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900 Hilarious Quotes From Letterkenny (2023)

1. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” – Squirrely Dan


2. “You’d best be preparin for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours.” ― Letterkenny


3. “It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it.” – Peyton Manning


4. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me.” ― Wayne


5. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like yer pants are doin’ it for ya. ” – Wayne


6. “You delivered, I’ll give ya that, but what type of prick doesn’t stand up to shake another man’s hand?” – Wayne


7. “Hard no!” – Wayne


8. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes, maybe. ” -Wayne


9. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” — Gail


10. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.”


11. “Sing us a song or something. Do a trick. You’re f*cking useless. ” – Wayne


12. “Do-re-mi, 19, go f*ck yourself” – Dan


13. “Got anymore of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it. ” – Shoresy


14. “I need to give you one more chance to retract, no questions asked. Before this conversation becomes a confrontation.”


15. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.” — Coach


16. “The bottom inch of a beer bottle is 50% spit.” ― Quotes of Letterkenny


17. “Well nots to be impolite but this gal suggested that maybe I should have some attentions paid to my butthole. That ever happen to you guys?”


18. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone. ” -Wayne


19. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing!” – Dan


20. “I am willing to give 69 percent of my company to a partner, why 69 percent? Both sides benefit! Good enough!” -Gail


21. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?” — Wayne


22. “One of the things about acting is it allows you to live other people’s lives without having to pay the price. ” – Robert De Niro


23. “The stupidest thing I ever heard in my life is that a baby is smart. ” – Wayne


24. It’s just… uhhh you could let the paint dry a wee bit there, eh?” – Wayne Quotes


25. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” – Squirrelly Dan


26. “Where’s the sacrifice?” – Jonesy


27. “I thought the French Exit was when you climax on a gal and you leave without cleaning it up. ” – Daryl


28. “Texas-sized 10-4. ”


29. “When people are watching you, it makes you think twice about what you do, and the things you say, and the people you hang around with. ” – Peyton Manning


30. “S’how ’bout it, boys? You can always count on ol’ Katy cat. ” – Katy


31. I have never been less embarrassed in all my life.


32. YOU’RE PRETTY GOOD AT WRESTLING THERE, KATY, AND THAT’S WHAT I APPRECIATE ABOUT YOU


33. “Oh, get off the cross, we need the wood.”


34. COLOGNE. BUT I JUST USE SUNSCREEN, BANANA BOAT


35. YOU CAN CROSS FUCK OFF


36. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill. ” – Wayne


37. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” –


38. “Now, I went on the internet and researched ostriches. Firstly, ostriches can run up to seventy miles an hour. So, catching one, even a sick one, is a super tall order. ” – Wayne


39. “You’re a cup of baby carrots. ” -Wayne


40. “In the words of the genre-bending Canadian indie rock band Arcade Fire, ‘wake up. ’


41. “Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers.” – Wayne


42. “Mike, you best sort yourself out.”


43. THERE’S SOME BUTTFUCKERY AT PLAY HERE


44. “YOU WISH THERE WAS A PIED PIPER FOR POSSUMS, BUT THERE ISN’T, SO YOU’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO KEEP PICKING ‘EM OFF WITH A. 22. BUCKLE UP ‘CAUSE THEY’RE FUCKIN’ UGLY…OF COURSE, THAT’S NOT TO SAY I HAVE IT ALL MY DAMN SELF. ”


45. I’LL POST IT ON MY FUCKING FACEBOOK. AND YOU GUYS WILL POST IT ON YOUR FUCKING FACEBOOK!


46. THE WORLD NEEDS LESS FACEBOOK AND MORE FACE-TO-FACE!


47. “If you stick a penny up your *ss and it comes out green, it means you’re sick. Did you know that?” – Daryl


48. “Every woman knows that the way to a man’s heart is not through his zipper, it’s through his stomach. ”


49. “Buddy, you couldn’t wheel a f*cking tire down a hill. ” – Wayne


50. “WELL, THERE’S NOTHING BETTER THAN A FART. EXCEPT KIDS FALLING OFF BIKES, MAYBE. FUCK, I COULD WATCH KIDS FALL OFF BIKES ALL DAY, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR KIDS. ”


51. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us. ” -Daryl


52. “Fuck you Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from 2 years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes.”


53. “You’d trust somebody who wears sunglasses at night?”


54. “Remind your critics when they say you don’t have the expertise or experience to do something that an amateur built the ark and the experts built the titanic. ” – Peyton Manning


55. “It’s like algebra…why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go fuck yourself?” — Wayne


56. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there. ” – Wayne


57. “Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan.” — Wayne


58. “Something about that old goat just really grinds my pepper.”


59. “Our d*cks hang out, yours is like a mushroom in a cornfield. Mind your f*cking business, Alexander. ” – McMurray


60. “If you had as many bucks in your wallet as bucks mounted on your wall you’d have, well, give or take six bucks. ” -Wayne


61. “I want to give back to the community by helping people find love. ” -Wayne


62. “…What I Appreciates About You


63. “You discovered a talent, developed an ambition and recognized your passion. When you feel that, you can’t fight it — you just go with it. ” – Robert De Niro


64. PITTER-PATTER, LET’S GET AT ‘ER


65. “Don’t forget to also check out these hilarious Waterboy quotes that will remind you that you can do it” -Wayne


66. DO YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON’T WANT YOU TO KISS AND TELL, THAT’S IMPOLITE…. BUT I AM KIND OF CURIOUS


67. You're 10-Ply, Bud.


68. “You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?” – Wayne


69. “Every time I rise up, I have confidence that I’m going to make it. ” – Stephen Curry


70. “I want to give back to the community by helping people find love. ” – Wayne


71. “Your Mom just liked my Instagram post from two years ago in Puerta Vallarta.”


72. “It’s not wanting to win that makes you a winner; it’s refusing to fail. ” – Peyton Manning


73. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em. ” – Wayne


74. “You better fix that divot ’cause Canada Gooses would fix it for you.”


75. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the [expletive] windshield. ”


76. “Because it’s too complicated – it’s like algebra: Why you gotta put numbers and letters together?” – Wayne


77. IT’S ALWAYS OK TO FART WHEN YOU’RE ALONE. ACCEPT WHEN YOU’RE IN ELEVATORS. THAT’S UNCOUTH


78. “Allegedly. ” – Dan


79. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says. ” – Coach


80. “You delivered, I’ll give ya that, but what type of prick doesn’t stand up to shake another man’s hand?” -Wayne


81. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield. ” -Wayne


82. “I’m so upset about my perennials.”


83. OH I’M STOMPING THE BRAKES, PUT THAT IDEA RIGHT THROUGH THE FUCKING WINDSHIELD


84. “You’d best be preparin’ for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours.”


85. “Scoots. ”


86. “W’s Talk, Baby”


87. “Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?” -Wayne


88. FUCK YOU, REILLY, GO SCOOP IT OFF YOUR MOM’S FLOOR! SHE GIVES MY NIPPLES BUTTERFLY KISSES


89. SO MY DICK DIED. CAN I BURY IT IN YOU?


90. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s?”


91. “Texas sized 10-4, good buddy.” Me n my buddy use that quote all the time.


92. “Fuck, Lemony Snicket, what A Series of Unfortunate Events you been through, you ugly fuck. ” — Jonesy


93. “Who doesn’t love fishin’ in kay-bec?”


94. “I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud. ” – Wayne


95. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulling teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails. ” – Wayne


96. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er. ” – Everyone


97. “Hard no. ” -Wayne


98. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like yer pants are doin’ it for ya. ” — Wayne


99. “Great fishin’ in kyu-bec!”


100. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground. ”


101. WHAT I SAID WAS: I GOT REAL LONG EYE LASHES. WELL I’M SURPRISED NO ONE HAS EVER NOTICED THAT


102. “Jonesy your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you. ”


103. “You love that movie The Fox and the Hound so much you can’t bring yourself to kill the fox that’s been getting into the chicken coop. You don’t care if that makes you softer than a Disney matinee. ” – Squirrely Dan


104. YOU WOKE UP ON YOUR FRIEND’S LAWN THE OTHER DAY BUT YOUR FRIEND’S LAWN IS IN MICHIGAN SO, THAT’S A BIT OFF PUTTING


105. “Pitter-Patter…”


106. YOU WISH THERE WAS A PIED PIPER FOR POSSUMS. BUT THERE ISN’T, SO YOU’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO KEEP PICKING ‘EM OFF WITH A


107. “Well that’s when you leave without saying goodbye to anyone. ” – Wayne


108. YOUR SISTER THINKS YOU SMOKE TOO MUCH WHEN YOU’RE DRINKIN’ BUT YOUR GRANDPA ALWAYS SAID “A SMOKE AND A BEER GO TOGETHER LIKE A PISS AND A FART


109. “And I suggest you let that one marinate. ” — Wayne


110. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.” – Katy


111. “I want to be out there every single snap, every single play. ” – Peyton Manning


112. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat. ” – Katy


113. “My job is to play well offensively and help my team score points. So I feel very responsible every time we lose a game. ” – Peyton Manning


114. “If nothing else in life, I want to be true to the things I believe in, and quite simply, to what I’m all about. I know I’d better, because it seems whenever I take a false step or two I feel the consequences.” – Peyton Manning


115. “He is otherworldly! He’s got a dome like an Easter Island statue. ”


116. A Problem with Canada Gooses


117. “I’m so upset about my perennials. ” – Squirrely Dan


118. “You had a party and there was no piss around the toilet after which most certainly means your friends piss sitting down. ” – Wayne


119. DOES A DUCK WITH A BONER DRAG WEEDS?


120. “We need backup, boys. ” -Jonesy


121. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” — Squirrelly Dan


122. YEAH. OH, HEY, LOOK AT YOU, GROUND


123. “Anyone who waits for someone else to make a change automatically becomes a follower. ” – Peyton Manning


124. “As sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails. ”


125. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er. ” – Wayne


126. “Look if you are coming, come correct. ” – Gail


127. “You woke up with your horn looking out the window but ya gotta be at work in 20 so it’s now or never. I should say.” – Wayne


128. “Jonesy your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you.”


129. “Fuck you, Reilly, go scoop it off your mom’s floor! She gives my nipples butterfly kisses. ” — Jonesy


130. “YOUR SISTER’S HOT, WAYNE! THERE I SAID IT! I SAID IT! I REGRET NOTHING! I REGRET NOTHING!”


131. “Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?” -Reilly


132. “Betty-Ann, your breath’s so bad it gave me an existential crisis — it made me question my whole life. ” – Shoresy


133. “You ever hoover schneef off a sleeping cow’s spine?” “I’ve hoovered schneef off an awake cow’s teet.”


134. …I’M TOO FAT TO RUN


135. THAT WAS WELL BROUGHT UP. TOO BAD YOU WEREN’T


136. “I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud. ” -Wayne


137. “Yeah? What’s gonna happen, Shoresy?” – Reilly


138. “Some people have this impression of me: ‘Boy, he’s always so serious on the field. Football. Football. Football. ’” – Peyton Manning


139. “Figure it out!” – Everyone


140. “You woke up on your friend’s lawn the other day but your friend’s lawn is in Michigan so, that’s a bit off-putting.”


141. “Oh, get off the cross, we need the wood. ” — Wayne


142. “I really cherish everything that basketball brings; and I think, for me, it’s been a great ride and I’m not done yet…” – Stephen Curry


143. “How are ya now” “Good ‘n’ you?”


144. “Fuck you, Jonesy, your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you!” — Shoresy


145. “On a scale from one to America, how free are you right now?” -Katy


146. BUDDY YOU COULDN’T WHEEL A FUCKIN’ TIRE DOWN A HILL


147. “Your friend says his sleds got so much torque he can’t keep the front end down. Okay, bud, if you wanna blow smoke, go have a dart. ” – Wayne


148. “Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s *eets a good scrubbin’. ” -Wayne


149. “Being able to battle it out. No matter how you do it, you gotta hold your ground at times. Other times you’ve got to compromise. But never a compromise that you can’t live with. ” – Robert De Niro


150. And I suggest you let that one marinate.”


151. CLOSEST YOU’RE GETTIN’ TO ANY ACTION THIS WEEKEND IS GIVIN’ THE DAIRY COW’S TEETS A GOOD SCRUBBIN’


152. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a fuck about your kids.”


153. “It’s important not to indicate. People don’t try to show their feelings, they try to hide them. ” – Robert De Niro


154. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat. ” — Katy


155. Tell your mom to top off the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late night!”


156. Your sister’s lasagna gave everyone the scoots for weeks up in here.


157. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now. ” -Wayne


158. “Got anymore of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it.”


159. “pitter patter,” which is short for “pitter patter, let’s get at her” and is a way for him to express his impatience


160. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow?” – Daryl


161. “I am willing to give 69% of my company to a partner, why 69%? Both sides benefit!. Good Enough!” – Gail


162. Your Whole World


163. “As long as everyone’s having a good time. There’s no need to be poopy pants.”


164. “This may very well call for the old Irish Goodbye. ” -Wayne


165. “Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers.” — Wayne


166. “This eau de toilette is enchantingly refreshing on summer days like this. ” – Daryl


167. “My dad told us up front, ‘Guys, if you want to play sports, go ahead, but it’s your decision. ’” – Peyton Manning


168. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the [expletive] windshield. ” —Katy


169. “Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers. ” — Wayne


170. “We’ve been working a long time for this and we want to accomplish our ultimate goal. We know what it takes. ” – Peyton Manning


171. OH, COME ON, KITTEN. I WON’T TELL ANYONE


172. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?”


173. “Something about that old goat just really grinds my pepper. ” – Gail


174. “Life rarely changes you totally but it consistently changes you in details. ” – Robert De Niro


175. “I would like to think I will be a guy who knows when it’s time to stop. I don’t want to be a guy who hung on and on. I do not have a goal in mind of a year or a statistic. ” – Peyton Manning


176. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em. ” — Wayne


177. “Bad gas travels real fast in a small town.” ― Letterkenny


178. It’s like algebra… why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go [expletive] yourself?”


179. OH, C’MON, WHERE’S YOUR JAM, BUD?


180. “You two ever make me walk this far again, and we’re making babies. ” – Katy


181. YOUR DAD SAYS GUYS WITH BIG TRUCKS HAVE LITTLE DINKS. AND THAT MAKES SENSE CUZ YOU WANT A REAL BIG TRUCK AND GOT A REAL LITTLE DINK


182. “Tell your mom to top up the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late at night. ” – Shoresy


183. ‘Letterkenny’ is one of the awesome shows given by the great CANADA. The show over the past seasons has never disappointed anyone and with every season it keeps on improving.


184. YOU’RE PRETTY SWEET ON YOUR NEW GAL BUT IF SHE FORGETS TO CLOSE THE THIRD DOOR OF YOUR TRUCK BEFORE THE PASSENGER DOOR ONE MORE TIME IT’S FUCKIN’ OVER I’VE HAD IT


185. “There’s something really pervy about that word ‘taste. ’”


186. GOT ANYMORE OF THAT ELECTRIC LETTUCE? THESE DARTS AREN’T DOING IT


187. “Got anymore of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it. ” -Shoresy


188. “FUCK LEMONY SNICKET, WHAT A SERIOUS OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS YOU FUCKIN BEEN THROUGH YOU UGLY FUCK. ”


189. “ALLEGEDLY.”


190. “You’ve got to remember what your priorities are. When you’re playing, what you do on the field is the most important thing. “ – Peyton Manning


191. “…I’M TOO FAT TO RUN.”


192. “Not so bad. ” – Wayne


193. “Where’s the sacrifice?” -Jonesy


194. “If you had as many bucks in your wallet as bucks mounted on your wall you’d have, well, give or take six bucks. ”


195. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh, I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sporting now. ” – Dary


196. BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS!


197. “I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud.” — Wayne


198. “The more years I go, the more experience I have, the more that nutrition and eating the right foods is important for recovery and things like that. ” – Stephen Curry


199. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciate about you. ” – Squirrelly Dan


200. OH YEAH? WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN, SHORESY?


201. “No, I’m not too sure what you’re driving at here big shooter. ” – Dan


202. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulling teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails.”


203. “You’re not responsible for the entire job, but your part in it… You will put your everything into everything you do. ” – Robert De Niro


204. “I have never been less embarrassed in all my life.” — Coach


205. “You came to after having a bar fight. Felt like you got hit by a car, right? But your pal had your back, went on the attack, but it turned off his gal like a night light.”


206. Make Sure You Use That There Sunscreen ‘Cause It’s A Great Day For Hay


207. “…I’m too fat to run. ” — Squirrelly Dan


208. “You lose a lot of heat in the neck.”


209. WELL, I’D SAY GIVE YOUR BALLS A TUG, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR PANTS ARE DOING IT FOR YOU


210. “We need backup, boys. ” — Jonesy


211. “It’s always ok to fart when you’re alone. Accept when you’re in elevators. That’s uncouth. ”


212. “YOU GUYS EVERY HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT THAT GUY FUCKING AN OSTRICH?”


213. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat. ” -Wayne


214. “Up next in the barn, this bartender turned dog-breeder hopes Cupid will find his way to Letterkenny. ” -Bonnie


215. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” -Gail


216. “Hey! He said simmers down so simmers down! Why don’t you go eat some tartares ya snail-sucking mime lovers?!”


217. “What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots?”


218. “You’d best be preparin’ for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours. ” — Wayne


219. “If you smelly gamey, you ain’t gonna lay me. ”


220. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there. ” -Wayne


221. “Because we buy pants that f*cking fit. ” – Wayne


222. “Hey! He said simmers down so simmers down! Why don’t you go eat some tartares ya snail sucking mime lovers?!”


223. Anything Shoresy Says


224. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.”


225. “The only animal in the animal kingdom that wants anything to do with Canada goose is Canada mooses.”


226. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.”


227. “The less you say now, the less you have to apologize for later. ” -Daryl


228. YOUR SISTER’S LASAGNA GAVE EVERYONE THE SCOOTS FOR WEEKS UP IN HERE


229. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE MAJESTIC CANADIAN GOOSE, THEN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME


230. Degens


231. “I’m so upset about my perennials. ” -Squirrely Dan


232. “If I’m an ant I’m operating the seadoo with my antennae.”


233. “I wish all were not so strange in the world.”


234. “I have never been less embarrassed in all my life. ” -Coach


235. “I need to give you one more chance to retract, no questions asked. Before this conversation becomes a confrontation. ”


236. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s? – Jonesy


237. I THINK YOU COME IN MEN ENOUGH FOR ALL OF US


238. “You stopped toe-curling in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends. ” – Wayne


239. YOU GOT HALF YOUR FINGER CUT OFF ONE OF THREE WAYS: BIKE CHAIN, BANDSAW, PENALTY BOX DOOR


240. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill.” ― Wayne


241. “Letterkenny Problems Episode 1” (2013)


242. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill.” — Wayne


243. YOU’D BEST BE PREPARING FOR A DONNY BROOK IF YOU THINK I’M GOING TO THAT SUPER SOFT BIRTHDAY PARTY OF YOURS


244. “Hey, girl. Are you Barta Beef? Cause I’d flip you once every minute.”


245. “We need backup, boys.” — Jonesy


246. “There’s something really pervy about that word ‘taste. ’” – Wayne


247. “I’ve been a Colt for almost all of my adult life, but I guess in life, and in sports, we all know nothing lasts forever. Times change, circumstances change, and that’s the reality of playing in the NFL. ” – Peyton Manning


248. OH, GET OFF THE CROSS, WE NEED THE WOOD


249. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” -Wayne


250. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” -Squirrely Dan


251. Come off it!” – Wayne Quotes


252. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.” — Wayne


253. IF YOU HAD AS MANY BUCKS IN YOUR WALLET AS BUCKS MOUNTED ON YOUR WALL YOU’D HAVE, WELL, GIVE OR TAKE SIX BUCKS


254. “Life is about choices. You ask the questions and you listen to the answers. Then you listen to your heart. ” – Peyton Manning


255. “You’re softer than a Cinnabon sampler. ” -Wayne


256. “Hey! He said simmers down so simmers down! Why don’t you go eat some tartares ya snail-sucking mime lovers?!” – Dan


257. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails.” — Wayne


258. “You wanna walk around town spelling like that? Ok?! I’ll spell with you any day of the week and I suggest you let that one marinate.”


259. “I need to give you one more chance to retract, no questions asked. Before this conversation becomes a confrontation. ” – Gail


260. “Call me a cake, ’cause I’ll go straight to your *ss, cowboy!” -Gail


261. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you. ” -Squirrelly Dan


262. “Betty-Ann, your breath’s so bad it gave me an existential crisis – it made me question my whole life. ” -Shoresy


263. “Nice onesie! Does it come in men’s?”


264. “I mean, just because my name is Reilly doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m a drunken leprechaun. ” -Reilly


265. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there. ” — Wayne


266. “And I suggest you let that one marinate. ” -Wayne


267. “I have never been less embarrassed in all my life.”


268. “A gal at the bar said she liked how your pants fit but she said it in a baby voice and really she can do that on her own time.”


269. WHEN YOU ARE BRINGING COMPLAINTS TO SOMEONE, THEY’LL BE MORE RECEPTIVE TO ALTER INTO THEIR BEHAVIOR IF YOU MAKE IT YOUR PROBLEM, RATHER THAN PLACING THE BLAMES ON THEM


270. “Closest you’re getting to any action this weekend is giving the dairy cow’s t*ts a good scrubbing. ” – Wayne


271. “Boulevard of broken dreams!”


272. “Great day for hay!”


273. YOUR FRIEND SAYS HIS SLEDS GOT SO MUCH TORQUE HE CAN’T KEEP THE FRONT END DOWN, OK BUD, IF YOU WANNA BLOW SMOKE, GO HAVE A DART


274. HERE’S A POEM. STARLIGHT, STAR BRIGHT, WHY THE FUCK YOU GOT EARRINGS ON? BET YOUR LOBES AIN’T THE ONLY THING THAT GOT A HOLE PUNCHED IN ’EM


275. “I think it’s important to have had at least a few years of obscurity, where people treat you like everybody else. ” – Robert De Niro


276. Ergonomic design


277. “If I’m an ant I’m operating the seadoo with my antennae. ”


278. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh, I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sporting now.”


279. “Ask her, on a scale from 1 to America, how free are you right now?” – Katy


280. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you. ” — Squirrelly Dan


281. YOU GOT CALLED A SHITHEAD AT GO KARTS FOR BUMPING ANOTHER DRIVER AND HAD TO FIGHT THE GUY ‘CAUSE YOU WERE ON A FIRST DATE


282. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.” ― Letterkenny


283. “Fuck, lemony snicket, what a series of unfortunate events you been through, you ugly fuck.”


284. Ferda


285. “You’re pretty good at wrestling there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciate about you. ” – Squirrely Dan


286. “YOU NATURALLY CARE FOR A COMPANIONSHIP, BUT I GUESS THERE’S A LOT WORSE THINGS THAN PLAYING A LITTLE ONE MAN COUCH HOCKEY IN THE DARK. ”


287. “If you don’t fall, how are you going to know what getting up is like?” – Stephen Curry


288. “It’s a great day for sleighing.”


289. A Little Eminem


290. “Look, if you are coming, you better come correct.” – Gail


291. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground. ” — Squirrelly Dan


292. “Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan. ”


293. FUCK YOU SHORESY! PUT A SHIRT ON


294. “Pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er. ” -Wayne


295. “You’d best be preparin’ for a donnybrook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours. ”


296. “Laughter” by “David Bergin“, licensed under CC BY 2.0


297. “I’ll spell with you any day of the week and I suggest you let that one marinate.”


298. EVERY WOMAN KNOWS THAT THE WAY TO A MAN’S HEART IS NOT THROUGH HIS ZIPPER, IT’S THROUGH HIS STOMACH


299. “F*ck you Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from two years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes. ” – Reilly


300. “You naturally care for a little companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark.”


301. “I am also not one for regrets. I don’t regret any film I’ve made, because there was a reason for making it at the time. If it hasn’t worked out, then don’t spend time worrying about why and how. Just move on to the next project. ” – Robert De Niro


302. “Bad gas travels real fast in a small town.”


303. “This eau de toilette is enchantingly refreshing on summer days like this.”


304. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground.”


305. “Time to take about 20% off the meth intake, boys. ” – Wayne


306. “It’s like algebra. Why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go f*ck yourself?” – Wayne


307. “What I said was: I got real long eyelashes. Well I’m surprised no one has ever noticed that. ” – Wayne


308. “Fartbook”


309. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails. ” – Wayne


310. “Pertnear. ”


311. “Make sure you use that sunscreen ‘cause it’s a great day for hay.”


312. “Every woman knows that the way to a man’s heart is not through his zipper, it’s through his stomach. ” – Wayne


313. WHAT’S UP WITH YOUR BODY HAIR, YOU BIG SHOOTS? YOU LOOK LIKE A 12-YEAR-OLD DUTCH GIRL


314. “Wish You Weren’t Awkward


315. “Jinx, you owe me a Coke. ” – Wayne


316. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow?”


317. “Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cat’s queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers. ” – Wayne


318. YOU LOVE THAT MOVIE THE FOX AND THE HOUND SO MUCH YOU CAN’T BRING YOURSELF TO KILL THE FOX THAT’S BEEN GETTING INTO THE CHICKEN COOP. YOU DON’T CARE IF THAT MAKES YOU SOFTER THAN A DISNEY MATINEE


319. And that’s your whole world right there. ” – Wayne Quotes


320. “Who doesn’t love fishin’ in Quebec?” – Katy


321. FUCK YOU, JONESY, YOUR LIFE IS SO PATHETIC I GET A CHARITY TAX BREAK JUST BY HANGING AROUND YOU!


322. “spare parts,” an insult that refers to someone who acts disrespectfully, likening them to someone who comes from the bottom of the barrel.


323. “Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s teets a good scrubbin’.


324. “You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends. ” – Wayne


325. “You know not to be impolite but sometimes a gal will do some kissing on the ears. Which makes me uncomfortable because even though I clean my ears, sometimes a tater will just roll out of there unexpected.”


326. “There’s more to life than a little Hulu and you-screw, big brother. ” – Katy


327. “When you are bringing complaints to someone, they’ll be more receptive to alter into their behavior if you make it your problem, rather than placing the blame on them. ” – Wayne


328. “I’m not the guy who’s afraid of failure. I like to take risks, take the big shot and all that. ” – Stephen Curry


329. “Your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you!” – Shoresy


330. YOU SEEN A ‘COON HAVIN’ SEX WITH A BARN CAT ON TOP OF YOUR TRUCK? FUCK WHAT’S THE NATURE OF THAT DAVID SUZUKI


331. SEEING AS THIS IS MOST CERTAINLY A ONE-OFF EVENT AND NOT A TRADITION THAT ALSO FALLS ON SOME MADE-UP HOLIDAY THAT I COULDN’T GIVE A CATS QUEEF ABOUT, I’M OUT. THERE’S HAPPINESS CALLING MY NAME FROM THE BOTTOM OF A BOTTLE OF PUPPERS


332. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground.” ― Squirrelly Dan


333. “You know not to be impolite but sometimes a gal will do some kissing on the ears. Which makes me uncomfortable because even though I clean my ears, sometimes a tater will just roll out of there unexpected. ” -Wayne


334. THEN I’D HAVE TO PUT MY WINE DOWN


335. “Of course, it is. “Popcorn fart, location: movie theatre. ” That’s informations I’s wants to know!” – Devon


336. “Muscles Coming Tomorrow?”, “A Fuss at the Ag Hall”


337. “Do you know what, I don’t want you to kiss and tell, that’s impolite…. but I am kind of curious. ”


338. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em. ” -Wayne


339. “Hard no.”


340. ALL BUTTS ARE GAY, BUT NOT ALL GAYS HAVE BUTTS


341. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like yer pants are doin’ it for ya. ” -Wayne


342. “Fuck you, Shoresy, you’re a terrible fuckin ref!” – Jonesy


343. “You can cross fuck off. ” — Wayne


344. “Where’s the sacrifice?” — Jonesy


345. Your Mom just liked my Instagram post from two years ago in Puerta Vallarta.


346. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” -Squirrelly Dan


347. “I guess, to tell you the truth, I’ve never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I’ve managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. ” – Peyton Manning


348. “Your dad says guys with big trucks have little dinks. And that makes sense cuz you want a real big truck and got a real little dink.”


349. “Got anymore of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it. ”


350. Wayne: “You heard he f*cked an ostrich, right?”


351. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums but there isn’t. So you’re just gonna have to keep picking them off with a 22. Buckle up because they’re fucking ugly. Of course, that’s not to say I have it all my damn self.”


352. “You learned the two greatest thing in life, never rat on your friends, and always keep your mouth shut. ” – Robert De Niro


353. “Folks are also saying that it was a sick ostrich. ” – Wayne


354. “Do you know what? I don’t want you to kiss and tell. That’s impolite. But I am kind of curious. ” – Wayne


355. “Pitter-patter” or “Donny Brook” will be your new slang for calling a fight.


356. “Not my forte. ” -Katy


357. FIGURE IT OUT!


358. “The stupidest thing I ever heard in my life is that a baby is smart. ” -Wayne


359. “You’re softer than a Cinnabon sampler. ” – Wayne


360. “This eau de toilette is enchantingly refreshing on summer days like this. ” -Daryl


361. “It’s almost not worth thinking about Darry. ” – Wayne


362. “People should only get hammered together, so that you never have to see how obnoxious your friends actually are.”


363. You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?”


364. “Bad gas travels real fast in a small town. ” -Wayne


365. “Do-re-mi, 19, go fuck yourself”


366. “Time goes on. So whatever you’re going to do, do it. Do it now. Don’t wait. ” – Robert De Niro


367. LOOK IF YOU ARE COMING, YOU BETTER COME CORRECT


368. NOT MY PIG, NOT MY FARM


369. Speeding Through Adult Baseball Lines


370. “You’re a cup of baby carrots, ya fucking asshole.”


371. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the f*ck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em. ” -Wayne


372. “On a scale from one to America, how free are you right now?”


373. “Jinx, you owe me a Coke.” ― Wayne


374. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails. ” — Wayne


375. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.” ― Quotes of Letterkenny


376. “Some guys leave a place after a long time, and they’re bitter. Not me. ” – Peyton Manning


377. “You naturally care for a companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one man couch hockey in the dark.”


378. “The world needs less Facebook and more face-to-face.” – Wayne


379. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me. ” -Wayne


380. “F*ck you, Reilly, go scoop it off your mom’s floor! She gives my nipples butterfly kisses. ” – Jonesy


381. “What I said was: I got real long eyelashes. Well, I’m surprised no one has ever noticed that.”


382. “You hear about how many fourth quarter comebacks that a guy has and I think it means a guy screwed up in the first three quarters. ” – Peyton Manning


383. “There’s more to me than just this jersey I wear. ” – Stephen Curry


384. “Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan. ” – Wayne


385. “It’s always ok to fart when you’re alone. Accept when you’re in elevators. That’s uncouth.”


386. “10-Ply“


387. “Basketball was mine, and that’s what’s carried me to this point. ” – Stephen Curry


388. “Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?”


389. “I have never been less embarrassed in all my life. ” – Coach


390. “Agricultural halls are for agricultural music. ” -Wayne


391. WE ONLY GOT ONE SHOT AT THIS. ONE CHANCE. ONE WIN. YOU KNOW? VOMIT ON YOUR MOM’S SPAGHETTI, OR WHATEVER THAT TALKING SINGER SAYS


392. “You can do it!”: 23 Quotes that Inspires you to Believe in Yourself


393. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the f*ck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em. ” – Wayne


394. You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.”


395. “Also known as the French Exit or Houdini. ” – Katy


396. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?” -Wayne


397. FUCK YOU, SHORESY, YOU’RE A TERRIBLE FUCKIN REF!


398. “Figure it out!” – Wayne


399. “Fuck you Shoresy! Put a shirt on. ” — Reilly


400. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.” — Wayne


401. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.”


402. “Oh, I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the f*cking windshield. ” -Katy


403. Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!”


404. YOU WERE A SNIPER IN THAT GAME TODAY AND… DO YOU SEE THAT SNIPER AT 3 O’CLOCK?


405. “What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl. ” – Wayne


406. “Betty-Ann, your breath’s so bad it gave me an existential crisis — it made me question my whole life. ”


407. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill. ” -Wayne


408. “Do-re-mi, 19, go f*ck yourself. ” -Squirrely Dan


409. “Tell your mom to top off the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late at night!”


410. “You know not to be impolite but sometimes a gal will do some kissing on the ears. Which makes me uncomfortable because even though I clean my ears, sometimes a tater will just roll out of there unexpected. ” – Wayne


411. “Wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud. ” – Wayne


412. I’M SO UPSET ABOUT MY PERENNIALS


413. “I won’t go down in history but I’ll go down on you.” – Gail


414. “You’re softer than a Cinnabon sampler. ”


415. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like your pants are doing it for you.”


416. “I won’t go down in history but I’ll go down on you.”


417. I SEE THE MUSCLE SHIRT CAME TODAY. MUSCLES COMING TOMORROW? DID YA GET A TRACKING NUMBER? OH I HOPE HE GOT A TRACKING NUMBER. THAT PACKAGE IS GOING TO BE SMALLER THAN THE ONE YOU’RE SPORTIN’ NOW


418. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s? — Jonesy


419. “All butts are gay, but not all gays have butts. ” – Jonesy


420. “What’s up with your body hair, your big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.”


421. “Look if you are coming, you better come correct. ” – Gail


422. “Oh, do you now? My wife goes to the city every few months for one of those spa days, she loves it. Picks out her masseuse on there, what do you call it, on the phone there? The Tinder? Picks out her masseuse and makes a day of it.” — Bank Manager


423. “Your sister thinks you smoke too much when you’re drinking but your grandpa always said, ‘A smoke and a beer go together like a piss and a fart. ’” – Wayne


424. “On a scale from one to America, how free are you right now?” – Katy


425. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails. ” -Wayne


426. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground. ” -Wayne


427. “I mean, just because my name is Reilly doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m a drunken leprechaun. ” – Reilly


428. “You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?”


429. YOU’RE MADE OF SPARE PARTS, AREN’T YOU, BUD?


430. “Success is born out of faith, an undying passion, and a relentless drive. ” – Stephen Curry


431. IF I WAS A DR. SEUSS BOOK, I’D BE THE FAT IN THE HAT


432. “I’ve never been afraid of big moments. I get butterflies… I get nervous and anxious, but I think those are all good signs that I’m ready for the moment. ” – Stephen Curry


433. “You seen a ‘coon havin’ sex with a barn cat on top of your truck? Fuck what’s the nature of that David Suzuki.” ― Quotes of Letterkenny


434. YOU’D BEST BE PREPARIN’ FOR A DONNY BROOK IF YOU THINK I’M GOING TO THAT SUPER SOFT BIRTHDAY PARTY OF YOURS


435. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you.” ― Letterkenny


436. “Letterkenny” is a Canadian sitcom that was developed by Jared Keeso and Jacob Tierney. Like a growing number of television productions, it was originally created as a YouTube web series in 2015.


437. “Betty-Ann, your breath’s so bad it gave me an existential crisis — it made me question my whole life.”


438. 3 THINGS: I HIT YOU, YOU HIT THE PAVEMENT AND I JERK OFF ON YOUR DRIVER’S SIDE DOOR HANDLE


439. “Look if you are coming, come correct. ” -Gail


440. “We lay off the ginger in boots now. Because the ginger in boots did not f*ck an ostrich. ” – Wayne