1,000 Inspirational Working Funny Quotes (2023)

1. “All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover

2. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman

3. “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.” – Groucho Marx

4. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller

5. “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.” – Pablo Picasso

6. “If you don’t know where you’re going any road will do.” — Lewis Carroll

7. “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” — Henny Youngman

8. “Tuesday just called and wants to know what happened to Friday!” — Neil Leckman

9. “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” – Will Rogers

10. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”– Ronald Reagan

11. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. — Oscar Wilde

12. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” — Phyllis Diller

13. “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” – Bill Watterson

14. “Thursday comes and the week’s gone.” — George Herbert

15. “I can’t believe I work this hard to be this poor.” – Anonymous

16. “It is hard work to be the mother of many pigs.”

17. ‘Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.’ – Unkmown

18. “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”– Enid Blyton

19. “You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind.” Irish Proverb

20. LIFE HAS ITS UPS AND DOWNS. WE CALL THEM SQUATS.—UNKNOWN

21. “The king inherits a country — the people only hard work.”

22. ” I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22 Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday. “

23. “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” — Thomas Jefferson

24. “Too often we visit the well of divine abundance with a teacup instead of a bucket.” – Elinor MacDonald

25. “Tough times don’t last, tough teams do” - Robert Schuller

26. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” — Bryan White

27. “Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.” – Unknown

28. “Home-work grew-up and became work-from-home.” — Vikrmn

29. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

30. “50 Funny Motivational Quotes to Put a Smile on Your Face” #quotes #FridayFunny

31. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.

32. I have to be successful because I like expensive things.

33. Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.

34. “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers

35. “Stressed is dessert spelled backwards.” — Loretta Laroche

36. Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.

37. “I’ve been promoted to middle management. I never thought I’d sink so low.” ~ Tim Gould

38. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin

39. “Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” — Gordon B. Hinckley

40. “There’s a fine line between marketing and grand theft.” ~ Scott Adams

41. ‘Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? – Edgar Bergen

42. “The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.​” — Stanley J. Randall

43. “I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.”— Unknown

44. “An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” Leo Durocher

45. “Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.” – Andy Rooney

46. ‘Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it.’ – Andrew Young

47. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” ~ Steven Wright

48. ‘I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.’ – Franklin D. Roosevelt

49. “If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.” Unknown

50. “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen

51. IF YOU STILL LOOK CUTE AFTER WORKING OUT, YOU DIDN'T GO HARD ENOUGH.—UNKNOWN

52. “Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.” – Ross Perot

53. “Life is a hurdle race, the winner has to cross all the hurdles and still maintain enthusiasm.” — M.K. Soni

54. “The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.” – Malcolm Forbes

55. “Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.”― Charles Dickens

56. “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.” — Jerry Seinfeld

57. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll laugh at you.”

58. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” Jason Love

59. Kill them with success and bury them with a smile.

60. “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” – Frank Zappa

61. Work hours seem to take a lot longer than weekend hours.

62. “Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.” – Martina Navratilova

63. “A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.” – Charles Gordy

64. “Without Valentine’s Day, February would be… well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan

65. “A man can’t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.” — Oscar Wilde

66. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” Mark Twain

67. “Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” – David Ogilvy

68. “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ – Robert Downey Jr.

69. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… One step at a time.“ Joe Girard

70. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire

71. “ ‘ Yay! It’s the weekend! ‘ said nobody who works in a restaurant. “

72. “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”– Jeffree Star

73. ‘Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.’ – Earl Wilson

74. “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” – Johnny Carson

75. “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” ~ Woody Allen

76. ” If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. “

77. “A lot of hard work is hidden behind nice things.” — Ralph Lauren

78. ‘Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.’ – Savielly Tartakower

79. You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice. — Sam Levenson

80. “Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out.” —John Wooden

81. “When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die.”

82. “Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” — John Ciardi

83. “Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are.” —Theodore Roosevelt

84. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

85. “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” Terry Pratchett

86. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” – Terry Pratchett

87. ” The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. “

88. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” – Ellen DeGeneres

89. “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” – Bob Hope

90. ” It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong. “

91. “I stress about stress before there’s even stress to stress about.”

92. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” — Steven Wright

93. “Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” ~ Al Capp

94. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” – Don Herold

95. “High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.” – Christopher Morley

96. “Successful people are not gifted; they just work hard, then succeed on purpose.” — G.K. Neilson

97. “No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.” ~ Groucho Marx

98. “Stress, anxiety, and depression are caused when we are living to please others.” – Paulo Coelho

99. “His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours.” — Arthur Baer

100. “Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots follow them.” #quotes #FridayFunny

101. ‘Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.’ –Pablo Picass0

102. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison

103. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”

104. “By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” — Bill Vaughan

105. ‘Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.’ – Dilbert

106. “I don’t know what it is about this job, but so far every day seems to be a different kind of awesome.”

107. Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.

108. Wow! Doesn’t time fly? Just think, soon you will have been here for ten years! How exciting!

109. I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.

110. “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” — Caroline Rhea

111. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

112. “I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”​

113. “I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow

114. ‘Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?’ – Steve Jobs

115. “Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi

116. ‘Failure is not an option-it comes bundled with the software.’ – Unknown

117. “My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” — Ted Turner

118. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

119. ‘The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.’ – Joseph Stilwell

120. “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis

121. “The only way to achieve the impossible is to believe it is possible.” Charles Kingsleigh

122. “I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.” – Yogi Berra

123. “When you’re riding, only the race in which you’re riding is important.” – Bill Shoemaker

124. “I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.”

125. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — A.A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh"

126. “You are never too old to set another goal or dream another dream.” – C.S. Lewis

127. ‘Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.’ – Unknown

128. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

129. “Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.” —Bill Murray

130. “There comes a day when you’re gonna look around and realize happiness is where you are.’ — Chief Tui, “Moana”

131. Leaving work on Friday. Amazing little feeling.

132. “The world of the future is in our making. Tomorrow is now.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

133. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

134. “Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.”— Unknown

135. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright

136. Some people are like clouds: when they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

137. Every day I arrive at work with good intentions and a great attitude..Then idiots happen.

138. “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” – Albert Einstein

139. Happy work anniversary! Hopefully, by next year you will finally win the lottery and get out.

140. WEIGHTS BEFORE DATES.—UNKNOWN

141. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” ~ Joe Girard

142. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” — Voltaire

143. “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx

144. “Hard work keeps the wrinkles out of the mind and spirit.” Helena Rubinstein

145. ” I love my job. Can I go home now please? “

146. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”—Lt. Frank Drebin

147. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire

148. “To change your life, change something you do daily.” ― Robert Celner

149. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be a miserable cow.

150. “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” ~ Will Rogers

151. Happy anniversary – now get back to work!

152. ” Ever wondered what your boss thinks of your jokes? We did. ”

153. Be that kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor every morning, the devil says, 'Oh crap she’s up'.

154. “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

155. Leaders who do not listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.

156. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” – Milton Berle

157. “Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.”

158. “I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.” ~ Lily Tomlin

159. “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carli

160. “Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.”– Salvador Dali

161. “Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.” - Stephen Hawking

162. “The only time I feel light-hearted is when I’m in a plane at 33,000 feet.” – Robert Rivers

163. “I stress about stress before there’s even stress to stress about.” — Unknown

164. “I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.”—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias

165. “Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler

166. “Talent wins games but teamwork and intelligence wins championships.” - Michael Jordan

167. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”– Elbert Hubbard

168. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” Elvis Presley

169. “Lower your expectations of earth. This isn’t heaven, so don’t expect it to be.” — Max Lucado

170. ” She works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. “

171. “The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.” – Malcolm Forbes

172. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”– Bryan White

173. “Success isn’t owned, it’s leased, and rent is due everyday.” – J. J. Watt

174. “It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.” – Brigitte Bardot

175. ” Doing nothing is harder than it looks. It’s impossible to take breaks. “

176. FITNESS: IF IT CAME IN A BOTTLE, EVERYONE WOULD HAVE A GREAT BODY.—CHER

177. “If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.” – Sam Levenson

178. ‘Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.’ – TS Eliot

179. “A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.” – Winston Churchill

180. “Some days, the best thing about the job is that the chair spins.”— Unknown

181. “Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.” Unknown

182. “Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell.” – Bill Copeland

183. What I do not like about the office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

184. “Our fate lives within us. You only have to be brave enough to see it.” — Merida, “Brave”

185. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, and all life for happiness.

186. “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin

187. ” If at first you don’t succeed; you are running about average. “

188. “Doing nothing is very hard to do; you never know when you’re finished.” Leslie Nielsen

189. We always wonder how you can stay here for so long and still stay sane. At least someone is trying.

190. “I often give myself permission to sneak away for a little ‘wine and whine’ session.”. Unknown

191. “It’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish.” ~ J. R. R. Tolkien

192. “I rate enthusiasm even above professional skill.” — Edward Victor Appleton

193. ‘If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.’ – Woody Allen

194. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” Charles Schulz

195. That Friday afternoon feeling sure beats that Monday morning feeling.

196. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain

197. “I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.” – Maya Angelou

198. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde

199. UNLESS YOU PUKE, FAINT, OR DIE, KEEP GOING!—JILLIAN MICHAELS

200. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you would not have a job if he was any smarter.

201. “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.” Harry Truman

202. “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” – Mark Twain

203. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’“ Audrey Hepburn

204. “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” — Earl Nightingale

205. “Be happy, it drives people crazy.” — Paulo Coelho

206. “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov

207. “All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.” – Sean O’Casey

208. ‘All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.’ – Aristotle

209. “It’s Friday Friday, gotta get down on Friday. “

210. “It’s great to work with other working moms, they’re the highest functioning messes I know.”. Unknown

211. “Humor is most powerful thing that uses laughter as it base to chase your blues away.” — Kareena Kapoor

212. “Today’s opportunities erase yesterday’s failures.” – Gene Brown

213. “You can’t shine like a diamond, if you not willing to get cut like a diamond!” – Eric Thomas

214. “You’re at your best when you don’t know what you’re doing.” – Paul Stanley

215. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright

216. ” The wheels are turning, but the hamsters are all dead. “

217. “This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.” — Unknown

218. ” Tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what you told them. “

219. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Thomas Eddison

220. ” When you hire a tall, dark, and handsome co-worker to do your bidding, everything will be fine.”

221. We haven’t gotten tired of seeing your face almost every day for the last year. Honest.

222. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”– Billy Wilder

223. We will continue to have more meetings until we figure out why no work is getting done.

224. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead

225. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe

226. “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.” – Voltaire

227. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time. —Joe Girard

228. ” Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. “

229. ” I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail. “

230. “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.” – W. H. Auden

231. “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” – Isaac Asimov

232. “Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.​” – Unknown

233. “Don’t work from bed. You want your bed to be a place of peace and calm, not work stress.” — Liz Grossman Kitoyi

234. “Concentration is the ability to think about absolutely nothing when it is absolutely necessary.” — Ray Knight

235. “Time is the scarcest resource and unless it is managed nothing else can be managed.” — Peter Drucker

236. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

237. When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’.

238. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller

239. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” — Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

240. “‘Yay! It’s the weekend!’ Said nobody who is self-employed.”

241. “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ — Robert Downey Jr.

242. ” Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. “

243. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

244. “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Benjamin Dover

245. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”

246. ” The best bosses are the ones who can make you laugh.”

247. Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

248. “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”– Denis Waitley

249. I have got all the money I will ever need if I die by four o’clock.

250. ” Every employee rises to the level of his own incompetence. “

251. “It’s not so important who starts the game but who finishes it.” — John Wooden

252. Your dedication to your job is something we can only aspire to – aspire not to replicate, that is.

253. “Persistence is very important. You should not give up unless you are forced to give up.” – Elon Musk

254. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” — Mark Twain

255. “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg

256. “Working hard is important. But there is something that matters more, believing yourself.” — Harry Potter

257. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”

258. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain

259. ” You only get one chance to make a good first impression. Make it count.”

260. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” Bill Gates

261. “Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” — Sam Ewing

262. “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.” – Solomon Schechter

263. “Love is being stupid together.” — Paul Valery

264. ‘Beware of any enterprise requiring new clothes.’ – Henry Thoreau

265. “When all else fails, there’s always delusion.” – Conan O’ Brien

266. “We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.” — Will Rogers

267. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Marilyn Monroe

268. “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Jack London

269. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”

270. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anaïs Nin

271. “Don’t mind your make-up, you’d better make your mind up.” — Frank Zappa

272. “Luck is great, but most of life is hard work.” — Iain Duncan Smith

273. “The best things in life are actually really expensive.” Unknown

274. “Big dreams happen in small place.” – Sandy Shores

275. “Home-work grew-up and became work-from-home.” – Vikrmn

276. “The ratio of We’s to I’s is the best indicator of the development of a team.” Lewis B. Ergen

277. “If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.”

278. “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” — Groucho Marx

279. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin

280. “Men die of boredom, psychological conflict and disease. They do not die of hard work.” — David Ogilvy

281. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” – Mark Twain

282. “When money becomes your purpose, stress, and depression become your path.” – Prabakaran Thirumalai

283. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” Claude McDonald

284. “It is a common delusion that you can make things better by talking about them.” – Rose MacAulay

285. ‘If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.’ – Quentin Crisp

286. “If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen

287. Happy anniversary from someone you’re probably shocked knew it was your anniversary.

288. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” – Will Rogers

289. ” If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try going to work tomorrow.”

290. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”– Charlie Chaplin

291. Be happy, it drives people crazy. — Paulo Coelho

292. “Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.”

293. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” ~ Ronald Reagan

294. Weekends are life’s gift to the ones who hate their jobs.

295. “The only place where your dreams become impossible is in your own thinking.”– Robert H Schuller

296. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” ~ Thomas A. Edison

297. “Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Mark Twain

298. Education costs money. But then again, so does ignorance.

299. Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.

300. “Good things happen to those who hustle.” – Anais Nin

301. “If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big.” – Donald Trump

302. “Every tattoo is temporary, because we’re all slowly dying.” Unknown

303. When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say 'Why me?', say 'Try me'.

304. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”– Andy Rooney

305. “Don’t confuse having a career with having a life.” – Hillary Clinton

306. ”Never sign a Valentine with your own name.” — Charles Dickens

307. “I don’t need any kind of extravagant vacation, I’d just be happy going to the bathroom by myself.”- Unknown

308. “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” – Abraham Lincoln

309. “I can’t work with idiots. That’s why I work from home and got rid of all the mirrors.” — Anthony T. Hincks

310. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” ~ Charles Lamb

311. “Family — the ties that bind … and gag!” – Erma Bombeck

312. “Being a working mom isn’t easy, you have to be willing to screw up at every moment.”. Unknown

313. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand

314. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” — Phyllis Diller

315. “Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.” – David Letterman

316. “What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.”— Pearl Bailey

317. “Whenever I work hard for other people, I always sleep on an empty stomach.”

318. Another work anniversary? You just had one last year!

319. “The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” – George Carlin

320. No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.

321. “After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.”

322. “Teamwork – A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” — Larry Kersten

323. “A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar

324. “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” — Alexander Woollcott

325. “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

326. “Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

327. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” Oscar Wilde

328. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. — Elbert Hubbard

329. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison

330. “Cause your facial expression to change – smile.” – Catherine Pulsifer

331. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

332. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” Ayn Rand.

333. “Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.”—Samuel L. Jackson

334. Happy work anniversary! Why are you still here? Expecting a gift? Isn’t my endless gratitude enough for you?

335. ” Run your idea up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes it. “

336. ‘Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.’ – Rita Mae Brown

337. “I’m not confused. I’m just well mixed.” – Robert Frost

338. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”– Charles Wadsworth

339. “I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.” – H. Kyle Seale

340. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

341. “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” — Abraham Lincoln

342. “The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” – Madeleine L’Engle

343. If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.

344. “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher

345. “I’m just pretending this coffee is a margarita and I’m sitting by the beach.”

346. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

347. “The phrase ‘working mom’ is redundant”. Unknown

348. “Always remember that you are unique — just like everybody else.”

349. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.”

350. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” Steven Wright

351. “No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it.” - Halford E.

352. LIFE IS SHORT. LIFT HEAVY THINGS.—UNKNOWN

353. “The best way to enjoy your job is to imagine yourself without one.” ~ Oscar Wilde

354. The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.

355. “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”– Cullen Hightower

356. ” Eagles soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. “

357. “Work until your idols become your rivals.” – Anonymous

358. “If you don’t know where you are, a map won’t help.” – Watts Humphrey

359. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”—Michael Scott, The Office

360. “My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.”

361. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, then try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama

362. “Sometimes we can focus so much on nothing that we make it a big something of nothing” ― Ricky Maye

363. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” ~ Edgar Bergen

364. Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine. — Lord Byron

365. “Some people care too much. I think it's called love.” — Winnie the Pooh

366. Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway. — Eleanor Roosevelt

367. “When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.” – George Burns

368. ” Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels. “

369. “The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.”

370. “Sure, there’s no ‘I’ in team, but there is an ‘m’ and an ‘e’.” – Kevin Myers

371. “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” — Mark Twain

372. MY FAVORITE MACHINE AT THE GYM IS THE TELEVISION.—UNKNOWN

373. “The trouble with the rat-race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat.” – Lily Tomlin

374. “People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” — Joey Adams

375. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” – Claude McDonald

376. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown

377. “If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” – Confucius

378. “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” – Mark Twain

379. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison

380. Sometimes, I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.

381. “People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” — Ogden Nash

382. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

383. “Bending beats breaking.” ― Betty Greene

384. “If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.” — Milton Berle

385. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller

386. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”– Dorothy Parker

387. “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” – Groucho Marx

388. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres

389. “None of us are as smart as all of us.” - Ken Blanchard

390. Here’s to another Friday of outward smiles and inward screams.

391. “Go as far as you can see, when you get there you’ll be able to see further.” Thomas Carlyle

392. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” ―Cathy Guisewite

393. I believe I used all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.

394. It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.

395. “A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” — Willy Wonka

396. “I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward.” — David Livingstone

397. “If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.” – Regina Brett

398. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!”

399. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles Schulz

400. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” ~ Claude Maxwell MacDonald

401. ” Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing off what I did yesterday. ”

402. “People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” ~ Ogden Nash

403. When you look back over the last year, we hope you have as many fond memories about working here as we do.

404. ‘Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels’ –Unknown

405. “Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer

406. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti

407. “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.” –Benjamin Franklin

408. “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou

409. “When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” – Gracie Allen

410. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms” Michael Scott

411. “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” — Woody Allen

412. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” ~ Steven Wright

413. ” When you’re up to your armpits in alligators, it’s hard to remember to drain the swamp. ”

414. “Not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry.” – Anonymous

415. “Tough times don’t last, tough teams do.” — Robert Schuller

416. “The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

417. “After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.” ~ Jerry Seinfeld

418. “You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.” — Mike Primavera

419. “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” — Margaret Thatcher

420. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” Unknown

421. “Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.” — Marilyn vos Savant

422. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams

423. “But it’s Friday” is a valid excuse for almost anything today.

424. “If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.” – Hippocrates

425. “Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” — Dorothy Parker

426. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off forever.” — P. J. Plauger

427. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”– Alan Dundes

428. “There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” ~ Kin Hubbard

429. “The best part about going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.” — Unknown

430. “Deep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties.” —Barbara Walters

431. “Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine.” — Lord Byron

432. “Think like a proton. Always positive.” Unknown

433. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

434. “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes

435. “When everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much.” – Walter Lippmann

436. “If you take out the team in teamwork, it’s just work. Now who wants that?” - Matthew Woodring Stover

437. “I’ve been on a calendar, but I’ve never been on time.” – Marilyn Monroe

438. “Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing off what I did yesterday. ”

439. “Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” — David Ogilvy

440. “Be moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance.” – Epicurus

441. “Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life because you become what you believe.” – Oprah Winfrey

442. “Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.” – Charles M. Schulz

443. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

444. “Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.” – Bernard Sahlins

445. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein

446. “If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.” ~ Lane Kirkland

447. “It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” — Muhammad Ali

448. “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

449. “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” Isaac Newton

450. “Hope is the dream of a waking man.”– Aristotle

451. “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”– Francois de La Rochefoucauld

452. “Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.” — Dick Van Dyke

453. His insomnia was so bad that he could not sleep during office hours.

454. “Free your mind and your ass will follow.” – George Clinton

455. “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

456. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason

457. “The hardest work of all is to do nothing.”

458. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” Cathy Guisewite

459. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” Justin Sewell

460. “oh, yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it or learn from it.” — Rafiki, “the Lion King”

461. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite

462. ” Don’t corner something meaner than you. “

463. “Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.” – Dalai Lama

464. “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” Unknown

465. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” Kyle Chandler

466. ” When your boss is laughing but you’re not sure if it’s at you…”

467. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” ~ Milan Kundera

468. “People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard

469. “Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” – Tom Stoppard

470. “Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.” — Hans Christian Andersen

471. “If you want an interesting party, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone.” —Robert Fulghum

472. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!

473. “I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow

474. “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself.” – Irish Proverbs

475. “If people knew how hard I worked to achieve my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful after all.” — Michelangelo

476. “A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” – William James

477. “No one’s dream job involves a kiosk.” ~ Damien Fahey

478. “Stress does not go with my outfit.”— Unknown

479. Every Friday, I feel like I deserve a new addition to my closet for all my hard work during the week.

480. “Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.”

481. “The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” Unknown

482. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” — Anonymous

483. ‘Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes. – Lewis Grizzard

484. “If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where I can return Mondays.” — John Wagner

485. That’s another year gone by and another year waiting for someone to recognize all the hard work you do.

486. “Either you run the day, or the day runs you.” – John Rohn

487. “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.”– James Thurber

488. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — Winnie the Pooh

489. “I drink to make other people more interesting.” – Ernest Hemingway

490. “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

491. “What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.”— Pearl Bailey

492. Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you will never get a job working for a tabloid.

493. “Teachers call it copying. We call it ‘teamwork’.” — A Student

494. “Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous

495. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams

496. “Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.” – Mae West

497. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ―Mae West

498. “Personal accountability requires mindfulness, acceptance, honesty, and courage.” – Shelby Martin

499. “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” — Andy Borowitz

500. “If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.” — Unknown

501. “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”– Charles de Gaulle

502. A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they do not have a J.O.B.

503. ‘Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.’ – Napoleon Bonaparte

504. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne

505. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” – Phyllis Diller

506. “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” — Amy Poehler

507. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

508. “Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Sherrilyn Kenyon

509. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney

510. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” — Will Rogers

511. I was going to suggest a party, but I guess you’re too busy working! Happy anniversary!

512. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” Will Rogers

513. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler

514. “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Helen Keller

515. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin

516. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” — Groucho Marx

517. I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

518. “Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.” – Jessica Simpson

519. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” — Ellen DeGeneres

520. “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” — Frank Zappa

521. ‘I Laugh Everyday at Work’ — Why You Need to Check Out the Empowering Culture at This Tech Company

522. “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.” —Joey Adams

523. “I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22 Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.”

524. “Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up” Chinese proverb

525. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard

526. I DON'T SWEAT, I SPARKLE.—UNKNOWN

527. ” Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor. “

528. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” ~ Don Marquis

529. Happy work anniversary to someone who has worked here so long; their employee ID is probably “1.”

530. “Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.” – Malcolm Muggeridge

531. “On Wednesday they’re feelin’ fine again, And they’re workin’ like a dog and diggin’ in.” — Johnny Cash

532. “A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.” ~ Jay London

533. “I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.” — Rita Rudner

534. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen

535. “Bad decisions make good stories.” Ellis Vidler

536. “There’s a little truth in all jive, and a little jive in all truth.” – Leonard Barnes

537. “I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.” – John Green

538. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

539. “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

540. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

541. ‘What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.’- Phyllis Diller

542. “Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.” – Albert Einstein

543. “A fool and his money never should have got together in the first place.” – Michael Douglas

544. EAT CLEAN, STAY FIT, AND HAVE A BURGER TO STAY SANE.—GIGI HADID

545. “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.” – Woody Allen

546. “Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” — Andy Stanley

547. “There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.” – Roger Staubach

548. “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

549. Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment.

550. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” — Jimmy Kimmel

551. “Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” — Ann Bradford

552. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

553. There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?​ ​Kin Hubbard

554. “Good things come to those who initiate.” – Susan RoAne

555. “People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get.” —

556. “My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.”

557. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” — Mark Twain

558. “The strength of the team is each member. The strength of each member is the team.” - Phil Jackson

559. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” –

560. “When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” – Sydney Harris

561. “It can’t be Sunday every day. There are also Mondays and Tuesdays.” — George Weah

562. “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” — Patches O’Houlihan

563. ” It’s hard to soar like an eagle when you work with turkeys. “

564. “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” – Mae West

565. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley

566. “Why does winter feel like one big Tuesday?” — Todd Stocker

567. “If you do not know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.” — Henry A. Kissinger

568. “In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.”

569. “I’m already tired tomorrow.”. Unknown

570. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” — Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

571. “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

572. Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

573. “I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.” – Edgar Allan Poe

574. Music always sounds better on Friday.

575. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde

576. “When you play, play hard; when you work, don’t play at all.” Theodore Roosevelt

577. “You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind.”

578. “All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.” ~ Aristotle

579. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”– Abraham Lincoln

580. “To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.” – Baron de Montesquieu

581. YOU MAKE MY KNEES WEAK. JUST KIDDING. YESTERDAY WAS LEG DAY.—UNKNOWN

582. “Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.” ~ Michel Tournier

583. “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn

584. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” — Oscar Wilde

585. “Positive energy knows no boundaries.” – Lu Wei

586. “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.“ – Oscar Wilde

587. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, then try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama

588. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” Dalai Lama

589. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.”

590. “Most people like hard work, particularly when they’re paying for it.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

591. “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” Mark Twain

592. “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” — Jeffree Star

593. Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

594. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”

595. “I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat.” —Pam Beesly, The Office

596. ” In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come. “

597. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”– Bob Hope

598. “I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.” ~ Stephen Colbert

599. “Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.” ~ Laurence J. Peter

600. Happy work anniversary! I would have loved to shout it from the roof. However, safety issues, and all of that.

601. Aspire to inspire before we expire. — Eugene Bell Jr.

602. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

603. ” Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.”

604. “To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy.” – Hippocrates

605. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” — Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City

606. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire

607. “Life is short. Be silly. Have fun. Regret nothing.” – Karen Salmansohn

608. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler

609. “On this team, we’re all united in a common goal: to keep my job.” — Lou Holtz

610. “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”―Oscar Wilde

611. “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”– Daniel J. Boorstin

612. “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.”

613. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

614. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

615. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” – Justin Sewell

616. ” Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it. “

617. “Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties its strength.” – Charles Spurgeon

618. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb

619. ” The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. ”

620. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin

621. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb

622. “Aspire to inspire before we expire.” – Eugene Bell Jr

623. “And although I like to relax and have fun, my passion is my work.”

624. ” Going to work doesn’t make me happy, my paycheck does. “

625. “If you hit the target every time it’s too near or too big.” – Tom Hirshfield

626. “Happen to things, don’t let things happen to you.” — Stephen Covey

627. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” Unknown

628. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” Tom Lehrer

629. It is Friday… any plan of being a productive member of society is officially thrown out the window.

630. “I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” — Bob Hope

631. “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” – Langston Coleman

632. “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”– Elbert Hubbard

633. “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller

634. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” Oscar Wilde

635. ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try management.’ – Unknown

636. The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.

637. “Do or do not. There is no try.” — Yoda

638. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” – Lucille Ball

639. Designate a Specific Workspace

640. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”– Steven Wright

641. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” Sarah Brown

642. “A good time for laughing is when you can.” – Jessamyn West

643. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” John Gotti

644. “I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week.” ~ Vince McMahon

645. It is the set of the sails, not the direction of the wind, that determines which way we will go.

646. “After a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are.” — Shrek

647. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx

648. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.

649. “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” Albert Einstein

650. “None of my assignments are one, but I sure am.” – @nickccerino

651. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” — Mark Twain

652. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

653. “Sleep is such a luxury, which I can't afford.” ― Robin Sikarwar

654. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”—Les Dawson

655. “The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.” — Bette Midler

656. “Focus, focus, focus! What am I, a telescope?” – Naruto Uzumaki

657. “When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say ‘Why me?’, say ‘Try me’.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

658. The best part of our jobs has been working with you – can you say the same?

659. “I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.”

660. ” I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. “

661. “You never become a howling success by just howling.” – Bob Harrington

662. “The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.” — George Bernard Shaw

663. “Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings

664. My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That is what you are called when you do not have a job.

665. Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.

666. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” — Zach Galifianakis

667. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” — Terry Pratchett

668. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling

669. “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” – Maureen Dowd

670. “Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Sherrilyn Kenyon

671. “I am a firm believer in luck. And I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” – Thomas Jefferson

672. “A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather

673. “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”– Steven Weinberg

674. “You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar

675. FRIDAY NIGHT. PARTY AT THE GYM WITH MY FRIENDS DUMBBELL AND BARBELL.—UNKNOWN

676. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

677. I’ve tried yoga, but I find stress less boring.— Unknown

678. “Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.” Michael Jordan

679. “If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here either.” — James Johnson

680. “Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.” — Mary Kay Ash

681. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy

682. “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.” — Charles J. Sykes

683. It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.

684. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” – Jason Love

685. “You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.” — Sam Levenson

686. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates

687. “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” – Margaret Thatcher

688. “I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!!” ― Charles M. Schulz

689. “Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.” — Rita Rudner

690. “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished – If you’re alive it isn’t.” – Richard Bach

691. Here’s to another year of outward smiles and inward screams.

692. “Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.” — Og Mandino

693. “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.” – Mark Twain

694. “Think like a proton. Always be positive.” #quotes #FridayFunny

695. “If you fall, I’ll always be there.” – The Floor

696. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” — Betty Reese

697. “Without the will or desire to achieve one is like flotsam on the oceans of time.” — Steven Redhead

698. “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”– Drake

699. It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare. — Benjamin Dover

700. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

701. “I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life.” – Karan Patel

702. Words are not enough to thank you for your hard work this last year, so I’ll stop right there.

703. “When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.” ~ Helen Rowland

704. SWEAT IS YOUR FAT CRYING.—UNKNOWN

705. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope

706. “Always drink upstream from the herd.” – Will Rogers

707. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” – Sarah Brown

708. “Great things in business are never done by one person; they’re done by a team of people.” Steve Jobs

709. “The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

710. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” — Audrey Hepburn

711. “I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.”- Winston Churchill

712. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” — Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

713. “Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.” – Gilbert Gottfried

714. HUSTLE FOR THAT MUSCLE.—UNKNOWN

715. We make mistakes because life doesn’t come with instructions.

716. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra

717. “Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” — Phil Pastoret

718. “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”– Eleanor Roosevelt

719. ” A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it. “

720. “They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” ~ Joseph Addison

721. “Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs.” Malcolm Forbes

722. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama

723. “Someday is not a day of the week.” Janet Dailey

724. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” — Les Brown

725. “I’ve tried meditation, but I find stress less boring.”

726. ” A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep. “

727. “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie

728. “I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”―Bill Watterson

729. You’re a consistent reminder that hard work never killed anyone – but why take that chance, eh?

730. “Establishing goals is all right if you don’t let them deprive you of interesting detours.” — Doug Larsen

731. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” ~ Don Herold

732. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. — Ann Bradford

733. “Some people die at twenty-five and aren’t buried until they are seventy-five.” – Benjamin Franklin

734. “Mondays are the start of the work week which offer new beginnings 52 times a year.” — David Dweck

735. “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”– Henny Youngman

736. “Be happy – it drives people crazy.” Unknown

737. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” —Lucille Ball

738. “Complain a lot and people will hear you but not listen.” – Catherine Pulsifer

739. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” Homer Simpson

740. “Success if define by going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

741. “Delegating work works, provided the one delegating works, too.” – Robert Half

742. “A laugh is a smile that bursts.” – Mary H. Waldrip

743. “I don’t like Mondays, especially if they occur on Fridays.” — Jarod Kintz

744. ” I’ve worked too hard to quit now. “

745. “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” – Amy Poehler

746. “Do or do not. There is no try. “ — Yoda, “Star Wars”

747. “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.” —Luis Buñuel

748. “Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.” Abraham Lincoln

749. My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

750. “Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean.” Ryunosuke Satoro

751. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”– Steven Wright

752. “It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”– Thomas Sowell

753. “Don’t work from bed. You want your bed to be a place of peace and calm, not work stress.” – Liz Grossman Kitoyi

754. “Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a gossip.” – Richard Steele

755. “It’s funny that I have lasted through a global pandemic but an email is what’s going to make me cry.” – Rod

756. “The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia

757. “My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown

758. “Always remember that you are unique – just like everybody else.” Unknown

759. ” The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor. ”

760. “At work, you worry about family. At home, you worry about work. Behold a woman’s stress.” – Elaine Cannon

761. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”– George Carlin

762. We were thinking about getting you an anniversary gift too, but thinking about it is as far as it got.

763. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” Edgar Bergen

764. People who never do any more than they get paid for never get paid for any more than they do.

765. “Life is like a box of chocolates.” – Forrest Gump

766. This is to remind you that you’ve just wasted another year doing the same stuff every day. But we love you.

767. “No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.”— Groucho Max

768. “There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full.” ­— Henry Kissinger

769. “I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain

770. “Great things in business are never done by one person. They’re done by a team of people.” – Steve Jobs

771. “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” – Truman Capote

772. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

773. “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer

774. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” — Lucille Ball

775. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” Winnie the Pooh

776. “It’s bad luck to begin work on Fridays.” – Southern Mothers

777. ” The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. “

778. “There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.” – Lawrence Welk

779. “Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” — Sir Claus Moser

780. Beat the 5 o’clock rush, and leave work by noon.

781. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – Homer Simpson

782. ‘You never become a howling success by just howling.’ – Bob Harrington

783. “My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous

784. ‘Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.’ – Doug Larson

785. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” Steven Wright

786. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” Ashleigh Brilliant

787. “It’s hard to get lost if you don’t know where you’re going.” — Jim Jarmusch

788. “I’m going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.” — S. I. Hayakawa

789. “Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.” — Karen Horney

790. I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID DURING BURPEES.—UNKNOWN

791. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” Jeffrey Gitomer

792. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein

793. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” Billie Burke

794. “There’s a saying ‘If you want something done, give it to the busiest person.’ Working moms BEWARE!”. Unknown

795. “A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey.” — Dolly Parton

796. I ONLY WORK OUT BECAUSE I REALLY, REALLY LIKE DONUTS.—UNKNOWN

797. “Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” — Al Capp

798. “Let your food be your medicine, and your medicine be your food.” — Hippocrates

799. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

800. “No team works out teamwork.” — Dwyane Wade

801. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke

802. You can’t always control who walks into your life, but you can control which window you throw them out.

803. ” By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. “

804. “In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.” — Archie Bunker

805. ” Between the hours of 9:30-5:30pm I’m burning bridges and taking out anyone who tries to make eye contact.”

806. “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx

807. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams

808. “Make today your masterpiece.”

809. “Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden.” — Orson Scott Card

810. “I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”– Tom Lehrer

811. “I don’t want it good. I want it Tuesday.” — Jack L. Warner

812. “Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” Gordon B. Hinckley

813. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

814. “I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.” ~ Rita Rudner

815. “If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.” quotes #FridayFunny

816. “A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.” –

817. “They’ve saved me so much time.”

818. If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck. — Elvis Presley

819. I LIKE BIG WEIGHTS AND I CANNOT LIE.—UNKNOWN

820. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” — Mark Twain

821. ” When it comes to work, you have to be a little crazy.”

822. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold

823. “My day could be more efficient if I didn’t have to spend 90% of it following up on other people’s incompetence.”

824. I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity, and dreams.

825. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” — Jack Whitehall

826. “Everyday is Monday….till Friday.” — Viktor VolksPrater

827. ” Work like a captain. Play like a pirate. “

828. “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. – Zig Ziglar

829. “Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success.” Henry Ford

830. “My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.” – Jean Rostand

831. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” — Les Dawson

832. “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.”– Samuel Goldwyn

833. “By working faithfully 8 hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” — Robert Frost

834. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright

835. People often say that motivation does not last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.

836. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’” — Don Marquis

837. Failure is not an option… it comes bundled with the software.

838. “On this team, we're all united in a common goal: to keep my job.” - Lou Holtz

839. “A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” — Fats Domino

840. “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” — Erma Bombeck

841. “You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.” – Ethel Barrymore

842. “You can’t live an exceptional life by being “normal.” – Nick Maley

843. ” If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? “

844. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder

845. I GOT 99 PROBLEMS, BUT I'M GOING TO THE GYM TO IGNORE ALL OF THEM.—UNKNOWN

846. The elevator to success is out of order. You will have to use the stairs, one step at a time.

847. IT'S MY WORKOUT. I CAN CRY IF I WANT TO.—UNKNOWN

848. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer

849. “I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.” — Jennifer Yane

850. “It’s the weekend!” said no freelancer ever!

851. “I am a master at the art of the unapologetic ‘no.'”. Unknown

852. “I have to be successful because I like expensive things.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

853. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” ~ Jerome K. Jerome

854. Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it is only Thursday.

855. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome

856. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates

857. ‘Every man has a right to be conceited until he is successful.’ – Benjamin Disraeli

858. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” — George Carlin

859. “Spend some time this weekend on home improvement; improve your attitude toward your family.” — Bo Bennett

860. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” Audrey Hepburn

861. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald

862. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”

863. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” — Charlie McCarthy

864. To us, it feels like just yesterday you started working here. To you, I bet it feels like a lifetime.

865. ” Sweetie, I’m gonna need you to put those few remaining brain cells together and work with me here, okay? “

866. “Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet.” Unknown

867. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” —Garry Shandling

868. ” When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die. “

869. It is a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it is a depression when you lose yours.

870. THE ONLY BS I NEED IN MY LIFE IS BREAKFAST AND SQUATS.—UNKNOWN

871. “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” African Proverb

872. “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” – Terry Pratchett

873. Seeing as it’s your anniversary today, how about going a little easy on us? Congratulations!

874. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms” Michael Scott #quotes

875. ” I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. “

876. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand

877. “The thing about Valentine’s Day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan

878. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra

879. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.” — Mark Twain

880. ‘If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.’ – Benjamin Franklin

881. “Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.” — Stephen Hawking

882. “If you take out the team in teamwork, it’s just work. Now who wants that?” — Matthew Woodring Stover

883. “The best way to appreciate your job is to, is here to stay.” ~ Oscar Wilde

884. Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend.

885. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

886. “Life is a blank canvass, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.” – Danny Kaye

887. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

888. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” Billie Burke #quotes #FridayFunny

889. ” The only way to do great work is to love what you do. “

890. ‘Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.’ – George Burns

891. “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” —Erma Bombeck

892. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” ~ Vince Lombardi

893. ” Work Smart, Not Hard…and Have Fun While You’re At It. ”

894. ” I often find myself contemplating if punching you in the face would be worth loosing my job. “

895. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” — Oscar Wilde

896. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” Unknown

897. ” A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. “

898. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” – Henny Youngman

899. There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.​

900. I work for myself, which is fun. Except for the time when I call in sick, I always know that I am lying.

901. ‘I Love My Job’: How I Feel Empowered to Innovate, Explore, and Grow as a Software Engineer

902. “In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.” – Charles Schulz

903. “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself.” — Irish Proverbs

904. “An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr

905. “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower

906. “Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.​”

907. “When people refer to ‘Back in the Day,’ it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.” — Dane Cook

908. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin

909. “Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.” — Wendell Johnson

910. “Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.” — Michel Tournier

911. “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” — Winston Spear

912. “I can’t work with idiots. That’s why I work from home and got rid of all the mirrors.” – Anthony T. Hincks

913. “You can’t experience simple joys when you’re living life with your hair on fire.” – Emily Ley

914. “It is very rare or almost impossible that an event can be negative from all points of view.” – Dalai Lama

915. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

916. “Hard work pays off if you’re patient enough to see it through.” – Michael Chandler

917. It is just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.

918. “I ain’t sleeping. I’m just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.” — Jonathan Raban

919. “Work harder than you think you did yesterday.” — Alex Elle

920. ” I have no idea what my job is here. I just drink lots of coffee. “

921. “An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.” – Will Rogers

922. You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself. — Ethel Barrymore

923. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

924. “Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.” — Katharine Whitehorn

925. “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz

926. “You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.” – Stephen King

927. I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.— Unknown

928. “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

929. Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

930. I am so clever that sometimes I do not understand a single word of what I am saying.

931. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” Robin Williams

932. “There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.​” — David Letterman

933. “I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this ‘believe’ into a real thing!”

934. “No man goes before his time — unless his boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx

935. ” Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. “

936. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

937. “A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know.” – Laurence J. Peter

938. “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished— If you’re alive it isn’t.” — Richard Bach

939. “Life is ten percent what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to it.” —Anonymous

940. “If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.” ― Noel Coward

941. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama

942. “It’s finally Friday, I’m free again. I got my motor running for a wild weekend.” — George Jones

943. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin

944. “The reward for good work is more work.” — Francesca Elisia

945. “Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get.” Ray Kroc

946. I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. — Jennifer Yane

947. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” — Albert Einstein

948. “His insomnia was so bad that he could not sleep during office hours.” – Arthur Baer

949. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” ~ Les Dawson

950. “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”– Bertrand Russell

951. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.”

952. “Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees, and then kindness.” — Nanea Hoffman

953. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.”

954. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you have got it.

955. “I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.” – Harold Wilson

956. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown

957. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

958. “‎Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” — Voltaire

959. Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.

960. “The dictionary is the only place that success comes before work.” Vince Lombardi Jr.

961. “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Berra

962. ”Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love” — Albert Einstein

963. “Girls have got balls. They’re just a little higher up, that’s all.” – Joan Jett

964. “Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick

965. “The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.” — Bove’s Theorem

966. “I think you can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.” – Janis Joplin

967. ‘It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.’ – Muhammad Ali

968. “Entrepreneurs are willing to work 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours a week.” ~ Lori Greiner

969. “The best weeks start on Monday.” — Nice Peter

970. I DON'T WANT TO LOOK SKINNY. I WANT TO LOOK LIKE I COULD KICK YOUR BUTT.—UNKNOWN

971. “If you’re going through hell, keep going.“ – Winston Churchill

972. “The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.” — Paul Reiser

973. Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat. — Harry Emerson Fosdick

974. “Since I became a mom I’ve changed my heel height from 3 inches to 1 inch.”. Unknown

975. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.“Tom Lehrer

976. “I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous

977. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” Marilyn Monroe

978. The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.​

979. “Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code.” – Jelani Daniel

980. “They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”– Clint Eastwood

981. “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen

982. “Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.”

983. “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”– George Burns

984. Show me a man who is a good loser, and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.

985. “Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey

986. ‘Yay! It’s the weekend! ‘ said nobody who works in a restaurant.”

987. “It’s always too early to quit.” — Norman Vincent Peale

988. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

989. “Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I’m being held.” ~ Randy Glasbergen

990. “Wednesday can only dream of becoming Thursday.” — Anthony T.

991. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” Benjamin Franklin

992. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” ~ John Gotti

993. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain

994. “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” – Winston Churchill

995. ” It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? “

996. ‘The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. – Oscar Wilde

997. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then drag racing isn’t for you.” ~ Christopher Titus

998. “Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop.”

999. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns

1000. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer