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600 Best Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

1. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”


2. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”


3. “You may look around and see two groups here: white collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.” – Michael Scott


4. “The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary, and they’d come down and they’d suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt!” – Michael Scott


5. “That’s what she said!”


6. “This morning I saw a YouTube video with a puppy riding a motorcycle. So my bar for stunning is pretty high.”


7. “You know what they say. ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice…strike three.”


8. “You know, sometimes to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star, incredibly far away. And our problems don’t matter to him because we’re just a distant point of light.”


9. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So, sue me.”


10. “It’s like I used to tell my wife: I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong. And if you don’t like it, you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife and I’ll say it to my next one, too.”


11. “Well, well, well how the turntables.”


12. “Whether you’re scared of dying, or dying alone, or dying drunk in a ditch, don’t be. It’s going to be OK.”


13. “No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.”


14. A leader does not exclude anyone from the group.


15. “I am running away from my responsibilities, and it feels good.” Michael Scott


16. “Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.” – Michael Scott


17. “Put back everything in the vending machine, except the fruit.”


18. “Webster’s dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” Michael Scott


19. “People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.” Michael Scott


20. No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.


21. “Never, ever, ever give up.”


22. “Ok, too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.” – Michael Scott


23. “Saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can’t say, but yes.”


24. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott


25. Now I know what the founders of Phillip-Morris felt like. You just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax, and suddenly you're just some terrible monster.


26. “I am dead inside.” Michael Scott


27. I don't own Dunder Mifflin, okay? The job was not mine to give.


28. “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo”.


29. “Figure out ways to really get your point across.”


30. “No, I wouldn’t say I have a passion for hr.”


31. “Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything for anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter where. Or who, or who you are with, or where you are going or… or where you’ve been… ever. For any reason, whatsoever.” – Michael Scott


32. “I am running away from my responsibilities and it feels good.”


33. When he expressed how much he was not a fan of Toby:


34. Leaders value the essence of equality.


35. “Dubai is a safe place, and I never came across anything to worry about.”


36. Leaders give chances to their members.


37. “When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! Ok?”


38. “An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.”


39. I am Beyoncé, always.


40. “Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So, sue me.” – Michael Scott


41. I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.


42. “I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.”


43. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”


44. “I have very little patience for stupidity.”


45. “I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.”


46. “Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?”


47. “If my parents see this, I’m toast.”


48. “wikipedia Is The Best Thing Ever. Anyone In The World Can Write Anything They Want About Any Subject. So You Know You Are Getting The Best Possible Information.” — Michael Scott


49. “Hate is the most useless of all emotions. Success is the best revenge.”


50. “That has sort of an oak-y afterbirth.”


51. Webster's Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.


52. I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.


53. “would I Rather Be Feared Or Loved? Easy. Both. I Want People To Be Afraid Of How Much They Love Me.” — Michael Scott


54. “People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections.”


55. Business is a doggie dog world. And I am a shark, who eats doggie dogs.


56. Kind leadership defines how good the leader is.


57. “It is St. Patrick's Day. And here in Scranton, that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.”


58. “Friends joke with one another. Hey, you’re poor. Hey, your momma’s dead. That’s what friends do.”


59. “Friends joke with one another.” Michael Scott


60. “I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate… no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it… Nike.”


61. “Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, ‘Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth.'”


62. “Learn how to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.” – Michael Scott


63. “‘R’ is among the most menacing of sounds. That’s why they call it ‘murder’ and not ‘mukduk.'”


64. “‘You miss 100 percent of the chances you don’t take. – Wayne Gretzky’ – Michael Scott” (Season 5, Episode 23)


65. It was love at first... see with my ears.


66. “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.” – Michael Scott


67. That's funny! That's funny. Not offensive. Uh… because it's nature. Educational.


68. “I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.” – Michael Scott


69. It’s every parents’ dream.” – Michael Scott


70. “The name is Bond… Santa Bond. I’ll have an eggnog, shaken not stirred.”


71. “You don’t know me, you’ve just seen my penis.”


72. A leader should express gratitude.


73. “That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.” – Michael Scott


74. “When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! Okay?”


75. “Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So, sue me.”


76. “Oh my God, Pam, those make you look so ugly. Pam, in order to get hotter, you take the glasses off. You’re moving in the wrong direction. I don’t have my contacts. I can’t even hear you. It’s just noise coming out of an ugly scientist.”


77. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."


78. And it feels good.”- Michael Scott


79. “It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore.”


80. “Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Scheider.”


81. I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious.


82. “We’re all h*mos. H*mo sapiens.”


83. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”


84. “Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.”


85. Leaders utter much wisdom.


86. “You may look around you and see two different groups of people. White-collar. Blue-collar. But I don’t see it that way. You know why not? Because I am ‘collar blind’.”


87. “Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.” Michael Scott


88. So Phyllis is basically saying, 'Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help out the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth.' I gave Ryan an iPod.


89. “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.


90. Stop crying.


91. “I don’t want to be married in a tent like a hobo.”


92. And when I came to I had an epiphery. Life is precious. And if I die, I want my son to know the dealio. The dealio of life."


93. “It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.”


94. “Angela’s cats are so cute, you just wanna eat ‘em. But you can’t eat cats…”


95. It's diversity day, Jim. I wish every day was diversity day.


96. “Business is a doggie dog world. And I am a shark, who eats doggie dogs.”


97. “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working”.


98. “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” — Michael Scott


99. Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, “Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth.”


100. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So, you know you are getting the best possible information.” – Michael Scott


101. “You think this is a great party? This cake has vegetables in it.”


102. “Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.”


103. “That’s what she said.”


104. You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you and then you run over one person with your car – not even one of the popular ones – and everybody gets on your case. Doesn’t make any sense.


105. “I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.” Michael Scott


106. “A great boss will say, ‘Hey, it’s my birthday. Celebrate yourselves, because you are the ones who made me great, and I will acknowledge your contributions with donuts.'”


107. “I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish…sort of a virtual United Nations.” – Michael Scott


108. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.” Michael Scott


109. “Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah of course. A bunch of ’em. My employees.”


110. “The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.” Michael Scott


111. Hey, hey, why don't you run it by me and I'll run it by him.


112. “It takes you thirty seconds to brush your teeth? Wow that’s ten times as long as it takes me.” – Michael Scott


113. “You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.”


114. Tourism, food service, railroads, and sales. And hospitals, slash manufacturing and air travel."


115. “We do not always get what we want. Sometimes life presents us with surprises.”


116. No, no, no. No vendors in the office. That is a distraction.


117. When you first...became a baby-daddy, did you have...an immediate connection with that baby, like - the first time that you held it, did you find that...with your baby-baby?


118. “I’ll be the number-two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring and never breaking off a handshake. I’m always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter… that makes stairs.”


119. “It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.” – Michael Scott


120. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.” – Michael Scott


121. “Love is the water of life, drink deeply.”


122. “If this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.”


123. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” Michael Scott


124. “I don’t want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who’s undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.” Michael Scott


125. When he was too emotional that he muddled up his sentence but it didn't really matter.


126. “The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they’d come down and they’d suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!”


127. “Studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage, because I bring my own water to work.”


128. “I’d like to start today by inspiring others.”


129. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” Michael Scott


130. “I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.” – Michael Scott


131. “I knew exactly what to do. But, in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”


132. “I learned a while back that if I do not text 911, people do not return my calls. Um, but people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.”


133. “It’s never too early for ice cream.” – Michael Scott quotes


134. “They’re trying to make me an escape goat.”


135. A leader accepts his insecurities.


136. I was shocked when he told me he was transferring to Samford. It’s like with firemen, you don’t leave your brothers behind. Even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut.


137. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott quotes


138. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”


139. “Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.”


140. “You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one but fool me twice, strike three.”


141. “If there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.”


142. “Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s not really a part of his family.”


143. “I learned a while back, that if I don’t text 911 people will not return my calls. Um, but now people always return my calls because, they think that something horrible, has happened.”


144. “If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.” – Michael Scott


145. “I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go.”


146. “The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.” – Michael Scott


147. Learn how to take off a woman's bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks."


148. “I just wanted you to know that you can’t just say the word ‘bankruptcy’ and expect anything to happen.”


149. “Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.” – Michael Scott


150. “Why are you the way that you are?” – Michael Scott


151. “Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.” – Michael Scott


152. The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.


153. “I have cause. It is because I hate him.”


154. Inventory is boring. In the islands they don’t make you do stuff like take inventory. Why do think so many businesses moved to the Caymans?


155. “The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers. I give them food. Not directly.”


156. “Business is a doggie dog world.” – Michael Scott


157. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica. — Jim Halpert


158. Mo' money, mo' problems, Stanley. You of all people should know that.


159. There they are, the Accounting Department. I shall miss your humility and your promptly printed checks.


160. “This is a dream that I’ve had… since lunch… and I’m not giving it up now.”


161. A creative leader should dream unique ways.


162. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. - Wayne Gretzky” - Michael Scott


163. “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.” – Michael Scott


164. I can't do this! This is pathetic, isn't it? I am such an idiot. I gave up the only job I ever loved to do this? I have egg in my Crocs.


165. “I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”


166. “The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them.”


167. Pam, productivity starts with patience and determination. I'll be back.


168. “The eyes are the groin of the face.”


169. “Everyone wants the iPod. It’s a huge hit. Almost a Christmas miracle.”


170. Leaders gain members by showing how wise and determined they are.


171. “You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!”


172. “Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.”


173. “There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles and find true love.”


174. “It is St. Patrick’s Day….It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.” – Michael Scott


175. “It’s never too early for ice cream.”


176. “You know, sometimes to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star, incredibly far away. And our problems don’t matter to him because we’re just a distant point of light. But he feels sorry for me because he has an incredibly powerful microscope, and he can see my face. I’m okay. No, I’m not.”


177. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” – Michael Scott


178. “I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.”


179. “I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”


180. “Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” Michael Scott


181. “They say if you’re nervous around someone, picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on. Or a funny coat.”


182. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.” – Michael Scott


183. “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” Michael Scott


184. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.”


185. Leaders should know how to set a boundary.


186. “And I’m optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate.” – Michael Scott


187. Ed Truck, yuck, Ed Truck was the manager before me. Horrible. He hated fun. It was like, oh Ed Truck is walking toward us, stop having fun. Start pretending to do work. What a jerk… I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager people would laugh when they saw me coming, and would applaud as I walked away.


188. “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”


189. May I borrow someone's textbook, please? You cannot learn, from books. Replace these pages with life lessons. And then, you will have...a book that is worth its weight in gold."


190. “I’m not usually the butt of the joke. I’m usually the face of the joke.”


191. This is where I fell in love with you, and this is where I ask you to marry me.


192. “Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was … No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.”


193. Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder Mifflin, and yes I know it’s January, I’m not an idiot, but if you do your spring cleaning in January guess what you don’t have to do in the spring… anything. They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind, well I say an empty desk means an…


194. “Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you. This many dollar worth.’” – Michael Scott


195. “I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.” – Michael Scott


196. “I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.” – Michael Scott


197. “I want to be wined and dined and sixty-nined.”


198. And our problems don't matter to him because we're just a distant point of light. But he feels sorry for me because he has an incredibly powerful microscope, and he can see my face. I'm okay. No, I'm not."


199. “I miss the days when there was only one party I didn’t want to go to.”


200. “Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly… I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.”


201. “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott


202. Leaders do differentiate what is good and what is not.


203. Mint chocolate chip! That'd be good, how about some, mint chocolate chip?


204. “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing.”


205. “Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did…”


206. “Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.” Michael Scott


207. “Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”


208. Okay, imagine a company that has no memory of your past misconduct because they have no files.


209. You cheated on me?....When I specifically asked you not to?


210. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” – Michael Scott


211. And I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do.


212. “I go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes.”


213. “I’m Beyoncé, always.”


214. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.


215. Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.


216. “There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.”


217. “May your hats fly as high as your dreams.”


218. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” – Michael Scott


219. “‘You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me?’ Raging Bull, Pacino.”


220. Adapt. React. Re-adapt. Act. All right? That's rule number two.


221. “I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.”


222. The worst thing about prison was the dementors.


223. “You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!” – Michael Scott


224. “Uh oh. Looks like Santa was a little naughty.”


225. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”


226. “It’s Britney, bitch.”


227. “I have a cause. It is 'cause' I hate him.”


228. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown."


229. “They always say that it’s a mistake to hire your friends. And they are right. So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get!?”


230. You know, sometimes to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star, incredibly far away. And our problems don't matter to him because we're just a distant point of light. But he feels sorry for me because he has an incredibly powerful microscope, and he can see my face. I'm okay. No, I'm not.


231. Leaders never tolerate foolishness.


232. “Do you want to be feared or loved? Well, it depends… Michael Scott from the hit TV show The Office poses this question in the episode “Scott’s Tots”.


233. “They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you’re lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that’s crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.” – Michael Scott


234. “Well, well, well, how the turntables.”


235. “There are four kinds of business. Tourism, food service, railroads, and sales. And hospitals, slash manufacturing and air travel.”


236. “It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.” – Michael Scott


237. I'm in love! I was hit by Cupid's sparrow.


238. “Leader. Ship. The word ‘ship’ is hidden inside the word ‘leadership,’ as its… derivation.”


239. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So, I’m wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott


240. “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.” Michael Scott


241. May your hats fly as high as your dreams.


242. “Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don’t you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.” – Michael Scott


243. “I am faster than 80 percent of all snakes.”


244. “I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?” – Michael Scott


245. “I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do.”


246. “Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you’re in it.”


247. “If you’re afraid to fail then you’re probably going to fail.”Kobe Bryant


248. “This is where I fell in love with you, and this is where I ask you to marry me.”


249. Hey Jim. I thought that we would be desk buddies while they changed my carpet.


250. “My philosophy is, basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don’t, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or, or where you’ve been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.”


251. “And I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do.”


252. “Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.”


253. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.”


254. Did you get lucky? Oh! Boink!


255. “it Just Seems Awfully Mean. But Sometimes, The Ends Justify The Mean.” — Michael Scott


256. “If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus…Or the front of the bus or drive the bus.” – Michael Scott


257. “Oh, you’re paying way too much for worms. Who’s your worm guy?”


258. “You need to play to win. But… you also need to win… to play.”


259. Well, just keep the tags on and you can return it.


260. Banana fana fo fanley.


261. Tell Alan that the Mets suck! Okay? From me, big time. Go Pirates!


262. “I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” Michael Scott


263. White collar. Blue collar. But I don't see it that way. You know why not? Because I am 'collar blind'."


264. “Would I rather be feared or loved? That’s easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”


265. Homo sapiens."


266. “There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles and find true love.” – Michael Scott


267. “Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.” — Michael Scott


268. “Is there something besides ‘Mexican’ you prefer to be called? Something less offensive?” – Michael Scott


269. “The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive like I did when I was a homeless man.”


270. “You know, a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated.”


271. “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” Michael Scott


272. “You can’t put words back in your mouth.”


273. “Abraham Lincoln once said that, ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’ And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.”


274. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” Michael Scott


275. “No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs…Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?” – Michael Scott


276. “OK. Too many different words coming at me from too many different sentences.”


277. “Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.”


278. Leaders are straightforward.


279. I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.


280. Always go for better if it exists. Sometimes this is all there is to improve yourself.” – Michael Scott


281. “It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don’t expect everybody to understand.”


282. It's never too early for ice cream.


283. Existing chaos does not confuse a leader.


284. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott


285. Leaders know how to pinpoint things.


286. “I know it’s illegal in Pennsylvania, but it’s for charity, and I consider myself a great philanderer.”


287. “I already won the lottery. I was born in the U.S. of A, baby. And as backup I have a Swiss passport.”


288. “Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn’t connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.” Michael Scott


289. “The people you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.”


290. “We’re all homos. Homo… Sapiens.”


291. “Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.” — Michael Scott


292. “The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they would come down and they would suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!”


293. “If you pray hard enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.”


294. “I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40, I had less money than I did when I was 30.”


295. “People underestimate the power of nostalgia. Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck.”


296. That’s why it’s called a joke.” – Michael Scott


297. “I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.” Michael Scott


298. If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. That's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.


299. Sometimes you don’t get the recognition until the end.


300. “I’m sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans!” – Michael Scott


301. “If you don’t believe in yourself, nobody’s going to believe in you. And once you get that belief and confidence, then anything is possible.”


302. Leaders know the importance of love.


303. It is St. Patrick's Day. And here in Scranton, that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.


304. “It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don’t expect everyone to understand.”


305. “You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons. And then, you will have a book that is worth its weight in gold.”


306. “There were these huge bins of clothes and everybody was rifling through them like crazy. And I grabbed one and it fit! So, I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.” – Michael Scott


307. “St. Patrick’s Day is the closest thing the Irish have to Christmas.”


308. “The only problem is whenever I try to make a taco, I get too excited and crush it.”


309. “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.” Michael Scott


310. “Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” – Michael Scott


311. “I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.” – Michael Scott


312. “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.” – Michael Scott quotes.


313. “Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So, he’s not really a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced… so he’s not really a part of his family.” – Michael Scott


314. I stopped caring a long time ago. — Creed Bratton


315. I don't leave 'til tomorrow, so... Tomorrow I will be a wreck.


316. So, um, one o'clock sharp and we've got a game on.


317. I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It's every parents' dream.


318. You need to play to win. But… you also need to win… to play.


319. “If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.”


320. You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one but fool me twice, strike three.


321. “I love inside jokes. Love to be a part of one someday.” Michael Scott


322. “It takes you thirty seconds to brush your teeth? Wow, that’s ten times as long as it takes me.”


323. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott


324. “Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.” – Michael Scott


325. “i Am Beyoncé, Always.” — Michael Scott


326. Pam, in order to get hotter, you take the glasses off. You're moving in the wrong direction. I don't have my contacts. I can't even hear you. It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist."


327. “There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.” – Michael Scott


328. “I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero?… I really can’t say, but yes!”


329. Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.


330. “Christmas is awesome. First of all, you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What’s better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents.”


331. Saw 'Inception'. Or at least I dreamt I did…


332. This is a dream that I've had…since lunch…and I'm not giving it up now.


333. “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky. ” – Michael Scott


334. “Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square… named for the good times you have when you’re in it.” – Michael Scott


335. “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo. Always keep the bar raised no matter what.”


336. “Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” – Michael Scott


337. “You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?”


338. “PowerPoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat.”


339. Leaders make their people feel comfortable.


340. “Always set yourself apart from your competition.”


341. “There were these huge bins of clothes and everybody was rifling through them like crazy. And I grabbed one and it fit! So I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.”


342. “I love banter, but I hate witty banter.”


343. “I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parents’ dream.”


344. Leaders treat everyone equally.


345. And I am a shark, who eats doggie dogs."


346. I am running away from my responsibilities and it feels good. — Michael Scott


347. “The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.”


348. “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.”


349. “I am Beyonce, always.”


350. I understand nothing. — Michael Scott


351. Can you imagine how much blood there was? If it happened right here, it would reach all the way to reception. Probably get on Pam.


352. “When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don’t come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.” – Michael Scott


353. “I am dead inside.”


354. “Oh, this is gonna feel so good getting this thing off my chest… that’s what she said.” – Michael Scott


355. “I have got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.“ Michael Scott


356. “that's What She Said.” — Michael Scott


357. And it is my job to get them all the way through to acceptance, and, if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job.


358. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” – Michael Scott


359. “I understand nothing.”


360. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”


361. I'd like to start today, by inspiring you. May I borrow someone's textbook, please? You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons. And then, you will have…a book that is worth its weight in gold.


362. “Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.” – Michael Scott


363. “Find out if there are any skeletons in his attic.”


364. “People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.”


365. “I am going to drop a deuce on everybody.”


366. “You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.”


367. I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat. — Pam Beesly


368. “I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?”


369. Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.


370. “I don’t want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who’s undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.” – Michael Scott


371. I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.


372. “Oh, yeah, it’s bad. It’s real bad. It’s like eating a hot circle of garbage.”


373. “Good managers don’t fire. They hire and inspire.”


374. “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.”


375. “You need to play to win. But you also have to win to play.” Michael Scott


376. You may look around and see two groups here: white-collar, blue-collar. But I don't see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.


377. “I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”


378. “Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?”


379. “Just pretend like we’re talking until the cops leave.”


380. “I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.” – Michael Scott


381. Do I want to be feared or loved? That’s a good question. I want both. I people to be afraid of how much they love me!


382. “I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it’ll suck.” – Michael Scott


383. When I was Ryan’s age, I worked in a fast food restaurant to save up money for school. And then I lost it in a pyramid scheme. But I learned more about business right then and there than business school would ever teach me.


384. “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.”


385. “The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.” – Michael Scott


386. “This is Christmas spirit, as in spirits, booze.”


387. Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.


388. To what do I owe this great honor, David Wallace?


389. “I’m dead inside.”


390. “Mini cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?”


391. “You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice … strike three.”


392. “That’s what she said!” – Michael Scott


393. Leaders never leave their obligation.


394. Leaders find ways.


395. The best leadership is equal to withstanding what seems impossible.


396. When he transitioned into 'Prison Mike'.


397. “Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn’t moving, you might think she was dead.” – Michael Scott


398. “Hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go. ‘Cause of your butt.”


399. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” – Michael Scott


400. “They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office — but I will.”


401. “I declare bankruptcy!”


402. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy."


403. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are the best possible information."


404. “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.”


405. You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.


406. The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they'd come down and they'd suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!


407. “When Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair. Then I’ll have two chairs. Only one to go.”


408. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, 'Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth.'"


409. “Abraham Lincoln once said that, ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’ And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.” – Michael Scott


410. Pam. Pamela. Pam-elama-ding-dong. Making copies.


411. “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.”


412. A good leadership prolongs friendship.


413. “People say I’m the best boss”.


414. “I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket.”


415. “Oh, look! A Sbarro. My favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice!” – Michael Scott


416. I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke.


417. “Granted, maybe this wasn’t the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.”


418. “Guess what, I have flaws.”


419. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”


420. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.” – Michael Scott


421. “and I Knew Exactly What To Do. But In A Much More Real Sense, I Had No Idea What To Do.” — Michael Scott


422. That is sort of an oaky afterbirth.


423. “You should never settle for who you are. Always go for better if it exists. Sometimes this is all there is to improve yourself.”


424. Wow, graphs and charts, somebody's really been doing their homework. Looks like USA Today.


425. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott


426. “I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.”


427. “Planking is one of those things where, eh, you either get it or you don’t. And I don’t. But I am so excited to be a part of it.”


428. It's important that this company celebrates its diversity.


429. “You should never settle for who you are.”


430. I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl so I'm wise and I have worms.


431. I just want to bang on this mug all day.” – Michael Scott


432. “You may look around and see two groups here: white-collar, blue-collar. But I don’t see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”


433. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott


434. “Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.”


435. “Today, smoking is going to save lives.”


436. True leaders show empathy.


437. A leader leads his people to choose better.


438. “You ever seen a foot with four toes?”


439. “I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”


440. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are the best possible information.”


441. “But apart from the fact that I just don’t think that’s a good idea, it might be impossible to do that show today and have people accept it the way it was accepted 10 years ago. The climate’s different. I mean, the whole idea of that character, Michael Scott, so much of it was predicated on inappropriate behavior. I mean, he’s certainly not a model boss. A lot of what is depicted on that show is completely wrong-minded. That’s the point, you know? But I just don’t know how that would fly now. There’s a very high awareness of offensive things today—which is good, for sure. But at the same time, when you take a character like that too literally, it doesn’t really work.”


442. Recognize Your Weaknesses


443. Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, 'Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth.'


444. “It’s simply beyond words. It’s incalculable.”


445. “I understand nothing.” Michael Scott


446. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” Michael Scott


447. “When I discovered YouTube, I didn’t work for five days.”


448. “Would I rather be feared or loved? That’s easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott


449. “Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.”


450. “Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.” – Michael Scott


451. “I am at a moral crossroads.


452. If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.


453. “Number 8. Learn how to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.”


454. “No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” – Michael Scott


455. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott


456. “The people here are amazing debaters. I guess you can say they are master-baters.”


457. Uh, oh, ok; if I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and die, you can have my job, ok? Why don't you just go… away?


458. “People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.” – Michael Scott


459. “When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! Ok?” – Michael Scott


460. Jimbo! Ha haaaaa. Ah.


461. “When I was seven, my mother hired a pony and a cart to come to my house for all the kids. And I got a really bad rash. From the pony. had to go inside, and my mother was rubbing cream on me, for probably three hours, and I never came outside. And by the time I got out, the pony was already in the truck and around the corner. So that was my worst birthday.”


462. “My mind is going a mile an hour.” – Michael Scott


463. “Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was, no, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.” Michael Scott


464. “Go into every situation with confidence.”


465. “An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.” – Michael Scott


466. “I wanna do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not enough to make a big deal out of it, but I know everyone saw it. One stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.”


467. “Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work.”


468. When he displayed how he earned that "World's Best Boss" mug on his desk:


469. I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them. — Andy Bernard


470. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.” Michael Scott


471. “This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she’s cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago.” – Michael Scott


472. Assemble a sales team. A dream team.


473. Assistant to the regional manager Dwight.


474. “If there’s a conflict, always attempt to strike a balance between opposing sides.”


475. Whether you're scared of dying, or dying alone, or dying drunk in a ditch, don't be. It's going to be OK.


476. “Me think, why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick.”


477. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott


478. Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.


479. “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” – Michael Scott


480. Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.


481. “Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?” – Michael Scott


482. “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.”


483. I learned a while back that if I do not text 911, people do not return my calls.


484. I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate…no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it…Nike.


485. “Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don’t you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.”


486. Take action and believe in yourself. Dreams do come true.


487. “I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candy Pams. And perhaps some Pam chops…with mint.”


488. “I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be okay.” – Michael Scott


489. “It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.”


490. “They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office — but I will.” – Michael Scott


491. “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends, and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.” – Michael Scott


492. “I don’t want to work. I just want to bang on this mug all day.”


493. “I had a great summer. I got west nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it…” – Michael Scott


494. “I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.”


495. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth.’” – Michael Scott


496. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl, so I’m wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott


497. “They say on your deathbed you never wish you had spent more time in the office- but I will.”


498. In no particular order.” – Michael Scott


499. “Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.”


500. “Webster’s Dictionary defines a wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.”


501. “Trust your people.”


502. For my new year's resolution, I gave up drinking...during the week. — Meredith Palmer


503. “Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah of course. A bunch of ’em. My employees.” – Michael Scott


504. “I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.”


505. “Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s not really a part of his family.” Michael Scott


506. “I’m 30. Well, in November I’ll be 30.”


507. “I am Beyoncé, always.”


508. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what.


509. “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.”


510. “You should never settle for who you are.” Michael Scott


511. “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” – Michael Scott


512. “Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘wedding’ as ‘the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.’ Well you know something? I think you guys are two medals. Gold medals”


513. To Oscar Martinez, it's the 'Show Me the Money' award! Yeah!


514. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”


515. “Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”


516. “You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party.”


517. Ughh… Blech.


518. “Unbelievable. I do the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for these people and they freak-out. Well happy birthday Jesus, sorry your party’s so lame.”


519. “I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? … I really can’t say, but yes!” – Michael Scott


520. “The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family.”


521. Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.” Michael Scott


522. “Pizza: the great equalizer.” – Michael Scott


523. “Sometimes you just gots to get your freak on.”


524. “I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.”


525. I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.


526. Nikola is a Wordpress expert who makes sure everything runs smoothly on our website. Wordpress optimization and on-site SEO are both his bread and butter.


527. “I am Beyonce, always.” – Michael Scott


528. “Dwight, you ignorant slut!”


529. The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them.


530. Leaders do have information to grasp.


531. I… Declare…. Bankruptcy!


532. “An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true.“ Michael Scott


533. “I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon.”


534. “Ryan’s about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I’m like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.”


535. Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.


536. You don't know me, you've just seen my penis.


537. Actually, it was… No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.” – Michael Scott


538. A confident leader is charistmatic.


539. “i Declare Bankruptcy!” — Michael Scott


540. In no particular order."


541. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.” Michael Scott


542. “I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number.”


543. Hi, Jan! Hope you brought the Milk Duds!


544. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”


545. “If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus or the front of the bus or drive the bus.” Michael Scott


546. “I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and have worms.”


547. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”


548. Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.


549. “There is no such thing as an appropriate joke, that’s why it’s a joke.”


550. Yeah. Jim. Slim Jim. What's going on?


551. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”


552. “I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go.” – Michael Scott


553. “I say dance, they say ‘How high?’” – Michael Scott


554. “Yesterday I was scrapping some gunk off my wall sockets with a metal fork and gave myself the nastiest shock. And when I came to I had an epiphery. Life is precious. And if I die, I want my son to know the dealio. The dealio of life.”


555. “I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.”


556. Stanley! Bo banley.


557. “I am running away from my responsibilities, and it feels good.”


558. You should never settle for who you are.


559. “I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman’s gotta take off his cape.”


560. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject so you know you are getting the best possible information.”


561. “I run a small fake-ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the sheriff’s station.”


562. “Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice.”


563. “Not necessary, the party planning committee is all over it. They’ve been working 24/7 all day yesterday.”


564. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like this compulsive need like my need to be praised.”


565. “Accept your flaws and make an effort to change them.”


566. There are 5 stages to grief which are…[reading from computer] Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. And right now, out there, they are all denying the fact that they’re sad and that’s hard and it’s making them all angry. And it is my job to get them all the way through to Acceptance and if not Acceptance then Depression… If I can get them depressed, then I’ll have done my job.


567. Hi, Ryan. This is Saddam Hussein.


568. “Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.”


569. “Having a baby is exhausting. Having two babies? Now that’s just mean.”


570. “Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.” – Michael Scott


571. “Business is a doggie dog world.”


572. “I mean, who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of game is that?”


573. Oh, I want that footage, I want it. I need it.


574. “I am so sick of February. It’s the shortest month but it sure doesn’t feel that way.”


575. “I’d like to start today, by inspiring you. May I borrow someone’s textbook, please? You cannot learn, from books. Replace these pages with life lessons. And then, you will have…a book that is worth its weight in gold.”


576. Movie Monday! The only cure I know for the Monday blues is… Varsity Blues!


577. “sometimes I'll Start A Sentence And I Don't Even Know Where It's Going. I Just Hope I Find It Along The Way.” — Michael Scott


578. “Fun fact: I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So, I have a perfect ice breaker if I ever meet Teri Hatcher.”


579. “Never, ever, ever, give up.” – Michael Scott quotes


580. A leader has to sacrifice in order to win.


581. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.” – Michael Scott


582. “If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about? What am I working toward?


583. “I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go.” Michael Scott


584. “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”


585. “I am Beyonce, always.” Michael Scott


586. You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party.


587. “Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn’t connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.” – Michael Scott


588. “I’m such a perfectionist that I’d kinda rather not do it at all, than do a crappy version.”


589. “Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It’s like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth.” Michael Scott


590. “You know what they say, ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice…strike three.’” – Michael Scott


591. “I am not great with kids. But I want to get better because I’m getting married. So, I put out a bunch of extra candy on my desk so the kids would come talk to me… like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.”


592. “Okay, too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.”


593. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little ‘stitious.”


594. “It’s not like booze ever killed anyone.”


595. Break me off a piece of that...fancy feast. — Andy Bernard


596. “I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” – Michael Scott


597. Hey, you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends do."


598. “So, the guy shows me the deck he’s built. And I’m like, ‘I’ll call this a deck if it’ll make you happy… but this is just a porch without a roof.'”


599. “Mmm. Sort of an oaky afterbirth.”


600. My own. Am I a hero?… I really can’t say, but yes!” – Michael Scott


601. “I’m fast. To give you a reference point. I’m somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther.”


602. “I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parents’ dream.” – Michael Scott


603. You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice...strike three.


604. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”


605. “Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what.”


606. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”


607. I'm not getting dressed. I'm not getting dressed. I have too many things to do before I get dressed. I need to find a hundred clients.


608. A leader should consider his members as valuable and special as himself.


609. “Where are the turtles?!”


610. “About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.” – Michael Scott


611. “The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.”


612. Oh; Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year.


613. It wasn't just an action movie, it was 'Die Hard'!


614. Leaders never judge.


615. “I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott


616. “i'm Not Superstitious But I'm A Little Stitious.” — Michael Scott


617. “I want you to rub butter on my foot…Pam, please? I have Country Crock.” – Michael Scott


618. I will give you a hint: His last name is Christ; He has the power of flight and can heal leopards.”


619. “If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.”


620. “Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.” – Michael Scott


621. “Friends joke with one another. ‘Hey, you’re poor.’ ‘Hey, your momma’s dead.’ That’s what friends do.” – Michael Scott


622. “Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say “Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth.”


623. “Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice.” – Michael Scott


624. A leader knows how to handle genuine love.


625. “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” – Michael Scott


626. Ryan's about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I'm like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.

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