook account, please, don’t spy on me!

139. You can't have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic.

140. Like friend’s list Facebook must also have Foe list as well.

141. When I die, I want my grave to offer free Wifi so that people visit more often.

142. I’m pretty sure I have at least one ancestor who would be pretty pissed about finding out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.

143. I occasionally choose to utilize emojis of my face.

144. Life isn’t hard. People with their needless complications and unnecessary lies make it that way.

145. When you say YES to others, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself.

146. “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” —E.E. Cummings

147. We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.

148. Funny jokes to crack you up.

149. His story is History, My Story is Mystery.

150. Relationship Status: COMING SOON

151. When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

152. Success all depends on the second letter.

153. My life isn’t perfect but it does have perfect moments.

154. My pillow is my hairdresser because I wake up always with strange hair styles.

155. I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.

156. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

157. I don’t care what people think or say about me, I was not born on this earth to please everybody.

158. Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.

159. True friends are like stars- they shine best when your world is in darkness!

160. When i was BORN i was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year & a half.

161. I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong, oh but life goes on.

162. Nothing is illegal. Until you get caught.

163. All noble things are as difficult as they are rare.

164. “Be yourself; everyone else is taken.” —Oscar Wilde

165. Just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

166. I've had great success being a total idiot.

167. Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.

168. To download Facebook for PC – Go to your laptop app store

169. #हाथ की लकीरों #पर_नहीं,

170. I enjoy when people show Attitude to me because it shows that they need an Attitude to impress me!

171. What doesn’t kill you … makes me really sad.

172. All things are difficult before they are easy.

173. “Love the life you live, live the life you love.” —Bob Marley

174. God is first, I am second.

175. Life is too short Don’t waste it updating status every hours.

176. Nothing harms more than you go to unfriend somebody but discovered they have outsmarted you.

177. No matter what has happened. No matter what you’ve done. No matter what you will do. I will always love you. I swear it.

178. By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn’t believe me.

179. I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

180. The best way to get things done is to simply begin.

181. Always do your best. When you plant now, you will harvest later.

182. I don’t Care whAt #You_think of Me! Unless yOu thiNk I’m #Awesome – in whiCh CaSe, YOu’re #RiGht! #Carry_On…

183. My one hand is enough to fight against the world… If you hold the other one.

184. I was pushing my luck; I workout enough.

185. Dip me in chocolate and call me dessert.

186. I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

187. I love my life, it has its ups and downs, but I wouldn’t change it. I’m totally happy, and nothing and no one can take that away from me.

188. I can’t place anyone above you but I can place myself above you, not to be a master but to be your shield and always protect you.

189. Don’t rush things. Anything worth having is worth waiting for.

190. I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

191. You’ve got one life to live, live it proud and free; don’t waste time with hate or greed, love this life, and lead.

192. I want to thank those grads and offer my congratulations on surviving the most straightforward phase of your lives. Indeed, you maintain optimism. Cheers!

193. Even some of the greatest people in life, started out as nothing.

194. My life is like a speeding bullet that just hasn’t hit the target yet.

195. Don't waste so much time thinking about how much you weigh. There is no more mind-numbing, boring, idiotic, self-destructive diversion from the fun of living.

196. Dreams and Dedication are a powerful combination.

197. Do not underestimate yourself by comparing yourself with others. It’s our differences that make us unique and beautiful.

198. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain but for the heart to conquer it.

199. Let’s have a date at a train station.

200. Who are you to judge the life I live? I’m not perfect and I don’t have to be! Before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.

201. It feels so good to wake up with you in the morning.

202. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

203. Without you, I am nothing. With you, I am something. Together we are Everything.

204. My haters are my biggest motivators.

205. Being this fabulous is a full-time job.

206. When I’m not doing anything with m

207. Life is not about how hard you can hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.

208. I look at people sometimes and think… Really??? That’s the sperm that won.

209. Was going to rob a bank today but the pen was chained to the desk.

210. Say it before you run out of time. Say it before it’s too late. Say what you’re feeling. Waiting is a mistake.

211. The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.

212. Don’t be afraid just be yourself.

213. You meet thousands of people, and none of them really mean anything to you. And then you meet one person, and your life is changed forever.

214. I’m not weird. I’m just cooler than you.

215. I move like the inflatable tube man from a car showroom.

216. The good thing is listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone…

217. There is no rationale in why short jeans should cost the same as long jeans.

218. Life is not a matter of milestones but of moments.

219. As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice. You can either be right, or you can be happy.

220. Love is a feeling that is felt _deep in the heart and I feel it for you.

221. Life is a collection of mistakes, you will never learn if you don’t make them.

222. Straight roads do not make skillful drivers.

223. I love my life because it’s you.

224. A bad attitude is the worst thing that can happen to a group of people. It’s infectious.

225. Lipsticks are red and sky is blue. I have no mutual friends then who are you?

226. What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing they just waved. Did you sea what I did there? I’m shore you did, beach.

227. I have tested Many sweet dishes but All they are not as sweet as my lover’s lips…

228. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK, then it's you. —Rita Mae Brown

229. You know you’re broke when your bank flags deposits as a questionable activity.

230. Never look down on anybody UNLESS you’re helping him up.

231. Every people is a intelligent, when he work hard!

232. Why did you ignore my text message? So how exactly do I respond to LOL?

233. No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.

234. Love me ?? Great. Hate me ?? Even Better. Don’t know me ?? Don’t judge me !!

235. A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.

236. Would I be able to click your photo? I cherish pictures of catastrophic events.

237. Happiness is like a Butterfly. You keep running after it, it keeps flying away. If you stand still, It comes and sits on your shoulders.

238. I am willing to make mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

239. Life is not about how hard you can hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep.

240. Life is short, Time is fast, No replay, No rewind, So enjoy every moment as it comes.

241. I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

242. Do what’s right, the right way, at the right time.

243. I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy.

244. I embrace mistakes, they make you who you are.

245. All men’s souls are immortal, but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine.

246. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning.

247. True love comes once in a lifetime. Don’t miss it ,open your eyes and your heart…

248. Every time you text me my cheeks hurt! I guess I smile too big.

249. You are just a memory of my love.

250. “What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, ‘This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!’ Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, -‘Never have I heard anything more divine’?” —Friedrich Neitzsche

251. Where there is love there is life.

252. Always keep smiling. It irritates those who wish to destroy you.

253. I’m in love with Whatsapp.

254. You cannot buy Love, but still you need to pay for it.

255. Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

256. When life puts you in tough situations, don’t say, why me? Just say, try me!

257. Dear Facebook, I don’t need fake friends.

258. Love means two minds without a single thought.

259. People are made to be loved & things are made to be used. The confusion in this world is that people are used & things are loved!

260. Today’s society is always hooked on the internet.

261. Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos.

262. Love hurts more than hate. I think we have made a perfect crime. I have stolen your heart, and you have stolen mine.

263. We have to hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, and lose in order to gain because most of life’s lessons are taught through the pain.

264. The older I get, the less I care about what others think of me, and the less I care, the more I live.

265. Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.

266. The biggest slap to your enemies is your success.

267. A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.

268. Phones are better than girlfriends, At least we can switch off!

269. When I say “It’s a long story”, it simply means that I don’t want to tell you that.

270. Blessed are the weird people. Poets, misfits, writers, mystics, painters, and troubadours. For they teach us to see the world through different eyes.

271. Freedom is the ability to shout “THEATRE!” in the middle of a crowded fire.

272. If you appear severe and carry a clipboard, you can go wherever you choose.

273. I cannot change the seasons or the wind, but I can change myself

274. Humans make mistakes. It is pirate to arr.

275. What a long story.

276. When I dream, I dream of you. Maybe one day, dreams will come true. Because, I really love you.

277. I used to think life was about winning battles and trophies and applause, but it’s not. It’s about learning, loving, growing, and changing. What you learn is what really counts.

278. I already know what my Halloween costume will be. Drunk.

279. I don’t Care whAt #You_think of Me! Unless your think I’m #Awesome – in whiCh CaSe, YOu’re #RiGht! #Carry_On…

280. I am who i am, you approval is not needed.

281. Smile, Happy looks good on you. Keep smiling…one day life will get tired of upsetting you.

282. ​​"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me."

283. Why even bother reading? Eminem is here; he can finish reading a book in four minutes.

284. “I’m a mirror. If you’re cool with me, I’m cool with you, and the exchange starts. What you see is what you reflect. If you don’t like what you see, then you’ve done something. If I’m standoffish, that’s because you are.” —Jay-Z

285. I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

286. I don’t think of myself as pretty. I am what I am.

287. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

288. Status of the relationship: COMING SOON.

289. I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.

290. I can’t pinpoint the moment when we started working toward uncommon goals, but I’m fairly certain that it corresponds with the moment when we stopped being productive.

291. You have no idea how fast my heart beats when I see you.

292. I always learn from the mistakes of others who take my advice.

293. That is it. You are good to go.

294. Do you love candy crush?

295. I love my bed, but I’d rather be in yours.

296. If you left me without a REASON, do not come back with an EXCUSE.

297. Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.

298. Work until you don’t have to, introduce yourself.

299. If Opportunity Doesn’t Knock…

300. I want to go for a long drive and forget about my problems for a while.

301. Life is a dream: live it. Life is a challenge: meet it. Life is a song: sing it. Life is a promise: fulfill it.

302. A person who falls and gets back up is much stronger than a person who never fell.

303. I’ll love you until the day after forever.

304. A big shout out to the gorgeous women who date unattractive and financially struggling men.

305. Some days, I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.

306. People with high ego and unnecessary attitude deserves the standing ovation of the tallest finger…

307. Love is cute when it’s new, but love is most beautiful when it last.

308. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

309. If stress actually burnt calories..I’d be a size zero!

310. Hold my satchel, these are the words which will embarrass men everywhere.

311. Why didn’t you reply to my text? Well, how am I supposed to reply to LOL?

312. Log on to your Facebook home page

313. The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

314. Never walk alone, develop a multiple personality

315. The simplest things in life—a smile, a hug, a kiss, holding hands—are priceless treasures… enjoy the simple things.

316. I want to buy everything from the grocery stores.

317. For someone who hates my guts, you sure talk about me a lot! Love me or hate me, it’s still an obsession.. Here’s a tip.. Get a life and stop talking about mine

318. The decision to take action is the most challenging part; the other things require tenacity.

319. May your life someday be as good as you make it out to be on Facebook.

320. You don’t want to question me. I’ve forgotten more in the past week than you’ve learned your whole life.

321. I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?

322. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that’s not my problem.

323. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

324. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

325. Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.

326. Life is the greatest mystery. You never know where it will take you and when it will end.

327. The best way to change a woman’s mind is to agree with her.

328. ‘Dream’ as if you’ll live forever. Live as if tomorrow is last one…

329. I always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife were “I want a divorce”. but it’s actually, “What is your password”.

330. Love is like a rubber band you need to hold it from both the sides by two people. When one leaves it hurts.

331. A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as him and hates them for it.

332. I put the ‘Me’ in ‘Someone,’ and things get awkward.

333. I wasn’t drunk; I was just testing if the plant was as soft as my bed.

334. I like bad girls.

335. I find it very challenging to focus in a room packed with cookies!

336. You look fantastic today.

337. You are the best thing that’s ever been.

338. People say me bad. But trust me I am the worst!

339. Reality check: Even the calendar reads W T F on the days following Monday and Tuesday.

340. Waking up every day seems a little excessive.

341. If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.

342. Surround yourself with people who reflect who you want to be and how you want to feel; energies are contagious!

343. When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

344. Until you add them as Facebook friends, everyone is normal.

345. When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the.

346. People should be required to disclose any potential adverse effects, just like with prescribed medications.

347. Don’t look back you’re not going that way.

348. Looking at school books and thinking: what a waste of a tree!

349. Surround yourself with people who don’t try to suck the positivity from you.

350. Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.

351. Life is too short to spend all your time trying to make everyone else happy.

352. Someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I told them happily. They told me I didn’t understand the question. I told them they didn’t understand life.

353. Everyone is beautiful in their own way because God makes no mistakes.

354. When I first saw you, I fell in love with you and you smiled because you knew.

355. I just find myself happy with the simple things. Appreciating the blessings God gave me.

356. Sometimes you succeed… and other times you learn.

357. If crying doesn’t make the sad things better, then why do we do it?

358. History reminds us that when all other options have been exhausted, men and nations act honorably. Eban Abba

359. I don’t need to explain myself because, I know I’m right.

360. Switch ON your device

361. I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

362. If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

363. Close your eyes and I will kiss you,then Tomorrow I will miss you.

364. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.

365. The darkness whatever you are going through now, is only to help you shine brighter in the future. Be strong..!!

366. My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my BED.

367. People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever's in the glass.

368. Thinking of you is easy, I do it every day. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away.

369. Life isn’t always sunshine and butterflies. Sometimes you got to learn to smile through the pain.

370. Life is like coloring: sometimes it’s okay to go outside the lines. It’s the experience of no boundaries that counts.

371. I Am In Love With Myself, With My Heart.

372. If you are in love you can’t get in comfort zone.

373. “Many people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75.” —Benjamin Franklin

374. Not all men are fools, Some stay bachelor 😉

375. Click Login

376. Your insight is the presence of mind I have.

377. People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.

378. Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I’m a valued customer at several grocery stores.

379. About to dance my feet silly!

380. When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, “I think it’s Santa Claus!” so I don’t have to get up.

381. All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

382. If you lower you expectations, you limit your disappointment.

383. I will win, not immediately but definitely.

384. Realize your potential.

385. Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.

386. There are no winners in life…only survivors.

387. Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re selling something or not dazzling.

388. A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.

389. When you see a person without a smile, give them yours.

390. Don’t go through life, grow through life.

391. You’re the ping to my pong.

392. Good dog, what is your full name?

393. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing.

394. “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” —Plutarch

395. Never walk alone, develop multiple personalities

396. Falling in love with you is the 2nd best thing in the world. Finding you is the 1st…

397. Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company.

398. A smile is the prettiest thing you’ll ever wear.

399. What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘OK’?

400. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

401. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

402. I like your funny Wifi name until it insults me.

403. I once prayed to God for a bike, but I soon realized that He didn’t operate in that way; as a result, I stole a bike and pleaded with Him for mercy.

404. No matter what the inquiry is, “chocolate” is the response.

405. The difference between school and life is that school teaches you lessons and then gives you a test while life gives you a test that causes you to learn the lessons.

406. was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

407. So this is my life — until I win the lottery.

408. If you believe things cannot be worse, it is most likely only a result of your limited imagination.

409. There is no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs.

410. The people who do not appreciate the little things of life, are not worth the big ones.

411. I am a rare species, not a stereotype.

412. Anybody who tells you money can't buy happiness never had any.

413. Nobody around here treats me like a glamour model, so I’m just going to sit here taking selfies by myself.

414. Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain. I am in charge of how I feel and today I’m choosing happiness.

415. Then search for your friend

416. Beautiful things can happen when you distance yourself from the negative.

417. Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows!

418. Hate me? don’t care? love me? love you too? think I’m a bitchy? fuck off?

419. In a word, most bad attitudes are the result of selfishness.

420. God is really creative, I mean…just look at m!!!

421. Never test how deep the water is with both feet ?

422. Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.

423. The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.

424. Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

425. Who is left after a war is decided, not who is right?

426. You are done.

427. It doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside. It’s what on the inside that counts.

428. I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?

429. Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

430. Get in line to worship me, minions.

431. If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.

432. That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

433. it doesn’t remind you of anyone…

434. A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

435. Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them.

436. Your life doesn’t get better by chance, It gets better by CHANGE.

437. Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.

438. Move on. It is just a chapter in the past, but don’t close the book – just turn the page.

439. I wish I could tell you how I feel because every night before I sleep, you are all I think about.

440. If you initially fail, redefine success.

441. Don’t be creative. Think like there is no box.

442. Nothing is fine, but when I’m with you everything is fine.

443. My heart is, and always will be, yours.

444. There are only two times that I want to be with you… Now and Forever.

445. Scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal my status :p

446. The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.

447. Because I love myself, I listen to myself.

448. Self-doubt is the anchor that keeps our ship from sailing..!!

449. This is who I am. Nobody said you had to like it.

450. If something’s not going right, try left.

451. The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.

452. I take a lot of pride in being myself. I’m comfortable with who I am.

453. That moment when someone you met for 3 seconds sends you a Facebook friend request.

454. It’s cute when your crush’s crush is you.

455. Back in 5 minutes (If not, read this status again).

456. Love is when you look into someones eyes and see everything you need.

457. Happiness is falling asleep next to you and waking up thinking I’m still in my dreams.

458. When i was born, i was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and half.

459. I was right when I thought I would be among those who go to the gym early in the morning.

460. Everyone has three lives; a public life, a private life, and a secret life.

461. Dreams Don’t work unless you do.

462. Diets are hard because I get hungry.

463. You never fail until you stop trying.

464. My FB status is my attitude online

465. A life without love is like a year without summer.

466. Life is a book. Sadly, I am writing in a pen so I can’t go back and erase the mistakes I have made.

467. As devastating as things may seem, there is always that glimmer of hope to guide you through the storm.

468. Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don't have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!

469. I don’t have time to hate people who hate me because I’m too busy loving people who love me.

470. Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove. But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins became a tourist attraction.

471. Have you ever tried to scare a fly or other little bug off your computer screen with the cursor as your first response?

472. I once tried to act normally—the dullest hour of my life.

473. Your future will always be Bright – when you stay Focused, Optimistic, and Confident.

474. Don’t be afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.

475. Love the life you live, and live the life you love.

476. Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.

477. If you want to appreciate yourself, simply like your status.

478. Do they sell decaf coffee tables at Ikea?

479. Life is like driving a car. It’s okay to look behind sometimes but keep looking straight because life’s goes on.

480. Age is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese.

481. #इश्क़ ? जिस ☝तरफ #निग़ाह ? कर गया,?

482. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

483. Boom, you can now see all their recent and outdated status updates

484. The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money

485. I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

486. Sometimes, it’s not what you say that matters, it’s what you don’t.

487. True romance isn’t Romeo and Juliet who died together but grandma and grandpa who grew old together.

488. The heat of the beat is negatively and inversely proportional to the angle of the dangle.

489. A bad attitude can literally block love, blessings, and destiny from finding you.

490. Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.

491. Love is deaf. You can’t just tell someone you love them. You have to show it.

492. In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

493. A negative mind will never give you a positive life.

494. Does a silent person’s burp produce a sound?

495. Love yourself first, because that’s who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.

496. Love is life. If you miss love, you miss life.

497. Marriage is like to go to an eatery, order something, and afterward takes a glance at the close-by table, and wish you would order that.

498. There comes a point in our lives when we begin to understand and appreciate the reasons why we needed to just let go of some people we could have chosen to love.

499. Coins always make sounds..but paper moneys are always silent. So, when your value increases, keep yourself silent and humble..

500. Wife: I’m expecting; what do you want? Wife: A joke.

501. I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It’s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.

502. Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

503. It is up to you to see the beauty of everyday things.

504. You are done

505. Every moment I spent with you.. is like beautiful dream come true.

506. Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.

507. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

508. I wish dreams were like wishes, and wishes came true, cause in my dreams I’m always with you.

509. The longer the title the less important the job.

510. Cash can’t purchase joy. It pays for the web, which is a similar thing.


512. Apparently, people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a “gym.”

513. People most frequently relinquish their authority by believing they lack it.

514. I’m not online, it’s just an optical illusion.

515. I ran a half marathon sounds so much better than “I quit halfway through a marathon”.

516. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught. No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.

517. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. —George Burns

518. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.

519. “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards.”

520. I wouldn’t say I like weird things.

521. Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

522. Yes I am weird, weird is good. Normal is overrated.

523. “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” —Soren Kierkegaard

524. I really don’t need to explain myself. I know I’m right.

525. Facebook resembles a jail since you write on its wall.

526. A teacher’s job is to take a bunch of live wires and see that they are well-grounded.

527. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

528. A woman is like a tea bag: You can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

529. Happiness is like a Butterfly..You keep running after it, it keeps flying away..If you stand still, It comes and sits on your shoulders.

530. The most beautiful line is But, I love you!

531. I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

532. Don’t PLAY with Me! Coz I know I Can PLAY Better Than You.

533. Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.

534. If you are brave to say GOOD BYE, life will reward you with a new HELLO.

535. You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

536. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

537. She who dares, wins.

538. Saying that you finished a half-marathon is preferable to say that you gave up midway through a marathon.

539. I love mankind... it's people I can't stand!!

540. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.

541. LIKE if you hate it when someone tags you in a photo, you look horrible in because they happen to look so good in it.

542. If you lower your expectations, you limit your disappointment.

543. You’re not gonna tell me who I am. I’m gonna tell you who I am.

544. Phew! Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my toaster in the shower this morning.

545. Don’t argue with an idiot, they will always beat you with their stupidity.

546. “Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!” —Anne Frank

547. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

548. “One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.” —John Green

549. Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.

550. Love is more than my live and my love is you.

551. I’ve had to learn to fight all my life – got to learn to keep smiling. If you smile things will work out.

552. In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.

553. Don’t overreact or give advice too quickly. This only trains people not to be open with you.

554. I am in charge of how I feel and today I’m choosing happiness.

555. It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.

556. I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted.

557. Using sarcasm, you can prevent others from figuring out what you think of them when speaking.

558. Stop calling yourself hot, the only thing you turn on is the microwave!

559. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.

560. Every time you texts me my cheeks hurt! I guess I smile too big.

561. You gave me a reason for my being, and I love what I’m feeling. You gave me a meaning to my life.

562. I’m making some changes in my life, if you send me a message and I don’t get back to you..your probably one of those changes.

563. A good day starts with a positive attitude and a great cup of coffee.

564. Facebook is like a refrigerator. Truly, because when you are separated from everyone else, you open it to check whether there’s anything.

565. My mother thinks I’m attractive; all I hope is that girls would see that sooner.

566. I believe there should be a better way to start each day… instead of waking up every morning.

567. Such an awkward moment.

568. This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

569. People believe I treat them too patronizingly, which is to say as if they are stupid.

570. The 4 R’s of life: Respect, Responsibility, Right from wrong, and Reality check… think about it.

571. If you don’t arrive, you can’t be late.

572. Not always ‘Available’ try your luck!

573. Everything is in mind. You become what you think!

574. Every morning would be perfect if I woke up next to you.

575. Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

576. I want to share a good laugh with you.

577. The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

578. Just want to give a shout out, a hug, some dap, a high 5, a pound, handshake, a pat on the back, a kiss, some love and a good morning to you Facebook.

579. I’m just busy being myself.

580. Be somebody who makes everybody feel like somebody.

581. I am learn from my mistakes! without mistakes we can’t learn.

582. You all laugh at me because I’m different, I laugh at you because you’re all the same.

583. While you still have your teeth, smile.

584. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right 😀

585. The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

586. I’m not ashamed to be me. Whats wrong with being unique?

587. Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not ?

588. Your smile is more beautiful than stars.

589. Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

590. You are right, whether you believe you can or cannot.

591. Life is like an ice cream, enjoy it before it melts.

592. You can have RESULTS or EXCUSES not both.

593. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories.

594. Distance is just a test to see how far love can travel.

595. Broken Crayons Still Color..

596. You’re the driver of your own life, Don’t let anyone steal your seat..!!

597. If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.

598. Enter your Facebook account’s email address and password

599. The only disability in life is a poor attitude.

600. I’m under your bed, so don’t peek now.

601. Everything I have I owe to this job... this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.

602. If I went to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn’t at work.

603. I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.

604. Everyone in your life is there for a reason. You just have to figure out why and decide if that reason is good enough.

605. People who say “I hate to bother you” need to learn to hate it a little more.

606. Being positive in Life doesn’t mean that things won’t happen. It just means that you choose to not let the challenges affect your inner peace and that your happiness is worth the extra effort too look for the good and let go of what you. cannot change.

607. I’m single because I was born that way.

608. Agree with a woman if you want to change her mind.

609. I feel sorry for people who don‘t know me.

610. Look outside of yourself, and you will appreciate others’ accomplishments, failures, hardships, and journeys.

611. I will be driving today.

612. No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You're old, you sag, get over it.