Jonno White
Jun 1, 202314 min
1. The best vitamin for a believer is B1
2. Forget about the Red Sea
3. The manger was the first king-sized bed
4. Social distancing does not apply to God. Draw near to Him
5. Trust in God, but lock your car
6. Pretend it’s Easter and come back this Sunday
7. If you are more fortunate than others, build a longer table, not a taller fence
8. The best way to the top is on your knees
9. They're doomed
10. This church is not to be confused with a Myspace church
11. What did Adam say to Eve when handing her something to wear? "Take it or leaf it
12. I had my patience tested, I’m negative
13. Gossip is the Devil's radio. Are you his DJ?
14. And they're sugar free!
15. SIGNS YOUR NEW CHURCH MAY NOT BE REPUTABLE
16. Football is over, get back to church
17. Prayer. The original wireless connection!
18. I saw that. -God
19. A loose tongue often gets into tight spots
20. Hello world…what are we offended by today?
21. The struggle is real but so is God
22. The golden rule
23. Fire inside. Come get lit
24. Gossip is the devil’s radio. Are you his DJ?
25. You can get new funny quotes every month
26. Don’t let your worries kill you. Let the church help
27. Pastors feed and lead, members swallow and follow
28. Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. - Psalm 107:1
29. Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden
30. Jesus does not save halfway
31. This church that places God in the Marvel Cinematic Universe
32. #DadJokes. I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later. Call me Dad
33. And finally, this church that positively roasted the Patriots
34. Son screen prevents sin burn
35. This church that will teach you to be sexy like Samson — spoiler alert: it's all about the hair
36. How are toddlers and those who attempted to build a tower to Heaven similar? They all babble
37. Best sausage supper in St. Louis. Come and eat Pastor Thomas Ressler
38. Services cancelled God making house calls
39. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9
40. I was going to waste but Jesus recycled me
41. Egg hunts are proof that kids can find things when they really want to
42. Tis the season to be freezing!
43. Call 911; our pastor is on fire!
44. This sign that declares once and for all that you should swallow, not spit
45. Hipster, Jesus loved you before you were cool
46. Can't sleep? Counting sheep? Talk to the Shepherd!
47. Body piercing saved our souls
48. I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me
49. If Mary is the mother of Jesus, and Jesus is the Lamb of God, does that mean Mary had a little lamb?
50. You have one new friend request from: Jesus
51. You may party in Hell, but you will be the barbecue
52. Men wanted to sin in our choirs Monday nights
53. This sign that explains why Jesus always has perfectly chiseled abs in paintings
54. Moses—the first person with a tablet downloading data from the cloud
55. Don't give up! Moses was once a basket case!
56. iPod? iPad? Try iPray! God is listening!
57. Jesus is the rizzle for the sizzle
58. Don’t be so open-minded your brains fall out
59. You wanted a sign? Here it is!
60. What did pirates call Noah's boat? "The arrrrrrk
61. Straight to the point
62. Life is ugly, get a faith lift
63. My wife rearranged the labels on our spice rack. I haven’t confronted her yet, but the thyme is cumin
64. Need a lifeguard? He walks on water
65. What does the Episcopal Church say before a big gathering? "This is going to be liturgy
66. Prophecy class cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances
67. What did Adam say to Eve? “I’ll wear the plants in the family. ”
68. Tired of being a loser, turn to God
69. This heat wave is temporary. You certainly don't want to face an eternal one!
70. Exercise daily. Run from Satan, walk with God
71. Feeling warm? This church is prayer-conditioned
72. Don't make me come down there. – God
73. We have a prophet-sharing plan
74. This church that doesn't want to lie to your friends and family at your funeral
75. What could this sign say to get you here on Sunday?
76. This church sign that probably could have been worded differently
77. This sign that took the Shrek "All Star" meme to the next level
78. Tough love
79. Lord, help us to be people our dogs think we are
80. What's a Christian's favorite card game? Eucharist
81. Very punny
82. He who farts in church sits in his own pew
83. Staying in bed shouting ‘oh God’ doesn’t constitute going to church
84. Jesus—he’ll be there for you
85. You are on heaven’s most wanted list
86. God shows no favoritism but our sign guy does – Go Cubs!
87. Prophecy class canceled due to unforeseen circumstances
88. Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay each one for what he has done. - Revelation 22:12
89. God didn't create anything without purpose, but mosquitoes do come close!
90. Knock knock, who’s there? Jesus. Jesus Who? Exactly
91. Being Christian means not hating. We know—it makes football season hard
92. Cremation is your last chance for a smoking hot body
93. God wants full custody, not just weekend visits
94. What did David have in common with Hamilton? He wasn't going to throw away his (sling)shot
95. Which king liked to do things on his own?Solomon
96. Swallowing pride will never give you indigestion
97. This sign said, "I'm not like other pastors, I'm a cool pastor
98. No SPF needed to spend time with the Son
99. Don’t make me come down there. – God
100. This heat wave is temporary. Be certain you won’t face an eternal one!
101. How did Paul greet his friend? "Give me Phi-lemon!"
102. Life is cray cray. Jesus is the way way
103. This church sign that insists nails are better than duct tape
104. What section would you prefer in the afterlife? Smoking or non-smoking?
105. If you are praying for snow, please stop!
106. This church sign that needs to remind you Jesus was here looonnggg before Marie Kondo
107. This church that offered a damning threat to whoever stole their air conditioner
108. How do we make Holy Water? We boil the Hell out of it!
109. This church promises eternal damnation for adjusts glasses rooting for Auburn football
110. All I need today is a little March Madness and a whole lot of Jesus
111. What did God's people say when food fell from Heaven? "Oh man-na!"
112. How did Jacob cheer on his grandson? "You're the Manasseh!"
113. Which nursery song would Jesus have heard the most? "Mary Had a Little Lamb
114. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts
115. These gas prices are why the armies in revelation are riding horses
116. This church sign that wants to know how often you come
117. You May Party in Hell but you will be the barbeque!
118. What's a miracle that can be done by a complainer? Turning anything into whine
119. This church that's trying to reach their "younger" audience
120. Inflation hasn’t affected the price of salvation
121. This sign that screams the obvious
122. I find your lack of faith disturbing. – Darth Vader
123. Remember that Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
124. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. - Hebrews 10:24-25
125. What did Zachariah do when he and Elizabeth had disagreements? He gave the silent treatment
126. What did the classmate say when asked why they kept walking next to the same person at school? "I was told I'm supposed to walk by Faith!"
127. If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it
128. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16
129. Bring your sin to the altar and drop it like it’s hot!
130. Why didn't anyone want to fight Goliath? It seemed like a giant ordeal
131. Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted
132. This sign knows you're spending time at church instead of the gym, but don't fear because you'll have a "smoking hot body" when you're dead!
133. Honk if you love Jesus. Text and drive if you want to meet him
134. Santa clause never died for anyone
135. God, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I did not read
136. Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future
137. Bring your sin to the alter and drop it like it’s hot
138. Exercise daily. Walk with the lord
139. Be kind and compassionate. . . forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. - Ephesians 4:32
140. This church that doesn't want you to eat the devil's corn, and don't even get them started on the devil's high-fructose corn syrup!
141. Addicted to the Hokey Pokey, so I turned myself around
142. Visitors welcomed. Members expected
143. Ch__ch– What’s missing
144. Less hate, more pancakes
145. Not needed in heaven: clock, doc, lock, glock, H&R Block
146. We have the best coffee! Jesus is here too!
147. Church parking only. Violators will be baptized
148. What did the family members say when asked who would say grace? "Grace
149. Dust on your Bible leads to dirt in your life
150. We are not Dairy Queen, but we do have great Sundays!
151. Essential oils are what drip from pepperoni pizza
152. The Almighty one has spoken!
153. Practice thanking God for more than elastic waistbands
154. God is our wireless provider!
155. Maury isn't the only place where people find their Fathers
156. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. - Matthew 28:19
157. When you throw mud, you lose ground
158. What was Moses' wife, Zipphora, known as when she'd throw dinner parties? "The hostess with the Moses
159. How do pastors like their orange juice? With pulpit
160. Jesus loves you snow much!
161. God’s favorite word is come
162. Walmart is not the only place for savings
163. If you fall, I will be there—Sincerely, floor
164. WORD COUNT. CHARACTER COUNT
165. COM
166. Looking for “Mr. Right”? This is his house!
167. Looking for Mr. Right? He is here and this is his house!
168. Eternity is a long time to think about where you went wrong
169. This church needs you to stop praying for more snow
170. Whoever’s praying 4 snow, pleez stop!
171. This is your sign to come to church
172. What's a believer's favorite fruit? Spiritual
173. Tithe if you love Jesus. Anyone can honk
174. Jesus is coming look busy
175. Free Coffee! Yes, membership has its benefits!
176. The revelation the end is near! JK we don’t know
177. What is missing from ch__ch? U R!
178. Why did Adam and Eve do math every day? They were told to be fruitful and multiply
179. Get Grinning Planet free by email. Email a link to this page to someone. Send this page to a friend or two
180. Do you know what hell is? Come listen to our preacher!
181. This church that embraced "Christian Girl Autumn" with a pumpkin spice communion joke
182. Thanks fall, my muffin top is now a pumpkin roll
183. This sign that offers nothing but comfort
184. ATM inside: Atonement, Truth, Mercy
185. We love hurting people
186. Curse those skiers
187. Wash your hands and say your prayers, Jesus and germs are everywhere
188. Always remember that Hell is really un-cool
189. Pollen: when flowers don’t keep it in their plants
190. They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household. ” - Acts 16:31
191. This church in Tennessee that has a clear opinion on those autopsy results
192. When someone needed a boat made, what did the people in town say? "We Noah guy
193. This sign that simply cannot be real
194. Walmart is not the only saving place
195. Our sign broke. Come inside for the message
196. God recycles. He made you from dust
197. S. President
198. Bored? Try a missionary position
199. Under the same management for 2,000 years!
200. Before there was Twitter there were church signs
201. Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely
202. This sign that promises God loves you more than Kanye loves Kanye
203. At this point, Jesus doesn’t need to take the wheel…he needs to pull over and spank some of y’all with his flip flop
204. What's loved by Noah and also most meat-eaters? Ham
205. Too hot to keep changing sign. Sin bad, Jesus good. Details inside
206. I hate this church. – Satan
207. Which Bible character was the best musician? Samson—he brought the house down
208. I was glad when they said to me, “Let us go to the house of the LORD!” - Psalm 122:1
209. Download your worries and get online with God
210. Do you think Rick Astley struggles with lent?
211. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions
212. Hunting for ghosts? We’ve got one. It’s holy!
213. If the earth was flat cats would push everything off it
214. What kind of car would Jesus drive? A Christler
215. This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone but it’s gonna pass
216. Our church is like fudge: sweet with a few nuts
217. There are some things that can’t be answered by Google
218. Give Satan an inch and he'll become your ruler
219. Who in the Bible had the greatest business plans? The prophets
220. What did Adam say to Eve? I'll wear the plants in this family
221. PAGE INDEX
222. What did Daniel tell his real estate agent? "I'd prefer a house with no den
223. How would you rate Jael's camping skills? Tent out of tent
224. Sorry for the lack of new funny signs. The sign guy discovered TikTok
225. What did Adam say when he was asked his favorite holiday? "It's Christmas, Eve
226. How do you know that atoms are Catholic? They have mass
227. Jesus is coming. . . Look busy!
228. If you’re a fan of Stranger Things you should try a church potluck
229. Our church is like fudge, sweet with a few nuts
230. Who in the Bible knew the most people? Abraham knew a Lot
231. Meanwhile, this church doesn't have time to think of something clever because it's just too darn hot out!
232. WHERE RELIGION AND FOOTBALL INTERSECT
233. Hipster Jesus loved you before you were cool
234. Acting up in church is like dressing up for an X-ray
235. Do you spend your time with God's book or Facebook?
236. Jesus will love the Hell out of you
237. I danced like no one was watching and now I’m on YouTube
238. Helping the environment one joke at a time, Grinning Planet. Click to go to home page.. flying letter; click to go to signup page for free email version
239. It’s summer. Enjoy the sonshine!
240. Sign guy on vacation. Just pretend it says something witty
241. Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible!
242. Hot as the dickens
243. This church that decided to quote Darth Vader (you know, the famously wholesome character who killed all those kids)
244. Where was Solomon's Temple located? On the side of his head
245. This sign said, "The Daddy and the Son and the Holy Spirit
246. How do we make Holy Water? We boil the Hell out of it
247. Respect your parents, they passed school without Google
248. This church that should have thought about allll the "C" words before making this claim
249. Store the Bible in your heart, not on a shelf
250. 6 feet apart today is better than 6 feet under tomorrow
251. This sign that is trying to make Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass" a bit holier
252. This church that balances wholesome picnics with adult movie nights
253. No one ever talks about Jesus’s miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30s
254. God > Church Norris (The perfect short church sign saying!)
255. Keep using my name in vain, and I'll make rush hour longer. – God
256. Looking for the perfect gift? Find Him here
257. When gratitude becomes your default setting, life changes
258. When preparing for the Feast of Weeks, what did some disciples wonder? "How much is this going to (Pente)cost?"
259. Too hot to keep changing this sign. Sin bad, Jesus good. Details inside
260. The Devil’s trick is no treat
261. Wrinkled with problems? Come to the Lord's House for a faith lift
262. Dear weather. Stop showing off. We get it, you’re hot
263. Why did Boaz hate lying? Because he loved truth
264. Sinners wanted. Apply within
265. Lent, a time to examine your selfie
266. Hate corny church signs? Amen!
267. Bookmark and Share
268. Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?
269. Why couldn't the Israelites initially enter the Promised Land? It wasn't the Pinky Promised Land
270. What do you call a prophet who's also a chef? Habakkuk
271. Jesus is God's selfie
272. This sign that makes no sense in the best possible way
273. The best vitamin for a christian is B1
274. Tis the season for stretch pants!
275. Are you ready for both?
276. This church reealllyy wants you to try missionary
277. Her nickname is mom, but her full name is mom, mom, mom, mom. Happy Mother’s Day!
278. This church that gave an ominous Thanksgiving warning
279. Don’t let worries kill you. Let the church help
280. Easter comes once a year. How often do you?
281. Don’t give up, Moses was once a basket case
282. Read the Bible. It will scare the Hell out of you!
283. Under the same management for more than 2,000 years
284. Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. - Matthew 11:26
285. Which minor prophet is well-known thanks to cookies? Famous Amos
286. Eternity: Smoking or Nonsmoking
287. What did the lawyer ask when someone started talking about God's will? "Was it notarized?"
288. Laughing is good exercise—like jogging on the inside
289. Looking for "Mr. Right"? This is His house!
290. Adam and Eve: The first people to read the Apple terms and conditions
291. Sometimes you’re a windshield, sometimes you’re a bug
292. If you have to gamble, bet on the man riding the donkey
293. How did Joseph make his coffee? Hebrewed it
294. Wanna taco bout Jesus? He can soften your hard shell. Come in and lettuce party
295. Bring your sin to the altar and drop it like it's hot. Drop it like it's hot
296. Then Satan said, “put the alphabet in math”
297. What did Jonah's family say when he told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh? "Hmm, sounds fishy
298. Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. - Proverbs 13:20
299. Feeling hot? We’re prayer conditioned!
300. Thou shalt not steal copper from our A/C unit
301. The best gift a mother can give is time spent on her knees
302. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ. - Romans 6:23
303. Your name may be on a bottle of Coke, but is it in the Book of Life?
304. Be kind whenever possible. Pro tip – it's always possible
305. God loves you whether you like it or not
306. If only closed minds came with closed mouths
307. I wish Noah had swatted those two mosquitos
308. Volunteers needed to help relocate our choir loft. We need an organ transplant!
309. Prayer. The original wireless connection
310. We love because he first loved us. - 1 John 4:19
311. With all this rain we need an ark. Fear not! We Noah guy
312. Our 2nd favorite King James is Lebron
313. To err is human. To ‘Arrr’ is pirate
314. I am also making a list and checking it twice. – God
315. Cars are not the only thing recalled by their Maker
316. Calling all dog lovers
317. Jesus: Your get-out-of-Hell-free card
318. God doesn’t show favoritism, but our sign guy does. Go cubs!
319. Which book of the major prophets is the easiest to understand? EZekiel
320. This church that insists "Jesus enters you" before you can cross through the pearly gates
321. If God had a refrigerator your picture would be on it
322. This church that demands you keep your ass at home for service
323. Tomb for sale, slightly used
324. Jesus is the gift you won’t return
325. If you're praying for a blizzard, please go to Dairy Queen
326. Skip rope not church
327. Jesus said "I'll be back" way before Arnold did
328. One for the Star Wars fans
329. Whoever stole our AC units keep it, it is hot where you’re going
330. How do you know Pharaoh was athletic? He had a court
331. Mayo light shine for Jesus
332. Wait for it
333. Honk if you love Jesus text while driving if you want to meet him
334. You can’t keep a good man down. Happy Easter!
335. This sign that understands who holds all the power in the pew
336. Forecast for tomorrow: God reigns and the Son shines
337. Christian singles be like: Username: psalmbodytolove
338. Gardening for God brings peas of mind
339. How does Moses make tea? He brews it
340. Midnight mass and toga party B. Y. O. B. J (bring your own baby Jesus)
341. Unit 101 Lakewood Ranch, FL 34211
342. I will always love you. Sincerely, Whitney, Dolly, and God
343. The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers
344. Having trouble sleeping? Try one of our sermons
345. Does your spiritual house need spring cleaning?
346. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. - Proverbs 4:23
347. Lettuce be kind, squash gossip, turnip for church
348. S1 - VersaS4 - PremierAlphaSMD - IndoorSMD - Large Video Wall
349. What size was the lumber that was made to build the ark? 2x2
350. No body's perfect, but a Jesus workout could help
351. Staying in bed shouting, oh god! Does not constitute going to church
352. This church is like a Snickers—sweet with a few nuts
353. If God is your copilot, switch seats
354. You give God the credit. Now give God the cash
355. Bacon is 73% fat and super salty. Me too, bacon, me too
356. Cars aren’t the only thing recalled by their maker
357. You can’t enter heaven unless Jesus enters you
358. This church that doesn't want you to text and drive. . . reading a wordy sign is perfectly fine, though
359. This church that is clearly punk rock
360. Luck of the Irish? Nah, faith in Jesus
361. I don’t like this virus. I wanted Zombies!
362. RELIGIOUS ODDITIES IN THE U.S.A.
363. The Bees aren’t the only ones staying alive! Happy Easter! (Great church sign saying for Easter!)
364. What do you call a Bible character who just pulled into church? A parking Lot
365. Where did Noah put the woodpeckers?
366. Lord, help us be the people our dogs think we are
367. If your life stinks, we have a pew for you
368. Since when is football in the Bible?
369. What types of boats do believers want to go on? Discipleship and worship
370. Jesus is my prozac
371. Which Bible character was super-fit?Absalom
372. Silly rabbit, Easter is for Jesus
373. God wants spiritual fruit not religious nuts
374. This church that loves a mother on her knees
375. What happens in Vegas is forgiven here