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600 Best Inspirational Ted Lasso Quotes: Funniest Comedy

1. “If y’all were really introverts, you would’ve been quiet as a church mouse. Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won’t shut up.”


2. “Tea and I are still on a lifelong hiatus.” - Ted Lasso


3. You two knuckleheads have split our locker room in half. And when it comes to locker rooms, I like 'em just like my mother's bathing suits. I only wanna see 'em in one piece, you hear?


4. “I have a really tricky time hearing folks that don’t believe in themselves.” - Ted Lasso


5. “I thought you quit smoking.” - Ted Lasso


6. “You could fill two internets with what I don’t know about football.”


7. “As the man once said, the harder you work, the luckier you get.” – Ted lasso


8. “I come bearing sweet treats to numb the sting of defeat.” – Ted Lasso


9. “What I can tell you is that with the exception of the wit and wisdom of Calvin and Hobbes, not much lasts forever.” – Ted Lasso


10. “I’m looking forward to the definition of relegation.” -Ted Lasso


11. “I like the idea of someone becoming rich because of what they gave to the world, not just because of who their family is.” – Sam Obisanya


12. “When it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece.”


13. “I have a real tricky time hearing folks that don’t believe in themselves.”


14. “I suppose the best brand is being yourself.”


15. Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson, on a high.


16. Hey, you two are like Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner, you know? Or, uh, Frank Sinatra and Mia Farrow. Or Frank and... Actually, you know what? I'm starting to realize that Ol' Blue Eyes might've skewed mercurial.


17. “If I didn’t have any confidence, I never would’ve worn pajamas to my prom and ended up in jail the rest of that night.” - Ted Lasso


18. “Little girls are mysterious. And silly and powerful. I gave up trying to figure them out years ago.”


19. “I’m gonna put it the same way the US Supreme Court did back in 1964 when they defined pornography. It ain’t easy to explain, but you know it when you see it.” -Ted Lasso


20. “I think one of the neatest things about being a coach is the connection you get to make with your players.” – Ted lasso


21. “I suppose the best brand is being yourself.” – Leslie Higgins


22. “This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off of it either.”


23. “Don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you.” - Ted Lasso


24. “You gonna give me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. That’s a combo. Does it come with a medium drink?” - Ted Lasso


25. “Great party game, horrible relationship status.” - Ted Lasso


26. “You’re Not Quitting Ted, You’re Just Letting Me Go.” – Ted lasso


27. You should do a TED Talk, 'cause right now you're getting a whole heap of 'Ted listen.'


28. Like I always say, sometimes the best stew is the one you leave sitting on the stove overnight 'cause you fell asleep watching Citizen Kane after too many beers.


29. “You have no idea the power of rhyming in this go**amn country.”


30. “Knock-a-doodle-doo!”


31. “As the man once said, the harder you work, the luckier you get.” - Ted Lasso


32. “I’ve never met someone who doesn’t eat sugar. Only heard about ’em, and they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica.” – Ted Lasso


33. “It’s like a muffin, except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth.” – Ted Lasso


34. “Guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, and it was painted on the wall there. It said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that.”


35. “He thinks he's mad now, wait till we win him over.” - Ted Lasso


36. “Living in the moment, it’s a gift. That’s why they call it the present.” – Ted Lasso


37. “Coach, I got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” - Ted Lasso


38. “That right there, that’s a scone. Tastes like a muffin except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth.” – Ted lasso


39. “You should do a TED Talk, ’cause right now you’re getting a whole heap of ‘Ted listen.'”


40. On Rebecca: "She's got some fences, alright, but you just gotta hop over 'em."


41. “I think things come into our lives to help us get from one place to a better one.”


42. “You’re telling me I could shatter every bone in my body, someone could just drop me off in front of any old hospital, dumped into a garbage can or something, and y’all patch me up, and I don’t have to pay jack squat? I tell you; I love this country.” - Ted Lasso


43. On the Diamond Dogs: "It's just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air."


44. “I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that's being alone and being sad. Ain't no one in this room alone.” - Ted Lasso


45. “Oh, God. I’m very nervous. But also very excited. That’s similar to whenever Colin drives me somewhere in his Lamborghini.” - Sam Obisanya


46. “Look, we are not playing for a tie. Ain’t nobody here gonna kiss their sister…which is an American phrase that I’m now realizing does not exist here, and that’s good, ’cause it’s creepy, and I hate it myself; I don’t know why I said it.” - Ted Lasso


47. And finally, "You say impossible, but all I hear is 'I'm possible.'"


48. “It’s sometimes good to bottle things up. That’s how we get pickles!” - Ted Lasso


49. “I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being alone and being sad. Ain’t nobody in this room alone. Let’s be sad now. Let’s be sad together. And then we can be a gosh-darn goldfish. Onward. Forward.” - Ted Lasso


50. We all know speed is important. But being able to stop and change directions quickly? Well, that's like Kanye's 808s & Heartbreak. It don't get nearly enough credit.


51. “I gotta say, man, sometimes you remind me of my grandma with the channel hopper. You just push all the wrong buttons.” – Ted Lasso


52. “You could fill two internets with what I don’t know about football.” - Ted Lasso


53. “Living in the moment, it’s a gift. That’s why they call it the present.” - Ted Lasso


54. “Even Woody and Buzz got under each other’s plastic.”


55. “The same thing that makes you cry knowing they existed are the same things that make you cry knowing they’re gone.” – Ted lasso


56. “If God wanted games to end in a tie, She wouldn’t have invented numbers, all right?” - Ted Lasso


57. “If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at 3 o’clock every day, about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth.” - Ted Lasso


58. “Coach, I got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” – Ted lasso


59. “Will you explain to me how that was offside? No! I’m asking you. Seriously! Explain offside to me. It makes no sense.” – Ted Lasso


60. You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don't wanna hear it. All right?


61. If the internet has taught us anything, it's that sometimes it's easier to speak our minds anonymously.


62. “Guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, and it was painted on the wall there. It said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that.” - Ted Lasso


63. “It's just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air.” - Ted Lasso


64. “I come bearing sweet treats to numb the sting of defeat.” - Ted Lasso


65. “That Rebecca is an intimidating and very tall woman.” - Keeley Jones


66. “If we see each other in our dreams, let’s goof around a little bit, pretend like we don’t know each other.” -Ted Lasso


67. “What do you say we do what the man says and make today our masterpiece?” - Ted Lasso


68. “Takin’ on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse. If you’re comfortable while you’re doin’ it, you’re probably doing it wrong.” – Ted lasso


69. “I feel like we fell out of a lucky tree, hit every branch on the way down, ended up in a pool full of cash and Sour Patch Kids.” -Ted Lasso


70. “Yeah, I’d love to see Abbey Road.” -Ted Lasso


71. “In my mind, you gotta have three things to be a Premier League team. 1) You gotta play physical. 2) you gotta give 100 percent until the final whistle and 3) you gotta be sponsored by a Middle-Eastern airline.”


72. “I like my water like Kyrie Irving likes his earth. Flat.” - Ted Lasso


73. “You could fill two internets with what I don’t know about football.” – Ted Lasso


74. “She’s got some fences, alright, but you just gotta hop over ’em.” - Ted Lasso


75. “You tore your butt. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.” – Ted Lasso


76. “Enjoy your trophies for winning nothing.” - Roy Kent


77. I do love a locker room. It smells like potential.


78. “There’s two buttons I never like to hit, alright? And that’s ‘panic’ and ‘snooze.’” — Ted Lasso


79. I always figured that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right. Yeah, it's horrible. No, thank you.


80. On limbo: "Great party game, horrible relationship status."


81. “It’s sometimes good to bottle things up. That’s how we get pickles!” – Ted Lasso


82. “You deserve someone who makes you feel like you’ve been struck by f*cking lightning. Don’t you dare settle for fine.” – Roy Kent


83. “There’s two buttons I never like to hit, alright? And that’s ‘panic’ and ‘snooze.’” – Ted Lasso


84. “I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad. And that is being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.” – Ted lasso


85. “In my mind, you gotta have three things to be a Premier League team. One, you gotta play physical, two, you gotta give 100% until the final whistle, and three, you gotta be sponsored by a Middle-Eastern airline.” – Ted Lasso


86. “Because he’s the one, coach. If we’re gonna make an impact here, the first domino needs to fall right inside of that man’s heart.” – Ted Lasso


87. “Well, as my doctor told me when I got addicted to fettuccine Alfredo, that’s a little rich for my blood.” - Ted Lasso


88. “As the man once said, the harder you work, the luckier you get.” -Ted Lasso


89. I haven't seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser.


90. “Divorce is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one leaving or if…you’re the one who got left. It makes folks do crazy things.” – Ted lasso


91. What I can tell you is that with the exception of the wit and wisdom of Calvin and Hobbes, not much lasts forever.


92. For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It's about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.


93. “I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad. And that is being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.”


94. “This is a sad moment right here. For all of us. And there ain’t nothing I can say, standing in front of you right now, that can take that away. But please do me this favor, will you? Lift your heads up and look around this locker room. Yeah? Look at everybody else in here. And I want you to be grateful that you’re going through this sad moment with all these other folks.” - Ted Lasso


95. “Come on Rob! You gotta get it in there to get three points!”


96. I think one of the neatest things about being a coach is the connection you get to make with your players. That's a loss that hits me a lot harder and is gonna stay with me a lot longer than anything that happens while playing a game on a patch of grass.


97. Jamie, I think that you might be so sure that you're one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there, you're just 1 of 11. And if you just figure out someway to turn that 'me' into 'us'...the sky's the limit for you.


98. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full SiblingWoman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples


99. “A bit of advice for being a boss. Hire your best friend.”


100. “Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage? You don’t love it. Its pigeon sweat.” - Ted Lasso


101. “It’s more than a game to me. It’s all I’ve ever known. It’s who I am. That’s all I am.” – Roy Kent


102. “I try to love my dad for who he is and forgive him for who he isn’t.”


103. “The second thing that you don’t want your opponent to know is that you’re tired.” - Ted Lasso


104. This is a sad moment right here. For all of us. And there ain't nothing I can say, standing in front of you right now, that can take that away. But please do me this favor, will you? Lift your heads up and look around this locker room. Yeah? Look at everybody else in here. And I want you to be grateful that you're going through this sad moment with all these other folks. Because I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being alone and being sad. Ain't nobody in this room alone. Let's be sad now. Let's be sad together. And then we can be a gosh-darn goldfish. Onward. Forward.


105. “I have a confession to make. I’ve never really cared about football. I know. I know it sounds insane, but I know how to act at a match. ‘Referee! Offside, you turnip!’”


106. “We’re gonna try it on and see if it fits. It might not. Then again, it might be a very flattering silhouette. I might wear it right out of the store. Makes me feel good, start to strut. Oooh, I like this. I like the way this makes me feel.” - Ted Lasso


107. “A palace made out of crystal seems mighty fragile to me.” – Ted lasso


108. “I’ve been to Vegas many times. One night is good, two nights is perfect, three is too many.”


109. On England's healthcare system: "You're telling me I could shatter every bone in my body, someone could just drop me off in front of any old hospital, dumped into a garbage can or something, and y'all patch me up, and I don't have to pay jack squat? I tell you, I love this country."


110. “Coach, I’m me. Why would I want to be anything else?” - Jamie Tartt


111. “Lift your heads up and look around this locker room. Yeah? Look at everybody else in here. And I want you to be grateful that you’re going through this sad moment with all these other folks. Because I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being alone and being sad. Ain’t nobody in this room alone.”


112. “I’m sort of famous for being almost famous.” - Keeley Jones


113. “That’s a special young man right there. Got talent for days, works hard, and he’s got a jawline like the White Cliffs of Dover. I’m always rooting for him.” – Ted Lasso


114. “We lost. Would have been closer but one of the goals got disallowed because apparently 9-year-olds aren’t allowed to do headers yet.”


115. On Jamie: "That's a special young man right there. Got talent for days, works hard, and he's got a jawline like the White Cliffs of Dover. I'm always rootin' for him."


116. “I think I literally have a better understanding of who killed Kennedy than what is offside... It was the mob.”


117. “Little tip for y’all. Fries are called chips. Chips are called crisps. And bangers aren’t great songs, but they do make you feel like dancing because they’re so darn tasty.” – Ted lasso


118. “You gonna give me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. That’s a combo. Does it come with a medium drink?” -Ted Lasso


119. “Because he’s the one, coach. If we’re gonna make an impact here, the first domino needs to fall right inside of that man’s heart.” - Ted Lasso


120. “Little tip for y’all. Fries are called chips. Chips are called crisps. And bangers aren’t great songs, but they do make you feel like dancing because they’re so darn tasty.”


121. “Be curious, not judgmental.”


122. “Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson — on a high!” - Ted Lasso


123. “You’re nearly 70, and you’re having a baby? I mean, what are you, a character from the Bible? When your kid hits puberty, you’ll be nothing but a pile of dust and a black Amex card.” - Rebecca Welton


124. “So I’ve been hearing this phrase y’all got over here that I ain’t too crazy about. ‘It’s the hope that kills you.’ Y’all know that? I disagree, you know. I think it’s the lack of hope that comes and gets you. See, I believe in hope. I believe in belief.” - Ted Lasso


125. “Ties and no playoffs? Why do you even do this?” - Ted Lasso


126. “A palace made out of crystal seems mighty fragile to me.”


127. “I’ve never met someone who doesn’t eat sugar. Only heard about ’em, and they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica.” -Ted Lasso


128. “In my mind, you gotta have three things to be a Premier League team. One, you gotta play physical, two, you gotta give 100 percent until the final whistle, and three, you gotta be sponsored by a Middle-Eastern airline.” -Ted Lasso


129. “There's two buttons I never like to hit: that's panic and snooze.” - Ted Lasso


130. “I always figured that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right. Yeah, it’s horrible. No, thank you.” -Ted Lasso


131. “What I can tell you is that with the exception of the wit and wisdom of Calvin and Hobbes, not much lasts forever.”


132. “You got Ronaldo and the fellow who bends it like himself.” - Ted Lasso


133. “She’s got some fences, alright, but you just gotta hop over ’em.” -Ted Lasso


134. “What do you have to be sad about? Did one of the Paw Patrol dogs die?” - Ted Lasso


135. “Living in the moment, it’s a gift. That’s why they call it the present.”


136. “I think I literally have a better understanding of who killed Kennedy than what is offside… it was the mob.” - Ted Lasso


137. “You are more mysterious than David Blaine reading a Sue Grafton novel at Area 51.” – Ted lasso


138. “If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at 3 o’clock every day, about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth.” – Ted lasso


139. “Most adults think kids need to be constantly entertained. It’s bulls**t. I didn’t need a f***ing parade every day growing up, did you? Truth is—they just want to feel like they’re part of our lives. Little idiots.”


140. “I’m not sure what y’all’s smallest unit of measurement is here, but that’s about how much headway I made.” – Ted lasso


141. “Look, we are not playing for a tie. Ain’t nobody here gonna kiss their sister…which is an American phrase that I’m now realizing does not exist here, and that’s good, ’cause it’s creepy, and I hate it myself; I don’t know why I said it.” -Ted Lasso


142. “Look, let me ask you one question. You’re a great man. Does Jane make you greater?”


143. “You live, you die, you’re done. End of story. Good night.”


144. “I can diagnose myself in a heartbeat. I thought being invulnerable would protect me, so I pushed people away for years, leading me directly to my greatest fear—being alone. Big whoop.” – Rebecca Welton


145. “Well, as my doctor told me when I got addicted to fettuccine Alfredo, that’s a little rich for my blood.” -Ted Lasso


146. “You deserve someone who makes you feel like you’ve been struck by lightning. Don’t you dare settle for fine.” — Roy Kent


147. “I like the idea of someone becoming rich, because of what they gave to the world. Not just because of who their family is.” - Sam Obisanya


148. “Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. I don’t know why y’all do that.” - Ted Lasso


149. “I’m not sure you realize how psychologically healthy that actually is.” - Ted Lasso


150. Guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, and it was painted on the wall there. It said, 'Be curious, not judgmental.' I like that.


151. “In all my happiest memories, I’m single. That troubles me.”


152. “I haven’t seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser.”


153. “Coach, I got feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”


154. “Coach Beard’s views on romantic relationships are not too dissimilar from his views on cooking steak. You know, you spend any more than five minutes on one — it loses its flavor.” - Ted Lasso


155. There's a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter. Heck, someone made an account for my mustache.


156. “Fellas, I could watch you do this jaunty North Korean military thing you do all day, but I need a favor.” -Ted Lasso


157. “Back where I’m from, you try to end a game in a tie; well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse.” – Ted Lasso


158. “Sometimes the best way to stick it to the man is to go right between his legs.” – Ted Lasso


159. “That’s the funny thing about coincidences, ain’t it? Sometimes they just happen.” - Ted Lasso


160. On famous soccer players: "You got Ronaldo and the fellow who bends it like himself."


161. “You two knuckleheads have split our locker room in half. And when it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece, you hear?” - Ted Lasso


162. “Seems like a smurf with an attitude would be a lot of fun to watch.”


163. “I like my water like Kyrie Irving likes his Earth. Flat.” – Ted lasso


164. “I like my water like Kyrie Irving likes his Earth. Flat.”


165. “I want to be with her. All her, all the time. Is that love or do I just have a problem?”


166. “I know change can be scary. One minute, you are playing freeze tag out there at recess with all your buddies. Next thing you know, you’re getting zits, your voice gets low. And every time your art teacher, Ms. Scanlon, leans over your desk to check and see how your project’s going, you feel all squiggly inside.” - Ted Lasso


167. “If the Lasso way is wrong, it’s hard to imagine being right.” – Trent Crim


168. “I’ve been to Vegas many times. One night is good, two nights is perfect, three is too many.” - Coach Beard


169. “Old people are so wise. They’re like tall Yodas.” - Jamie Tartt


170. “Ice cream is the best. It's kinda like seeing Billy Joel perform live. Never disappoints.” - Ted Lasso


171. “Hey, Siri. Play the ‘Roy is sorry for not understanding Keeley’s playlist.'”


172. Here's an idea that's gonna help a little or hurt a whole lot. Who needs a drink?


173. “I haven’t seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser.” – Ted lasso


174. “We’re gonna call this drill ‘The Exorcist’ ’cause it’s all about controlling possession.” – Ted lasso


175. “Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage? You don’t love it. Its pigeon sweat.” -Ted Lasso


176. “I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we.” -Ted Lasso


177. “I’m looking forward to the definition of relegation.” – Ted Lasso


178. “It’s funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry just knowing that they existed, can then become the same thing that make you cry knowing that they’re now gone.” - Ted Lasso


179. You know how they say that 'youth is wasted on the young'? Well, I say don't let the wisdom of age be wasted on you. I just came up with that. I feel pretty good about it.


180. “Don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you.” – Ted Lasso


181. “I suppose the best brand is being yourself.” - Leslie Higgins


182. “If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at 3 o’clock every day, about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth.”


183. “I have a really tricky time hearing folks that don’t believe in themselves.” – Ted Lasso


184. “You had me at coach.” - Roy Kent


185. “Well, normally right back to the counter because there’s been a terrible mistake.” - Ted Lasso


186. I come bearing sweet treats to numb the sting of defeat.


187. “You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t wanna hear it. All right?” -Ted Lasso


188. “There’s no greater education than travel.”


189. “You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t want to hear it.”


190. “Will you explain to me how that was offside? No! I’m asking you. Seriously! Explain offside to me. It makes no sense.” - Ted Lasso


191. “I don’t drink coffee. My mother always says I was born caffeinated.” – Dani Rojas


192. “I should go. I promised the boys we’d watch Empire Strikes Back tonight, and I have to get my thoughts together for when they ask about Luke and Leia making out.” - Leslie Higgins


193. “It’s funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry just knowing that they existed, can then become the same thing that make you cry knowing that they’re now gone.”


194. “This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off of it, either.” – Ted Lasso


195. I think that if you care about someone and you got a little love in your heart, there ain't nothing you can't get through together.


196. “As the man once said, the harder you work, the luckier you get.”


197. “Like I always say, sometimes the best stew is the one you leave sitting on the stove overnight ’cause you fell asleep watching Citizen Kane after too many beers.” - Ted Lasso


198. “It’s just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air.” -Ted Lasso


199. “I’ve never met someone who doesn’t eat sugar. Only heard about ’em, and they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica.” - Ted Lasso


200. “I think that you might be so sure that you're one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there you're just one in 11.” - Ted Lasso


201. I gotta say, man, sometimes you remind me of my grandma with the channel hopper. You just push all the wrong buttons.


202. “I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we.” – Ted lasso


203. “I want you to know, I value each of your opinions, even when you’re wrong.” – Ted Lasso


204. “Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson — on a high!”


205. “You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam.”


206. “I do love a locker room. It smells like potential.”


207. Rebecca Welton: “Do you believe in ghosts, Ted?”


208. “You tore your butt. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”


209. Explaining the offside rule in soccer: “I’m gonna put it the same way the US Supreme Court did back in 1964 when they defined pornography. It ain’t easy to explain, but you know it when you see it.” – Ted lasso


210. Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing.


211. “My relationship is the oxygen that gives me life.” – Leslie Higgins


212. “Little girls are mysterious. And silly and powerful. I gave up trying to figure them out years ago.” – Ted lasso


213. “You got Ronaldo and the fellow who bends it like himself.” -Ted Lasso


214. “A palace made out of crystal seems mighty fragile to me.” - Ted Lasso


215. “I Felt So Shaken Up”: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husband’s Conversation With Mother-In-LawGuy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down


216. “All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something real bad could happen.”


217. “I come bearing sweet treats to numb the sting of defeat.” -Ted Lasso


218. It's funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry just knowing that they existed, can then become the same thing that make you cry knowing that they're now gone.


219. “It’s kind of like back in the ’80s when ‘bad’ meant ‘good.’” – Ted Lasso


220. “Every disadvantage has its advantage.” - Rebecca Welton


221. “Yeah, I’d love to see Abbey Road.” - Ted Lasso


222. “So I’ve been hearing this phrase y’all got over here that I ain’t too crazy about. ‘It’s the hope that kills you.’ Y’all know that? I disagree, you know. I think it’s the lack of hope that comes and gets you. See, I believe in hope. I believe in belief.” -Ted Lasso


223. “I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me.” - Keeley Jones


224. “I’m sort of famous for being almost famous.”


225. “Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage? You don’t love it. It’s pigeon sweat.” – Ted Lasso


226. “We broke up… We’re back on.”


227. “Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts.” – Ted lasso


228. Be honest with me. It's a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren't around, y'all know it tastes like garbage? You don't love it. It's pigeon sweat.


229. “If I didn’t have any confidence, I never would’ve worn pyjamas to my prom and ended up in jail the rest of that night.” – Ted lasso


230. “You got Ronaldo and the fellow who bends it like himself.”


231. All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. If it ain't warmed up properly, something real bad could happen.


232. “This is my cat’s collar. She was a faithful companion for 20 years. Gonna miss you, Cindy Clawford.” - Leslie Higgins


233. “Rule number one: even though it’s called girl talk sometimes it needs to be more like girl listen. – Ted Lasso


234. “Little tip for y’all. Fries are called chips. Chips are called crisps. And bangers aren’t great songs, but they do make you feel like dancing because they’re so darn tasty.” - Ted Lasso


235. “I’ve never been embarrassed about having streaks in my drawers. You know, it’s all part of growing up.” – Ted lasso


236. “It’s like a muffin, except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth.” -Ted Lasso


237. “Divorce is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one leaving or if…you’re the one who got left. It makes folks do crazy things.” -Ted Lasso


238. “Roy, are you sure they still take paper tickets at airports? Like, is the plane gonna have propellers? Oh my God, am I gonna be able to smoke on the flight?” - Keeley


239. “Hey, takin’ on a challenge is a lot like ridin’ a horse. If you’re comfortable while you’re doin’ it, you’re probably doin’ it wrong.”


240. “I think if you care about someone and you got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothin you can’t get through together.”


241. “Call me old one more time.” - Roy Kent


242. “If God would have wanted games to end in a tie, she wouldn’t have invented numbers.” – Ted lasso


243. “For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.” -Ted Lasso


244. So I've been hearing this phrase y'all got over here that I ain't too crazy about. 'It's the hope that kills you.' Y'all know that? I disagree, you know? I think it's the lack of hope that comes and gets you. See, I believe in hope. I believe in belief.


245. “I haven’t seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser.” - Ted Lasso


246. “Be curious. Not judgmental.”


247. “On whether or not Ted believes in ghosts: I do. But more importantly, I think they need to believe in themselves.” - Ted Lasso


248. “Hey, Siri. Play the ‘Roy is sorry for not understanding Keeley’s playlist.’”


249. There's two buttons I never like to hit, alright? And that's 'panic' and 'snooze.'


250. “Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts.” - Ted Lasso


251. “For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.” – Ted lasso


252. “It’s kind of like back in the ’80s when ‘bad’ meant ‘good.’ ” – Ted lasso


253. “Even Woody and Buzz got under each other’s plastic.” - Ted Lasso


254. “On gambling: “Well, as my doctor told me when I got addicted to fettuccine Alfredo, that’s a little rich for my blood.” – Ted lasso


255. “Don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you.”


256. “I haven’t seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser.” -Ted Lasso


257. “Little girls are mysterious. And silly and powerful. I gave up trying to figure them out years ago.” - Ted Lasso


258. “F**k!”


259. “Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. I don’t know why y’all do that.” -Ted Lasso


260. “So I’ve been hearing this phrase y’all got over here that I ain’t too crazy about. ‘It’s the hope that kills you.’ Y’all know that? I disagree, you know? I think it’s the lack of hope that comes and gets you. See, I believe in hope. I believe in belief.”


261. “Coach Beard’s views on romantic relationships are not too dissimilar from his views on cooking steak. You know, you spend any more than five minutes on one — it loses its flavor.” -Ted Lasso


262. “If we see each other in our dreams, let’s goof around a little bit, pretend like we don’t know each other.” - Ted Lasso


263. “Every disadvantage has its advantage.” – Rebecca Welton


264. “Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn’t it? If you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong.” – Ted Lasso


265. “This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I'd hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn't be able take my eyes off of it, either.” - Ted Lasso


266. You are more mysterious than David Blaine reading a Sue Grafton novel at Area 51.


267. “I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there you’re just one in 11.” – Ted lasso


268. “I’d like to be reincarnated as a tiger—and then ravage anyone who looked at me wrong.” – Nathan Shelley


269. Sounds to me like someone's trapped inside life's most complicated shape: a love triangle. Second place of course is the 'I just walked in on my mother-in-law changing into her swimsuit' dodecahedron.


270. “I do love a locker room. Smells like potential. Am I getting notes of axe body spray? – Ted lasso


271. “That’s a real roller coaster there. Glad I was tall enough to go along on that ride.” – Ted Lasso


272. On whether or not he believes in ghosts: "I do. But more importantly, I think they need to believe in themselves. You know?"


273. “If God would have wanted games to end in a tie, she wouldn’t have invented numbers.”


274. “You are more mysterious than David Blaine reading a Sue Grafton novel at Area 51.” - Ted Lasso


275. “Sounds to me like someone’s trapped inside life’s most complicated shape. A love triangle. Second place of course is the ‘I just walked in on my mother-in-law changing into her swimsuit dodecahedron.'”


276. “If you care about someone, and you have a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothing you can’t get through together.” – Ted Lasso


277. “I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.”


278. “Smells like potential.”


279. “It’s kind of like back in the 80s when ‘bad’ meant ‘good.’ ” - Ted Lasso


280. “I don't know about you, but I had an absolute peach of a sunday.” - Ted Lasso


281. “I do yoga with a group of women in their sixties. They’ve no idea who I am. It’s twice a week, and it’s really good for my core.”


282. “I want you to know, I value each of your opinions, even when you’re wrong.” -Ted Lasso


283. “You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? It’s got a 12-second memory.” – Ted Lasso


284. “We’re gonna call this drill ‘The Exorcist’ cause it’s all about controlling possession.” - Ted Lasso


285. “Hey, you two are like Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner, you know? Or, uh, Frank Sinatra and Mia Farrow. Or Frank and… Actually, you know what? I’m starting to realize that Ol’ Blue Eyes might’ve skewed mercurial.”


286. “What better thing to spend money on than love?”


287. “For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.”


288. “If I didn’t have any confidence, I never would’ve worn pajamas to my prom and ended up in jail the rest of that night.” -Ted Lasso


289. “Early drinkin’ means quick drunken.” - Ted Lasso


290. “As good as you are at your job, I’m twice as good at mine.”


291. “If that's a joke, I love it. If not, can't wait to unpack that with you later.” - Ted Lasso


292. “If that’s a joke, I love it. If not, can’t wait to unpack that with you later.” — Ted Lasso


293. “If I didn’t have any confidence, I never would’ve worn pajamas to my prom and ended up in jail the rest of that night.” – Ted Lasso


294. “Come on Rob! You gotta get it in there to get three points!” - Ted Lasso


295. “Guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, and it was painted on the wall there. It said, ‘be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that.” – Ted Lasso


296. “The idea behind every trick play is to have chaos rain down upon your opponents and stun them. Much like the lava did to those poor folks in Pompeii.” - Ted Lasso


297. “I’m looking forward to the definition of relegation.”


298. Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. I don't know why y'all do that.


299. “Most adults think kids need to be constantly entertained. It’s bullshit. I didn’t need a f*cking parade every day growing up, did you? Truth is—they just want to feel like they’re part of our lives. Little idiots.” – Roy Kent


300. “I always figured that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right. It’s horrible. No, thank you.”


301. “You two knuckleheads have split our locker room in half. And when it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece, you hear?” -Ted Lasso


302. “This woman right here is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell ya, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off it, either.”


303. “I think that if you care about someone and you got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothing you can’t get through together.”


304. “We all know speed is important. But being able to stop and change directions quickly? Well, that’s like Kanye’s 808s & Heartbreak. It don’t get nearly enough credit.”


305. “You know how they say that ‘youth is wasted on the young’? Well, I say don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you. I just came up with that. I feel pretty good about it.” – Ted lasso


306. “I have a confession to make. I’ve never really cared about football. I know. I know it sounds insane, but I know how to act at a match. ‘Referee! Offside, you turnip!'”


307. “I finally think that I’m becoming the best version of myself.”


308. “I have a really tricky time hearing folks that don’t believe in themselves.” -Ted Lasso


309. “If the Lasso way is wrong, it’s hard to imagine being right.” -Ted Lasso


310. “If that’s a joke, I love it. If not, can’t wait to unpack that with you later.” -Ted Lasso


311. “If the Internet has taught us anything, it's that sometimes it's easier to speak our minds anonymously.” - Ted Lasso


312. “If You Just Figure Out Some Way To Turn That ‘Me’ Into ‘Us,’ The Sky’s The Limit For You.” – Ted lasso


313. On Jamie: “That’s a special young man right there. Got talent for days, works hard, and he’s got a jawline like the White Cliffs of Dover. I’m always rootin’ for him.” – Ted lasso


314. “You are more mysterious than David Blaine reading a Sue Grafton novel at Area 51.”


315. “I know change can be scary. One minute, you are playing freeze tag out there at recess with all your buddies. Next thing you know, you’re getting zits, your voice gets low. And every time your art teacher, Ms. Scanlon, leans over your desk to check and see how your project’s going, you feel all squiggly inside.”


316. “Most of the time change is a good thing and I think that’s what it’s all about – embracing change, being brave, doing whatever you have to so everyone in your life can move forward with theirs, and maybe it’s the only way you can truly make her be happy. Obviously, by her I mean lady football.”


317. “Fight or flight is a natural response. You just happened to do both. Impressive range, really.” - Sharon Fieldstone


318. “Fight or flight is a natural response. You just happened to do both. Impressive range, really.” – Sharon Fieldstone


319. “If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at three o’clock every day… about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth.”


320. “We lost. Would have been closer, but one of the goals got disallowed because apparently nine-year-olds aren’t allowed to do headers yet.” - Roy Kent


321. “To try is scary, you know, because you can end up losing a lot. But you have to put your heart out there.” — Sam Obisanya


322. “It’s good for my sciatica too. The vibrations really help out my butt.” – Ted Lasso


323. “I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there you’re just one in 11.”


324. “I think that’s what it’s all about. Embracing change.”


325. “I shouldn’t bring an umbrella to a brainstorm.” – Ted Lasso


326. “Coach, I’m me. Why would I want to be anything else?”


327. “Hey, you two are like Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner, you know? Or, uh, Frank Sinatra and Mia Farrow. Or Frank and… actually, you know what? I’m starting to realize that Ol’ Blue Eyes might’ve skewed mercurial.” - Ted Lasso


328. “If the Internet has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes it’s easier to speak our minds anonymously.”


329. “I think I literally have a better understanding of who killed Kennedy than what is offside… It was the mob.” – Ted Lasso


330. “Just listen to your gut, and on the way down to your gut, check in with your heart. Between those two things, they’ll let you know what’s what.”


331. “Ties and no playoffs? Why do you even do this?”


332. “All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something real bad could happen.” - Ted Lasso


333. “I think I literally have a better understanding of who killed Kennedy than what is offside… It was the mob.” -Ted Lasso


334. “I feel like we fell out of a lucky tree, hit every branch on the way down, and ended up in a pool full of cash and Sour Patch Kids.” – Ted lasso


335. Ice cream's the best. It's kinda like seeing Billy Joel live. Never disappoints.


336. Look at it out there. It looks like a Renaissance painting portraying masculine melancholy.


337. “One more person says something to me and Beard don’t understand. I’m gonna have one of my son’s classic temper tantrums. It’s basically just him calling me a bunch of silly names, you know, like, I don’t know, ‘dummy head’ or ‘poo-poo face’ ‘pee-pee fingers.'”


338. “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”


339. “If the Lasso way is wrong, it’s hard to imagine being right.” - Trent Crim


340. “I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me.” – Keeley Jones


341. “I always feel so bad for the cows, but you gotta do it; otherwise, they get lost. That was a branding joke. If we were in Kansas right now, I’d just be sitting here waiting for you to finish laughing.” -Ted Lasso


342. “Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. I don’t know why y’all do that.” – Ted Lasso


343. “I’m sort of famous for being almost famous.” – Keeley Jones


344. “Fellas, I could watch you do this jaunty North Korean military thing you do all day, but I need a favor.” – Ted lasso


345. “Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing.” – Ted Lasso


346. “You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? Got a ten-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam.”


347. “If God wanted games to end in a tie, She wouldn’t have invented numbers, all right?” -Ted Lasso


348. “Football is life!” - Dani Rojas


349. “It’s just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air.”


350. “If we see each other in our dreams, let’s goof around a little bit, pretend like we don’t know each other.”


351. “I gotta say, man, sometimes you remind me of my grandma with the channel hopper. You just push all the wrong buttons.” - Ted Lasso


352. “How many countries are in this country?” - Ted Lasso


353. “Rule number one: even though it’s called girl talk sometimes it needs to be more like girl listen. - Ted Lasso


354. “Early drinkin’ means quick drunken.”


355. “On the Diamond Dogs: “It’s just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air.” – Ted lasso


356. “One more person says something to me, and Beard don’t understand. I’m gonna have one of my son’s classic temper tantrums. It’s basically just him calling me a bunch of silly names, you know, like, I don’t know, ‘dummy head’ or ‘poo-poo face’ ‘pee-pee fingers.'” -Ted Lasso


357. “Roy, I learned two pretty big lessons on the rough and tumble playgrounds of Bookridge Elementary School. One, if little Ronnie Fouch offers you a candy bar, you immediately say no and get the hell out of there cause there’s a good chance that little son of a gun has pooped inside of a Butterfinger wrapper. No one ever saw him do it, but a couple people ate it. Number two, teacher tells a bully not to pick on someone, it’s just gonna make it worse.”


358. “What better thing to spend money on than love?” - Jamie Tartt


359. “Takin’ on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse. If you’re comfortable while you’re doin’ it, you’re probably doin’ it wrong.”


360. “Here’s an idea that’s gonna help a little or hurt a whole lot. Who needs a drink?” – Ted lasso


361. “Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn’t it? If you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong.” -Ted Lasso


362. “You’re telling me I could shatter every bone in my body, someone could just drop me off in front of an old hospital, dumped into a garbage can or something, and y’all patch me up, and I don’t have to pay jack squat? I tell you; I love this country.” – Ted Lasso


363. “In my mind, you gotta have three things to be a Premier League team. One, you gotta play physical, two, you gotta give 100 percent until the final whistle, and three, you gotta be sponsored by a Middle-Eastern airline.” - Ted Lasso


364. “We’re gonna try it on and see if it fits. It might not. Then again, it might be a very flattering silhouette. I might wear it right out of the store. Makes me feel good, start to strut. Oooh, I like this. I like the way this makes me feel.” – Ted Lasso


365. “That’s the funny thing about coincidences, ain’t it? Sometimes they just happen.” -Ted Lasso


366. “You say impossible, but all I hear is ‘I’m possible.’” – Ted Lasso


367. “The second thing that you don’t want your opponent to know is that you’re tired.” – Ted Lasso


368. “How many countries are in this country?”


369. “I think that’s what it’s all about. Embracing change.” -Ted Lasso


370. “The second that I found out that George Harrison died, I realized that I had to stop waiting for life to begin.”


371. “Old people are so wise. They’re like tall Yodas.”


372. “I’m not sure what y’all’s smallest unit of measurement is here, but that’s about how much headway I made.” -Ted Lasso


373. “There’s two buttons I never like to hit, alright? And that’s ‘panic’ and ‘snooze.'”


374. “Will you explain to me how that was offside? No! I’m asking you. Seriously! Explain offside to me. It makes no sense.”


375. “Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn’t it? If you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong.” - Ted Lasso


376. “You tore your butt. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.” - Ted Lasso


377. “Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage? You don’t love it. It’s pigeon sweat.”


378. “Your casual misogyny, for one. I know, it’s a big word. Ask one of your daughters what it means.”


379. “I always thought tea was going to taste like hot brown water. And do you know what? I was right.” – Ted Lasso


380. “I think one of the neatest things about being a coach is the connection you get to make with your players. That’s a loss that hits me a lot harder and is gonna stay with me a lot longer than anything that happens while playing a game on a patch of grass.” - Ted Lasso


381. “There’s a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter. Heck, someone made an account for my mustache.” – Ted Lasso


382. “I want you to know, I value each of your opinions, even when you’re wrong.”


383. “Come on, Rob! You gotta get it in there to get three points!” – Ted Lasso


384. “Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson, on a high.” – Ted Lasso


385. “You say impossible, but all I hear is ‘I’m possible.'” - Ted Lasso


386. “This place is for rich twats who piss away all their money on an outfit they only wear once. But, Nate, today you are one of those twats.” - Keeley


387. “You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? Got a ten-second memory.”


388. “I always thought that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right. It’s horrible. No, thank you.”


389. Explaining the offside rule in soccer: "I'm gonna put it the same way the US Supreme Court did back in 1964 when they defined pornography. It ain't easy to explain, but you know it when you see it."


390. “Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing.”


391. “We all know speed is important. But being able to stop and change directions quickly? Well, that’s like Kanye’s 808s & Heartbreak. It don’t get nearly enough credit.” - Ted Lasso


392. “You’re telling me I could shatter every bone in my body, someone could just drop me off in front of any old hospital, dumped into a garbage can or something, and y’all patch me up, and I don’t have to pay jack squat? I tell you; I love this country.” -Ted Lasso


393. “Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson, on a high.” -Ted Lasso


394. “If that’s a joke, I love it. If not, can’t wait to unpack that with you later.”


395. “There’s a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter. Heck, someone made an account for my mustache.” - Ted Lasso


396. “That Rebecca is an intimidating, very tall woman. I mean, the minute she locked eyes with me, I started sweating.”


397. “I do love a locker room. It smells like potential.” – Ted Lasso


398. “I don’t drink coffee. My mother always says I was born caffeinated.” - Dani Rojas


399. “You two knuckleheads have split our locker room in half. And when it comes to locker rooms, I like ‘em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ‘em in one piece, you hear?” – Ted lasso


400. “You say impossible, but all I hear is ‘I’m possible.’”


401. “Football is life!”


402. “I want you to know, I value each of your opinions, even when you’re wrong.” - Ted Lasso


403. “How many countries are in this country?” -Ted Lasso


404. “I know change can be scary. One minute, you are playing freeze tag out there at recess with all your buddies. Next thing you know, you’re getting zits, your voice gets low. And every time your art teacher, Ms. Scanlon, leans over your desk to check and see how your project’s going, you feel all squiggly inside.” -Ted Lasso


405. “All right, yeah. Let’s go… murder some birds with a rock.” — Nathan Shelley


406. “She’s got some fences, alright, but you just gotta hop over ’em.” – Ted Lasso


407. “This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able take my eyes off of it, either.” -Ted Lasso


408. If I didn't have any confidence, I never would've worn pajamas to my prom and ended up in jail the rest of that night.


409. “When it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece.” – Ted lasso


410. “The idea behind every trick play is to have chaos rain down upon your opponents and stun them. Much like the lava did to those poor folks in Pompeii.” -Ted Lasso


411. “There’s two buttons I never like to hit: that’s panic and snooze.” – Ted lasso


412. “If y’all were really introverts, you would’ve been quiet as a church mouse. Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won’t shut up.” – Ted lasso


413. “Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing.” - Ted Lasso


414. “Seems like a smurf with an attitude would be a lot of fun to watch.” - Ted Lasso


415. “I think one of the neatest things about being a coach is the connection you get to make with your players. That’s a loss that hits me a lot harder and is gonna stay with me a lot longer than anything that happens while playing a game on a patch of grass.” – Ted Lasso


416. The idea behind every trick play is to have chaos rain down upon your opponents and stun them. Much like the lava did to those poor folks in Pompeii.


417. “I think that’s what it’s all about. Embracing change.” - Ted Lasso


418. “What better thing to spend money on than love?” – Jamie Tartt


419. “Thanks to you, I’ve learned that expressing my vulnerabilities can help my patients with theirs. You helped me become a better therapist. And that’s saying something because I was already f***ing brilliant.”


420. “You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. Y’know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish.” -Ted Lasso


421. “You spoke to God?!” -Ted Lasso


422. “You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t wanna hear it. All right?” – Ted lasso


423. “This is a sad moment right here. For all of us. And there ain’t nothing I can say, standing in front of you right now, that can take that away. But please do me this favor, will you? Lift your heads up and look around this locker room. Yeah? Look at everybody else in here. And I want you to be grateful that you’re going through this sad moment with all these other folks. Because I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being alone and being sad


424. “I’m gonna put it the same way the US Supreme Court did back in 1964 when they defined p*rn*graphy. It ain’t easy to explain, but you know it when you see it.” – Ted Lasso


425. “I always thought tea was going to taste like hot brown water. And do you know what? I was right.” – Amen, Ted


426. “As the man once said, ‘the harder you work, the luckier you get.’”


427. “It hurt my feeling.” - Roy Kent


428. On gambling: "Well, as my doctor told me when I got addicted to fettuccine Alfredo, that's a little rich for my blood."


429. “If y’all were really introverts, you would’ve been quiet as a church mouse. Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won’t shut up.” - Ted Lasso


430. “Coach Beard’s views on romantic relationships are not too dissimilar from his views on cooking steak. You know, if you spend any more than five minutes on one—it loses its flavor.” – Ted Lasso


431. “The guys are just not NSYNC.”


432. I’m sorry Nate I have a real tricky time hearing people who don’t believe in themselves. Do you think this idea would work? – Ted lasso


433. “If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at 3 o’clock every day, about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth.” -Ted Lasso


434. “I lost my way for a minute, but I’m on the road back.” - Rebecca Welton


435. “You Helped This Panda Become A Lion.”


436. “I came here tonight, because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life coaching with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin ASAP.” – Ted Lasso


437. “I think if you care about someone and you have a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothin you can’t get through together.” – Ted lasso


438. On Rebecca attending team branding meetings: "I always feel so bad for the cows, but you gotta do it; otherwise, they get lost. That was a branding joke. If we were in Kansas right now, I'd just be sitting here waiting for you to finish laughing."


439. “Hey, hey, hey! If we see each other in our dreams. Let’s goof around a little bit, pretend like we don’t know each other.”


440. “I am a strong and capable man. That’s my mantra.” - Colin Hughes


441. “There’s a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter. Heck, someone made an account for my moustache.” – Ted lasso


442. “Fellas, I could watch you do this jaunty North Korean military thing you do all day, but I need a favor.” - Ted Lasso


443. Back where I'm from, you try to end a game in a tie; well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse.


444. “That’s a special young man right there. Got talent for days, works hard, and he’s got a jawline like the White Cliffs of Dover. I’m always rootin’ for him.” -Ted Lasso


445. If y'all were really introverts, you would've been quiet as a church mouse. Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won't shut up.


446. “I gotta say, man, sometimes you remind me of my grandma with the channel hopper. You just push all the wrong buttons.”


447. “I’m looking forward to the definition of relegation.” - Ted Lasso


448. “I am a strong and capable man. That’s my mantra.” – Colin Hughes


449. Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn't it? If you're comfortable while you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong.


450. “If you care about someone, and you got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothing you can’t get through together.” - Ted Lasso


451. “I feel like we fell out of the lucky tree and hit every branch on the way down, ending up in a pool of cash and Sour Patch Kids.” – Ted Lasso


452. “Look, we are not playing for a tie. Ain’t nobody here gonna kiss their sister…which is an American phrase that I’m now realising does not exist here, and that’s good, ’cause it’s creepy, and I hate it myself; I don’t know why I said it.” – Ted lasso


453. “Come on Rob! You gotta get it in there to get three points!” -Ted Lasso


454. “The email said ‘Secret Santa.’ I didn’t wanna ruin the surprise, did I?” - Jamie Tartt


455. “It may not work out how you think it will or how you hope it does. But believe me, it will all work out.” — Ted Lasso


456. If God wanted games to end in a tie, She wouldn't have invented numbers, all right?


457. “It’s more than a game to me. It’s all I’ve ever known. It’s who I am. It’s all I am.”


458. I've never met someone who doesn't eat sugar. Only heard about 'em, and they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica.


459. “I can diagnose myself in a heartbeat. I thought being invulnerable would protect me, so I pushed people away for years, leading me directly to my greatest fear… Being alone. Big whoop.”


460. “Sounds to me like someone’s trapped inside life’s most complicated shape. A love triangle. Second place of course is the ‘I just walked in on my mother-in-law changing into her swimsuit dodecahedron.’” – Ted lasso


461. “I came here tonight, because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life coaching with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin asap.” - Ted Lasso


462. “Even Woody and Buzz got under each other’s plastic.” -Ted Lasso


463. “I always feel so bad for the cows, but you gotta do it; otherwise, they get lost. That was a branding joke. If we were in Kansas right now, I’d just be sitting here waiting for you to finish laughing.” – Ted Lasso


464. “I’ve never been embarrassed about having streaks in my drawers. You know, it’s all part of growing up.” -Ted Lasso


465. Ted Lasso: “I thought you quit smoking.”


466. We're gonna call this drill 'The Exorcist' 'cause it's all about controlling possession.


467. “Oh, no, no, no, no. I have five boys. I never look over anyone’s shoulders to see what’s on their screens. I used to.” - Leslie Higgins


468. “Seems like a smurf with an attitude would be a lot of fun to watch.” -Ted Lasso


469. “Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson—on a high!”


470. “As good as you are at your job, I’m twice as good at mine.” - Dr. Sharon Fieldstone


471. Look, we are not playing for a tie. Ain't nobody here gonna kiss their sister...which is an American phrase that I'm now realizing does not exist here, and that's good, 'cause it's creepy, and I hate it myself; I don't know why I said it.


472. “We all know speed is important. But being able to stop and change directions quickly? Well, that’s like Kanye’s 808s & Heartbreak. It doesn’t get nearly enough credit.” – Ted lasso


473. “Like I always say, sometimes the best stew is the one you leave sitting on the stove overnight ’cause you fell asleep watching Citizen Kane after too many beers.” -Ted Lasso


474. “Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage? You don’t love it. It’s pigeon sweat.” – Ted Lassbest ted lasso quotes – honest it's prank tea like tourist tastes like


475. “Sounds to me like someone’s trapped inside life’s most complicated shape: a love triangle. Second place of course is the ‘I just walked in on my mother-in-law changing into her swimsuit’ dodecahedron.” - Ted Lasso


476. “Divorce is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one leaving or if… you’re the one who got left. It makes folks do crazy things.” - Ted Lasso


477. “Jamie, I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there, you’re just 1 of 11. And if you just figure out some way to turn that ‘me’ into ‘us’…the sky’s the limit for you.” -Ted Lasso


478. I like my water like Kyrie Irving likes his Earth. Flat.


479. “Back where I’m from, you try to end a game in a tie; well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse.” – Tes lasso


480. On Roy's excessive swearing: "It's kinda like all the nipples in that movie Showgirls. Halfway through, you don't even notice. You just kinda get sucked into the narrative."


481. “I can diagnose myself in a heartbeat. I thought being invulnerable would protect me, so I pushed people away for years, leading me directly to my greatest fear… being alone. Big whoop.” - Rebecca Welton


482. “Are you there God, it’s me, Margaret’s little boy, long-time listener, first-time caller.”


483. “Oh what a lovely inscription… that you wrote completely over my head, face and body.” - Coach Beard


484. “It’s more than a game to me. It’s all I’ve ever known. It’s who I am. It’s all I am.” - Roy Kent


485. “I like the idea of someone becoming rich because of what they gave to the world, not just because of who their family is.”


486. “Back where I’m from, you try to end a game in a tie; well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse.” - Ted Lasso


487. “Oh, this sport. I’d forgotten how stressful it is when you actually give a s**t.”


488. “The idea behind every trick play is to have chaos rain down upon your opponents and stun them. Much like the lava did to those poor folks in Pompeii.” – Ted Lasso


489. It’s kinda like seeing Billy Joel live. Never disappoint.” – Ted lasso


490. You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It's a goldfish. Y'know why? It's got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish.


491. “I feel like we fell out of the lucky tree and hit every branch on the way down, ended up in a pool of cash and sour patch kids.” - Ted Lasso


492. “Enjoy your trophies for winning nothing.” – Roy Kent


493. “We’re gonna call this drill ‘The Exorcist’ cause it’s all about controlling possession.” -Ted Lasso


494. “I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we.” - Ted Lasso


495. “You doing exactly what I tell you to do is so f***ing hot”


496. “You know, fellas, we make a lot of choices in our lives every single day... me choosing not to be forthright with y'all, that was a bad choice. But I can't be wasting time wishing for a do-over on all that. Cause, that ain't how choices work... every choice is a chance, fellas.” - Ted Lasso


497. “This woman right here is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell ya, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off it, either.” – Ted Lasso


498. “I’d like to be reincarnated as a tiger… and then ravage anyone who looked at me wrong.”- Nathan Shelley


499. “You should do a ‘Ted Talk, ’cause right now you’re getting a whole heap of ‘Ted Listen.’” – Ted Lasso


500. “Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts.”


501. I've never been embarrassed about having streaks in my drawers. You know, it's all part of growing up.


502. “I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me.”


503. “We’re gonna try it on and see if it fits. It might not. Then again, it might be a very flattering silhouette. I might wear it right out of the store. Makes me feel good, start to strut. Oooh, I like this. I like the way this makes me feel.” -Ted Lasso


504. “Sam was more open than the jar of peanut butter on my counter.” – Ted lasso


505. “All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something real bad could happen.” -Ted Lasso


506. “I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we.”


507. “You two knuckleheads have split our locker room in half. And when it comes to locker rooms, I like ‘em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ‘em in one piece, you hear?”


508. “Divorce is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one leaving or if—you’re the one who got left. It makes folks do crazy things.” – Ted Lasso


509. Coach Beard's views on romantic relationships are not too dissimilar from his views on cooking steak. You know, you spend any more than five minutes on one — it loses its flavor.


510. “What I can tell you is that with the exception of the wit and wisdom of Calvin and Hobbes, not much lasts forever.” - Ted Lasso


511. “You should do a Ted talk, ’cause right now you’re getting a whole heap of ‘Ted listen.'” - Ted Lasso


512. “Look, we are not playing for a tie. Ain’t nobody here gonna kiss their sister…which is an American phrase that I’m now realizing does not exist here, and that’s good, ‘cause it’s creepy, and I hate it myself; I don’t know why I said it.”


513. “Fellas, I could watch you do this jaunty North Korean military thing you do all day, but I need a favor.”


514. “Does my face look like it’s in the mood for shape-based jokes?” – Roy Kent


515. “You gonna give me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. That’s a combo. Does it come with a medium drink?”


516. “Ties and no playoffs? Why do you even do this?” – Ted Lasso


517. “Hey, doing the right thing is never the wrong thing.”


518. “I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.” – Ted Lasso


519. “If the internet has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes it’s easier to speak our minds anonymously.” -Ted Lasso


520. “Ice cream’s the best. It’s kinda like seeing Billy Joel live. Never disappoints.” -Ted Lasso


521. “Isn’t the idea of “never give up” one of them things we always talk about in sports? And shouldn’t that apply to people too?”


522. I'm not sure what y'all's smallest unit of measurement is here, but that's about how much headway I made.


523. “I think I literally have a better understanding of who killed Kennedy than what is offside. (Long pause) It was the mob.”


524. “Every disadvantage has its advantage.” — Rebecca Welton


525. “You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. Y’know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish.” – Ted lasso


526. I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we.


527. “I’m not sure what y’all’s smallest unit of measurement is here, but that’s about how much headway I made.” - Ted Lasso


528. “Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts.” -Ted Lasso


529. “That’s the funny thing about coincidences, ain’t it? Sometimes they just happen.”


530. “Looks like a renaissance painting portraying masculine melancholy.” - Ted Lasso


531. “This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able take my eyes off of it either.”


532. “The fellow with the big Mickey Mouse hands by the net.” – Ted lasso


533. Boy, I love meeting people's moms. It's like reading an instruction manual as to why they're nuts.


534. “You should do a TED Talk, ’cause right now you’re getting a whole heap of ‘Ted listen.’” – Ted lasso


535. “Sam was more open than the jar of peanut butter on my counter.”


536. “What do you have to be sad about? Did one of the Paw Patrol dogs die?” – Ted Lasso


537. “Your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something really bad could happen.” – Ted Lasso


538. “We just had a five-hour bus ride where you didn’t talk a lick, and that’s a record by about five hours.”


539. “I believe in hope. I believe in Believe.”


540. “I do love a locker room. It smells like potential.” - Ted Lasso


541. “Ice cream is the best. It’s kinda like seeing Billy Joel perform live. Never disappoint.” – Ted Lasso


542. “Guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, and it was painted on the wall there. It said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that.” -Ted Lasso


543. “There’s a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter. Heck, someone made an account for my mustache.” -Ted Lasso


544. “I feel like we fell out of the lucky tree and hit every branch on the way down, ended up in a pool of cash and sour patch kids.”


545. “It’s funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry just knowing that they existed, can then become the same thing that makes you cry knowing that they’re now gone.” – Ted Lasso


546. “You say impossible, but all I hear is ‘I’m possible.'”


547. “For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.” - Ted Lasso


548. “I like the idea of someone becoming rich because of what they gave to the world.” — Sam Obisanya


549. “Well, I can’t be your mentor without occasionally being your tormentor.”


550. I feel like we fell out of a lucky tree, hit every branch on the way down, ended up in a pool full of cash and Sour Patch Kids.


551. “Does my face look like it's in the mood for shape-based jokes?” - Roy Kent


552. “You spoke to God?!” - Ted Lasso


553. “Tea and I are still on a lifelong hiatus.”


554. “Believe.”


555. “I always thought tea was going to taste like hot brown water. And do you know what? I was right.” - Ted Lasso


556. “I like to give away joy for free.” - Dani Rojas


557. “You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t wanna hear it. All right?” - Ted Lasso


558. “Jamie, I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there, you’re just one of eleven. And if you just figure out some way to turn that ‘me’ into ‘us’—the sky’s the limit for you.” – Ted Lasso


559. “I've never been embarrassed about having streaks in my drawers. You know, it's all part of growing up.” - Ted Lasso


560. “That’s the funny thing about coincidences, ain’t it? Sometimes they just happen.” – Ted Lasso


561. “It’s kinda like all the nipples in that movie Showgirls. Halfway through, you don’t even notice. You just kinda get sucked into the narrative.”


562. “My relationship is the oxygen that gives me life.” - Leslie Higgins


563. “I shouldn’t bring an umbrella to a brainstorm.” - Ted Lasso


564. Son Tells His Parents He’ll Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out They’re Paying For Sister’s Education Yet Didn’t Pay For His


565. “If the Internet has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes it’s easier to speak our minds anonymously.” – Ted lasso


566. “You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. Y’know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish.” - Ted Lasso


567. “Here’s an idea that’s gonna help a little or hurt a whole lot. Who needs a drink?” - Ted Lasso


568. “Little girls are mysterious. And silly and powerful. I gave up trying to figure them out years ago.” -Ted Lasso


569. “Seems like a smurf with an attitude would be a lot of fun to watch.” – Ted Lasso


570. “Like I always say, sometimes the best stew is the one you leave sitting on the stove overnight ’cause you fell asleep watching Citizen Kane after too many beers.” – Ted Lasso


571. “Your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something real bad could happen.”


572. “I’m not sure you realize how psychologically healthy that actually is.”


573. “If that’s a joke, I love it. If not, can’t wait to unpack that with you later.” – Ted Lasso


574. “Right, I’m not gonna beat around the bush. I’m just gonna… get straight to the point. No faffing around, ’cause that’s just annoying, and definitely no procrastinating. Procrast… procrast… That’s a good word, isn’t it? Procrastinating. Pro… procrastinating. Huh. I wonder what the etymology of that word is. Obviously, ‘pro,’ very good, but ‘crast?’ Crast… I have no idea. Hey! Why don’t we look it up?” - Rebecca Welton


575. “That right there, that’s a scone. Tastes like a muffin except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth.”


576. “Back where I’m from, you try to end a game in a tie; well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse.” -Ted Lasso


577. “Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson — on a high!” – Ted lasso


578. “Oh what a lovely inscription—that you wrote completely over my head, face, and body.” – Ted Lasso


579. “It’s kind of like back in the ’80s when ‘bad’ meant ‘good.’ ”


580. “I shouldn’t bring an umbrella to brainstorm.” – Ted Lasso


581. “That’s a special young man right there. Got talent for days, works hard, and he’s got a jawline like the White Cliffs of Dover. I’m always rootin’ for him.” - Ted Lasso


582. “I belong here. This didn’t just fall into my lap, all right? I earned this.” — Nathan Shelley


583. “Uh, easy Phillip. I’m not just a loser, I’m the loser.”


584. “It’s like a muffin, except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth.” - Ted Lasso


585. “I lost my way for a minute, but I’m on the road back.”


586. “I think that’s what it’s all about. Embracing change.” – Ted Lasso


587. Divorce is hard. It doesn't matter if you're the one leaving or if...you're the one who got left. It makes folks do crazy things.


588. I shouldn't bring an umbrella to a brainstorm.


589. “Great party game, horrible relationship status.”


590. “Sam was more open than the jar of peanut butter on my counter.” - Ted Lasso


591. “Look, we are not playing for a tie. Ain’t nobody here gonna kiss their sister—which is an American phrase that I’m now realizing does not exist here, and that’s good, ’cause it’s creepy, and I hate it myself; I don’t know why I said it.” – Ted Lasso


592. “Here’s an idea that’s gonna help a little or hurt a whole lot. Who needs a drink?”


593. “I always feel so bad for the cows, but you gotta do it; otherwise, they get lost. That was a branding joke. If we were in Kansas right now, I’d just be sitting here waiting for you to finish laughing.” - Ted Lasso


594. “Ice cream is the best. It’s kinda like seeing Billy Joel perform live. Never disappoints.”


595. “So I’ve been hearing this phrase y’all got over here that I ain’t too crazy about. ‘It’s the