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900 Hilarious Quotes From Letterkenny (2023)

1. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” – Squirrely Dan


2. “You’d best be preparin for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours.” ― Letterkenny


3. “It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it.” – Peyton Manning


4. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me.” ― Wayne


5. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like yer pants are doin’ it for ya. ” – Wayne


6. “You delivered, I’ll give ya that, but what type of prick doesn’t stand up to shake another man’s hand?” – Wayne


7. “Hard no!” – Wayne


8. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes, maybe. ” -Wayne


9. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” — Gail


10. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.”


11. “Sing us a song or something. Do a trick. You’re f*cking useless. ” – Wayne


12. “Do-re-mi, 19, go f*ck yourself” – Dan


13. “Got anymore of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it. ” – Shoresy


14. “I need to give you one more chance to retract, no questions asked. Before this conversation becomes a confrontation.”


15. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.” — Coach


16. “The bottom inch of a beer bottle is 50% spit.” ― Quotes of Letterkenny


17. “Well nots to be impolite but this gal suggested that maybe I should have some attentions paid to my butthole. That ever happen to you guys?”


18. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone. ” -Wayne


19. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing!” – Dan


20. “I am willing to give 69 percent of my company to a partner, why 69 percent? Both sides benefit! Good enough!” -Gail


21. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?” — Wayne


22. “One of the things about acting is it allows you to live other people’s lives without having to pay the price. ” – Robert De Niro


23. “The stupidest thing I ever heard in my life is that a baby is smart. ” – Wayne


24. It’s just… uhhh you could let the paint dry a wee bit there, eh?” – Wayne Quotes


25. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” – Squirrelly Dan


26. “Where’s the sacrifice?” – Jonesy


27. “I thought the French Exit was when you climax on a gal and you leave without cleaning it up. ” – Daryl


28. “Texas-sized 10-4. ”


29. “When people are watching you, it makes you think twice about what you do, and the things you say, and the people you hang around with. ” – Peyton Manning


30. “S’how ’bout it, boys? You can always count on ol’ Katy cat. ” – Katy


31. I have never been less embarrassed in all my life.


32. YOU’RE PRETTY GOOD AT WRESTLING THERE, KATY, AND THAT’S WHAT I APPRECIATE ABOUT YOU


33. “Oh, get off the cross, we need the wood.”


34. COLOGNE. BUT I JUST USE SUNSCREEN, BANANA BOAT


35. YOU CAN CROSS FUCK OFF


36. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill. ” – Wayne


37. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” –


38. “Now, I went on the internet and researched ostriches. Firstly, ostriches can run up to seventy miles an hour. So, catching one, even a sick one, is a super tall order. ” – Wayne


39. “You’re a cup of baby carrots. ” -Wayne


40. “In the words of the genre-bending Canadian indie rock band Arcade Fire, ‘wake up. ’


41. “Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers.” – Wayne


42. “Mike, you best sort yourself out.”


43. THERE’S SOME BUTTFUCKERY AT PLAY HERE


44. “YOU WISH THERE WAS A PIED PIPER FOR POSSUMS, BUT THERE ISN’T, SO YOU’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO KEEP PICKING ‘EM OFF WITH A. 22. BUCKLE UP ‘CAUSE THEY’RE FUCKIN’ UGLY…OF COURSE, THAT’S NOT TO SAY I HAVE IT ALL MY DAMN SELF. ”


45. I’LL POST IT ON MY FUCKING FACEBOOK. AND YOU GUYS WILL POST IT ON YOUR FUCKING FACEBOOK!


46. THE WORLD NEEDS LESS FACEBOOK AND MORE FACE-TO-FACE!


47. “If you stick a penny up your *ss and it comes out green, it means you’re sick. Did you know that?” – Daryl


48. “Every woman knows that the way to a man’s heart is not through his zipper, it’s through his stomach. ”


49. “Buddy, you couldn’t wheel a f*cking tire down a hill. ” – Wayne


50. “WELL, THERE’S NOTHING BETTER THAN A FART. EXCEPT KIDS FALLING OFF BIKES, MAYBE. FUCK, I COULD WATCH KIDS FALL OFF BIKES ALL DAY, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR KIDS. ”


51. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us. ” -Daryl


52. “Fuck you Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from 2 years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes.”


53. “You’d trust somebody who wears sunglasses at night?”


54. “Remind your critics when they say you don’t have the expertise or experience to do something that an amateur built the ark and the experts built the titanic. ” – Peyton Manning


55. “It’s like algebra…why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go fuck yourself?” — Wayne


56. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there. ” – Wayne


57. “Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan.” — Wayne


58. “Something about that old goat just really grinds my pepper.”


59. “Our d*cks hang out, yours is like a mushroom in a cornfield. Mind your f*cking business, Alexander. ” – McMurray


60. “If you had as many bucks in your wallet as bucks mounted on your wall you’d have, well, give or take six bucks. ” -Wayne


61. “I want to give back to the community by helping people find love. ” -Wayne


62. “…What I Appreciates About You


63. “You discovered a talent, developed an ambition and recognized your passion. When you feel that, you can’t fight it — you just go with it. ” – Robert De Niro


64. PITTER-PATTER, LET’S GET AT ‘ER


65. “Don’t forget to also check out these hilarious Waterboy quotes that will remind you that you can do it” -Wayne


66. DO YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON’T WANT YOU TO KISS AND TELL, THAT’S IMPOLITE…. BUT I AM KIND OF CURIOUS


67. You're 10-Ply, Bud.


68. “You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?” – Wayne


69. “Every time I rise up, I have confidence that I’m going to make it. ” – Stephen Curry


70. “I want to give back to the community by helping people find love. ” – Wayne


71. “Your Mom just liked my Instagram post from two years ago in Puerta Vallarta.”


72. “It’s not wanting to win that makes you a winner; it’s refusing to fail. ” – Peyton Manning


73. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em. ” – Wayne


74. “You better fix that divot ’cause Canada Gooses would fix it for you.”


75. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the [expletive] windshield. ”


76. “Because it’s too complicated – it’s like algebra: Why you gotta put numbers and letters together?” – Wayne


77. IT’S ALWAYS OK TO FART WHEN YOU’RE ALONE. ACCEPT WHEN YOU’RE IN ELEVATORS. THAT’S UNCOUTH


78. “Allegedly. ” – Dan


79. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says. ” – Coach


80. “You delivered, I’ll give ya that, but what type of prick doesn’t stand up to shake another man’s hand?” -Wayne


81. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield. ” -Wayne


82. “I’m so upset about my perennials.”


83. OH I’M STOMPING THE BRAKES, PUT THAT IDEA RIGHT THROUGH THE FUCKING WINDSHIELD


84. “You’d best be preparin’ for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours.”


85. “Scoots. ”


86. “W’s Talk, Baby”


87. “Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?” -Wayne


88. FUCK YOU, REILLY, GO SCOOP IT OFF YOUR MOM’S FLOOR! SHE GIVES MY NIPPLES BUTTERFLY KISSES


89. SO MY DICK DIED. CAN I BURY IT IN YOU?


90. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s?”


91. “Texas sized 10-4, good buddy.” Me n my buddy use that quote all the time.


92. “Fuck, Lemony Snicket, what A Series of Unfortunate Events you been through, you ugly fuck. ” — Jonesy


93. “Who doesn’t love fishin’ in kay-bec?”


94. “I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud. ” – Wayne


95. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulling teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails. ” – Wayne


96. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er. ” – Everyone


97. “Hard no. ” -Wayne


98. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like yer pants are doin’ it for ya. ” — Wayne


99. “Great fishin’ in kyu-bec!”


100. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground. ”


101. WHAT I SAID WAS: I GOT REAL LONG EYE LASHES. WELL I’M SURPRISED NO ONE HAS EVER NOTICED THAT


102. “Jonesy your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you. ”


103. “You love that movie The Fox and the Hound so much you can’t bring yourself to kill the fox that’s been getting into the chicken coop. You don’t care if that makes you softer than a Disney matinee. ” – Squirrely Dan


104. YOU WOKE UP ON YOUR FRIEND’S LAWN THE OTHER DAY BUT YOUR FRIEND’S LAWN IS IN MICHIGAN SO, THAT’S A BIT OFF PUTTING


105. “Pitter-Patter…”


106. YOU WISH THERE WAS A PIED PIPER FOR POSSUMS. BUT THERE ISN’T, SO YOU’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO KEEP PICKING ‘EM OFF WITH A


107. “Well that’s when you leave without saying goodbye to anyone. ” – Wayne


108. YOUR SISTER THINKS YOU SMOKE TOO MUCH WHEN YOU’RE DRINKIN’ BUT YOUR GRANDPA ALWAYS SAID “A SMOKE AND A BEER GO TOGETHER LIKE A PISS AND A FART


109. “And I suggest you let that one marinate. ” — Wayne


110. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.” – Katy


111. “I want to be out there every single snap, every single play. ” – Peyton Manning


112. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat. ” – Katy


113. “My job is to play well offensively and help my team score points. So I feel very responsible every time we lose a game. ” – Peyton Manning


114. “If nothing else in life, I want to be true to the things I believe in, and quite simply, to what I’m all about. I know I’d better, because it seems whenever I take a false step or two I feel the consequences.” – Peyton Manning


115. “He is otherworldly! He’s got a dome like an Easter Island statue. ”


116. A Problem with Canada Gooses


117. “I’m so upset about my perennials. ” – Squirrely Dan


118. “You had a party and there was no piss around the toilet after which most certainly means your friends piss sitting down. ” – Wayne


119. DOES A DUCK WITH A BONER DRAG WEEDS?


120. “We need backup, boys. ” -Jonesy


121. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” — Squirrelly Dan


122. YEAH. OH, HEY, LOOK AT YOU, GROUND


123. “Anyone who waits for someone else to make a change automatically becomes a follower. ” – Peyton Manning


124. “As sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails. ”


125. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er. ” – Wayne


126. “Look if you are coming, come correct. ” – Gail


127. “You woke up with your horn looking out the window but ya gotta be at work in 20 so it’s now or never. I should say.” – Wayne


128. “Jonesy your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you.”


129. “Fuck you, Reilly, go scoop it off your mom’s floor! She gives my nipples butterfly kisses. ” — Jonesy


130. “YOUR SISTER’S HOT, WAYNE! THERE I SAID IT! I SAID IT! I REGRET NOTHING! I REGRET NOTHING!”


131. “Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?” -Reilly


132. “Betty-Ann, your breath’s so bad it gave me an existential crisis — it made me question my whole life. ” – Shoresy


133. “You ever hoover schneef off a sleeping cow’s spine?” “I’ve hoovered schneef off an awake cow’s teet.”


134. …I’M TOO FAT TO RUN


135. THAT WAS WELL BROUGHT UP. TOO BAD YOU WEREN’T


136. “I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud. ” -Wayne


137. “Yeah? What’s gonna happen, Shoresy?” – Reilly


138. “Some people have this impression of me: ‘Boy, he’s always so serious on the field. Football. Football. Football. ’” – Peyton Manning


139. “Figure it out!” – Everyone


140. “You woke up on your friend’s lawn the other day but your friend’s lawn is in Michigan so, that’s a bit off-putting.”


141. “Oh, get off the cross, we need the wood. ” — Wayne


142. “I really cherish everything that basketball brings; and I think, for me, it’s been a great ride and I’m not done yet…” – Stephen Curry


143. “How are ya now” “Good ‘n’ you?”


144. “Fuck you, Jonesy, your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you!” — Shoresy


145. “On a scale from one to America, how free are you right now?” -Katy


146. BUDDY YOU COULDN’T WHEEL A FUCKIN’ TIRE DOWN A HILL


147. “Your friend says his sleds got so much torque he can’t keep the front end down. Okay, bud, if you wanna blow smoke, go have a dart. ” – Wayne


148. “Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s *eets a good scrubbin’. ” -Wayne


149. “Being able to battle it out. No matter how you do it, you gotta hold your ground at times. Other times you’ve got to compromise. But never a compromise that you can’t live with. ” – Robert De Niro


150. And I suggest you let that one marinate.”


151. CLOSEST YOU’RE GETTIN’ TO ANY ACTION THIS WEEKEND IS GIVIN’ THE DAIRY COW’S TEETS A GOOD SCRUBBIN’


152. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a fuck about your kids.”


153. “It’s important not to indicate. People don’t try to show their feelings, they try to hide them. ” – Robert De Niro


154. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat. ” — Katy


155. Tell your mom to top off the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late night!”


156. Your sister’s lasagna gave everyone the scoots for weeks up in here.


157. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now. ” -Wayne


158. “Got anymore of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it.”


159. “pitter patter,” which is short for “pitter patter, let’s get at her” and is a way for him to express his impatience


160. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow?” – Daryl


161. “I am willing to give 69% of my company to a partner, why 69%? Both sides benefit!. Good Enough!” – Gail


162. Your Whole World


163. “As long as everyone’s having a good time. There’s no need to be poopy pants.”


164. “This may very well call for the old Irish Goodbye. ” -Wayne


165. “Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers.” — Wayne


166. “This eau de toilette is enchantingly refreshing on summer days like this. ” – Daryl


167. “My dad told us up front, ‘Guys, if you want to play sports, go ahead, but it’s your decision. ’” – Peyton Manning


168. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the [expletive] windshield. ” —Katy


169. “Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers. ” — Wayne


170. “We’ve been working a long time for this and we want to accomplish our ultimate goal. We know what it takes. ” – Peyton Manning


171. OH, COME ON, KITTEN. I WON’T TELL ANYONE


172. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?”


173. “Something about that old goat just really grinds my pepper. ” – Gail


174. “Life rarely changes you totally but it consistently changes you in details. ” – Robert De Niro


175. “I would like to think I will be a guy who knows when it’s time to stop. I don’t want to be a guy who hung on and on. I do not have a goal in mind of a year or a statistic. ” – Peyton Manning


176. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em. ” — Wayne


177. “Bad gas travels real fast in a small town.” ― Letterkenny


178. It’s like algebra… why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go [expletive] yourself?”


179. OH, C’MON, WHERE’S YOUR JAM, BUD?


180. “You two ever make me walk this far again, and we’re making babies. ” – Katy


181. YOUR DAD SAYS GUYS WITH BIG TRUCKS HAVE LITTLE DINKS. AND THAT MAKES SENSE CUZ YOU WANT A REAL BIG TRUCK AND GOT A REAL LITTLE DINK


182. “Tell your mom to top up the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late at night. ” – Shoresy


183. ‘Letterkenny’ is one of the awesome shows given by the great CANADA. The show over the past seasons has never disappointed anyone and with every season it keeps on improving.


184. YOU’RE PRETTY SWEET ON YOUR NEW GAL BUT IF SHE FORGETS TO CLOSE THE THIRD DOOR OF YOUR TRUCK BEFORE THE PASSENGER DOOR ONE MORE TIME IT’S FUCKIN’ OVER I’VE HAD IT


185. “There’s something really pervy about that word ‘taste. ’”


186. GOT ANYMORE OF THAT ELECTRIC LETTUCE? THESE DARTS AREN’T DOING IT


187. “Got anymore of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it. ” -Shoresy


188. “FUCK LEMONY SNICKET, WHAT A SERIOUS OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS YOU FUCKIN BEEN THROUGH YOU UGLY FUCK. ”


189. “ALLEGEDLY.”


190. “You’ve got to remember what your priorities are. When you’re playing, what you do on the field is the most important thing. “ – Peyton Manning


191. “…I’M TOO FAT TO RUN.”


192. “Not so bad. ” – Wayne


193. “Where’s the sacrifice?” -Jonesy


194. “If you had as many bucks in your wallet as bucks mounted on your wall you’d have, well, give or take six bucks. ”


195. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh, I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sporting now. ” – Dary


196. BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS!


197. “I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud.” — Wayne


198. “The more years I go, the more experience I have, the more that nutrition and eating the right foods is important for recovery and things like that. ” – Stephen Curry


199. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciate about you. ” – Squirrelly Dan


200. OH YEAH? WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN, SHORESY?


201. “No, I’m not too sure what you’re driving at here big shooter. ” – Dan


202. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulling teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails.”


203. “You’re not responsible for the entire job, but your part in it… You will put your everything into everything you do. ” – Robert De Niro


204. “I have never been less embarrassed in all my life.” — Coach


205. “You came to after having a bar fight. Felt like you got hit by a car, right? But your pal had your back, went on the attack, but it turned off his gal like a night light.”


206. Make Sure You Use That There Sunscreen ‘Cause It’s A Great Day For Hay


207. “…I’m too fat to run. ” — Squirrelly Dan


208. “You lose a lot of heat in the neck.”


209. WELL, I’D SAY GIVE YOUR BALLS A TUG, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR PANTS ARE DOING IT FOR YOU


210. “We need backup, boys. ” — Jonesy


211. “It’s always ok to fart when you’re alone. Accept when you’re in elevators. That’s uncouth. ”


212. “YOU GUYS EVERY HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT THAT GUY FUCKING AN OSTRICH?”


213. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat. ” -Wayne


214. “Up next in the barn, this bartender turned dog-breeder hopes Cupid will find his way to Letterkenny. ” -Bonnie


215. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” -Gail


216. “Hey! He said simmers down so simmers down! Why don’t you go eat some tartares ya snail-sucking mime lovers?!”


217. “What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots?”


218. “You’d best be preparin’ for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours. ” — Wayne


219. “If you smelly gamey, you ain’t gonna lay me. ”


220. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there. ” -Wayne


221. “Because we buy pants that f*cking fit. ” – Wayne


222. “Hey! He said simmers down so simmers down! Why don’t you go eat some tartares ya snail sucking mime lovers?!”


223. Anything Shoresy Says


224. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.”


225. “The only animal in the animal kingdom that wants anything to do with Canada goose is Canada mooses.”


226. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.”


227. “The less you say now, the less you have to apologize for later. ” -Daryl


228. YOUR SISTER’S LASAGNA GAVE EVERYONE THE SCOOTS FOR WEEKS UP IN HERE


229. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE MAJESTIC CANADIAN GOOSE, THEN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME


230. Degens


231. “I’m so upset about my perennials. ” -Squirrely Dan


232. “If I’m an ant I’m operating the seadoo with my antennae.”


233. “I wish all were not so strange in the world.”


234. “I have never been less embarrassed in all my life. ” -Coach


235. “I need to give you one more chance to retract, no questions asked. Before this conversation becomes a confrontation. ”


236. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s? – Jonesy


237. I THINK YOU COME IN MEN ENOUGH FOR ALL OF US


238. “You stopped toe-curling in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends. ” – Wayne


239. YOU GOT HALF YOUR FINGER CUT OFF ONE OF THREE WAYS: BIKE CHAIN, BANDSAW, PENALTY BOX DOOR


240. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill.” ― Wayne


241. “Letterkenny Problems Episode 1” (2013)


242. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill.” — Wayne


243. YOU’D BEST BE PREPARING FOR A DONNY BROOK IF YOU THINK I’M GOING TO THAT SUPER SOFT BIRTHDAY PARTY OF YOURS


244. “Hey, girl. Are you Barta Beef? Cause I’d flip you once every minute.”


245. “We need backup, boys.” — Jonesy


246. “There’s something really pervy about that word ‘taste. ’” – Wayne


247. “I’ve been a Colt for almost all of my adult life, but I guess in life, and in sports, we all know nothing lasts forever. Times change, circumstances change, and that’s the reality of playing in the NFL. ” – Peyton Manning


248. OH, GET OFF THE CROSS, WE NEED THE WOOD


249. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” -Wayne


250. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” -Squirrely Dan


251. Come off it!” – Wayne Quotes


252. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.” — Wayne


253. IF YOU HAD AS MANY BUCKS IN YOUR WALLET AS BUCKS MOUNTED ON YOUR WALL YOU’D HAVE, WELL, GIVE OR TAKE SIX BUCKS


254. “Life is about choices. You ask the questions and you listen to the answers. Then you listen to your heart. ” – Peyton Manning


255. “You’re softer than a Cinnabon sampler. ” -Wayne


256. “Hey! He said simmers down so simmers down! Why don’t you go eat some tartares ya snail-sucking mime lovers?!” – Dan


257. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails.” — Wayne


258. “You wanna walk around town spelling like that? Ok?! I’ll spell with you any day of the week and I suggest you let that one marinate.”


259. “I need to give you one more chance to retract, no questions asked. Before this conversation becomes a confrontation. ” – Gail


260. “Call me a cake, ’cause I’ll go straight to your *ss, cowboy!” -Gail


261. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you. ” -Squirrelly Dan


262. “Betty-Ann, your breath’s so bad it gave me an existential crisis – it made me question my whole life. ” -Shoresy


263. “Nice onesie! Does it come in men’s?”


264. “I mean, just because my name is Reilly doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m a drunken leprechaun. ” -Reilly


265. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there. ” — Wayne


266. “And I suggest you let that one marinate. ” -Wayne


267. “I have never been less embarrassed in all my life.”


268. “A gal at the bar said she liked how your pants fit but she said it in a baby voice and really she can do that on her own time.”


269. WHEN YOU ARE BRINGING COMPLAINTS TO SOMEONE, THEY’LL BE MORE RECEPTIVE TO ALTER INTO THEIR BEHAVIOR IF YOU MAKE IT YOUR PROBLEM, RATHER THAN PLACING THE BLAMES ON THEM


270. “Closest you’re getting to any action this weekend is giving the dairy cow’s t*ts a good scrubbing. ” – Wayne


271. “Boulevard of broken dreams!”


272. “Great day for hay!”


273. YOUR FRIEND SAYS HIS SLEDS GOT SO MUCH TORQUE HE CAN’T KEEP THE FRONT END DOWN, OK BUD, IF YOU WANNA BLOW SMOKE, GO HAVE A DART


274. HERE’S A POEM. STARLIGHT, STAR BRIGHT, WHY THE FUCK YOU GOT EARRINGS ON? BET YOUR LOBES AIN’T THE ONLY THING THAT GOT A HOLE PUNCHED IN ’EM


275. “I think it’s important to have had at least a few years of obscurity, where people treat you like everybody else. ” – Robert De Niro


276. Ergonomic design


277. “If I’m an ant I’m operating the seadoo with my antennae. ”


278. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh, I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sporting now.”


279. “Ask her, on a scale from 1 to America, how free are you right now?” – Katy


280. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you. ” — Squirrelly Dan


281. YOU GOT CALLED A SHITHEAD AT GO KARTS FOR BUMPING ANOTHER DRIVER AND HAD TO FIGHT THE GUY ‘CAUSE YOU WERE ON A FIRST DATE


282. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.” ― Letterkenny


283. “Fuck, lemony snicket, what a series of unfortunate events you been through, you ugly fuck.”


284. Ferda


285. “You’re pretty good at wrestling there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciate about you. ” – Squirrely Dan


286. “YOU NATURALLY CARE FOR A COMPANIONSHIP, BUT I GUESS THERE’S A LOT WORSE THINGS THAN PLAYING A LITTLE ONE MAN COUCH HOCKEY IN THE DARK. ”


287. “If you don’t fall, how are you going to know what getting up is like?” – Stephen Curry


288. “It’s a great day for sleighing.”


289. A Little Eminem


290. “Look, if you are coming, you better come correct.” – Gail


291. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground. ” — Squirrelly Dan


292. “Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan. ”


293. FUCK YOU SHORESY! PUT A SHIRT ON


294. “Pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er. ” -Wayne


295. “You’d best be preparin’ for a donnybrook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours. ”


296. “Laughter” by “David Bergin“, licensed under CC BY 2.0


297. “I’ll spell with you any day of the week and I suggest you let that one marinate.”


298. EVERY WOMAN KNOWS THAT THE WAY TO A MAN’S HEART IS NOT THROUGH HIS ZIPPER, IT’S THROUGH HIS STOMACH


299. “F*ck you Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from two years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes. ” – Reilly


300. “You naturally care for a little companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark.”


301. “I am also not one for regrets. I don’t regret any film I’ve made, because there was a reason for making it at the time. If it hasn’t worked out, then don’t spend time worrying about why and how. Just move on to the next project. ” – Robert De Niro


302. “Bad gas travels real fast in a small town.”


303. “This eau de toilette is enchantingly refreshing on summer days like this.”


304. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground.”


305. “Time to take about 20% off the meth intake, boys. ” – Wayne


306. “It’s like algebra. Why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go f*ck yourself?” – Wayne


307. “What I said was: I got real long eyelashes. Well I’m surprised no one has ever noticed that. ” – Wayne


308. “Fartbook”


309. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails. ” – Wayne


310. “Pertnear. ”


311. “Make sure you use that sunscreen ‘cause it’s a great day for hay.”


312. “Every woman knows that the way to a man’s heart is not through his zipper, it’s through his stomach. ” – Wayne


313. WHAT’S UP WITH YOUR BODY HAIR, YOU BIG SHOOTS? YOU LOOK LIKE A 12-YEAR-OLD DUTCH GIRL


314. “Wish You Weren’t Awkward


315. “Jinx, you owe me a Coke. ” – Wayne


316. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow?”


317. “Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cat’s queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers. ” – Wayne


318. YOU LOVE THAT MOVIE THE FOX AND THE HOUND SO MUCH YOU CAN’T BRING YOURSELF TO KILL THE FOX THAT’S BEEN GETTING INTO THE CHICKEN COOP. YOU DON’T CARE IF THAT MAKES YOU SOFTER THAN A DISNEY MATINEE


319. And that’s your whole world right there. ” – Wayne Quotes


320. “Who doesn’t love fishin’ in Quebec?” – Katy


321. FUCK YOU, JONESY, YOUR LIFE IS SO PATHETIC I GET A CHARITY TAX BREAK JUST BY HANGING AROUND YOU!


322. “spare parts,” an insult that refers to someone who acts disrespectfully, likening them to someone who comes from the bottom of the barrel.


323. “Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s teets a good scrubbin’.


324. “You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends. ” – Wayne


325. “You know not to be impolite but sometimes a gal will do some kissing on the ears. Which makes me uncomfortable because even though I clean my ears, sometimes a tater will just roll out of there unexpected.”


326. “There’s more to life than a little Hulu and you-screw, big brother. ” – Katy


327. “When you are bringing complaints to someone, they’ll be more receptive to alter into their behavior if you make it your problem, rather than placing the blame on them. ” – Wayne


328. “I’m not the guy who’s afraid of failure. I like to take risks, take the big shot and all that. ” – Stephen Curry


329. “Your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you!” – Shoresy


330. YOU SEEN A ‘COON HAVIN’ SEX WITH A BARN CAT ON TOP OF YOUR TRUCK? FUCK WHAT’S THE NATURE OF THAT DAVID SUZUKI


331. SEEING AS THIS IS MOST CERTAINLY A ONE-OFF EVENT AND NOT A TRADITION THAT ALSO FALLS ON SOME MADE-UP HOLIDAY THAT I COULDN’T GIVE A CATS QUEEF ABOUT, I’M OUT. THERE’S HAPPINESS CALLING MY NAME FROM THE BOTTOM OF A BOTTLE OF PUPPERS


332. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground.” ― Squirrelly Dan


333. “You know not to be impolite but sometimes a gal will do some kissing on the ears. Which makes me uncomfortable because even though I clean my ears, sometimes a tater will just roll out of there unexpected. ” -Wayne


334. THEN I’D HAVE TO PUT MY WINE DOWN


335. “Of course, it is. “Popcorn fart, location: movie theatre. ” That’s informations I’s wants to know!” – Devon


336. “Muscles Coming Tomorrow?”, “A Fuss at the Ag Hall”


337. “Do you know what, I don’t want you to kiss and tell, that’s impolite…. but I am kind of curious. ”


338. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em. ” -Wayne


339. “Hard no.”


340. ALL BUTTS ARE GAY, BUT NOT ALL GAYS HAVE BUTTS


341. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like yer pants are doin’ it for ya. ” -Wayne


342. “Fuck you, Shoresy, you’re a terrible fuckin ref!” – Jonesy


343. “You can cross fuck off. ” — Wayne


344. “Where’s the sacrifice?” — Jonesy


345. Your Mom just liked my Instagram post from two years ago in Puerta Vallarta.


346. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” -Squirrelly Dan


347. “I guess, to tell you the truth, I’ve never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I’ve managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. ” – Peyton Manning


348. “Your dad says guys with big trucks have little dinks. And that makes sense cuz you want a real big truck and got a real little dink.”


349. “Got anymore of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it. ”


350. Wayne: “You heard he f*cked an ostrich, right?”


351. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums but there isn’t. So you’re just gonna have to keep picking them off with a 22. Buckle up because they’re fucking ugly. Of course, that’s not to say I have it all my damn self.”


352. “You learned the two greatest thing in life, never rat on your friends, and always keep your mouth shut. ” – Robert De Niro


353. “Folks are also saying that it was a sick ostrich. ” – Wayne


354. “Do you know what? I don’t want you to kiss and tell. That’s impolite. But I am kind of curious. ” – Wayne


355. “Pitter-patter” or “Donny Brook” will be your new slang for calling a fight.


356. “Not my forte. ” -Katy


357. FIGURE IT OUT!


358. “The stupidest thing I ever heard in my life is that a baby is smart. ” -Wayne


359. “You’re softer than a Cinnabon sampler. ” – Wayne


360. “This eau de toilette is enchantingly refreshing on summer days like this. ” -Daryl


361. “It’s almost not worth thinking about Darry. ” – Wayne


362. “People should only get hammered together, so that you never have to see how obnoxious your friends actually are.”


363. You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?”


364. “Bad gas travels real fast in a small town. ” -Wayne


365. “Do-re-mi, 19, go fuck yourself”


366. “Time goes on. So whatever you’re going to do, do it. Do it now. Don’t wait. ” – Robert De Niro


367. LOOK IF YOU ARE COMING, YOU BETTER COME CORRECT


368. NOT MY PIG, NOT MY FARM


369. Speeding Through Adult Baseball Lines


370. “You’re a cup of baby carrots, ya fucking asshole.”


371. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the f*ck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em. ” -Wayne


372. “On a scale from one to America, how free are you right now?”


373. “Jinx, you owe me a Coke.” ― Wayne


374. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails. ” — Wayne


375. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.” ― Quotes of Letterkenny


376. “Some guys leave a place after a long time, and they’re bitter. Not me. ” – Peyton Manning


377. “You naturally care for a companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one man couch hockey in the dark.”


378. “The world needs less Facebook and more face-to-face.” – Wayne


379. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me. ” -Wayne


380. “F*ck you, Reilly, go scoop it off your mom’s floor! She gives my nipples butterfly kisses. ” – Jonesy


381. “What I said was: I got real long eyelashes. Well, I’m surprised no one has ever noticed that.”


382. “You hear about how many fourth quarter comebacks that a guy has and I think it means a guy screwed up in the first three quarters. ” – Peyton Manning


383. “There’s more to me than just this jersey I wear. ” – Stephen Curry


384. “Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan. ” – Wayne


385. “It’s always ok to fart when you’re alone. Accept when you’re in elevators. That’s uncouth.”


386. “10-Ply“


387. “Basketball was mine, and that’s what’s carried me to this point. ” – Stephen Curry


388. “Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?”


389. “I have never been less embarrassed in all my life. ” – Coach


390. “Agricultural halls are for agricultural music. ” -Wayne


391. WE ONLY GOT ONE SHOT AT THIS. ONE CHANCE. ONE WIN. YOU KNOW? VOMIT ON YOUR MOM’S SPAGHETTI, OR WHATEVER THAT TALKING SINGER SAYS


392. “You can do it!”: 23 Quotes that Inspires you to Believe in Yourself


393. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the f*ck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em. ” – Wayne


394. You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.”


395. “Also known as the French Exit or Houdini. ” – Katy


396. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?” -Wayne


397. FUCK YOU, SHORESY, YOU’RE A TERRIBLE FUCKIN REF!


398. “Figure it out!” – Wayne


399. “Fuck you Shoresy! Put a shirt on. ” — Reilly


400. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.” — Wayne


401. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.”


402. “Oh, I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the f*cking windshield. ” -Katy


403. Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!”


404. YOU WERE A SNIPER IN THAT GAME TODAY AND… DO YOU SEE THAT SNIPER AT 3 O’CLOCK?


405. “What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl. ” – Wayne


406. “Betty-Ann, your breath’s so bad it gave me an existential crisis — it made me question my whole life. ”


407. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill. ” -Wayne


408. “Do-re-mi, 19, go f*ck yourself. ” -Squirrely Dan


409. “Tell your mom to top off the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late at night!”


410. “You know not to be impolite but sometimes a gal will do some kissing on the ears. Which makes me uncomfortable because even though I clean my ears, sometimes a tater will just roll out of there unexpected. ” – Wayne


411. “Wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud. ” – Wayne


412. I’M SO UPSET ABOUT MY PERENNIALS


413. “I won’t go down in history but I’ll go down on you.” – Gail


414. “You’re softer than a Cinnabon sampler. ”


415. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like your pants are doing it for you.”


416. “I won’t go down in history but I’ll go down on you.”


417. I SEE THE MUSCLE SHIRT CAME TODAY. MUSCLES COMING TOMORROW? DID YA GET A TRACKING NUMBER? OH I HOPE HE GOT A TRACKING NUMBER. THAT PACKAGE IS GOING TO BE SMALLER THAN THE ONE YOU’RE SPORTIN’ NOW


418. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s? — Jonesy


419. “All butts are gay, but not all gays have butts. ” – Jonesy


420. “What’s up with your body hair, your big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.”


421. “Look if you are coming, you better come correct. ” – Gail


422. “Oh, do you now? My wife goes to the city every few months for one of those spa days, she loves it. Picks out her masseuse on there, what do you call it, on the phone there? The Tinder? Picks out her masseuse and makes a day of it.” — Bank Manager


423. “Your sister thinks you smoke too much when you’re drinking but your grandpa always said, ‘A smoke and a beer go together like a piss and a fart. ’” – Wayne


424. “On a scale from one to America, how free are you right now?” – Katy


425. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails. ” -Wayne


426. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground. ” -Wayne


427. “I mean, just because my name is Reilly doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m a drunken leprechaun. ” – Reilly


428. “You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?”


429. YOU’RE MADE OF SPARE PARTS, AREN’T YOU, BUD?


430. “Success is born out of faith, an undying passion, and a relentless drive. ” – Stephen Curry


431. IF I WAS A DR. SEUSS BOOK, I’D BE THE FAT IN THE HAT


432. “I’ve never been afraid of big moments. I get butterflies… I get nervous and anxious, but I think those are all good signs that I’m ready for the moment. ” – Stephen Curry


433. “You seen a ‘coon havin’ sex with a barn cat on top of your truck? Fuck what’s the nature of that David Suzuki.” ― Quotes of Letterkenny


434. YOU’D BEST BE PREPARIN’ FOR A DONNY BROOK IF YOU THINK I’M GOING TO THAT SUPER SOFT BIRTHDAY PARTY OF YOURS


435. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you.” ― Letterkenny


436. “Letterkenny” is a Canadian sitcom that was developed by Jared Keeso and Jacob Tierney. Like a growing number of television productions, it was originally created as a YouTube web series in 2015.


437. “Betty-Ann, your breath’s so bad it gave me an existential crisis — it made me question my whole life.”


438. 3 THINGS: I HIT YOU, YOU HIT THE PAVEMENT AND I JERK OFF ON YOUR DRIVER’S SIDE DOOR HANDLE


439. “Look if you are coming, come correct. ” -Gail


440. “We lay off the ginger in boots now. Because the ginger in boots did not f*ck an ostrich. ” – Wayne


441. “What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl. ” — Wayne


442. HARD NO


443. “Fightin’ Dudes.”, “Ain’t No Reason to Get Excited”


444. “We need backup, boys.”


445. “You’d best be preparin’ for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours. ” – Wayne


446. “It’s always ok to fart when you’re alone. Accept when you’re in elevators. That’s uncouth.” – Wayne


447. “The stupidest thing I ever heard in my life is that a baby is smart.” – Wayne


448. Sing us a song 0r something. Do a trick.”


449. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says. ” -Wayne


450. “You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.”


451. “I need to give you one more chance to retract, no questions asked. Before this conversation becomes a confrontation. ” -Gail


452. “The stupidest thing I ever heard in my life is that a baby is smart. ”


453. “You’re pretty good at wrestling there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciate about you.” – Squirrelly Dan


454. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s?” -Jonesy


455. “We all lay off the Ginger and Boots now. Because the Ginger and Boots did not f*ck an ostrich. ” – Wayne


456. AND I SUGGEST YOU LET THAT ONE MARINATE


457. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat.” — Katy


458. “The stupidest thing I ever heard in my life is that a baby is smart.”


459. You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.”


460. “Great fishin’ in Quebec. ” – Wayne


461. YOU TOOK YOUR GAL INTO PIZZA DELIGHT FOR A NICE SUPPER AND THERE WERE TWO KIDS’ BIRTHDAY PARTIES IN THERE HUCKING FUCKING CRAYONS AROUND


462. “Your dad says guys with big trucks have little di*ks. And that makes sense cuz you want a real big truck and got a real little d**k. ” -Wayne


463. YOU’RE PRETTY GOOD AT WRESTLIN’ THERE, KATY, AND THAT’S WHAT I APPRECIATES ABOUT YOU


464. YOU STOPPED TOE CURLIN’ IN THE HOT TUB ‘CAUSE YOU HEARD SPERMS STAY ALIVE IN THERE AND YOU’VE SEEN TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES ENOUGH TIMES TO KNOW HOW THAT STORY ENDS


465. “What’s up with your body hair, your big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl. ” – Wayne


466. “It’s ’cause Canada Gooses likely had intel there was a pedophile or two on board and took matters into their own hands. As they should!”


467. “Look if you are coming, come correct. ”


468. “Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan.”


469. “Tell your mom to top up the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late at night. ” -Shoresy


470. “Pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er. ” – Wayne


471. “Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s teets a good scrubbin’. ” — Wayne


472. “Every woman knows that the way to a man’s heart is not through his zipper, it’s through his stomach.” – Wayne


473. “It’s always ok to fart when you’re alone. Accept when you’re in elevators. That’s uncouth. ” – Wayne


474. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow?” -Daryl


475. “Good-n-you?” – Katy


476. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!”


477. “Fuck you Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from 2 years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes.” — Reilly


478. “You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.”


479. “Chirpin’”


480. Make sure you use that sunscreen ‘cause it’s a great day for hay.


481. “Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?” —Reilly


482. “Success comes after you conquer your biggest obstacles and hurdles. ” – Stephen Curry


483. “Well, she’s a pretty girl. It’s just… uhhh you could let the paint dry a wee bit there, eh?”


484. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.” — Daryl


485. Jonesy: “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s?”


486. “It’s like algebra… why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go fuck yourself?”


487. ON A SCALE FROM ONE TO AMERICA, HOW FREE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?


488. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. F*ck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a f*ck about your kids. ” – Wayne


489. “Your cousin said he could get a One Direction CD for your sister’s birthday party which is fine but he was a little quick to the draw there. ” – Wayne


490. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me. And I suggest you let that one marinate.”


491. “Not my pig, not my farm. ” -Wayne


492. “Chirpin” Letterkenny slang


493. “I’ve never left the field saying, ‘I could’ve done more to get ready,’ and that gives me peace of mind. ” – Peyton Manning


494. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your [expletive], cowboy!” – Gail


495. “Not my forte. ” – Katy


496. “Make sure you live in the moment and work your butt off every single day, and I hope I inspire people all around the world to just be themselves. Be humble, and be grateful for all the blessings in your life. ” – Stephen Curry


497. “You stopped toe curling in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.”


498. “The bottom inch of a beer bottle is 50% spit. ” – Wayne


499. “There’s more to life than a little Hulu and you-screw, big brother.” – Katy


500. “You seen a ‘coon havin’ sex with a barn cat on top of your truck? Fuck what’s the nature of that David Suzuki.” — Wayne


501. “Money makes your life easier. If you’re lucky to have it, you’re lucky. ” – Robert De Niro


502. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone. ” — Wayne


503. “Daryl: You guys do CrossFit? Wayne: You can cross fuck off. ”


504. “Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?” – Reilly


505. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t. ”


506. “When you go through a significant injury and have a major career change, you truly do go one year at a time, and you don’t look past what’s going on now, because you are not sure what’s going to happen. Tomorrow is not promised. ” – Peyton Manning


507. “Not my pig, not my farm. ” – Wayne


508. “You naturally care for a companionship, but I guess there are a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark. ” – Wayne


509. “You wanna know what? You got a problem with Canada Gooses, you got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate.”


510. “IT’S LIKE ALGEBRA…WHY YOU GOTTA PUT NUMBERS AND LETTERS TOGETHER? WHY CAN’T YOU JUST GO FUCK YOURSELF?”


511. YOUR SISTER’S HOT, WAYNE! THERE I SAID IT! I SAID IT! I REGRET NOTHING! I REGRET NOTHING!


512. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you. ”


513. “I loves fishin’ in Quebec. ” – Dan


514. “Oh, I got so much time for sushi. ” – Wayne


515. “What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl. ” -Wayne


516. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes, maybe.”


517. “Our daughters, Charity… and her sister Chastity… are on their gap year, once. ” — Noah Dyck


518. YOU STOPPED TOE CURLING IN THE HOT TUB ‘CAUSE YOU HEARD SPERMS STAY ALIVE IN THERE AND YOU’VE SEEN TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES ENOUGH TIMES TO KNOW HOW THAT STORY ENDS


519. “Each game is an opportunity to be on a great stage and be a witness for Christ. When I step on the floor, people should know who I represent, who I believe in. ” – Stephen Curry


520. “Get off the cross, we need the wood.”


521. “Donny Brook. ”


522. “I’m proud to be Archie’s son. Being a quarterback, I had my mentor and hero living in the same house. ” – Peyton Manning


523. “Betty-Ann, your breath’s so bad it gave me an existential crisis — it made me question my whole life.” — Shoresy


524. I WANT TO GIVE BACK TO THE COMMUNITY BY HELPING PEOPLE FIND LOVE


525. “It’s always ok to fart when you’re alone. Accept when you’re in elevators. That’s uncouth. ” -Wayne


526. “The New Season Of Letterkenny Is Coming To Cravetv. So Pitter Patter, Lets Get At’er And Watch It Already. ” – Letterkenny


527. “I want to give back to the community by helping people find love.” – Wayne


528. “Success is not an accident, success is actually a choice. ” – Stephen Curry


529. “Do you mean like you take the drugs with your hand and well, then, you put ’em up your pooper?” – Wayne


530. “Put some f*cking clothes on!” – Wayne


531. “You came to after having a bar fight. Felt like you got hit by a car, right? But your pal had your back, went on the attack, but it turned off his gal like a night light. ”


532. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like your pants are doing it for you.” – Wayne


533. “We need backup, boys. ” – Jonesy


534. “Letterkenny” as one of the most creative comedies on television in terms of production. It gets better as it progresses through the seasons and will hopefully keep improving with time.


535. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.”


536. “You save the poop talk for us, and that's what I appreciate about you, Squirrely Dan.”


537. “You can cross fuck off. ” – Wayne


538. “I love to find new people. It’s not for the sake of their being new; it’s because if you find someone who perfectly fits a part, that’s such a great thing. ” – Robert De Niro


539. “I have to leave the games now if the announcer says something I don’t agree with. I’m thinking, ‘Peyton, it is not healthy to be all worked up before a game. ” – Peyton Manning


540. “There’s something really pervy about that word ‘taste.’”


541. “Oh, I got so much time for sushi. ”


542. “Because it’s too complicated – it’s like algebra: Why you gotta put numbers and letters together?” -Wayne


543. MAKE SURE YOU USE THAT SUNSCREEN ‘CAUSE IT’S A GREAT DAY FOR HAY


544. “F*ck Lemony Snicket. What a series of unfortunate events you been through, you ugly f*ck?” -Jonesy


545. “Your sister’s lasagna gave everyone the scoots for weeks up in here. ” – Gail


546. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.” — Katy


547. “Don’t you mess around with me. There’s nothing too happy about commemorating the beating and execution of third-century Roman archbishop Saint Valentine. ” – Wayne


548. “I am willing to give 69 percent of my company to a partner, why 69 percent? Both sides benefit! Good enough!” — Gail


549. Pick the right material


550. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield. ” — Katy


551. Yes Dear, Pick Up Milk On The Way Home. That’s A Texas Sized 10-4


552. “Ask her, on a scale from 1 to America, how free are you right now?” ― Quotes of Letterkenny


553. “I’m not 23 anymore. But the defensive ends and linebackers chasing me are. If I had to chose between youth and experience, I’d take experience every time. ” – Peyton Manning


554. Wish you weren't so [expletive] awkward, bud.


555. “Valentime’s Day”


556. “So, it’s Facebook, but for farts?” – Stewart


557. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t. ” — Katy


558. “Tell your mom I drained the bank account she set up for me. Top it up so I can get some fuckin’ KFC. ” – Shoresy


559. “Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s teets a good scrubbin’. ” – Wayne


560. “You guys do CrossFit?”


561. “I’m the best manning. ” – Peyton Manning


562. “You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.” ― Quotes of Letterkenny


563. “Legen-Dary.”


564. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says. ” -Coach


565. “I seen Samuel in the laundry room with a cat one time and you just know that little f*cker is gonna put it in the dryer. ” -Wayne


566. “I don’t like to watch my own movies – I fall asleep in my own movies. ” – Robert De Niro


567. “Got any more of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it. ” – Shoresy


568. “You seen a ‘coon havin’ sex with a barn cat on top of your truck? Fuck what’s the nature of that David Suzuki. ” – Wayne


569. “You guys going to be wearing belts?” – Katy


570. “FiggerItOut”, “Relationships”


571. “You lose a lot of heat in the neck. ” – Wayne


572. “I pray every night, sometimes long prayers about a lot of things and a lot of people, but I don’t talk about it or brag about it because that’s between God and me, and I’m no better than anybody else in God’s sight. ” – Peyton Manning


573. “Oh, get off the cross, we need the wood. ” -Wayne


574. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a fuck about your kids. ” — Wayne


575. ” – Wayne Quotes


576. Not my forte.


577. “The only animal in the animal kingdom that wants anything to do with Canada goose is Canada mooses. ” – Wayne


578. Farting and Falling Off Bikes


579. “10-ply,” a reference to toilet paper and a way to describe someone who is extremely soft


580. “We have to have the mentality that we have to work for everything we’re going to get. ” – Stephen Curry


581. “That’s a Texas-sized 10-4. ” – Wayne


582. I WISH YOU WEREN’T SO FUCKING AWKWARD, BUD


583. “If you smelly gamey, you ain’t gonna lay me. ” -Katy


584. “Pump the brakes!”


585. “I won’t go down in history but I’ll go down on you. ” – Gail


586. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t. ” – Katy


587. “There’s nothing more ironic or contradictory than life itself.” – Robert De Niro


588. WELL THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN A GOOD FART


589. “PITTER PATTER, LET’S GET AT ‘ER. ”


590. Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.”


591. IT’S LIKE ALGEBRA…WHY YOU GOTTA PUT NUMBERS AND LETTERS TOGETHER? WHY CAN’T YOU JUST GO FUCK YOURSELF?


592. “If you stick a penny up your *ss and it comes out green, it means you’re sick. Did you know that?” -Daryl


593. “You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends. ”


594. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us. ” – Daryl


595. “You love that movie The Fox and the Hound so much you can’t bring yourself to kill the fox that’s been getting into the chicken coop. You don’t care if that makes you softer than a Disney matinee. ” – Dan


596. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.” ― Letterkenny


597. “Where’s the sacrifice?” -Wayne


598. “How would you batch in space?” — Darly


599. “OH I’M STOMPING THE BRAKES, PUT THAT IDEA RIGHT THROUGH THE FUCKING WINDSHIELD. ”


600. “I seen Samuel in the laundry room with a cat one time and you just know that little [expletive] is gonna put it in the dryer. ”


601. “Is geostamping farts a good idea?” -Stewart


602. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t.” – Katy


603. OH, I WOULDN’T SAY SHIT IF MY MOUTH WAS FULL OF IT


604. “Yes dear, pick up milk on the way home. That’s a Texas sized 10-4.”


605. “You came to after having a bar fight. Felt like you got hit by a car, right?” – Daryl


606. “You trying to sneak a sunrise past a rooster, Tanis?”


607. “YOU EVER HOOVER SCHNEEF OFF A SLEEPING COW’S SPINE?” “I’VE HOOVERED SCHNEEF OFF AN AWAKE COW’S TEET. ”


608. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your [expletive], cowboy!"


609. “I’m very humbled and I’m very honored. I certainly think about how grateful I am for all the teammates and coached that I’ve played with and played for throughout my career. ” – Peyton Manning


610. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a. 22. ” -Wayne


611. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us. ” – Daryl


612. “A Fuss at the Golf Course”


613. “You’d best be preparin’ for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours. ” -Wayne


614. “Now, I went on the internet and researched ostriches. Firstly, ostriches can run up to seventy miles an hour. So, catching one, even a sick one, is a super tall order.”


615. “Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s teets a good scrubbin’. ” -Wayne


616. “I wish you weren’t so f*cking awkward, bud. ” -Wayne


617. “Look if you are coming, come correct.”


618. “Fuck you, Shoresy, you’re a terrible fuckin ref!” — Jonesy


619. “There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers. ”


620. “Boulevard of broken dreams!” – Shoresy


621. “Three things: I hit you, you hit the pavement, I jerk off on your driver’s side door handle. ” – Shoresy


622. “In acting, I always try to go back to what would actually be the real situation, the real human behavior in life. ” – Robert De Niro


623. “Is geostamping farts a good idea?” – Stewart


624. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me. And I suggest you let that one marinate. ” – Wayne


625. “Pressure is something you feel when you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. ” – Peyton Manning


626. “Fuck Lemony Snicket, What A Serious Of Unfortunate Events You Fuckin Been Through You Ugly Fuck. Boulevard Of Broken Dreams!” – Letterkenny


627. “Rejection might sting, but my feeling is that often, it has very little to do with you. ” – Robert De Niro


628. “H’are ya now?” – Wayne


629. “You figure it out. ” – Katy


630. “F*ck you, Jonesy, your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you!” – Shoresy


631. WELL, THERE’S NOTHING BETTER THAN A FART. EXCEPT FOR KIDS FALLING OFF BIKES, MAYBE. FUCK, I COULD WATCH KIDS FALLING OFF BIKES ALL DAY, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR KIDS


632. “Four-leaf clover, make a wish.” – Wayne


633. “Make sure you use that sunscreen ‘cause it’s a great day for hay. ” -Gail


634. “Make sure you use that sunscreen ‘cause it’s a great day for hay. ” – Gail


635. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a fuck about your kids. ” -Wayne


636. “The world needs less Facebook and more Face-to-Face!” -Wayne


637. “You’ll have time to rest when you’re dead. ” – Robert De Niro


638. “What’s the Irish goodbye?” – Daryl


639. “ I fuckin’ hate Quebec. ” – Daryl


640. “Don’t be afraid to do what your instincts tell you. ” – Robert De Niro


641. “Tell your mom to top off the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late night!”


642. “You lose a lot of heat in the neck. ” -Wayne


643. YOU NATURALLY CARE FOR A COMPANIONSHIP, BUT I GUESS THERE’S A LOT WORSE THINGS THAN PLAYING A LITTLE ONE-MAN COUCH HOCKEY IN THE DARK


644. YOU WANNA COME TO A SUPER SOFT BIRTHDAY PARTY?


645. “You naturally care for a companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark. ” -Wayne


646. Look for pockets


647. “I’m too fat to run. ” -Squirrely Dan


648. “Oh, I got so much time for sushi. ” – Wayne


649. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh, I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sporting now.” – Daryl


650. “Not my pig, not my farm. ”


651. “I’m so upset about my perennials. ”


652. I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow?”


653. “What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.” ― Letterkenny


654. “Fuck you Shoresy! Put a shirt on. ” – Reilly


655. “Hey, Reilly, I made an oopsy. Can you ask your mom to pick up Jonesy’s mom on the way over to my place? I double-booked them by mistake. ” -Shoresy


656. “Don’t you remember when that plane had to land on the river in New York ’cause Canada Gooses flew into the engine?”


657. “Fuck you Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from 2 years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes. ” — Reilly


658. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us. ” -Wayne


659. “Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?” — Reilly


660. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s? -Wayne


661. “Your wardrobe color scheme looks like a bi-polar spell!” — Mrs. McMurray


662. “You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?” — Wayne


663. “Well, she’s a pretty girl. It’s just…uhhh you could let the paint dry a wee bit there, eh?” – Wayne


664. “You naturally care for a companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark. ” — Wayne


665. “Hard no. ” — Wayne


666. “F*ck you, Shoresy. ” – Jonesy


667. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at her.”


668. “Every woman knows that the way to a man’s heart is not through his zipper, it’s through his stomach. ” -Wayne


669. WE NEED BACKUP, BOYS


670. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now. ” — Daryl


671. “The less you say now, the less you have to apologize for later. ” – Daryl


672. “You two ever make me walk this far again, and we’re making babies. ” -Katy


673. “Schmelt. ”


674. “There’s something really pervy about that word ‘taste. ” -Wayne


675. “You’re a cup of baby carrots, ya fucking asshole. ” – Wayne


676. “You seen a ‘coon havin’ sex with a barn cat on top of your truck? Fuck what’s the nature of that David Suzuki. ” — Wayne


677. “You naturally care for a companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark.” – Wayne


678. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground. ” -Squirrely Dan


679. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails.” ― Wayne


680. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat.”


681. “…I’m too fat to run. ” – Squirrelly Dan


682. I need to give you one more chance to retract, no questions asked. Before this conversation becomes a confrontation


683. “Lions is lucky Canada Gooses don’t migrate to Africa. Then they’d be’s extinct.”


684. “I’d rather be a non-All-Star playing in the Western Conference finals than an All-Star who’s sitting at home in May. ” – Stephen Curry


685. “A smoke and a beer go together like a piss and a fart. ”


686. “Oh, get off the cross, we need the wood. ” – Wayne


687. If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat.”


688. “Did little Natisha take your last halloween Oreo?? You didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to that delicious orange frosting?”


689. “I can get better. I haven’t reached my ceiling yet on how well I can shoot the basketball. ” – Stephen Curry


690. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a. 22. ” — Wayne


691. “And I suggest you let that one marinate. ” – Wayne


692. YOU WANNA WALK AROUND TOWN SPELLING LIKE THAT? OK?! I’LL SPELL WITH YOU ANY DAY OF THE WEEK AND I SUGGEST YOU LET THAT ONE MARINATE


693. “The world needs less Facebook and more Face-to-Face!”


694. I am willing to give 69 percent of my company to a partner, why 69 percent? Both sides benefit! Good enough!


695. “I loves fishin’ in kwee-bec.”


696. “You love that movie The Fox and the Hound so much you can’t bring yourself to kill the fox that’s been getting into the chicken coop. You don’t care if that makes you softer than a Disney matinee.” – Squirrely Dan


697. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids fall off bikes all day, I don’t give a shit about your kids.”


698. “You ever hoover schneef off a sleeping cow’s spine?” “I’ve hoovered schneef off an awake cow’s teet. ” — Daryl


699. “Not my pig, not my farm. ” — Wayne


700. “It’s a four-leaf clover! Make a wish!” – Daryl


701. “Your Mom just liked my Instagram post from two years ago in Puerta Vallarta. ” – Shoresy


702. “Figure it out!” — Everyone


703. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a fuck about your kids.” ― Letterkenny


704. “Your mom just liked my Instagram post from 2 years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes. ” -Reilly


705. “The hardest thing about being famous is that people are always nice to you. ” – Robert De Niro


706. “It’s like algebra… why you gotta put numbers and letters together?” – Wayne


707. “I think you come in men enough for all of us. ” -Wayne


708. “Your cousin named his cat Harry Pottery Barn which was confusing till you found out he named his bong Samwise Ganja.”


709. “Play like you’re in first. Train like you’re in second. ” – Stephen Curry


710. “Your sister’s lasagna gave everyone the scoots for weeks up in here. ” -Gail


711. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now.” ― Quotes of Letterkenny


712. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground. ” – Squirrelly Dan


713. “Well nots to be impolite but this gal suggested that maybe I should have some attentions paid to my butthole. That ever happen to you guys?” -Squirrely Dan


714. PACK OF COYOTES COME RIGHT UP THE BACK PORCH THE OTHER NIGHT ‘CAUSE YOUR DOG’S IN HEAT AND YOU KNOW THOSE FUCKIN’ YELLOW EYED BASTARDS’LL GO RIGHT THROUGH THE SCREEN DOOR IF THEY’RE HORNY


715. “I can do all things. ” – Stephen Curry


716. “You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.” — Wayne


717. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.”


718. “Fuck you, Jonesy, your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you!”


719. “Fuck you, Jonesy, your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you!” – Shoresy


720. “It goes without saying, winning against a good team in a hostile crowd on the road, it’s just an absolutely huge win. ” – Peyton Manning


721. “It’s a lot to wrap your head around,” Keeso said of the show’s success in a 2017 interview. "We’ve got some soul and some heart in there and it’s a tough show at the end of the day.”


722. Accept when you’re in elevators. That’s uncouth. ” – Wayne Quotes


723. YOUR GAL HAS A COUSIN WHO’S SPUN AND SHE IS NO LONGER YOUR HUN. ‘CAUSE YOU HAD TO POP ’EM AND BOY DID YOU DROP ’EM. YEAH, YOU DID WHAT HAD TO BE DONE


724. “Bad gas travels real fast in a small town. ” – Wayne


725. FUCK YOU JONESY! YOUR MOM JUST LIKED MY INSTAGRAM POST FROM 2 YEARS AGO IN PUERTO VALLARTA. TELL HER I’LL PUT MY SWIM TRUNKS ON FOR HER ANY TIME SHE LIKES


726. “Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?” — Wayne


727. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” ― Letterkenny


728. OU CAME TO AFTER HAVING A BAR FIGHT. FELT LIKE YOU GOT HIT BY A CAR, RIGHT? BUT YOUR PAL HAD YOUR BACK, WENT ON THE ATTACK, BUT IT TURNED OFF HIS GAL LIKE A NIGHT LIGHT


729. “I can’t say enough, how important my faith is to how I play the game and who I am. ” – Stephen Curry


730. IT’S A HARD LIFE PICKING STONES AND PULIN’ TEATS, BUT AS SURE AS GOD’S GOT SANDALS, IT BEATS FIGHTIN’ DUDES WITH TREASURE TRAILS


731. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like your pants are doing it for you. ” – Wayne


732. “I mean, just because my name is Reilly doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m a drunken leprechaun. ”


733. “Maybe they tranqed the ostrich. ” – Daryl


734. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you. ” -Wayne


735. “He is otherworldly! He’s got a dome like an Easter Island statue. ” -Squirrely Dan


736. “You woke up on your friend’s lawn the other day but your friend’s lawn is in Michigan so, that’s a bit off-putting. ” – Wayne


737. WELL, I’D SAY GIVE YOUR BALLS A TUG, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YER PANTS ARE DOIN’ IT FOR YA


738. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t.”


739. “Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?” – Wayne


740. “Hard no. ” – Wayne


741. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me. ” – Wayne


742. “Boy, do I hate to lose. ” – Peyton Manning


743. LET’S GO EASY OVER THERE, SQUIRRELLY DAN


744. I need to give you one more chance to retract, no questions asked. Before this conversation becomes a confrontation.


745. “Technically a French Exit is when you leave without paying the bill, but in this case that is not applicable. ” – Katy


746. “I have to leave the games now if the announcer says something I don’t agree with. I’m thinking, ‘Peyton, it is not healthy to be all worked up before a game. ’” – Peyton Manning


747. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er.” — Everyone


748. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er. ” — Everyone


749. YOU KNEW YOUR PAL HAD COME INTO MONEY WHEN HE STARTED THROWING OUT PERFECTLY GOOD PISTACHIOS LIKE HE WAS ABOVE CRACKING ‘EM OPEN WITH A BOX CUTTER LIKE THE REST OF US


750. I AM WILLING TO GIVE 69% OF MY COMPANY TO A PARTNER, WHY 69%? BOTH SIDES BENEFIT!. GOOD ENOUGH!


751. FUCK, LEMONY SNICKET, WHAT A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS YOU BEEN THROUGH, YOU UGLY FUCK


752. “Your cousin named his cat Harry Pottery barn which was confusing till you found out he named his bong Samwise Ganja. ” – Wayne


753. “Pitter patter, let’s get at’er. ” – Wayne


754. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield. ” – Katy


755. “I am willing to give 69% of my company to a partner; why 69%? Both sides benefit! Good enough!” – Gail


756. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the [expletive] you got earrings on?”


757. “In the words of the genre-bending Canadian indie rock band Arcade Fire, ‘wake up. ’ – Wayne


758. “The bottom inch of a beer bottle is 50% spit”


759. “I want to practice to the point where it’s almost uncomfortable how fast you shoot, so that in the game things kind of slow down. ” – Stephen Curry


760. “Oh, I got so much time for sushi. ” -Wayne


761. “Something about that old goat just really grinds my pepper. ” -Gail


762. NICE ONESIE. DOES IT COME IN MEN’S?


763. “Your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you!” -Shoresy


764. “No Dan. The lifestyle. ” – Katy


765. “When you are bringing complaints to someone, they’ll be more receptive to alter into their behavior if you make it your problem, rather than placing the blame on them.”


766. “Being there every week for my teammates is really important to me. It’s all about accountability. I hear stuff about the ‘toughest quarterback in the league’ and all that; what’s that mean?” – Peyton Manning


767. “You came to after having a bar fight. Felt like you got hit by a car, right? But your pal had your back, went on the attack, but it turned off his gal like a night light. ” – Daryl


768. “Your dad says guys with big trucks have little dinks. And that makes sense cuz you want a real big truck and got a real little dink. ” – Wayne


769. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me. And I suggest you let that one marinate.” — Wayne


770. “Pitter patter, let's get at 'er. ”


771. “When you are bringing complaints to someone, they’ll be more receptive to alter into their behavior if you make it your problem, rather than placing the blame on them.” – Wayne


772. OUR GREAT UNCLE FARTED WHEN HE GOT UP FROM THE PICNIC TABLE WHICH WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO PRETTY FUCKIN INCONSIDERATE AT HIS OWN CHILLI PICNIC


773. “We need backup, boys. ” -Wayne


774. If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me.”


775. I WON’T GO DOWN IN HISTORY BUT I’LL GO DOWN ON YOU


776. TIME TO TAKE ABOUT 20% OFF THE METH INTAKE, BOYS


777. “Being a superstar means you’ve reached your potential, and I don’t think I’ve reached my potential as a basketball player and as a leader yet. ” – Stephen Curry


778. “Hey, Reilly, I made an oopsy. Can you ask your mom to pick up Jonesy’s mom on the way over to my place? I double-booked them by mistake. ” – Shoresy


779. “Like they roofied the ostrich?” – Dan


780. Check for ventilation


781. CALL ME A CAKE, ‘CAUSE I’LL GO STRAIGHT TO YOUR ASS, COWBOY!


782. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart.” – Wayne


783. “You’re a cup of baby carrots, ya fucking asshole. ” -Wayne


784. “You naturally care for a companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark.”


785. Daryl: “It’s a four-leaf clover, make a wish. ”


786. “Legen-Dary. ”


787. “Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan. ” — Wayne


788. “He is otherworldly! He’s got a dome like an Easter Island statue. ” – Dan


789. “Nice onesie! Does it come in men’s?” – Reilly


790. “It’s like algebra…why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go fuck yourself?” -Wayne


791. “Here’s a poem. Star light, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.” — Wayne


792. “You’d best be preparin’ for a donnybrook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours. ” – Wayne


793. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t.” ― Letterkenny


794. “I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud.” ― Letterkenny


795. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says. ” — Coach


796. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a fuck about your kids.” — Wayne


797. “What a series of unfortunate events you have been through.” – Jonesy


798. “Three things: I hit you, you hit the pavement and I jerk off on your driver’s side door handle.”


799. “Boys, listen... I'm as progressive as the next guy! I get it! It's 2013, I watch Ellen." — Bank Manager


800. “Time to take about 20% off the meth intake, boys.”


801. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says. ”


802. “The bottom inch of a beer bottle is 50% spit. ” -Wayne


803. “Pitter patter, let’s get at’er.” – Letterkenny Slangs


804. “Something about that old goat just really grinds my pepper. ”


805. “F*ck Lemony Snicket. What a series of unfortunate events you been through, you ugly f*ck?” – Jonesy


806. “You lose a lot of heat in the neck. ”


807. “My dad was a class person on and off the field. That’s the person I want to be. ” – Peyton Manning


808. THERE’S A GAL IN THE NEXT TOWNSHIP WHO GOT THE STINKER REMOVED FROM A SKUNK AND SHE KEEPS IT AS A PET SO THAT’S PRETTY MUCH PAR FOR THE COURSE THERE, EH


809. “I don’t feel pressure. I like if anybody has interest in what I have to say, especially if they’re younger. If they like me, respect me, I’m honoured and I’ll give them my opinion. ” – Robert De Niro


810. Your mom just liked my Instagram post from 2 years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes.


811. “If it’s the right chair, it doesn’t take too long to get comfortable in it. ” – Robert De Niro


812. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us. ”


813. “Snipe“


814. “The world needs less Facebook and more Face-to-Face!” – Wayne


815. “You’re a cup of baby carrots.”


816. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me. ” — Wayne


817. YOU EVER HOOVER SCHNEEF OFF A SLEEPING COW’S SPINE?” “I’VE HOOVERED SCHNEEF OFF AN AWAKE COW’S TEET


818. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.” — Wayne


819. “A smoke and a beer go together like a piss and a fart.”


820. “A gal at the bar said she liked how your pants fit but she said it in a baby voice and really she can do that on her own time. ”


821. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” – Gail


822. “If you work hard and you play well, all those critics quiet themselves pretty quickly. ” – Peyton Manning


823. “I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud. ” — Wayne


824. And that makes sense cuz you want a real big truck and got a real little dink. ” – Wayne Quotes


825. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” ― Quotes of Letterkenny


826. “NO, THE GINGER FUCKED AND OSTRICH.”


827. “Fuck you, Reilly, go scoop it off your mom’s floor! She gives my nipples butterfly kisses. ” – Jonesy


828. “Oh, I wouldn’t say sh*t if my mouth was full of it. ” – Shoresy


829. “Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan. ” -Wayne


830. “If you smelly gamey, you ain’t gonna lay me. ” – Katy


831. THE ONLY ANIMAL IN THE ANIMAL KINGDOM THAT WANTS ANYTHING TO DO WITH CANADA GOOSES… IS CANADA MOOSES


832. “I don’t get into these long-winded heavy discussions about character – do we do this or that or what. At the end of the day, what you gotta do is just go out there and do it. ” – Robert De Niro


833. “Why don’t you guys wear belts?” – Dan


834. “This eau de toilette is enchantingly refreshing on summer days like this. ”


835. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.”


836. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill. ” — Wayne


837. “You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends. ” — Wayne


838. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you. ” -Squirrely Dan


839. “All butts are gay, but not all gays have butts.”


840. “My faith doesn’t make me perfect, it makes me forgiven. ” – Peyton Manning


841. “Pertnear” is a slang that hasn’t caught the viewer’s attention. However, we want to mention this slang in the list of Letterkenny for contextual preference. Pertnear is a shortcut for “pretty near.”


842. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat. ” -Katy


843. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.” ― Wayne


844. “I need to give you one more chance to retract, no questions asked. Before this conversation becomes a confrontation.” – Gail


845. “Be the best version of yourself in anything that you do. You don’t have to live anybody else’s story. ” – Stephen Curry


846. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the f*cking windshield. ” – Katy


847. YOU SEEN A ‘COON HAVING SEX WITH A BARN CAT ON TOP OF YOUR TRUCK? FUCK WHAT’S THE NATURE OF THAT DAVID SUZUKI


848. “A smoke and a beer go together like a piss and a fart. ” -Wayne


849. ”Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes, maybe. ”


850. “You love that movie The Fox and the Hound so much you can’t bring yourself to kill the fox that’s been getting into the chicken coop. You don’t care if that makes you softer than a Disney matinee. ”


851. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums but there isn’t. So you’re just gonna have to keep picking them off with a 22. Buckle up because they’re f*cking ugly. Of course, that’s not to say I have it all my damn self. ” – Wayne


852. “Jinx, you owe me a Coke. ” -Wayne


853. “Eyes on your own work there, Super Chief!”


854. “The bottom inch of a beer bottle is 50% spit” – Wayne


855. “You’re softer than a Cinnabon sampler.”


856. “If you had as many bucks in your wallet as bucks mounted on your wall you’d have, well, give or take six bucks”


857. “I’ll post it on my f*cking Facebook. And you guys will post it on your f*cking Facebook!” – Stewart


858. “It’s like algebra, why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go fuck yourself?” ― Wayne


859. “Penny for your thoughts?” – Gail


860. “So my dick died. Can I bury it in you?” – Daryl


861. “You’re a cup of baby carrots. ”


862. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes, maybe. ” – Wayne


863. “Your great uncle farted when he got up from the picnic table which was funny but also pretty f*cking inconsiderate at his own chili picnic. ” – Wayne


864. TIM’S, MCDONALD’S, AND THE BEER STORE ARE ALL CLOSED ON CHRISTMAS DAY. AND THAT’S YOUR WHOLE WORLD RIGHT THERE


865. “Not my pig, not my farm.”


866. “You came to after having a bar fight. Felt like you got hit by a car, right? But your pal had your back, went on the attack, but it turned off his gal like a night light. ” -Daryl


867. “You got half your finger cut off one of three ways: bike chain, bandsaw, penalty box door. ” – Wayne


868. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?” – Wayne


869. “Oh, I got so much time for sushi.”


870. “It’s a four-leaf clover, make a wish.” Wayne: Wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud.”


871. “You know not to be impolite but sometimes a gal will do some kissing on the ears. Which makes me uncomfortable because even though I clean my ears, sometimes a tater will just roll out of there unexpected. ”


872. “You’re a cup of baby carrots. ” – Wayne


873. “They don’t make pennies anymore. Did you know that?” – Marie-Frédérique


874. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your *ss, cowboy!” – Gail


875. WHERE’S THE SACRIFICE?


876. “I didn’t have a problem with rejection, because when you go into an audition, you’re rejected already. There are hundreds of other actors. You’re behind the eight ball when you go in there. ” – Robert De Niro


877. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us. ” — Daryl


878. “You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl. ” – Wayne


879. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t. ” -Katy


880. Size matters


881. “Because it’s too complicated – it’s like algebra: Why you gotta put numbers and letters together?”


882. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone. ”


883. “Pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er.”


884. “This may very well call for the old Irish Goodbye. ” – Wayne


885. “The head coach tells us what to do, and we follow his orders. ” – Peyton Manning


886. “The talent is in the choices. ” – Robert De Niro


887. “Your cousin said he could get a One Direction CD for your sister’s birthday party, which is fine, but he was a little quick to the draw there.”


888. “You seen a ‘coon havin’ s*x with a barn cat on top of your truck? F*ck what’s the nature of that David Suzuki. ” -Wayne


889. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a f*ckin’ tire down a hill. ” -Wayne


890. “Yeah, I heard they f*cked two ostriches. ” – Reilly


891. “What’s up with your body hair, your big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.” – Wayne


892. “Imitation is obviously a great form of flattery. ” – Peyton Manning


893. I'd say give your [expletive] a tug, but it looks like your pants are doing that for you.”


894. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.” ― Quotes of Letterkenny


895. “I don’t want to retire. I still want to play. ” – Peyton Manning


896. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone. ” – Wayne


897. YOU’RE A CUP OF BABY CARROTS, YA FUCKING ASSHOLE


898. YOU GUYS DO CROSSFIT?


899. “You ever hoover schneef off a sleeping cow’s spine? I’ve hoovered schneef off an awake cow’s teet.” ― Letterkenny


900. “I’ve been a Colt for almost all of my adult life, but I guess in life, and in sports, we all know nothing lasts forever. Times change, circumstances change, and that’s the reality of playing in the NFL. ” – Peyton Manning

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