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439 Funny Jesus and Coffee Quotes: Christian Humor

1. “May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short. ” —Unknown


2. “Coffee helps me maintain my ‘never killed anyone streak. ’”


3. “Never underestimate the power of a good cup of coffee. ” —Ursula Vernon


4. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me


5. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” Matthew 6:34


6. “Coffee in England is just toasted milk. ” —Christopher Fry


7. “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.”


8. “Jesus, who do I gotta kill to get a decent cup of coffee”


9. “I hate decaffeinated coffee. It’s useless brown water.” David Letterman


10. “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.”


11. Live a true and good life by staying close to Jesus


12. Coffee which makes the politician wise, and see through all things with his half-shut eyes. Alexander Pope


13. “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.”


14. “I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet and too hot for you. ” —Jac Vanek


15. Nothing outside a man can make him 'unclean' by going into him. Rather, it is what comes out of a man that makes him 'unclean'. - Mark 7:15


16. Coffee is a way of stealing time which should by rights belong to your older self. Terry Pratchett


17. “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”


18. “I like my coffee black, my beer from Germany, wine from Burgundy, the darker, the better. I like my heroes complicated and brooding, James Dean in oiled leather, leaning on a motorcycle. You know the color. ("Ode to Chocolate")”


19. “The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, “This is love.” God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, “This is love.”


20. “Today’s good mood is sponsored by coffee. ”


21. The coffee is prepared in such a way that it makes those who drink it witty. Att least there is not a single soul who, on quitting the house, does not believe himself four times wittier that when he entered it.” Charles de Secondat Montesquieu


22. “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world. ” —Thomas Jefferson


23. I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now. Louisa May Alcott


24. I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again. - John 3:3


25. ”I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake. ”


26. People say money can’t buy happiness. They lie. Money buys coffee, coffee makes me happy! Unknown


27. There is no greater love than laying your life down for your friend


28. “Coffeeology: Espresso yourself. So many blends, so little time. Take life one sip at a time, and stay grounded. Better latte than never. Take time to smell the cover. ”


29. If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. - Matthew 6:14


30. Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep. Fran Drescher


31. Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee. It’s called sleeping. Unknown


32. “Coffee and chocolate—the inventor of mocha should be sainted. ” —Cherise Sinclair, ‘Hour of the Lion’


33. I will give you rest


34. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. - Luke 6:22


35. “Wanna hear a joke? Decaf. ”


36. To drink is human. To drink coffee is divine. Unknown


37. Be a missionary for God


38. Caffeine isn’t a drug; it’s a vitamin. Unknown


39. Given enough coffee I could rule the world. Unknown


40. I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, 'Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.' Jim Carrey


41. “Just coffee. Black—like my soul. ” —Cassandra Clare, ‘City of Bones’


42. “Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”


43. For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. - John 6:40


44. What is impossible with men is possible with God. - Luke 18:27


45. He who listens to you listens to me; he who rejects you rejects me; but he who rejects me rejects him who sent me. - Luke 10:16


46. The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life. - John 6: 63


47. “I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it. ”


48. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. - Matthew 10:39


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50. “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. ”


51. Do not be amazed at this, for a time is coming when all who are in their graves will hear his voice and come out - those who have done good will rise to live, and those who have done evil will rise to be condemned. - John 5:28


52. This coffee falls into your stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move like the battalions of the Grand Army of the battlefield, and the battle takes place. Things remembered arrive at full gallop, ensuing to the wind. The light cavalry of comparisons deliver a magnificent deploying charge, the artillery of logic hurry up with their train and ammunition, the shafts of with start up like sharpshooters. Similes arise, the paper is covered with ink; for the struggle commences and is concluded with torrents of black water, just as a battle with powder.” Honoré de Balzac


53. Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. - Matthew 5:17


54. “I’ll quit coffee. It won’t be easy drinking my Bailey’s straight, but I’ll get used to it. It’ll still be the best part of waking up. ” —Megan Mullally


55. “Coffee is the best medicine. ”


56. Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. Unknown


57. “Caffeine- It maintains my sunny personality. ”


58. I’m not one of those people who wakes up and thinks, ‘Bring on the day!’ I have to have about seven pints of coffee before I’m even remotely awake.” Stacey London


59. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life. ”


60. “I believe that Jesus would have given His life for just one person. Jesus emptied Himself, He humbled Himself and He so yielded Himself to His Father’s love that He had no ambition of His own. He was not looking to build an empire, He did not want praise or adulation or to impress people with who or how many followed Him. He stopped over and over again for just one person, for just one life.”


61. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven. - Matthew 5:16


62. Be careful not to do your acts of righteousness before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. - Matthew 6:1


63. But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all. David Lynch


64. Let your light shine before others


65. “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break. ”


66. “Some coffee, plus some thinking, equals some great ideas. ”


67. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. - Luke 6:30


68. “The road to success is paved in coffee. ”


69. Father, into your hands I commit my spirit. - Luke 23:46


70. Why do you look at the speck in of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? - Matthew 7:3


71. Woe to you Pharisees, because you give God a tenth of your mint, rue and all other kinds of garden herbs, but you neglect justice and the love of God. You should have practiced the latter without leaving the former undone. - Luke 11:42


72. “Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. ” —Anne Morrow Lindbergh


73. “It doesn’t matter where you’re from – or how you feel… There’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee. ”


74. “Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried–up piece of goat. ”


75. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. ~ Matthew 7:7-8


76. The road to success is paved in coffee. Unknown


77. Love your neighbor as yourself. - Matthew 22:39


78. Drinking beer in a coffee mug. I feel like I am cheating on my coffee. Unknown


79. Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have. - Luke 24:38-39


80. Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you


81. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:3


82. “There is no other way to determine the difference between the will of God and the crafts of Satan… Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life… The Holy Spirit of God is the Comforter…”


83. “For those who feel their lives are a grave disappointment to God, it requires enormous trust and reckless, raging confidence to accept that the love of Jesus Christ knows no shadow of alteration or change. When Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy burdened,” He assumed we would grow weary, discouraged, and disheartened along the way. These words are a touching testimony to the genuine humanness of Jesus. He had no romantic notion of the cost of discipleship. He knew that following Him was as unsentimental as duty, as demanding as love.”


84. “Life is scary without coffee. ” —Unknown


85. Coffee has ... expand[ed] humanity's working-day from twelve to a potential twenty-four hours. The tempo, the complexity, the tension of modern life, call for something that can perform the miracle of stimulating brain activity, without evil, habit-forming after-effects. Margaret Meagher, To Think of Coffee


86. As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be? Cassandra Clare


87. Coffee in England is just toasted milk. Christopher Fry


88. I am the way and the truth and the life


89. Even bad coffee is better… than no coffee at all. David Lynch


90. Whoever loves me will be loved by my father as well


91. “I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee. ” —Clark Gable


92. The first cup is for the guest, the second for enjoyment, the third for the sword. Old Arabic Saying


93. “7 days without coffee makes one WEAK


94. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. - Matthew 11:28


95. “I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism. ”


96. “The Bible is the story of two gardens: Eden and Gethsemane. In the first, Adam took a fall. In the second, Jesus took a stand. In the first, God sought Adam. In the second, Jesus sought God. In Eden, Adam hid from God. In Gethsemane, Jesus emerged from the tomb. In Eden, Satan led Adam to a tree that led to his death. From Gethsemane, Jesus went to a tree that led to our life.”


97. How far behind would technology be, if no one ever discovered coffee? Unknown


98. “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it.”


99. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. - Mark 4:25


100. Love is in the air, and it smells like coffee. Unknown


101. “Life is too short to drink bad coffee. ”


102. The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. - Matthew 13: 44


103. Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her. - Luke 10:41


104. “It’s strange how drinking cups of water seems impossible but 8 cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a see-saw. ”


105. “Coffee is real good when you drink it it gives you time to think. It’s a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup.” Gertrude Stein


106. “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”


107. Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. - Mark 10:14


108. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. - Matthew 24:13


109. This coffee tastes like mud! Well, it was ground this morning. Unknown


110. “I am fallen, flawed and imperfect. Yet drenched in the grace and mercy that is found in Jesus Christ, there is strength”


111. This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms. - Luke 24:44


112. “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. ” —T. S. Eliot


113. “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank. ” —Alphonse Allais


114. If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! - Matthew 7:11


115. “Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever it is that makes you happy. ” —Rita Moreno


116. “Almost all my middle-aged and elderly acquaintances, including me, feel about 25—unless we haven’t had our coffee, in which case we feel 107. ” —Martha Beck


117. “For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.”


118. Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?” Albert Camus


119. We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. Trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out. Unknown


120. When you pray say: Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread. Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation. - Luke 11:2-4


121. We busy ladies need our coffee fix in the morning. My day doesn’t really start until I’ve had my Starbucks latte.” Heidi Klum


122. “When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee. ” —Helen Hayes


123. “Turn around and believe that the good news that we are loved is better than we ever dared hope, and that to believe in that good news, to live out of it and toward it, to be in love with that good news, is of all glad things in this world the gladdest thing of all. Amen, and come Lord Jesus.”


124. “Without coffee, nothing gets written. Period. ”


125. “Jesus’s resurrection is the beginning of God’s new project not to snatch people away from earth to heaven but to colonize earth with the life of heaven. That, after all, is what the Lord’s Prayer is about.”


126. “Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!” —Darynda Jones


127. “I think I've reduced the amount of blood in my caffeine system to an acceptable level.”


128. “It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.” Dave Barry


129. Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head. - Luke 9:58


130. “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”


131. “It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee. ”


132. “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” —Cassandra Clare, ‘City of Ashes’


133. I’m merely the conduit of the coffee. In other words, reading this blog is like drinking coffee


134. When you hear of wars and revolutions, do not be frightened. These things must happen first but the end will not come right away. - Luke 21:9


135. “The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee. ”


136. He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself, but he who works for the honor of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him. - John 7:18


137. Coffee! Is the planet shaking or is just me? Unknown


138. “Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’” Conan O’Brien


139. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16


140. We can do all things through Christ


141. “I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee. ”


142. “This is a funny story. We'd asked the guards every day for cappuccino. You know, just as a joke. And they'd come in with their cups of coffee and stuff. And so I get here and I have a spot for a cappuccino machine, and it didn't work. So I don't have any cappuccino. I didn't miss the cappuccino. I missed the idea of cappuccino.” Martha Stewart


143. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? - Matthew 6:27


144. “I gave up coffee. It’s almost worse than giving up a lover. ” —Sandra Bullock


145. “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.”


146. Caffeine—the other vitamin C. Unknown


147. A cup of coffee–real coffee–home-browned, home ground, home made, that comes to you dark as a hazel-eye, but changes to a golden bronze as you temper it with cream that never cheated, but was real cream from its birth, thick, tenderly yellow, perfectly sweet, neither lumpy nor frothing on the Java: such a cup of coffee is a match for twenty blue devils and will exorcise them all.” Henry Ward Beecher


148. He was my cream, and I was his coffee. And when you poured us together, it was something.” Josephine Baker


149. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. - Luke 6:45


150. “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10


151. “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”


152. Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical. Jonathon Swift


153. “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?”


154. “I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you. ”


155. I’m going to start measuring the complexity of coding tasks in coffee cups. 'This was a five-espresso algorithm.' Unknown


156. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? - Matthew 6:25


157. You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. - Matthew 5:13


158. “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup. ”


159. “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way, they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”


160. A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. Paul Erdos


161. A 41-inch bust and a lot of perseverance will get you more than a cup of coffee–a lot more. Jayne Mansfield


162. “People say money can’t buy happiness. They lie. Money buys coffee, coffee makes me happy!”


163. “Coffee first. Schemes later. ” —Leanna Renee Hieber


164. “Coffee owns me, and I’m fine with that. ”


165. Treasures in heaven


166. Do not be anxious about your life


167. “Given enough coffee, I could rule the world. ”


168. “Come, follow me and I will send you out to fish for people.”


169. “I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee. ”


170. “I am clumsy, drop glasses and get drunk on Monday afternoons. I read Seneca and can recite Shakespeare by heart, but I mess up the laundry, don’t answer my phone and blame the world when something goes wrong. I think I have a dream, but most of the days I’m still sleeping. The grass is cut. It smells like strawberries. Today I finished four books and cleaned my drawers.


171. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now. ” —Louisa May Alcott


172. “What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my message in these adulterous and sinful days, the Son of Man will be ashamed of that person when he returns in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”


173. Every morning I long to hold you… I need you, I want you, I have to have you… your warmth, your smell, your taste… ohhh coffee, I love you. Unknown


174. “Never say no to coffee. ” —Cesar


175. “I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.” Ronald Reagan


176. “I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen. ” —Gary Larson


177. “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions. ” —Hugh Jackman


178. My birthstone is a coffee bean. Unknown


179. “It doesn’t matter where you’re from or how you feel—there’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee. ” —Gabriel Bá


180. Coffee first. Schemes later. Leanna Renee Hieber


181. “Stressed, blessed, and coffee obsessed. ”


182. “The cross is God’s way of taking away all of our accusations, excuses, and arguments. The cross is God taking on flesh and blood and saying, “Me too.”


183. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7


184. Don’t judge others for God should be the only judge


185. Each day has enough trouble of its own


186. “To me, the smell of fresh–made coffee is one of the greatest inventions. ”


187. It’s strange how drinking cups of water seems impossible, but eight cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a see-saw. Unknown


188. Give in secret


189. These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men. - Matthew 15:8-9


190. I am a coffee fanatic. Once you go to proper coffee, you can’t go back. You cannot go back. Hugh Laurie


191. After a few months' acquaintance with European 'coffee' one's mind weakens, and his faith with it, and he begins to wonder if the rich beverage of home, with it's clotted layer of yellow cream on top of it, is not a mere dream after all, and a thing which never existed. Mark Twain


192. “I would rather suffer from coffee than be senseless. ” —Napoleon Bonaparte


193. Decaf coffee only works if you throw it at people. Unknown


194. “Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken.”


195. “Remember Jesus of Nazareth, staggering on broken feet out of the tomb toward the Resurrection, bearing on his body the proud insignia of the defeat which is victory, the magnificent defeat of the human soul at the hands of God.”


196. “A foolish man . . . built his house on sand.” Matthew 7:24-27


197. “May your coffee kick in before reality does. ”


198. ”You can’t have a decent food culture without a decent coffee culture: the two things grow up together. ”


199. “I hereby arm myself for today with coffee and the willingness to be wrong. ” —Audrey Assad


200. “It’s coffee o’clock. ”


201. I must preach the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent. - Luke 4:43


202. “Black coffee must be strong and very hot; if strong coffee does not agree with you, do not drink black coffee. And if you do not drink black coffee, do not drink any coffee at all.” Andre Simon


203. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. ”


204. I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism. Abigail Reynolds


205. Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank. Alphonse Allais


206. I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you. Jac Vanek


207. My dream is to have a house on the beach, even just a little shack somewhere so I can wake up, have coffee, look at dolphins, be quiet and breathe the air.” Christina Applegate


208. A bad day with coffee is better than a good day without it. Unknown


209. “I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. ” —Steven Wright


210. I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless. Napoleon Bonaparte


211. What good is it for man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? - Luke 9:25


212. I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon. Ronald Reagan


213. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now. ”


214. “I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don’t want to hear about your troubles. ” —Charles Bukowski


215. Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. Stephanie Piro


216. I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life. - John 5:24


217. “No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for Before Coffee. ” —Cherise Sinclair, ‘Master of the Mountain’


218. Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. - Matthew 7:15


219. I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. - Luke 10:18


220. “It’s never too late for a coffee. After all, it’s morning somewhere in the world. ” —Zooey Deschanel


221. Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee. Unknown


222. Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near. - Matthew 4:17


223. “Last comes the beverage of the Orient shore, Mocha, far off, the fragrant berries bore. Taste the dark fluid with a dainty lip, digestion waits on pleasure as you sip.” Pope Leo XII (1760-1829)


224. “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”


225. To an old man, a cup of coffee is like the door post of an old house—it sustains and strengthens him. Old Bourbon Proverb


226. Coffee—creative lighter fluid. Floyd Maxwell


227. “The gospel is absurd and the life of Jesus is meaningless unless we believe that He lived, died, and rose again with but one purpose in mind: to make brand-new creation. Not to make people with better morals but to create a community of prophets and professional lovers, men and women who would surrender to the mystery of the fire of the Spirit that burns within, who would live in ever greater fidelity to the omnipresent Word of God, who would enter into the center of it all, the very heart and mystery of Christ, into the center of the flame that consumes, purifies, and sets everything aglow with peace, joy, boldness, and extravagant, furious love. This, my friend, is what it really means to be a Christian.”


228. “A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. ”


229. “I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t. ”


230. If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln


231. Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer.” Ralph Waldo Emerson


232. I drink coffee. Without coffee, I probably couldn’t write.” Jonathon Ames


233. To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.” Hugh Jackman


234. “Anna-Maria”; “Give a chance”; “World Vita”; “Clean Life”; “Sberbank together”; “Country for children”; “Leukemia Foundation”; “Fulcrum”; “Care and help for children”; “Mercy for children”


235. Divorce will never be legal in front of God


236. Whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven. - Matthew 10:33


237. A morning without coffee is like sleep. Unknown


238. “You should know that before 10 am, no matter what the question is, my answer is always coffee. ”


239. Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. - Luke 17:1


240. “Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans!”


241. Coffee is a big part of my life.” Taylor Swift


242. Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. - Matthew 7:7


243. No one can take away your joy in the Lord


244. “Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”


245. “What do you want?"


246. Love one another just as I have loved you


247. Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. - Luke 18:14


248. “If your life is Christ, then your death will be only more of Christ, forever. If your life is only Christlessness, then your death will be only more Christlessness, forever. That’s not fundamentalism, that’s the law of non-contradiction.”


249. Like most of the world’s population I’m into coffee, but in a properly big and important way. My perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee. Jimmy Carr


250. Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love. Charles Maurice de Talleyrand


251. “No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness. ”


252. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”


253. “SYS Not Found: User startup disabled. ”


254. “Jesus promised his disciples three things – that they would be completely fearless, absurdly happy, and in constant trouble.”


255. “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”


256. Love the Lord your God will all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. - Matthew 22:37


257. Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!' Conan O'Brien


258. “They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”


259. “Give a frontiersman coffee and tobacco, and he will endure any privation, suffer any hardship, but let him be without these two necessaries of the woods, and he becomes irresolute and murmuring.” Lt. William Whiting, US Army (1849)


260. “Life’s too short for bad coffee. ” —Gord Downie


261. My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working. - John 5:17


262. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God. - John 3:21


263. “Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.”


264. “Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever. ”


265. “Do not judge or you too will be judged.” Matthew 7:1


266. “Without my morning coffee I’m just like a dried up piece of roast goat.” Johann Sebastian Bach


267. “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” Matthew 5:5


268. “Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee. ”


269. Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will. - Mark 14: 36


270. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Steven Wright


271. Cocaine is like really evil coffee. Courtney Love


272. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. - Luke 12: 32


273. “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break. ” —Earl Wilson


274. Nation will rise up against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, famines and pestilences in various places. Luke 21:10


275. “Humanity runs on coffee. ”


276. I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.” Flash Rosenberg


277. “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.”


278. “Coffee, because adulting is hard. ”


279. “Any time is coffee time. ” —Unknown


280. “I can’t imagine a day without coffee. I can’t imagine!” —Howard Schultz


281. “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks. ” —Sir James Mackintosh


282. “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever – do not abandon the works of your hands.”


283. “Don’t ever let anyone tell you that fairy tales aren’t real. I drink a potion made from magic beans every day, and it brings me back to life. ” —Nanea Hoffman


284. Coffee is not my cup of tea.” Samuel Goldwyn


285. I like instant gratification. It’s like instant Coffee, only it won’t keep you up all night. Jarod Kintz


286. “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.”


287. I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee. Clark Gable


288. When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. - Mark 12:25


289. “Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better. ” —Justina Chen


290. “Adventure in life is good… consistency in Coffee even better. ”


291. Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy. Unknown


292. “If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. ” —Abraham Lincoln


293. To make me happy: Make me coffee, bring me coffee, be coffee… coffee. Unknown


294. Do to others as you would have them do to you. Luke 6:31


295. “The sinners to whom Jesus directed His messianic ministry were not those who skipped morning devotions or Sunday church. His ministry was to those whom society considered real sinners. They had done nothing to merit salvation. Yet they opened themselves to the gift that was offered them. On the other hand, the self-righteous placed their trust in the works of the Law and closed their hearts to the message of grace.”


296. Coffee connects us in so many ways–to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees. Rohan Marley


297. “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.”


298. “Every household divided against itself will not stand.” Matthew 26:52


299. “There is no life without water. Because water is needed to make coffee. ”


300. “The way of Jesus cannot be imposed or mapped – it requires an active participation in following Jesus as he leads us through sometimes strange and unfamiliar territory, in circumstances that become clear only in the hesitations and questionings, in the pauses and reflections where we engage in prayerful conversation with one another and with him.”


301. How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God? - John 5:44


302. “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup. ” —Henry Rollins


303. Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. - Luke 6:37


304. The water of eternal life


305. Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist of the abundance of his possessions. - Luke 12:15


306. Do not judge, or you too will be judged. - Matthew 7:1


307. “You cannot thrash the person who makes you coffee. It’s a rule somewhere. ” —Kim Harrison, ‘Ever After’


308. “Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second. ” —Edward Abbey


309. I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee. Burt Lancaster


310. Claim it through prayer and it will be yours


311. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. - John 3:20


312. That’s something that annoys the hell out of me—I mean if somebody says the coffee’s all ready and it isn’t.” J.D. Salinger


313. “It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it. ” —Zora Neale Hurston


314. “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?” —Jean Kerr


315. Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister. Bob Irwin


316. We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup. Jerry Seinfeld


317. May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short. Unknown


318. I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” Lewis Blake


319. “Coffee is a language itself. ” —Jackie Chan


320. “But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all. New York has great water for coffee. ”


321. “Do to others what you would have them do to you.” Matthew 7:12


322. “Kids are meeting in coffee shops and basements figuring out what’s unsustainable in their communities. That’s the future. ”


323. Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser. I can’t even get the intern to make me coffee! David Letterman


324. It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. Dave Barry


325. Caffeine and sugar—the two basic food groups. Laurell K. Hamilton


326. “Many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.” Matthew 19:30


327. “When my blood runs black as the moonless night, and my heartbeat sounds as the Warriors march, only then may you say, I’ve had enough coffee. ”


328. Doctors found traces of blood in my coffee stream. Unknown


329. The more complicated the order, the bigger the a--hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a ‘decaf grande half soy half lowfat iced vanilla double-shot gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet ‘n Low and one Nutra Sweet... Ooooh, you are a huge a--hole. George Carlin


330. “Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister. ” —Bob Irwin


331. ”If you are not coffee, chocolate or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away. ”


332. Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing is impossible for you. - Matthew 17:20


333. There is no life without water. Because water is needed to make coffee. Unknown


334. Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as death, and sweet as love. Unknown


335. “What we believe about God is the most important truth we believe, and it’s the one truth that does the most to shape us. God is the Sun too bright for us to see. Jesus is the Prism who makes the colors beautiful and comprehensible.”


336. Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. - Matthew 7:13-14


337. “Never trust anyone who doesn’t drink coffee. ” —AJ Lee


338. Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with. Terri Guillemets


339. “Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love. That’s the recipe for coffee.” Talleyrand


340. Caffeine—it maintains my sunny personality. Unknown


341. Coffee is a language in itself. Jackie Chan


342. Life without coffee is like something without something… sorry, I haven’t had any coffee yet. Unknown


343. “Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep. ” —Fran Drescher


344. “The gospel declares that no matter how dutiful or prayerful we are, we can’t save ourselves. What Jesus did was sufficient.”


345. But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. - Luke 6:27


346. No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. - Matthew 6:24


347. Good coffee—cheaper than Prozac! Unknown


348. “Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s caffeine. ”


349. I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge. Jennifer Lopez


350. “I had some dreams; they were clouds in my coffee. ” —Carly Simon


351. This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all the nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. - Luke 24:46-48


352. Love means suffering and sacrifice


353. “Whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.” Mark 10:44


354. “The journey of coffee: once a cheap drink of truckdrivers, now an aesthetic journey, a lifestyle experience. It’s coffee. Would you want anything less?” Garrison Keillor


355. Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34


356. “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”


357. What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup. Henry Rollins


358. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it. - Mark 10:15


359. I gave up coffee. It's almost worse than giving up a lover. Sandra Bullock


360. “Listen, before I had my coffee, I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today, either. ”


361. “We sinned for no reason but an incomprehensible lack of love, and He saved us for no reason but an incomprehensible excess of love.”


362. “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”


363. “Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!” Robin Williams


364. I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.” Steven Wright


365. Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven. Jessi Lane Adams


366. I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. - John 5:19


367. Repay evil with good


368. “When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee. ”


369. I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. - John 6:35


370. “This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.”


371. Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup. Gertrude Stein


372. “Life is just one cup of coffee after another, and don’t look for anything else. ” —Bertrand Russell


373. “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.” Sir James Mackintosh


374. “I need a coffee to go with my coffee. ” —Zooey Deschanel


375. “Remember: He WANTS your fellowship, and He has done everything possible to make it a reality. He has forgiven your sins, at the cost of His own dear Son. He has given you His Word, and the priceless privilege of prayer and worship.”


376. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. - Luke 6:21


377. “Coffee is my water now. ” —Becky G


378. There are things that are worth dying for but none worth killing or hurting anyone


379. Listen carefully to what I am about to tell you. The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men. - Luke 9:44


380. Deja Brew: The feeling that you’ve had this coffee before. Unknown


381. I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. Flash Rosenberg


382. “As soon as coffee is in your stomach, there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move…similes arise, the paper is covered. Coffee is your ally and writing ceases to be a struggle.” Honore de Balzac


383. Do not utter curses


384. “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world. ”


385. “May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short. ”


386. When traveling with someone, take large does of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee. Helen Hayes


387. What do you want?… Just Coffee. Black–like my soul. Cassandra Clare


388. “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”


389. Find life through Jesus


390. “Life without coffee is like something without something…sorry, I haven’t had any coffee yet. ”


391. All things are possible with God


392. “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say this to the mountains, “Move from here to there,” and it will move.” Matthew 17:20


393. “The powers of a man's mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.”


394. Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised.” Captain Janeway


395. “Each of us is an innkeeper who decides if there is room for Jesus!”


396. “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”


397. Humanity runs on coffee. Unknown


398. “Do not throw your pearls to pigs.” Matthew 7:6


399. We must choose between earthly values spiritual values but we can’t have both


400. Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you


401. Adventure in life is good. Consistency in coffee even better. Justina Headley


402. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep


403. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Matthew 10:28


404. In movies, you have a production assistant carrying your chair around and getting you coffee. In theater, no one carries your chair, no one gets you your coffee, there's no craft service, there's no per diem. The only thing that is provided for you is coffee, tea, sugar and milk. It doesn't matter how big a star you are or whatever. Rosie Perez


405. “The spirit of Christ is the spirit of missions. The nearer we get to Him, the more intensely missionary we become.”


406. “I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. ”


407. A cup of gourmet coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent. Unknown


408. “Come on, don't you ever stop and smell the coffee?”


409. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother. - Matthew 12:50


410. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. - Luke 12:6


411. I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee. Terri Guillemets


412. Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. - Matthew 6:19-21


413. It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee. Donna A. Favors


414. If it wasn’t for coffee, I’d have no discernible personality at all. David Letterman


415. “For me, the most radical demand of Christian faith lies in summoning the courage to say yes to the present risenness of Jesus Christ.”


416. Forever: Time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning. Unknown


417. The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. - Luke 9:21


418. Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze? Jean Kerr


419. “Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven. ” —Jesse Lane Adams


420. Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break. Earl Wilson


421. Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor. - Mark 6:4


422. All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. - Mark 13:13


423. “See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.” Matthew 6:28


424. “Given enough coffee, I could rule the world. ” —Terry Pratchett


425. “Drink coffee and pretend to know what you’re doing. ”


426. Decaf? No, it’s dangerous to dilute my caffeine stream. Unknown


427. My teaching is not my own. It comes from him who sent me. - John 7:16


428. “They said I could be anything, so I decided to be caffeinated!” —Lizzie Chantree


429. ” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit


430. Seven days without coffee makes one WEAK. Unknown


431. Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee. Unknown


432. Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. - Luke 6:38


433. I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume. John Van Druten


434. “Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”


435. United Kingdom


436. Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of roast goat. J. S. Bach


437. “Coffee: creative lighter fluid. ” —Floyd Maxwell


438. Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me. - Mark 9:37


439. “The seasonal urge is strong in poets. Milton wrote chiefly in winter. Keats looked for spring to wake him up (as it did in the miraculous months of April and May, 1819). Burns chose autumn. Longfellow liked the month of September. Shelley flourished in the hot months. Some poets, like Wordsworth, have gone outdoors to work. Others, like Auden, keep to the curtained room. Schiller needed the smell of rotten apples about him to make a poem. Tennyson and Walter de la Mare had to smoke. Auden drinks lots of tea, Spender coffee; Hart Crane drank alcohol. Pope, Byron, and William Morris were creative late at night. And so it goes.”

There you go! Lots of quotes about Jesus and coffee. Whether you use these on christian coffee mugs, on a t shirt or to make a cool stencil decal, quotes from new testaments and old testaments go well with coffee.

Try a mug with a matte finish, that looks great with a bible verse on there about the glory of God. For all the coffee drinkers out there, how good is the holy bible plus a cup of coffee?

I also appreciate how many of these Jesus quotes are truly motivational quotes about the high quality life one can live in Jesus.

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