200 Most Hilarious Anchorman Quotes: Funny, Iconic, Memorable

1. “We need you. Hell, I need you. I’m a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you. I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent. I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.” – Champ Kind

2. “I woke up this morning, and I sh*t a squirrel. I mean, literally hell of it is damn things still alive, so I got this sh*t covered squirrel down there in the office. Don’t know what to name it.” – Champ Kid

3. Announcer: "You’re watching Channel 4 News with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor Ron Burgundy and Tits McGee."

4. - Champ Kind: What in the hell's diversity?

5. “I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you.

6. “They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.”

7. On statistics8. “Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means ‘a whale’s vagina’.”

9. “I’m not a baby! I’m a man! An anchorman!” – Ron Burgundy

10. “I love lamp. I love lamp.” — Brick Tamland

11. - Brick Tamland: I love lamp.”

12. “Knights of Columbus, that hurt!” – Ron Burgundy

13. “I know what you’re wondering, and the answer is yes, I do have a nickname for my p*n*s. It’s called ‘The Octogon’.” – Brian Fantana

14. “I love lamp.”

15. “Listen, there’s three things I’m good at—fighting, screwing, and reading the news. I’ve already done one of those things today, and I’m about to do one more. Which is it gonna be?” – Veronica Corningstone

16. “Hey aqualung!” – Ron Burgundy

17. “This is embarrassing. I’m totally unprepared.” – Ron Burgundy

18. “It is anchorman, not anchor lady! And that is a scientific fact!” – Champ Kind

19. “What do you say if we go out on a date? Have some chicken, maybe some sex... you know, see what happens.”

20. - Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make sense.”

21. “Go fuck yourself San Diego.” – Ron Burgundy

22. “I’m gonna punch you in the ovary, that’s what I’m gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.” – Ron Burgundy

23. - Ron Burgundy: And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.”

24. “Okay, before we start, let’s go over the ground rules. No touching of the hair or face. And that’s it. Now, fight!” – Ron Burgundy

25. “Yeah. There were horses and a man on fire. And I killed a guy with a trident.” – Brick Tamland

26. “Where’d you get those clothes? The toilet store?” – Brick Tamland

27. “We need you. Hell, I need you. I’m a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you. I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent. I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.”

28. “It’s so damn hot! Milk was a bad choice.”

29. “The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show [kisses his biceps] and see if she likes the goods.” – Ron Burgundy

30. “I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.” – Ron Burgundy

31. “If you want to throw down in fisticuffs, fine, I’ve got Jack Johnson and Tom O’Leary waitin’ for ya right here!” – Brick Tamland

32. Brian Fantana: "She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again."

33. Ron goes for some milk

34. Brick Tamland: "Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we’re not gonna."

35. “Are you trying to tell me that there’s a party in your pants and that I’m invited?” – Veronica Corningstone

36. “Yeah. There were horses, and a man on fire. And I killed a guy with a trident.”

37. “- Brick Tamland: I love... desk.

38. “I’m going to do the thing that God put Rod Burgundy on this Earth to do: Have salon-quality hair and read the news.” – Ron Burgundy

39. Ron tells it like it is

40. “I am gonna straight-up murder your ass!” – Frank Vitchard

41. “Mmmmm… I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!” – Ron Burgundy

42. “Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.”

43. “Sweet Lincoln’s mullet!” – Ron Burgundy

44. “Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast.”

45. “I’m sorry, Veronica. We’ve had this discussion before. I’m not going to let you be the anchor.” – Ed Harken

46. “Brick, are you saying that there is a party in your pants and that I’m invited?” – Veronica Corningstone

47. “Great Odin’s raven!” – Ron Burgundy

48. On comebacks

49. “Who the hell is Julius Caesar? You know I don’t follow the NBA.” – Ron Burgundy

50. “I’m in a glass case of emotion.” – Ron Burgundy

51. “It’s so hot. Milk was a bad choice.” – Ron Burgundy

52. “Sorry Champ, I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.” – Brick Tamland

53. “I have a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes: my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang.”

54. Brian Fantana: "They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time."

55. - Ron Burgundy: [interrupts, not listening] Fantastic!”

56. “It is anchorman, not anchorlady. And that is a scientific fact.”

57. “Oh, I can barely lift my right arm ’cause I did so many. I don’t know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand… Just watch out for the guns, they’ll getcha.”

58. “When you’ve got an *ss like the North Star, wise men are going to follow it.” – Ron Burgundy

59. Brick Tamland: “I love, carpet. I love, desk.”

60. - Brick Tamland: Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we're not gonna.”

61. “No, she gets a special cologne. It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries. Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.” – Brain Fantana

62. On regrets63. - Brian Fantana: Damn it.”

64. Ron Burgundy: “Garth, if I were to give you some money out of my wallet, would that ease the pain?”

65. “It’s so damn hot… milk was a bad choice.” – Ron Burgundy

66. On the news team battle

67. “I’m going to do the thing that God put Ron Burgundy on this Earth to do. Have salon-quality hair and read the news.” – Ron Burgundy

68. “Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.” – Ron Burgundy

69. “I’m not quite sure how to put this, but...I’m kind of a big deal.”

70. “Stop calling your arms guns.” – Veronica Corningstone

71. “I love scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.”

72. “Hey, Ron. I'm riding a furry tractor.”

73. “Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection.” – Veronica Corningstone

74. Brick tries to party with Veronica

75. “Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast.” – Ron Burgundy

76. “I am gonna straight-up murder your *ss!” – Frank Vitchard

77. On unrequited love

78. “Really? Yes, I do. It’s actually an optical illusion. It’s the pattern on the pants that is flattering for the crotchal region. I’m actually taking them back right now. Taking them back to the pants store. Well, this is awkward. I will see you later? Nothing to look at. Don’t act like you’re not impressed.” – Ron Burgundy

79. “I’m in a glass case of emotion!”

80. - Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you.”

81. “You stay classy, San Diego. I’m Ron Burgundy.” – Ron Burgundy

82. “Heh heh! He said hinney!” – Brick Tamland

83. “Hey, where’d you get those clothes, the toilet store?” – Brick Tamland

84. “- Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.

85. “Ohh, it’s the deep burn. Oh, it’s so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm ’cause I did so many. I don’t know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.” – Ron Burgundy

86. “It is anchorman, not anchorlady! And that is a scientific fact!” – Champ Kind

87. “Can you please give me your name Mr. Head, and please don’t tell me it’s Dick!” – Dr. Rydell

88. On signing off

89. “Don't act like you're not impressed.”

90. - Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.

91. “Well, that escalated quickly.”

92. “You know I don't speak Spanish.”

93. “I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?” – Ron Burgundy

94. “By the beard of Zeus!” – Ron Burgundy

95. “I’m proud of you, fellas. You all kept your head on a swivel, and that’s what you gotta do when you find yourself thrust into the middle of a vicious cockfight.” – Ron Burgundy

96. “Come again? You know I don’t speak Spanish. In English, please. What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole wheel of cheese? How’d you do that? I’m not even mad, that’s amazing.” – Ron Burgundy

97. On being a big deal

98. “I wanna say something. I’m gonna put this out there. If you like it, you can take it. If you don’t, send it right back. I want to be on you.” – Ron Burgundy

99. “Mmmm, I look good. I mean really good. Hey, everyone, come and see how good I look.” – Ron Burgundy

100. - Garth Holliday: Oh, not so good... I'll probably never see my kids again.

101. “Take me to Pleasure Town.” – Veronica Corningstone

102. “Is that a minotaur?” – Brian Tamland

103. “You have an absolutely breathtaking hiney.” – Ron Burgundy

104. “- Ron Burgundy: Um, Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament?

105. “I’m kind of a big deal. People know me.” – Ron Burgundy

106. Brick Tamland: “I love lamp. I love lamp.”

107. - Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct.

108. “Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.” – Ron Burgundy

109. “I’m going to need you to r*t*rd your anger.” – Dr. Rydell

110. “Before we start, let’s go over the ground-rules…Rule number one: No touching of the hair or face. And that’s it! Now let’s do this!”

111. “The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show and see if she likes the goods.” – Ron Burgundy

112. “Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.” – Ron Burgundy

113. “I don’t know what we’re yelling about.” – Brick Tamland

114. “I’m a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science.” – Ron Burgundy

115. “Oh Audrey, I look like hell! I got bags under my eyes. What’s that? Well, if you were a man, I’d punch you. Punch you right in the mouth. That’s bush. Bush league, you hear me? Audrey!” – Ron Burgundy

116. “I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.” – Ron Burgundy

117. “Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72% sure that I love you.” – Veronica Corningstone

118. “Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which, of course, in German means ‘a whale’s vagina.'”

119. “She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart, and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.” – Brian Fantana

120. Ron sets ground rules for the fight

121. - Ron Burgundy: Well, I could be wrong, but I believe "diversity" is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

122. “Hey, you’re making me look stupid. Get out of here, Panda Jerk!” – Brian Fantana

123. “You are a smelly pirate hooker!” – Ron Burgundy

124. “A black man follows me when it’s sunny.” – Ron Burgundy

125. “You’re a real hooker. I’m gonna slap you in public.” – Ron Burgundy

126. “Well, now we know, guys—you can’t smoke crack on live television.” – Ron Burgundy

127. On emotions

128. “I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my tummy itches.”

129. “I immediately regret this decision.”

130. “Okay, before we start, let’s go over the ground rules. No touching of the hair or face, and that’s it. Now fight!” – Ron Burgundy

131. “Oh my God, he’s absolutely magnificent. I bet his poop smells like sandalwood.” – Ron Burgundy

132. “I will smash your face into a car windshield, then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a delicious seafood dinner and then never call her again!” – Champ Kind

133. Ron calls for help

134. “- Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.

135. Brick recounts the battle royale

136. “I almost forgot. I won't be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it's jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild.”

137. “Yeah. I stabbed a man in the heart.” – Brick Tamland

138. “Son of a bee-sting!” – Ron Burgundy

139. “Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we’re not gonna.” – Brick Tamland

140. “It’s terrible, she has beautiful eyes and her hair smells like cinnamon!”

141. “Brick, where’d you get a hand grenade?” – Ron Burgundy

142. “Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.” – Ron Burgundy

143. “I’m gonna punch you in the ovary. That’s what I’m gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the baby maker.” – Ron Burgundy

144. - Ed Harken: A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team.

145. “Heartbroken” Ellen DeGeneres Honors Stephen "tWitch" Boss After His Death

146. “Where’d you get those clothes? The toilet store?”

147. “Great Knights of Columbus, that hurt!” – Ron Burgundy

148. “You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm? Maybe don’t wear a bra next time. No, I was talking to you. No, not her. I don’t know her name. What is it? Lanolin. La—Lanolin? Like, like sheep’s wool?” – Ron Burgundy

149. “They’ve done studies you know. Sixty percent of the time it works every time.” – Brian Fantana

150. - Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?

151. “- Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.

152. Ron gives some San Diego history

153. “I’m very aroused.” – Ron Burgundy

154. “Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.”

155. “The Human Torch was denied a bank loan.” – Ron Burgundy

156. “It is terrible. She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon.” – Ron Burgundy

157. “Go f*ck yourself, San Diego.” – Ron Burgundy

158. “Brick, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by. Lay low for a while because you’re probably wanted for murder.” – Ron Burgundy

159. “Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an IQ of 48 and am what some people call mentally r*t*rd*d.” – Brick Tamland

160. Brian gives some cologne advice

161. On the ground rules

162. “Okay, before we start, let’s go over the ground rules. No touching of the hair or face. And that’s it. Now, fight!”

163. “I immediately regret this decision.” – Ron Burgundy

164. - Ron Burgundy: I'm pretty sure that's not love.

165. “They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works every time.” – Brian Fantana

166. Champ stands his ground

167. “By the Hammer of Thor!” – Ron Burgundy

168. Ron recalls the brawl

169. “You know how to cut the core of me, Baxter. You’re so wise. You’re like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.” – Ron Burgundy

170. “You’re watching Channel 4 News with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor Ron Burgundy and T*ts McGee.” – Announcer

171. “I hear that their periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation.” – Brick Tamland

172. “I love scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.” – Ron Burgundy

173. “It’s a formidable scent… It stings the nostrils. In a good way… Brian, I’m gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.”

174. “Hello? Who’s there? I’m talking? Hello? Who is this? Baxter, is that you? Baxter! Bark twice if you’re in Milwaukee. Is this Wilt Chamberlain? Have the courage to say something! Hello?” – Ron Burgundy

175. Ron tries to be a hero

176. “I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal. People know me. I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.” — Ron Burgundy

177. “Oh, Ron, there are literally thousands of men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you!” – Veronica Corningstone

178. “You and I are mature adults; we've both seen our share of pornographic materials. Oh, you never have? Of course you haven't, how stupid of me. Neither have I. I was just speaking in generalities. Right. I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.”

179. “I’m a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science.”

180. “- Ron Burgundy: Hey Garth. How's the divorce?

181. “Cannon ball!” – Ron Burgundy

182. “- Ron Burgundy: Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.

183. “- Veronica Corningstone: For the entire Channel 4 news team, I'm Veronica Corningstone.

184. “It’s a formidable scent. It stings the nostrils. In a good way. Brian, I’m gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.” – Ron Burgundy

185. “Who cares, that’s Stonewall Jackson’s ghost.” – Ron Burgundy

186. “I wanna say something. I’m gonna put this out there: if you like it, you can take it. If you don’t, send it right back … I want to be ON you.” – Ron Burgundy

187. - Ron Burgundy: What cologne you gonna go with? "London Gentleman", or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. "Blackbeard's Delight".

188. “You Stay Classy, San Diego.” – Ron Burgundy

189. “I’m not quite sure how to put this, but…I’m kind of a big deal…I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”

190. - Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.”

191. “You stay classy, San Diego.”

192. “What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole wheel of cheese? How’d you do that? Heck, I’m not even mad; that’s amazing.”

193. Brick loves…things

194. “Ron, why did you say that? Why? Why Ron? Why? You were my hero Ron!” – Garth Holiday

195. “You realize you are talking to a man who just this morning tried to brush his teeth with a live lobster?” – Ron Burgundy

196. Brian Fantana: "Hey, you’re making me look stupid. Get out of here, Panda Jerk!"

197. “I’m sorry Veronica… we’ve had this discussion before. I’m not going to let you be the anchor.” – Ed Harken

198. - Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne... it's called "Sex Panther" by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.

199. “You know how to cut to the core of me Baxter. You’re so wise. You’re like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair.”

200. “Why don’t you go back to your home on wh*re island?” – Ron Burgundy