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375 Short Funny Church Sayings (2023)

1. The best vitamin for a believer is B1

2. Forget about the Red Sea

3. The manger was the first king-sized bed

4. Social distancing does not apply to God. Draw near to Him

5. Trust in God, but lock your car

6. Pretend it’s Easter and come back this Sunday

7. If you are more fortunate than others, build a longer table, not a taller fence

8. The best way to the top is on your knees

9. They're doomed

10. This church is not to be confused with a Myspace church

11. What did Adam say to Eve when handing her something to wear? "Take it or leaf it

12. I had my patience tested, I’m negative

13. Gossip is the Devil's radio. Are you his DJ?

14. And they're sugar free!


16. Football is over, get back to church

17. Prayer. The original wireless connection!

18. I saw that. -God

19. A loose tongue often gets into tight spots

20. Hello world…what are we offended by today?

21. The struggle is real but so is God

22. The golden rule

23. Fire inside. Come get lit

24. Gossip is the devil’s radio. Are you his DJ?

25. You can get new funny quotes every month

26. Don’t let your worries kill you. Let the church help

27. Pastors feed and lead, members swallow and follow

28. Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. - Psalm 107:1

29. Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden

30. Jesus does not save halfway

31. This church that places God in the Marvel Cinematic Universe

32. #DadJokes. I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later. Call me Dad

33. And finally, this church that positively roasted the Patriots

34. Son screen prevents sin burn

35. This church that will teach you to be sexy like Samson — spoiler alert: it's all about the hair

36. How are toddlers and those who attempted to build a tower to Heaven similar? They all babble

37. Best sausage supper in St. Louis. Come and eat Pastor Thomas Ressler

38. Services cancelled God making house calls

39. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9

40. I was going to waste but Jesus recycled me

41. Egg hunts are proof that kids can find things when they really want to

42. Tis the season to be freezing!

43. Call 911; our pastor is on fire!

44. This sign that declares once and for all that you should swallow, not spit

45. Hipster, Jesus loved you before you were cool

46. Can't sleep? Counting sheep? Talk to the Shepherd!

47. Body piercing saved our souls

48. I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me

49. If Mary is the mother of Jesus, and Jesus is the Lamb of God, does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

50. You have one new friend request from: Jesus

51. You may party in Hell, but you will be the barbecue

52. Men wanted to sin in our choirs Monday nights

53. This sign that explains why Jesus always has perfectly chiseled abs in paintings

54. Moses—the first person with a tablet downloading data from the cloud

55. Don't give up! Moses was once a basket case!

56. iPod? iPad? Try iPray! God is listening!

57. Jesus is the rizzle for the sizzle

58. Don’t be so open-minded your brains fall out

59. You wanted a sign? Here it is!

60. What did pirates call Noah's boat? "The arrrrrrk

61. Straight to the point

62. Life is ugly, get a faith lift

63. My wife rearranged the labels on our spice rack. I haven’t confronted her yet, but the thyme is cumin

64. Need a lifeguard? He walks on water

65. What does the Episcopal Church say before a big gathering? "This is going to be liturgy

66. Prophecy class cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances

67. What did Adam say to Eve? “I’ll wear the plants in the family. ”

68. Tired of being a loser, turn to God

69. This heat wave is temporary. You certainly don't want to face an eternal one!

70. Exercise daily. Run from Satan, walk with God

71. Feeling warm? This church is prayer-conditioned

72. Don't make me come down there. – God

73. We have a prophet-sharing plan

74. This church that doesn't want to lie to your friends and family at your funeral

75. What could this sign say to get you here on Sunday?

76. This church sign that probably could have been worded differently

77. This sign that took the Shrek "All Star" meme to the next level

78. Tough love

79. Lord, help us to be people our dogs think we are

80. What's a Christian's favorite card game? Eucharist

81. Very punny

82. He who farts in church sits in his own pew

83. Staying in bed shouting ‘oh God’ doesn’t constitute going to church

84. Jesus—he’ll be there for you

85. You are on heaven’s most wanted list

86. God shows no favoritism but our sign guy does – Go Cubs!

87. Prophecy class canceled due to unforeseen circumstances

88. Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay each one for what he has done. - Revelation 22:12

89. God didn't create anything without purpose, but mosquitoes do come close!

90. Knock knock, who’s there? Jesus. Jesus Who? Exactly

91. Being Christian means not hating. We know—it makes football season hard

92. Cremation is your last chance for a smoking hot body

93. God wants full custody, not just weekend visits

94. What did David have in common with Hamilton? He wasn't going to throw away his (sling)shot

95. Which king liked to do things on his own?Solomon

96. Swallowing pride will never give you indigestion

97. This sign said, "I'm not like other pastors, I'm a cool pastor

98. No SPF needed to spend time with the Son

99. Don’t make me come down there. – God

100. This heat wave is temporary. Be certain you won’t face an eternal one!

101. How did Paul greet his friend? "Give me Phi-lemon!"

102. Life is cray cray. Jesus is the way way

103. This church sign that insists nails are better than duct tape

104. What section would you prefer in the afterlife? Smoking or non-smoking?

105. If you are praying for snow, please stop!

106. This church sign that needs to remind you Jesus was here looonnggg before Marie Kondo

107. This church that offered a damning threat to whoever stole their air conditioner

108. How do we make Holy Water? We boil the Hell out of it!

109. This church promises eternal damnation for adjusts glasses rooting for Auburn football

110. All I need today is a little March Madness and a whole lot of Jesus

111. What did God's people say when food fell from Heaven? "Oh man-na!"

112. How did Jacob cheer on his grandson? "You're the Manasseh!"

113. Which nursery song would Jesus have heard the most? "Mary Had a Little Lamb

114. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts

115. These gas prices are why the armies in revelation are riding horses

116. This church sign that wants to know how often you come

117. You May Party in Hell but you will be the barbeque!

118. What's a miracle that can be done by a complainer? Turning anything into whine

119. This church that's trying to reach their "younger" audience

120. Inflation hasn’t affected the price of salvation

121. This sign that screams the obvious

122. I find your lack of faith disturbing. – Darth Vader

123. Remember that Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

124. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. - Hebrews 10:24-25

125. What did Zachariah do when he and Elizabeth had disagreements? He gave the silent treatment

126. What did the classmate say when asked why they kept walking next to the same person at school? "I was told I'm supposed to walk by Faith!"

127. If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it

128. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16

129. Bring your sin to the altar and drop it like it’s hot!

130. Why didn't anyone want to fight Goliath? It seemed like a giant ordeal

131. Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted

132. This sign knows you're spending time at church instead of the gym, but don't fear because you'll have a "smoking hot body" when you're dead!

133. Honk if you love Jesus. Text and drive if you want to meet him

134. Santa clause never died for anyone

135. God, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I did not read

136. Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future

137. Bring your sin to the alter and drop it like it’s hot

138. Exercise daily. Walk with the lord

139. Be kind and compassionate. . . forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. - Ephesians 4:32

140. This church that doesn't want you to eat the devil's corn, and don't even get them started on the devil's high-fructose corn syrup!

141. Addicted to the Hokey Pokey, so I turned myself around

142. Visitors welcomed. Members expected

143. Ch__ch– What’s missing

144. Less hate, more pancakes

145. Not needed in heaven: clock, doc, lock, glock, H&R Block

146. We have the best coffee! Jesus is here too!

147. Church parking only. Violators will be baptized

148. What did the family members say when asked who would say grace? "Grace

149. Dust on your Bible leads to dirt in your life

150. We are not Dairy Queen, but we do have great Sundays!

151. Essential oils are what drip from pepperoni pizza

152. The Almighty one has spoken!

153. Practice thanking God for more than elastic waistbands

154. God is our wireless provider!

155. Maury isn't the only place where people find their Fathers

156. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. - Matthew 28:19

157. When you throw mud, you lose ground

158. What was Moses' wife, Zipphora, known as when she'd throw dinner parties? "The hostess with the Moses

159. How do pastors like their orange juice? With pulpit

160. Jesus loves you snow much!

161. God’s favorite word is come

162. Walmart is not the only place for savings

163. If you fall, I will be there—Sincerely, floor


165. COM

166. Looking for “Mr. Right”? This is his house!

167. Looking for Mr. Right? He is here and this is his house!

168. Eternity is a long time to think about where you went wrong

169. This church needs you to stop praying for more snow

170. Whoever’s praying 4 snow, pleez stop!

171. This is your sign to come to church

172. What's a believer's favorite fruit? Spiritual

173. Tithe if you love Jesus. Anyone can honk

174. Jesus is coming look busy

175. Free Coffee! Yes, membership has its benefits!

176. The revelation the end is near! JK we don’t know

177. What is missing from ch__ch? U R!

178. Why did Adam and Eve do math every day? They were told to be fruitful and multiply

179. Get Grinning Planet free by email. Email a link to this page to someone. Send this page to a friend or two

180. Do you know what hell is? Come listen to our preacher!

181. This church that embraced "Christian Girl Autumn" with a pumpkin spice communion joke

182. Thanks fall, my muffin top is now a pumpkin roll

183. This sign that offers nothing but comfort

184. ATM inside: Atonement, Truth, Mercy

185. We love hurting people

186. Curse those skiers

187. Wash your hands and say your prayers, Jesus and germs are everywhere

188. Always remember that Hell is really un-cool

189. Pollen: when flowers don’t keep it in their plants

190. They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household. ” - Acts 16:31

191. This church in Tennessee that has a clear opinion on those autopsy results

192. When someone needed a boat made, what did the people in town say? "We Noah guy

193. This sign that simply cannot be real

194. Walmart is not the only saving place

195. Our sign broke. Come inside for the message

196. God recycles. He made you from dust

197. S. President

198. Bored? Try a missionary position

199. Under the same management for 2,000 years!

200. Before there was Twitter there were church signs

201. Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely

202. This sign that promises God loves you more than Kanye loves Kanye

203. At this point, Jesus doesn’t need to take the wheel…he needs to pull over and spank some of y’all with his flip flop

204. What's loved by Noah and also most meat-eaters? Ham

205. Too hot to keep changing sign. Sin bad, Jesus good. Details inside

206. I hate this church. – Satan

207. Which Bible character was the best musician? Samson—he brought the house down

208. I was glad when they said to me, “Let us go to the house of the LORD!” - Psalm 122:1

209. Download your worries and get online with God

210. Do you think Rick Astley struggles with lent?

211. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions

212. Hunting for ghosts? We’ve got one. It’s holy!

213. If the earth was flat cats would push everything off it

214. What kind of car would Jesus drive? A Christler

215. This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone but it’s gonna pass

216. Our church is like fudge: sweet with a few nuts

217. There are some things that can’t be answered by Google

218. Give Satan an inch and he'll become your ruler

219. Who in the Bible had the greatest business plans? The prophets

220. What did Adam say to Eve? I'll wear the plants in this family


222. What did Daniel tell his real estate agent? "I'd prefer a house with no den

223. How would you rate Jael's camping skills? Tent out of tent

224. Sorry for the lack of new funny signs. The sign guy discovered TikTok

225. What did Adam say when he was asked his favorite holiday? "It's Christmas, Eve

226. How do you know that atoms are Catholic? They have mass

227. Jesus is coming. . . Look busy!

228. If you’re a fan of Stranger Things you should try a church potluck

229. Our church is like fudge, sweet with a few nuts

230. Who in the Bible knew the most people? Abraham knew a Lot

231. Meanwhile, this church doesn't have time to think of something clever because it's just too darn hot out!


233. Hipster Jesus loved you before you were cool

234. Acting up in church is like dressing up for an X-ray

235. Do you spend your time with God's book or Facebook?

236. Jesus will love the Hell out of you

237. I danced like no one was watching and now I’m on YouTube

238. Helping the environment one joke at a time, Grinning Planet. Click to go to home page.. flying letter; click to go to signup page for free email version

239. It’s summer. Enjoy the sonshine!

240. Sign guy on vacation. Just pretend it says something witty

241. Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible!

242. Hot as the dickens

243. This church that decided to quote Darth Vader (you know, the famously wholesome character who killed all those kids)

244. Where was Solomon's Temple located? On the side of his head

245. This sign said, "The Daddy and the Son and the Holy Spirit

246. How do we make Holy Water? We boil the Hell out of it

247. Respect your parents, they passed school without Google

248. This church that should have thought about allll the "C" words before making this claim

249. Store the Bible in your heart, not on a shelf

250. 6 feet apart today is better than 6 feet under tomorrow

251. This sign that is trying to make Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass" a bit holier

252. This church that balances wholesome picnics with adult movie nights

253. No one ever talks about Jesus’s miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30s

254. God > Church Norris (The perfect short church sign saying!)

255. Keep using my name in vain, and I'll make rush hour longer. – God

256. Looking for the perfect gift? Find Him here

257. When gratitude becomes your default setting, life changes

258. When preparing for the Feast of Weeks, what did some disciples wonder? "How much is this going to (Pente)cost?"

259. Too hot to keep changing this sign. Sin bad, Jesus good. Details inside

260. The Devil’s trick is no treat

261. Wrinkled with problems? Come to the Lord's House for a faith lift

262. Dear weather. Stop showing off. We get it, you’re hot

263. Why did Boaz hate lying? Because he loved truth

264. Sinners wanted. Apply within

265. Lent, a time to examine your selfie

266. Hate corny church signs? Amen!

267. Bookmark and Share

268. Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?

269. Why couldn't the Israelites initially enter the Promised Land? It wasn't the Pinky Promised Land

270. What do you call a prophet who's also a chef? Habakkuk

271. Jesus is God's selfie

272. This sign that makes no sense in the best possible way

273. The best vitamin for a christian is B1

274. Tis the season for stretch pants!

275. Are you ready for both?

276. This church reealllyy wants you to try missionary

277. Her nickname is mom, but her full name is mom, mom, mom, mom. Happy Mother’s Day!

278. This church that gave an ominous Thanksgiving warning

279. Don’t let worries kill you. Let the church help

280. Easter comes once a year. How often do you?

281. Don’t give up, Moses was once a basket case

282. Read the Bible. It will scare the Hell out of you!

283. Under the same management for more than 2,000 years

284. Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. - Matthew 11:26

285. Which minor prophet is well-known thanks to cookies? Famous Amos

286. Eternity: Smoking or Nonsmoking

287. What did the lawyer ask when someone started talking about God's will? "Was it notarized?"

288. Laughing is good exercise—like jogging on the inside

289. Looking for "Mr. Right"? This is His house!

290. Adam and Eve: The first people to read the Apple terms and conditions

291. Sometimes you’re a windshield, sometimes you’re a bug

292. If you have to gamble, bet on the man riding the donkey

293. How did Joseph make his coffee? Hebrewed it

294. Wanna taco bout Jesus? He can soften your hard shell. Come in and lettuce party

295. Bring your sin to the altar and drop it like it's hot. Drop it like it's hot

296. Then Satan said, “put the alphabet in math”

297. What did Jonah's family say when he told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh? "Hmm, sounds fishy

298. Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. - Proverbs 13:20

299. Feeling hot? We’re prayer conditioned!

300. Thou shalt not steal copper from our A/C unit

301. The best gift a mother can give is time spent on her knees

302. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ. - Romans 6:23

303. Your name may be on a bottle of Coke, but is it in the Book of Life?

304. Be kind whenever possible. Pro tip – it's always possible

305. God loves you whether you like it or not

306. If only closed minds came with closed mouths

307. I wish Noah had swatted those two mosquitos

308. Volunteers needed to help relocate our choir loft. We need an organ transplant!

309. Prayer. The original wireless connection

310. We love because he first loved us. - 1 John 4:19

311. With all this rain we need an ark. Fear not! We Noah guy

312. Our 2nd favorite King James is Lebron

313. To err is human. To ‘Arrr’ is pirate

314. I am also making a list and checking it twice. – God

315. Cars are not the only thing recalled by their Maker

316. Calling all dog lovers

317. Jesus: Your get-out-of-Hell-free card

318. God doesn’t show favoritism, but our sign guy does. Go cubs!

319. Which book of the major prophets is the easiest to understand? EZekiel

320. This church that insists "Jesus enters you" before you can cross through the pearly gates

321. If God had a refrigerator your picture would be on it

322. This church that demands you keep your ass at home for service

323. Tomb for sale, slightly used

324. Jesus is the gift you won’t return

325. If you're praying for a blizzard, please go to Dairy Queen

326. Skip rope not church

327. Jesus said "I'll be back" way before Arnold did

328. One for the Star Wars fans

329. Whoever stole our AC units keep it, it is hot where you’re going

330. How do you know Pharaoh was athletic? He had a court

331. Mayo light shine for Jesus

332. Wait for it

333. Honk if you love Jesus text while driving if you want to meet him

334. You can’t keep a good man down. Happy Easter!

335. This sign that understands who holds all the power in the pew

336. Forecast for tomorrow: God reigns and the Son shines

337. Christian singles be like: Username: psalmbodytolove

338. Gardening for God brings peas of mind

339. How does Moses make tea? He brews it

340. Midnight mass and toga party B. Y. O. B. J (bring your own baby Jesus)

341. Unit 101 Lakewood Ranch, FL 34211

342. I will always love you. Sincerely, Whitney, Dolly, and God

343. The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers

344. Having trouble sleeping? Try one of our sermons

345. Does your spiritual house need spring cleaning?

346. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. - Proverbs 4:23

347. Lettuce be kind, squash gossip, turnip for church

348. S1 - VersaS4 - PremierAlphaSMD - IndoorSMD - Large Video Wall

349. What size was the lumber that was made to build the ark? 2x2

350. No body's perfect, but a Jesus workout could help

351. Staying in bed shouting, oh god! Does not constitute going to church

352. This church is like a Snickers—sweet with a few nuts

353. If God is your copilot, switch seats

354. You give God the credit. Now give God the cash

355. Bacon is 73% fat and super salty. Me too, bacon, me too

356. Cars aren’t the only thing recalled by their maker

357. You can’t enter heaven unless Jesus enters you

358. This church that doesn't want you to text and drive. . . reading a wordy sign is perfectly fine, though

359. This church that is clearly punk rock

360. Luck of the Irish? Nah, faith in Jesus

361. I don’t like this virus. I wanted Zombies!


363. The Bees aren’t the only ones staying alive! Happy Easter! (Great church sign saying for Easter!)

364. What do you call a Bible character who just pulled into church? A parking Lot

365. Where did Noah put the woodpeckers?

366. Lord, help us be the people our dogs think we are

367. If your life stinks, we have a pew for you

368. Since when is football in the Bible?

369. What types of boats do believers want to go on? Discipleship and worship

370. Jesus is my prozac

371. Which Bible character was super-fit?Absalom

372. Silly rabbit, Easter is for Jesus

373. God wants spiritual fruit not religious nuts

374. This church that loves a mother on her knees

375. What happens in Vegas is forgiven here

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