1,000 Inspirational Working Funny Quotes (2023)
1. “All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover
2. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
3. “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.” – Groucho Marx
4. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
5. “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.” – Pablo Picasso
6. “If you don’t know where you’re going any road will do.” — Lewis Carroll
7. “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” — Henny Youngman
8. “Tuesday just called and wants to know what happened to Friday!” — Neil Leckman
9. “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” – Will Rogers
10. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”– Ronald Reagan
11. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. — Oscar Wilde
12. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” — Phyllis Diller
13. “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” – Bill Watterson
14. “Thursday comes and the week’s gone.” — George Herbert
15. “I can’t believe I work this hard to be this poor.” – Anonymous
16. “It is hard work to be the mother of many pigs.”
17. ‘Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.’ – Unkmown
18. “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”– Enid Blyton
19. “You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind.” Irish Proverb
20. LIFE HAS ITS UPS AND DOWNS. WE CALL THEM SQUATS.—UNKNOWN
21. “The king inherits a country — the people only hard work.”
22. ” I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22 Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday. “
23. “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” — Thomas Jefferson
24. “Too often we visit the well of divine abundance with a teacup instead of a bucket.” – Elinor MacDonald
25. “Tough times don’t last, tough teams do” - Robert Schuller
26. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” — Bryan White
27. “Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.” – Unknown
28. “Home-work grew-up and became work-from-home.” — Vikrmn
29. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz
30. “50 Funny Motivational Quotes to Put a Smile on Your Face” #quotes #FridayFunny
31. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
32. I have to be successful because I like expensive things.
33. Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.
34. “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
35. “Stressed is dessert spelled backwards.” — Loretta Laroche
36. Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.
37. “I’ve been promoted to middle management. I never thought I’d sink so low.” ~ Tim Gould
38. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
39. “Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” — Gordon B. Hinckley
40. “There’s a fine line between marketing and grand theft.” ~ Scott Adams
41. ‘Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? – Edgar Bergen
42. “The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
43. “I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.”— Unknown
44. “An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” Leo Durocher
45. “Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.” – Andy Rooney
46. ‘Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it.’ – Andrew Young
47. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” ~ Steven Wright
48. ‘I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.’ – Franklin D. Roosevelt
49. “If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.” Unknown
50. “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
51. IF YOU STILL LOOK CUTE AFTER WORKING OUT, YOU DIDN'T GO HARD ENOUGH.—UNKNOWN
52. “Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.” – Ross Perot
53. “Life is a hurdle race, the winner has to cross all the hurdles and still maintain enthusiasm.” — M.K. Soni
54. “The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.” – Malcolm Forbes
55. “Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.”― Charles Dickens
56. “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.” — Jerry Seinfeld
57. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll laugh at you.”
58. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” Jason Love
59. Kill them with success and bury them with a smile.
60. “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” – Frank Zappa
61. Work hours seem to take a lot longer than weekend hours.
62. “Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.” – Martina Navratilova
63. “A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.” – Charles Gordy
64. “Without Valentine’s Day, February would be… well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan
65. “A man can’t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.” — Oscar Wilde
66. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” Mark Twain
67. “Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” – David Ogilvy
68. “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ – Robert Downey Jr.
69. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… One step at a time.“ Joe Girard
70. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire
71. “ ‘ Yay! It’s the weekend! ‘ said nobody who works in a restaurant. “
72. “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”– Jeffree Star
73. ‘Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.’ – Earl Wilson
74. “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” – Johnny Carson
75. “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” ~ Woody Allen
76. ” If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. “
77. “A lot of hard work is hidden behind nice things.” — Ralph Lauren
78. ‘Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.’ – Savielly Tartakower
79. You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice. — Sam Levenson
80. “Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out.” —John Wooden
81. “When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die.”
82. “Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” — John Ciardi
83. “Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are.” —Theodore Roosevelt
84. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
85. “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” Terry Pratchett
86. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” – Terry Pratchett
87. ” The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. “
88. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” – Ellen DeGeneres
89. “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” – Bob Hope
90. ” It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong. “
91. “I stress about stress before there’s even stress to stress about.”
92. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” — Steven Wright
93. “Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” ~ Al Capp
94. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” – Don Herold
95. “High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.” – Christopher Morley
96. “Successful people are not gifted; they just work hard, then succeed on purpose.” — G.K. Neilson
97. “No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.” ~ Groucho Marx
98. “Stress, anxiety, and depression are caused when we are living to please others.” – Paulo Coelho
99. “His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours.” — Arthur Baer
100. “Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots follow them.” #quotes #FridayFunny
101. ‘Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.’ –Pablo Picass0
102. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison
103. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
104. “By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” — Bill Vaughan
105. ‘Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.’ – Dilbert
106. “I don’t know what it is about this job, but so far every day seems to be a different kind of awesome.”
107. Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.
108. Wow! Doesn’t time fly? Just think, soon you will have been here for ten years! How exciting!
109. I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.
110. “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” — Caroline Rhea
111. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
112. “I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”
113. “I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow
114. ‘Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?’ – Steve Jobs
115. “Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
116. ‘Failure is not an option-it comes bundled with the software.’ – Unknown
117. “My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” — Ted Turner
118. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”
119. ‘The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.’ – Joseph Stilwell
120. “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis
121. “The only way to achieve the impossible is to believe it is possible.” Charles Kingsleigh
122. “I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.” – Yogi Berra
123. “When you’re riding, only the race in which you’re riding is important.” – Bill Shoemaker
124. “I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.”
125. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — A.A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh"
126. “You are never too old to set another goal or dream another dream.” – C.S. Lewis
127. ‘Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.’ – Unknown
128. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
129. “Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.” —Bill Murray
130. “There comes a day when you’re gonna look around and realize happiness is where you are.’ — Chief Tui, “Moana”
131. Leaving work on Friday. Amazing little feeling.
132. “The world of the future is in our making. Tomorrow is now.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
133. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
134. “Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.”— Unknown
135. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright
136. Some people are like clouds: when they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
137. Every day I arrive at work with good intentions and a great attitude..Then idiots happen.
138. “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” – Albert Einstein
139. Happy work anniversary! Hopefully, by next year you will finally win the lottery and get out.
140. WEIGHTS BEFORE DATES.—UNKNOWN
141. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” ~ Joe Girard
142. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” — Voltaire
143. “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
144. “Hard work keeps the wrinkles out of the mind and spirit.” Helena Rubinstein
145. ” I love my job. Can I go home now please? “
146. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”—Lt. Frank Drebin
147. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire
148. “To change your life, change something you do daily.” ― Robert Celner
149. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be a miserable cow.
150. “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” ~ Will Rogers
151. Happy anniversary – now get back to work!
152. ” Ever wondered what your boss thinks of your jokes? We did. ”
153. Be that kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor every morning, the devil says, 'Oh crap she’s up'.
154. “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
155. Leaders who do not listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.
156. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” – Milton Berle
157. “Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.”
158. “I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.” ~ Lily Tomlin
159. “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carli
160. “Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.”– Salvador Dali
161. “Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.” - Stephen Hawking
162. “The only time I feel light-hearted is when I’m in a plane at 33,000 feet.” – Robert Rivers
163. “I stress about stress before there’s even stress to stress about.” — Unknown
164. “I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.”—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
165. “Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler
166. “Talent wins games but teamwork and intelligence wins championships.” - Michael Jordan
167. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”– Elbert Hubbard
168. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” Elvis Presley
169. “Lower your expectations of earth. This isn’t heaven, so don’t expect it to be.” — Max Lucado
170. ” She works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. “
171. “The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.” – Malcolm Forbes
172. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”– Bryan White
173. “Success isn’t owned, it’s leased, and rent is due everyday.” – J. J. Watt
174. “It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.” – Brigitte Bardot
175. ” Doing nothing is harder than it looks. It’s impossible to take breaks. “
176. FITNESS: IF IT CAME IN A BOTTLE, EVERYONE WOULD HAVE A GREAT BODY.—CHER
177. “If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.” – Sam Levenson
178. ‘Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.’ – TS Eliot
179. “A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.” – Winston Churchill
180. “Some days, the best thing about the job is that the chair spins.”— Unknown
181. “Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.” Unknown
182. “Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell.” – Bill Copeland
183. What I do not like about the office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
184. “Our fate lives within us. You only have to be brave enough to see it.” — Merida, “Brave”
185. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, and all life for happiness.
186. “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin
187. ” If at first you don’t succeed; you are running about average. “
188. “Doing nothing is very hard to do; you never know when you’re finished.” Leslie Nielsen
189. We always wonder how you can stay here for so long and still stay sane. At least someone is trying.
190. “I often give myself permission to sneak away for a little ‘wine and whine’ session.”. Unknown
191. “It’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish.” ~ J. R. R. Tolkien
192. “I rate enthusiasm even above professional skill.” — Edward Victor Appleton
193. ‘If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.’ – Woody Allen
194. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” Charles Schulz
195. That Friday afternoon feeling sure beats that Monday morning feeling.
196. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain
197. “I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.” – Maya Angelou
198. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
199. UNLESS YOU PUKE, FAINT, OR DIE, KEEP GOING!—JILLIAN MICHAELS
200. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you would not have a job if he was any smarter.
201. “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.” Harry Truman
202. “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” – Mark Twain
203. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’“ Audrey Hepburn
204. “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” — Earl Nightingale
205. “Be happy, it drives people crazy.” — Paulo Coelho
206. “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov
207. “All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.” – Sean O’Casey
208. ‘All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.’ – Aristotle
209. “It’s Friday Friday, gotta get down on Friday. “
210. “It’s great to work with other working moms, they’re the highest functioning messes I know.”. Unknown
211. “Humor is most powerful thing that uses laughter as it base to chase your blues away.” — Kareena Kapoor
212. “Today’s opportunities erase yesterday’s failures.” – Gene Brown
213. “You can’t shine like a diamond, if you not willing to get cut like a diamond!” – Eric Thomas
214. “You’re at your best when you don’t know what you’re doing.” – Paul Stanley
215. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
216. ” The wheels are turning, but the hamsters are all dead. “
217. “This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.” — Unknown
218. ” Tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what you told them. “
219. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Thomas Eddison
220. ” When you hire a tall, dark, and handsome co-worker to do your bidding, everything will be fine.”
221. We haven’t gotten tired of seeing your face almost every day for the last year. Honest.
222. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”– Billy Wilder
223. We will continue to have more meetings until we figure out why no work is getting done.
224. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead
225. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe
226. “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.” – Voltaire
227. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time. —Joe Girard
228. ” Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. “
229. ” I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail. “
230. “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.” – W. H. Auden
231. “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” – Isaac Asimov
232. “Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” – Unknown
233. “Don’t work from bed. You want your bed to be a place of peace and calm, not work stress.” — Liz Grossman Kitoyi
234. “Concentration is the ability to think about absolutely nothing when it is absolutely necessary.” — Ray Knight
235. “Time is the scarcest resource and unless it is managed nothing else can be managed.” — Peter Drucker
236. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
237. When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’.
238. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller
239. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” — Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
240. “‘Yay! It’s the weekend!’ Said nobody who is self-employed.”
241. “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ — Robert Downey Jr.
242. ” Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. “
243. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
244. “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Benjamin Dover
245. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”
246. ” The best bosses are the ones who can make you laugh.”
247. Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.
248. “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”– Denis Waitley
249. I have got all the money I will ever need if I die by four o’clock.
250. ” Every employee rises to the level of his own incompetence. “
251. “It’s not so important who starts the game but who finishes it.” — John Wooden
252. Your dedication to your job is something we can only aspire to – aspire not to replicate, that is.
253. “Persistence is very important. You should not give up unless you are forced to give up.” – Elon Musk
254. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” — Mark Twain
255. “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg
256. “Working hard is important. But there is something that matters more, believing yourself.” — Harry Potter
257. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”
258. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain
259. ” You only get one chance to make a good first impression. Make it count.”
260. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” Bill Gates
261. “Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” — Sam Ewing
262. “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.” – Solomon Schechter
263. “Love is being stupid together.” — Paul Valery
264. ‘Beware of any enterprise requiring new clothes.’ – Henry Thoreau
265. “When all else fails, there’s always delusion.” – Conan O’ Brien
266. “We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.” — Will Rogers
267. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Marilyn Monroe
268. “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Jack London
269. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
270. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anaïs Nin
271. “Don’t mind your make-up, you’d better make your mind up.” — Frank Zappa
272. “Luck is great, but most of life is hard work.” — Iain Duncan Smith
273. “The best things in life are actually really expensive.” Unknown
274. “Big dreams happen in small place.” – Sandy Shores
275. “Home-work grew-up and became work-from-home.” – Vikrmn
276. “The ratio of We’s to I’s is the best indicator of the development of a team.” Lewis B. Ergen
277. “If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.”
278. “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” — Groucho Marx
279. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin
280. “Men die of boredom, psychological conflict and disease. They do not die of hard work.” — David Ogilvy
281. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” – Mark Twain
282. “When money becomes your purpose, stress, and depression become your path.” – Prabakaran Thirumalai
283. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” Claude McDonald
284. “It is a common delusion that you can make things better by talking about them.” – Rose MacAulay
285. ‘If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.’ – Quentin Crisp
286. “If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
287. Happy anniversary from someone you’re probably shocked knew it was your anniversary.
288. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” – Will Rogers
289. ” If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try going to work tomorrow.”
290. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”– Charlie Chaplin
291. Be happy, it drives people crazy. — Paulo Coelho
292. “Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.”
293. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” ~ Ronald Reagan
294. Weekends are life’s gift to the ones who hate their jobs.
295. “The only place where your dreams become impossible is in your own thinking.”– Robert H Schuller
296. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” ~ Thomas A. Edison
297. “Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Mark Twain
298. Education costs money. But then again, so does ignorance.
299. Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.
300. “Good things happen to those who hustle.” – Anais Nin
301. “If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big.” – Donald Trump
302. “Every tattoo is temporary, because we’re all slowly dying.” Unknown
303. When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say 'Why me?', say 'Try me'.
304. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”– Andy Rooney
305. “Don’t confuse having a career with having a life.” – Hillary Clinton
306. ”Never sign a Valentine with your own name.” — Charles Dickens
307. “I don’t need any kind of extravagant vacation, I’d just be happy going to the bathroom by myself.”- Unknown
308. “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” – Abraham Lincoln
309. “I can’t work with idiots. That’s why I work from home and got rid of all the mirrors.” — Anthony T. Hincks
310. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” ~ Charles Lamb
311. “Family — the ties that bind … and gag!” – Erma Bombeck
312. “Being a working mom isn’t easy, you have to be willing to screw up at every moment.”. Unknown
313. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand
314. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” — Phyllis Diller
315. “Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.” – David Letterman
316. “What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.”— Pearl Bailey
317. “Whenever I work hard for other people, I always sleep on an empty stomach.”
318. Another work anniversary? You just had one last year!
319. “The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” – George Carlin
320. No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.
321. “After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.”
322. “Teamwork – A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” — Larry Kersten
323. “A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
324. “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” — Alexander Woollcott
325. “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
326. “Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
327. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” Oscar Wilde
328. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. — Elbert Hubbard
329. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison
330. “Cause your facial expression to change – smile.” – Catherine Pulsifer
331. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
332. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” Ayn Rand.
333. “Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.”—Samuel L. Jackson
334. Happy work anniversary! Why are you still here? Expecting a gift? Isn’t my endless gratitude enough for you?
335. ” Run your idea up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes it. “
336. ‘Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.’ – Rita Mae Brown
337. “I’m not confused. I’m just well mixed.” – Robert Frost
338. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”– Charles Wadsworth
339. “I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.” – H. Kyle Seale
340. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard
341. “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” — Abraham Lincoln
342. “The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” – Madeleine L’Engle
343. If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
344. “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher
345. “I’m just pretending this coffee is a margarita and I’m sitting by the beach.”
346. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
347. “The phrase ‘working mom’ is redundant”. Unknown
348. “Always remember that you are unique — just like everybody else.”
349. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.”
350. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” Steven Wright
351. “No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it.” - Halford E.
352. LIFE IS SHORT. LIFT HEAVY THINGS.—UNKNOWN
353. “The best way to enjoy your job is to imagine yourself without one.” ~ Oscar Wilde
354. The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
355. “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”– Cullen Hightower
356. ” Eagles soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. “
357. “Work until your idols become your rivals.” – Anonymous
358. “If you don’t know where you are, a map won’t help.” – Watts Humphrey
359. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”—Michael Scott, The Office
360. “My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.”
361. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, then try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
362. “Sometimes we can focus so much on nothing that we make it a big something of nothing” ― Ricky Maye
363. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” ~ Edgar Bergen
364. Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine. — Lord Byron
365. “Some people care too much. I think it's called love.” — Winnie the Pooh
366. Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway. — Eleanor Roosevelt
367. “When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.” – George Burns
368. ” Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels. “
369. “The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.”
370. “Sure, there’s no ‘I’ in team, but there is an ‘m’ and an ‘e’.” – Kevin Myers
371. “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” — Mark Twain
372. MY FAVORITE MACHINE AT THE GYM IS THE TELEVISION.—UNKNOWN
373. “The trouble with the rat-race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat.” – Lily Tomlin
374. “People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” — Joey Adams
375. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” – Claude McDonald
376. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown
377. “If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” – Confucius
378. “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” – Mark Twain
379. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison
380. Sometimes, I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
381. “People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” — Ogden Nash
382. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
383. “Bending beats breaking.” ― Betty Greene
384. “If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.” — Milton Berle
385. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller
386. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”– Dorothy Parker
387. “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” – Groucho Marx
388. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres
389. “None of us are as smart as all of us.” - Ken Blanchard
390. Here’s to another Friday of outward smiles and inward screams.
391. “Go as far as you can see, when you get there you’ll be able to see further.” Thomas Carlyle
392. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” ―Cathy Guisewite
393. I believe I used all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
394. It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.
395. “A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” — Willy Wonka
396. “I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward.” — David Livingstone
397. “If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.” – Regina Brett
398. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!”
399. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles Schulz
400. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” ~ Claude Maxwell MacDonald
401. ” Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing off what I did yesterday. ”
402. “People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” ~ Ogden Nash
403. When you look back over the last year, we hope you have as many fond memories about working here as we do.
404. ‘Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels’ –Unknown
405. “Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer
406. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
407. “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.” –Benjamin Franklin
408. “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou
409. “When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” – Gracie Allen
410. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms” Michael Scott
411. “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” — Woody Allen
412. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” ~ Steven Wright
413. ” When you’re up to your armpits in alligators, it’s hard to remember to drain the swamp. ”
414. “Not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry.” – Anonymous
415. “Tough times don’t last, tough teams do.” — Robert Schuller
416. “The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
417. “After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.” ~ Jerry Seinfeld
418. “You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.” — Mike Primavera
419. “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” — Margaret Thatcher
420. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” Unknown
421. “Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.” — Marilyn vos Savant
422. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams
423. “But it’s Friday” is a valid excuse for almost anything today.
424. “If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.” – Hippocrates
425. “Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” — Dorothy Parker
426. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off forever.” — P. J. Plauger
427. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”– Alan Dundes
428. “There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” ~ Kin Hubbard
429. “The best part about going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.” — Unknown
430. “Deep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties.” —Barbara Walters
431. “Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine.” — Lord Byron
432. “Think like a proton. Always positive.” Unknown
433. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
434. “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes
435. “When everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much.” – Walter Lippmann
436. “If you take out the team in teamwork, it’s just work. Now who wants that?” - Matthew Woodring Stover
437. “I’ve been on a calendar, but I’ve never been on time.” – Marilyn Monroe
438. “Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing off what I did yesterday. ”
439. “Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” — David Ogilvy
440. “Be moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance.” – Epicurus
441. “Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life because you become what you believe.” – Oprah Winfrey
442. “Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.” – Charles M. Schulz
443. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
444. “Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.” – Bernard Sahlins
445. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein
446. “If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.” ~ Lane Kirkland
447. “It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” — Muhammad Ali
448. “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
449. “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” Isaac Newton
450. “Hope is the dream of a waking man.”– Aristotle
451. “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”– Francois de La Rochefoucauld
452. “Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.” — Dick Van Dyke
453. His insomnia was so bad that he could not sleep during office hours.
454. “Free your mind and your ass will follow.” – George Clinton
455. “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
456. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
457. “The hardest work of all is to do nothing.”
458. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” Cathy Guisewite
459. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” Justin Sewell
460. “oh, yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it or learn from it.” — Rafiki, “the Lion King”
461. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite
462. ” Don’t corner something meaner than you. “
463. “Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.” – Dalai Lama
464. “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” Unknown
465. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” Kyle Chandler
466. ” When your boss is laughing but you’re not sure if it’s at you…”
467. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” ~ Milan Kundera
468. “People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
469. “Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” – Tom Stoppard
470. “Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.” — Hans Christian Andersen
471. “If you want an interesting party, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone.” —Robert Fulghum
472. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!
473. “I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow
474. “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself.” – Irish Proverbs
475. “If people knew how hard I worked to achieve my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful after all.” — Michelangelo
476. “A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” – William James
477. “No one’s dream job involves a kiosk.” ~ Damien Fahey
478. “Stress does not go with my outfit.”— Unknown
479. Every Friday, I feel like I deserve a new addition to my closet for all my hard work during the week.
480. “Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.”
481. “The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” Unknown
482. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” — Anonymous
483. ‘Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes. – Lewis Grizzard
484. “If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where I can return Mondays.” — John Wagner
485. That’s another year gone by and another year waiting for someone to recognize all the hard work you do.
486. “Either you run the day, or the day runs you.” – John Rohn
487. “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.”– James Thurber
488. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — Winnie the Pooh
489. “I drink to make other people more interesting.” – Ernest Hemingway
490. “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
491. “What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.”— Pearl Bailey
492. Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you will never get a job working for a tabloid.
493. “Teachers call it copying. We call it ‘teamwork’.” — A Student
494. “Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
495. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams
496. “Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.” – Mae West
497. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ―Mae West
498. “Personal accountability requires mindfulness, acceptance, honesty, and courage.” – Shelby Martin
499. “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” — Andy Borowitz
500. “If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.” — Unknown
501. “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”– Charles de Gaulle
502. A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they do not have a J.O.B.
503. ‘Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.’ – Napoleon Bonaparte
504. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne
505. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” – Phyllis Diller
506. “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” — Amy Poehler
507. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
508. “Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Sherrilyn Kenyon
509. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney
510. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” — Will Rogers
511. I was going to suggest a party, but I guess you’re too busy working! Happy anniversary!
512. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” Will Rogers
513. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler
514. “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Helen Keller
515. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin
516. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” — Groucho Marx
517. I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
518. “Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.” – Jessica Simpson
519. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” — Ellen DeGeneres
520. “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” — Frank Zappa
521. ‘I Laugh Everyday at Work’ — Why You Need to Check Out the Empowering Culture at This Tech Company
522. “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.” —Joey Adams
523. “I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22 Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.”
524. “Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up” Chinese proverb
525. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
526. I DON'T SWEAT, I SPARKLE.—UNKNOWN
527. ” Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor. “
528. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” ~ Don Marquis
529. Happy work anniversary to someone who has worked here so long; their employee ID is probably “1.”
530. “Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.” – Malcolm Muggeridge
531. “On Wednesday they’re feelin’ fine again, And they’re workin’ like a dog and diggin’ in.” — Johnny Cash
532. “A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.” ~ Jay London
533. “I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.” — Rita Rudner
534. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
535. “Bad decisions make good stories.” Ellis Vidler
536. “There’s a little truth in all jive, and a little jive in all truth.” – Leonard Barnes
537. “I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.” – John Green
538. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
539. “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers
540. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
541. ‘What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.’- Phyllis Diller
542. “Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.” – Albert Einstein
543. “A fool and his money never should have got together in the first place.” – Michael Douglas
544. EAT CLEAN, STAY FIT, AND HAVE A BURGER TO STAY SANE.—GIGI HADID
545. “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.” – Woody Allen
546. “Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” — Andy Stanley
547. “There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.” – Roger Staubach
548. “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” Dwight D. Eisenhower
549. Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment.
550. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” — Jimmy Kimmel
551. “Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” — Ann Bradford
552. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
553. There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it? Kin Hubbard
554. “Good things come to those who initiate.” – Susan RoAne
555. “People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get.” —
556. “My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.”
557. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” — Mark Twain
558. “The strength of the team is each member. The strength of each member is the team.” - Phil Jackson
559. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” –
560. “When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” – Sydney Harris
561. “It can’t be Sunday every day. There are also Mondays and Tuesdays.” — George Weah
562. “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” — Patches O’Houlihan
563. ” It’s hard to soar like an eagle when you work with turkeys. “
564. “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” – Mae West
565. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley
566. “Why does winter feel like one big Tuesday?” — Todd Stocker
567. “If you do not know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.” — Henry A. Kissinger
568. “In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.”
569. “I’m already tired tomorrow.”. Unknown
570. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” — Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
571. “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
572. Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
573. “I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.” – Edgar Allan Poe
574. Music always sounds better on Friday.
575. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde
576. “When you play, play hard; when you work, don’t play at all.” Theodore Roosevelt
577. “You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind.”
578. “All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.” ~ Aristotle
579. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”– Abraham Lincoln
580. “To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.” – Baron de Montesquieu
581. YOU MAKE MY KNEES WEAK. JUST KIDDING. YESTERDAY WAS LEG DAY.—UNKNOWN
582. “Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.” ~ Michel Tournier
583. “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn
584. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” — Oscar Wilde
585. “Positive energy knows no boundaries.” – Lu Wei
586. “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.“ – Oscar Wilde
587. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, then try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama
588. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” Dalai Lama
589. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.”
590. “Most people like hard work, particularly when they’re paying for it.” ~ Elbert Hubbard
591. “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” Mark Twain
592. “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” — Jeffree Star
593. Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
594. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
595. “I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat.” —Pam Beesly, The Office
596. ” In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come. “
597. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”– Bob Hope
598. “I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.” ~ Stephen Colbert
599. “Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.” ~ Laurence J. Peter
600. Happy work anniversary! I would have loved to shout it from the roof. However, safety issues, and all of that.
601. Aspire to inspire before we expire. — Eugene Bell Jr.
602. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers
603. ” Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.”
604. “To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy.” – Hippocrates
605. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” — Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City
606. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire
607. “Life is short. Be silly. Have fun. Regret nothing.” – Karen Salmansohn
608. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler
609. “On this team, we’re all united in a common goal: to keep my job.” — Lou Holtz
610. “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”―Oscar Wilde
611. “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”– Daniel J. Boorstin
612. “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.”
613. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain
614. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
615. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” – Justin Sewell
616. ” Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it. “
617. “Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties its strength.” – Charles Spurgeon
618. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
619. ” The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. ”
620. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin
621. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
622. “Aspire to inspire before we expire.” – Eugene Bell Jr
623. “And although I like to relax and have fun, my passion is my work.”
624. ” Going to work doesn’t make me happy, my paycheck does. “
625. “If you hit the target every time it’s too near or too big.” – Tom Hirshfield
626. “Happen to things, don’t let things happen to you.” — Stephen Covey
627. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” Unknown
628. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” Tom Lehrer
629. It is Friday… any plan of being a productive member of society is officially thrown out the window.
630. “I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” — Bob Hope
631. “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” – Langston Coleman
632. “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”– Elbert Hubbard
633. “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller
634. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” Oscar Wilde
635. ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try management.’ – Unknown
636. The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
637. “Do or do not. There is no try.” — Yoda
638. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” – Lucille Ball
639. Designate a Specific Workspace
640. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”– Steven Wright
641. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” Sarah Brown
642. “A good time for laughing is when you can.” – Jessamyn West
643. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” John Gotti
644. “I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week.” ~ Vince McMahon
645. It is the set of the sails, not the direction of the wind, that determines which way we will go.
646. “After a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are.” — Shrek
647. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx
648. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
649. “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” Albert Einstein
650. “None of my assignments are one, but I sure am.” – @nickccerino
651. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” — Mark Twain
652. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
653. “Sleep is such a luxury, which I can't afford.” ― Robin Sikarwar
654. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”—Les Dawson
655. “The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.” — Bette Midler
656. “Focus, focus, focus! What am I, a telescope?” – Naruto Uzumaki
657. “When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say ‘Why me?’, say ‘Try me’.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
658. The best part of our jobs has been working with you – can you say the same?
659. “I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.”
660. ” I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. “
661. “You never become a howling success by just howling.” – Bob Harrington
662. “The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.” — George Bernard Shaw
663. “Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
664. My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That is what you are called when you do not have a job.
665. Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
666. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” — Zach Galifianakis
667. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” — Terry Pratchett
668. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling
669. “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” – Maureen Dowd
670. “Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Sherrilyn Kenyon
671. “I am a firm believer in luck. And I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” – Thomas Jefferson
672. “A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
673. “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”– Steven Weinberg
674. “You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
675. FRIDAY NIGHT. PARTY AT THE GYM WITH MY FRIENDS DUMBBELL AND BARBELL.—UNKNOWN
676. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
677. I’ve tried yoga, but I find stress less boring.— Unknown
678. “Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.” Michael Jordan
679. “If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here either.” — James Johnson
680. “Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.” — Mary Kay Ash
681. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
682. “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.” — Charles J. Sykes
683. It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.
684. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” – Jason Love
685. “You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.” — Sam Levenson
686. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
687. “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” – Margaret Thatcher
688. “I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!!” ― Charles M. Schulz
689. “Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.” — Rita Rudner
690. “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished – If you’re alive it isn’t.” – Richard Bach
691. Here’s to another year of outward smiles and inward screams.
692. “Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.” — Og Mandino
693. “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.” – Mark Twain
694. “Think like a proton. Always be positive.” #quotes #FridayFunny
695. “If you fall, I’ll always be there.” – The Floor
696. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” — Betty Reese
697. “Without the will or desire to achieve one is like flotsam on the oceans of time.” — Steven Redhead
698. “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”– Drake
699. It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare. — Benjamin Dover
700. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
701. “I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life.” – Karan Patel
702. Words are not enough to thank you for your hard work this last year, so I’ll stop right there.
703. “When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.” ~ Helen Rowland
704. SWEAT IS YOUR FAT CRYING.—UNKNOWN
705. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope
706. “Always drink upstream from the herd.” – Will Rogers
707. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” – Sarah Brown
708. “Great things in business are never done by one person; they’re done by a team of people.” Steve Jobs
709. “The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
710. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” — Audrey Hepburn
711. “I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.”- Winston Churchill
712. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” — Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace
713. “Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.” – Gilbert Gottfried
714. HUSTLE FOR THAT MUSCLE.—UNKNOWN
715. We make mistakes because life doesn’t come with instructions.
716. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra
717. “Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” — Phil Pastoret
718. “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”– Eleanor Roosevelt
719. ” A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it. “
720. “They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” ~ Joseph Addison
721. “Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs.” Malcolm Forbes
722. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama
723. “Someday is not a day of the week.” Janet Dailey
724. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” — Les Brown
725. “I’ve tried meditation, but I find stress less boring.”
726. ” A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep. “
727. “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie
728. “I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”―Bill Watterson
729. You’re a consistent reminder that hard work never killed anyone – but why take that chance, eh?
730. “Establishing goals is all right if you don’t let them deprive you of interesting detours.” — Doug Larsen
731. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” ~ Don Herold
732. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. — Ann Bradford
733. “Some people die at twenty-five and aren’t buried until they are seventy-five.” – Benjamin Franklin
734. “Mondays are the start of the work week which offer new beginnings 52 times a year.” — David Dweck
735. “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”– Henny Youngman
736. “Be happy – it drives people crazy.” Unknown
737. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” —Lucille Ball
738. “Complain a lot and people will hear you but not listen.” – Catherine Pulsifer
739. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” Homer Simpson
740. “Success if define by going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
741. “Delegating work works, provided the one delegating works, too.” – Robert Half
742. “A laugh is a smile that bursts.” – Mary H. Waldrip
743. “I don’t like Mondays, especially if they occur on Fridays.” — Jarod Kintz
744. ” I’ve worked too hard to quit now. “
745. “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” – Amy Poehler
746. “Do or do not. There is no try. “ — Yoda, “Star Wars”
747. “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.” —Luis Buñuel
748. “Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.” Abraham Lincoln
749. My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
750. “Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean.” Ryunosuke Satoro
751. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”– Steven Wright
752. “It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”– Thomas Sowell
753. “Don’t work from bed. You want your bed to be a place of peace and calm, not work stress.” – Liz Grossman Kitoyi
754. “Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a gossip.” – Richard Steele
755. “It’s funny that I have lasted through a global pandemic but an email is what’s going to make me cry.” – Rod
756. “The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
757. “My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
758. “Always remember that you are unique – just like everybody else.” Unknown
759. ” The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor. ”
760. “At work, you worry about family. At home, you worry about work. Behold a woman’s stress.” – Elaine Cannon
761. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”– George Carlin
762. We were thinking about getting you an anniversary gift too, but thinking about it is as far as it got.
763. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” Edgar Bergen
764. People who never do any more than they get paid for never get paid for any more than they do.
765. “Life is like a box of chocolates.” – Forrest Gump
766. This is to remind you that you’ve just wasted another year doing the same stuff every day. But we love you.
767. “No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.”— Groucho Max
768. “There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full.” — Henry Kissinger
769. “I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain
770. “Great things in business are never done by one person. They’re done by a team of people.” – Steve Jobs
771. “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” – Truman Capote
772. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
773. “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer
774. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” — Lucille Ball
775. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” Winnie the Pooh
776. “It’s bad luck to begin work on Fridays.” – Southern Mothers
777. ” The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. “
778. “There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.” – Lawrence Welk
779. “Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” — Sir Claus Moser
780. Beat the 5 o’clock rush, and leave work by noon.
781. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – Homer Simpson
782. ‘You never become a howling success by just howling.’ – Bob Harrington
783. “My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
784. ‘Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.’ – Doug Larson
785. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” Steven Wright
786. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” Ashleigh Brilliant
787. “It’s hard to get lost if you don’t know where you’re going.” — Jim Jarmusch
788. “I’m going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.” — S. I. Hayakawa
789. “Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.” — Karen Horney
790. I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID DURING BURPEES.—UNKNOWN
791. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” Jeffrey Gitomer
792. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein
793. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” Billie Burke
794. “There’s a saying ‘If you want something done, give it to the busiest person.’ Working moms BEWARE!”. Unknown
795. “A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey.” — Dolly Parton
796. I ONLY WORK OUT BECAUSE I REALLY, REALLY LIKE DONUTS.—UNKNOWN
797. “Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” — Al Capp
798. “Let your food be your medicine, and your medicine be your food.” — Hippocrates
799. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw
800. “No team works out teamwork.” — Dwyane Wade
801. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke
802. You can’t always control who walks into your life, but you can control which window you throw them out.
803. ” By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. “
804. “In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.” — Archie Bunker
805. ” Between the hours of 9:30-5:30pm I’m burning bridges and taking out anyone who tries to make eye contact.”
806. “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
807. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams
808. “Make today your masterpiece.”
809. “Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden.” — Orson Scott Card
810. “I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”– Tom Lehrer
811. “I don’t want it good. I want it Tuesday.” — Jack L. Warner
812. “Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” Gordon B. Hinckley
813. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
814. “I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.” ~ Rita Rudner
815. “If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.” quotes #FridayFunny
816. “A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.” –
817. “They’ve saved me so much time.”
818. If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck. — Elvis Presley
819. I LIKE BIG WEIGHTS AND I CANNOT LIE.—UNKNOWN
820. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” — Mark Twain
821. ” When it comes to work, you have to be a little crazy.”
822. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
823. “My day could be more efficient if I didn’t have to spend 90% of it following up on other people’s incompetence.”
824. I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity, and dreams.
825. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” — Jack Whitehall
826. “Everyday is Monday….till Friday.” — Viktor VolksPrater
827. ” Work like a captain. Play like a pirate. “
828. “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. – Zig Ziglar
829. “Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success.” Henry Ford
830. “My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.” – Jean Rostand
831. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” — Les Dawson
832. “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.”– Samuel Goldwyn
833. “By working faithfully 8 hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” — Robert Frost
834. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright
835. People often say that motivation does not last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.
836. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’” — Don Marquis
837. Failure is not an option… it comes bundled with the software.
838. “On this team, we're all united in a common goal: to keep my job.” - Lou Holtz
839. “A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” — Fats Domino
840. “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” — Erma Bombeck
841. “You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.” – Ethel Barrymore
842. “You can’t live an exceptional life by being “normal.” – Nick Maley
843. ” If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? “
844. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder
845. I GOT 99 PROBLEMS, BUT I'M GOING TO THE GYM TO IGNORE ALL OF THEM.—UNKNOWN
846. The elevator to success is out of order. You will have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
847. IT'S MY WORKOUT. I CAN CRY IF I WANT TO.—UNKNOWN
848. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer
849. “I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.” — Jennifer Yane
850. “It’s the weekend!” said no freelancer ever!
851. “I am a master at the art of the unapologetic ‘no.'”. Unknown
852. “I have to be successful because I like expensive things.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
853. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” ~ Jerome K. Jerome
854. Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it is only Thursday.
855. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
856. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
857. ‘Every man has a right to be conceited until he is successful.’ – Benjamin Disraeli
858. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” — George Carlin
859. “Spend some time this weekend on home improvement; improve your attitude toward your family.” — Bo Bennett
860. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” Audrey Hepburn
861. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
862. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”
863. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” — Charlie McCarthy
864. To us, it feels like just yesterday you started working here. To you, I bet it feels like a lifetime.
865. ” Sweetie, I’m gonna need you to put those few remaining brain cells together and work with me here, okay? “
866. “Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet.” Unknown
867. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” —Garry Shandling
868. ” When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die. “
869. It is a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it is a depression when you lose yours.
870. THE ONLY BS I NEED IN MY LIFE IS BREAKFAST AND SQUATS.—UNKNOWN
871. “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” African Proverb
872. “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” – Terry Pratchett
873. Seeing as it’s your anniversary today, how about going a little easy on us? Congratulations!
874. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms” Michael Scott #quotes
875. ” I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. “
876. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand
877. “The thing about Valentine’s Day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan
878. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra
879. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.” — Mark Twain
880. ‘If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.’ – Benjamin Franklin
881. “Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.” — Stephen Hawking
882. “If you take out the team in teamwork, it’s just work. Now who wants that?” — Matthew Woodring Stover
883. “The best way to appreciate your job is to, is here to stay.” ~ Oscar Wilde
884. Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend.
885. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
886. “Life is a blank canvass, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.” – Danny Kaye
887. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
888. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” Billie Burke #quotes #FridayFunny
889. ” The only way to do great work is to love what you do. “
890. ‘Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.’ – George Burns
891. “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” —Erma Bombeck
892. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” ~ Vince Lombardi
893. ” Work Smart, Not Hard…and Have Fun While You’re At It. ”
894. ” I often find myself contemplating if punching you in the face would be worth loosing my job. “
895. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” — Oscar Wilde
896. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” Unknown
897. ” A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. “
898. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” – Henny Youngman
899. There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
900. I work for myself, which is fun. Except for the time when I call in sick, I always know that I am lying.
901. ‘I Love My Job’: How I Feel Empowered to Innovate, Explore, and Grow as a Software Engineer
902. “In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.” – Charles Schulz
903. “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself.” — Irish Proverbs
904. “An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
905. “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
906. “Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.”
907. “When people refer to ‘Back in the Day,’ it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.” — Dane Cook
908. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin
909. “Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.” — Wendell Johnson
910. “Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.” — Michel Tournier
911. “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” — Winston Spear
912. “I can’t work with idiots. That’s why I work from home and got rid of all the mirrors.” – Anthony T. Hincks
913. “You can’t experience simple joys when you’re living life with your hair on fire.” – Emily Ley
914. “It is very rare or almost impossible that an event can be negative from all points of view.” – Dalai Lama
915. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
916. “Hard work pays off if you’re patient enough to see it through.” – Michael Chandler
917. It is just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
918. “I ain’t sleeping. I’m just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.” — Jonathan Raban
919. “Work harder than you think you did yesterday.” — Alex Elle
920. ” I have no idea what my job is here. I just drink lots of coffee. “
921. “An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.” – Will Rogers
922. You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself. — Ethel Barrymore
923. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
924. “Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.” — Katharine Whitehorn
925. “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz
926. “You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.” – Stephen King
927. I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.— Unknown
928. “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers
929. Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.
930. I am so clever that sometimes I do not understand a single word of what I am saying.
931. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” Robin Williams
932. “There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” — David Letterman
933. “I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this ‘believe’ into a real thing!”
934. “No man goes before his time — unless his boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
935. ” Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. “
936. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
937. “A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know.” – Laurence J. Peter
938. “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished— If you’re alive it isn’t.” — Richard Bach
939. “Life is ten percent what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to it.” —Anonymous
940. “If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.” ― Noel Coward
941. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
942. “It’s finally Friday, I’m free again. I got my motor running for a wild weekend.” — George Jones
943. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin
944. “The reward for good work is more work.” — Francesca Elisia
945. “Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get.” Ray Kroc
946. I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. — Jennifer Yane
947. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” — Albert Einstein
948. “His insomnia was so bad that he could not sleep during office hours.” – Arthur Baer
949. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” ~ Les Dawson
950. “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”– Bertrand Russell
951. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.”
952. “Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees, and then kindness.” — Nanea Hoffman
953. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.”
954. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you have got it.
955. “I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.” – Harold Wilson
956. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
957. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
958. “Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” — Voltaire
959. Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.
960. “The dictionary is the only place that success comes before work.” Vince Lombardi Jr.
961. “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Berra
962. ”Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love” — Albert Einstein
963. “Girls have got balls. They’re just a little higher up, that’s all.” – Joan Jett
964. “Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick
965. “The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.” — Bove’s Theorem
966. “I think you can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.” – Janis Joplin
967. ‘It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.’ – Muhammad Ali
968. “Entrepreneurs are willing to work 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours a week.” ~ Lori Greiner
969. “The best weeks start on Monday.” — Nice Peter
970. I DON'T WANT TO LOOK SKINNY. I WANT TO LOOK LIKE I COULD KICK YOUR BUTT.—UNKNOWN
971. “If you’re going through hell, keep going.“ – Winston Churchill
972. “The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.” — Paul Reiser
973. Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat. — Harry Emerson Fosdick
974. “Since I became a mom I’ve changed my heel height from 3 inches to 1 inch.”. Unknown
975. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.“Tom Lehrer
976. “I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
977. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” Marilyn Monroe
978. The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.
979. “Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code.” – Jelani Daniel
980. “They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”– Clint Eastwood
981. “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen
982. “Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.”
983. “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”– George Burns
984. Show me a man who is a good loser, and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
985. “Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey
986. ‘Yay! It’s the weekend! ‘ said nobody who works in a restaurant.”
987. “It’s always too early to quit.” — Norman Vincent Peale
988. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
989. “Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I’m being held.” ~ Randy Glasbergen
990. “Wednesday can only dream of becoming Thursday.” — Anthony T.
991. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” Benjamin Franklin
992. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” ~ John Gotti
993. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain
994. “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” – Winston Churchill
995. ” It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? “
996. ‘The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. – Oscar Wilde
997. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then drag racing isn’t for you.” ~ Christopher Titus
998. “Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop.”
999. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns
1000. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer
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