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325 Best Funny Poker Quotes Of All Time

1. “Dogs are lousy poker players. When they get a good hand, they wag their tails.” ~ Unknown


2. “Some poker players will complain about how unlucky they are until the end of time.” – Joe Ingram


3. I believe in poker the way I believe in the American Dream. Poker is good for you. It enriches the soul, sharpens the intellect, heals the spirit, and - when played well, nourishes the wallet. - Lou Krieger


4. “When I run bad, I simply imagine some pokergods sitting somewhere in the universe, drunk or stoned, randomly distributing stupid coolers and laughing about me. And the more serious I take it the more they are laughing about me. Always makes me smile a little bit and stay cool.” – Bencb


5. The next best thing to gambling and winning is gambling and losing. - Nick "The Greek" Dandolos


6. “Always look for the silver lining. There is something good to be said for running bad: If you run bad long enough, everybody knows it and nobody asks to borrow money!” – Denny Axel


7. “The name of the game is No Limit Texas Hold’em, the game that takes a minute to learn but a lifetime to master.” - Mike Sexton


8. You call, it's gonna be all over baby! - Scotty Nguyen


9. “It’s weird being considered an expert at something that confuses me every single day.” – Erik Seidel


10. “Life is too short to play bad cards.” – Frank DiElsi


11. “Going on tilt is not ‘mixing up your play.’” ~ Steve Badger


12. The beautiful thing about poker is that everybody thinks they can play. - Chris Moneymaker


13. “When they reached the stairs, he didn’t make her climb them herself. He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the big bathroom off their bedroom. He didn’t speak, his expression didn’t soften. But he was hard. His cock was like a poker, steely and hot against her hip. His eyes blazed with lust.”


14. “If you are playing poker and you can’t see who the sucker is, it’s you.” – Paul Newman


15. “thepsychchic chips clips iii


16. If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.


17. “There is no moral outcome of a chess match or a poker game as long as skill and stealth rather than cheating have been used.”


18. “Underestimating your opponent is the most common mistake in history; it happens all the time at the poker table.” – General David Shoup


19. “Poker is a lot like sex. Everyone thinks they are the best, but most don’t have a clue what they are doing.” ~ Dutch Boyd


20. Poker is 100% skill and 50% luck. - Phil Hellmuth


21. Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he's losing; nobody wants you to quit when you're ahead. — Jackie Robinson.


22. “Segala perkara dapat kutanggung di dalam Dia yang memberi kekuatan kepadaku.”


23. Honey, they forgot one thing - I can dodge bullets, baby! - Phil Hellmuth


24. “If you always start from the worst hand, you will never have a bad beat story.” – Chuck Thompson


25. “Poker requires 100% skill and 50% luck.” – Phil Hellmuth


26. “Poker feels like a sport, but it doesn’t require you to do push-ups.” – Penn Jillette


27. “Poker is a wonderful, fascinating, and intricate adventure on high seas of human nature. – David A. Daniel


28. Poker is a skill game pretending to be a chance game. - James Altucher


29. “Poker can be considered war.” People pretend it’s a game.” Doyle Brunson


30. “I don’t play any two-suited cards. I play any two non-suited cards. This way, I can draw at two different flushes.” – Amarillo Slim


31. “The next best thing about gambling and winning is gambling and losing.” ~ Nick “The Greek” Dandalos


32. Limit poker is a science, but no-limit is an art. In limit, you are shooting at a target. In No-Limit, the target comes alive and shoots back at you. - Crandell Addington


33. I need some money, you got any money? - Daniel Negreanu


34. “You played that hand like a vegan.” ~ Erick Linderer (to Daniel Negreanu)


35. Tight is not right. - Antonio Esfandiari


36. “Screenwriting is like poker; in the end, you have to go all in.”


37. “thepsychchic chips clips i


38. “Trust everyone but always cut the cards.” ~ Benny Binion


39. “Is poker a sport? – I don’t know, but I like any sport where you can eat a hot dog and drink a beer while you’re playing.” – Gabe Kaplan


40. “Poker is a lot like sex. Everyone thinks they’re the best. But most people don’t know what they are doing.” – Dutch Boyd


41. “Poker is a skill game that pretends to be a chance.” – James Altucher


42. “I don’t play any two suited cards. I play any two non-suited cards. That way I’m drawing at two different flushes.” – Amarillo Slim


43. “Last night, I stayed up late playing Tarot cards and poker.” “I got a full house, and four people died.” – Steven Wright


44. This fricking donkey stuffs $15,000 in with king-jack. I mean...the guy can't even spell poker! - Phil Hellmuth


45. Hold!!! - Every tournament player in poker history.


46. “If there weren’t luck involved, I would win every time.” ~ Phil Hellmuth


47. I had to make a choice between being a lawyer or a professional gambler. I chose the more honorable of the two. - Chip Reese


48. Nobody is always a winner, and anybody who says he is, is either a liar or doesn’t play poker. - Amarillo Slim


49. “A gambler never makes the same mistake twice. It’s usually three or more times.” – Terrence Murphy


50. “If there weren’t luck involved, I would win every time.” – Phil Hellmuth


51. “A Smith & Wesson beats 4 aces.” – American proverb


52. “Everyone is lucky once in a while, but no one is consistently lucky.” – Doyle Brunson


53. But it was suited! - Unknown Donkey


54. “Money won’t be earned is twice as sweet as it is money won.” – Paul Newman


55. “Dogs are lousy poker players. When they get a good hand, they wag their tails.” – Unknown


56. Poker is a combination of luck and skill. People think mastering the skill part is hard, but they’re wrong. The trick to poker is mastering the luck. - Jesse May


57. “Fold and live to fold again.” – Stu Ungar


58. “A pair of balls beats everything!” – Unknown


59. “Don’t get mad at losing, get mad that you didn’t win.” – Michael Gersitz


60. “I never saw a poker player’s money that I did not like.” ~ Oklahoma Johnny Hale


61. Poker is like sex - it’s more fun when you go all-in. - Anonymous


62. “It’s morally wrong to let a sucker keep his money.” – Bill Jones


63. “What’s true in poker is true in life.” Most people are suckers and don’t realize it.” – Michael Faust


64. “I learned poker that you don’t count your winnings because that’s when it starts to lose.” Kenneth Langone


65. “As long as you’ve got ‘a chip and a chair’, there’s still hope”


66. “Poker is a microcosm of everything we admire and disdain regarding capitalism and democracy.” – Lou Kreiger


67. “It’s not whether you won or lost, but how many bad beat stories you were able to tell.” ~ Grantland Rice


68. “Millions in the bank, got another million floatin’ home. One point three each estate, add it up if you can’t count. Quarter-million chain, quarter-million car (Wow). I know how to get it, poker in my mama house. Million-dollar business, I ain’t never turnin’ down.” – NBA YoungBoy Song: “Kacey Talk”, Album: “Top”


69. I’m going to destroy you. I’m gonna take everything you got! - Tony G


70. Come learn, chat and play with the pros. - Full Tilt Poker


71. “Luck favors the backbone, not the wishbone.” – Doyle Brunson


72. “The next best thing about gambling and winning is gambling and losing.” – Nick “The Greek” Dandalos


73. “If you’re playing a poker game and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.” ~ Paul Newman


74. “Dogs are terrible poker players. They wag their tails when they have a good hand.” – Unknown


75. One Time! - Every poker player in the history of poker


76. “May the flop be with you.” ~ Doyle Brunson


77. “Every poker player, like every fisherman, needs to have a story in a box, and most poker stories are completely uninteresting.” ~ Jason Alexander


78. A fool and his money are soon parted. - Thomas Tusser


79. “You will know you’re alive, with your nerves vibrating, your eyes opening wide, and your heart thumping like a big brass drum. That’s living. That’s poker, baby!”


80. “The next best thing to gambling and winning is gambling and losing.” – Nick “The Greek” Dandolos


81. “People would be amazed to learn how much I learned about praying from playing poker.” – Mary Austin


82. “Life's a lot like poker. You bet on some hands, you fold some. You win some hands, you lose some. But unlike poker, life is not a zero sum game. There's enough chips in the pot for everyone.”


83. Last night I stayed up playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright.


84. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to be good at poker.” ~ Phil Gordon


85. “If you play bridge poorly, you make your partner suffer. But if you play poker poorly, you make everyone happy.” – Joe Laurie, Jr.


86. You will show your poker greatness by the hands you fold, not the hands you play.


87. “Just play every hand. You can’t miss them all.” – Sammy Farha


88. “Take some time to think, but when it’s time to act, stop thinking and get in.” – Andrew Jackson


89. “Omaha is a game that was invented by a Sadist and is played by Masochists.” – Shane Smith


90. One day a chump, the next day a champion. What a difference a day makes in tournament poker! - Mike Sexton


91. I'd hate for 70 million poker players to wake up one day and learn that their game has been made illegal. - Howard Lederer


92. “Poker reveals to a frank observer another important thing. It will help him understand his own nature. Many poor players don’t improve because they can’t bear self-knowledge.” – David Mamet


93. I raise one mirrion! - Jerry Yang


94. “Going on tilt does not mean ‘mixing up your plays.’” – Steve Badger


95. “The object of poker is to keep your money away from Phil Ivey for as long as possible.” – Gus Hansen


96. If there weren't luck involved, I would win every time. - Phil Hellmuth


97. “Aces are larger than life and greater than mountains.” - Mike Caro


98. “You’ve got to know when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em”


99. “You played that hand as a vegan.” – Erick Linderer (to Daniel Negreanu).


100. “No wife can bear a gambling husband unless they are a steady winner.” – Lord Dewar


101. “You will be judged on the hands that you fold, not what you play.” – Dan Reed


102. “The guy who invented poker had a bright mind, but the genius who invented the chip was brilliant.” – Julius “Big Julie” Weintraub


103. “It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.” – Gore Vidal


104. “Nobody is ever a winner and anyone who claims he is, is either lying or doesn’t play any poker.” – Amarillo Slim


105. “Millions in the bank, got another million floatin’ home. One point three each estate, add it up if you can’t count. Quarter-million chain, quarter-million car (Wow). I know how to get it, poker in my mama house. Million-dollar business, I ain’t never turnin’ down.” – NBA YoungBoy Song: “Kacey Talk”, Album: “Top”


106. “Poker is a lot like sex. Everyone thinks they are the best, but most don’t have a clue what they are doing.” – Dutch Boyd


107. “There's something that happens to people when they see the opportunity to make money. Greed flavored with desperation, especially at a poker table, gives rise to a moment when the eyes change, the humanity vanishes, and the players become bloodthirsty, flat-eyed predators.”


108. “Omaha is a game that was invented by a Sadist and is played by Masochists.” ~ Shane Smith


109. “People would be surprised to know how much I learned about prayer from playing poker.” – Mary Austin


110. “If I lose today, I can look forward to winning tomorrow. If I win today, I can expect a loss tomorrow.” – Chico Marx


111. “Everybody will eventually run worse than they thought was possible. The difference between a winner and a loser is, that the latter thinks they do not deserve it.” – Irieguy


112. The majority of players are looking for reasons to fold. I am looking for reasons to play. - Daniel Negreanu


113. Don't tap the glass. - Unknown


114. “Money isn’t everything unless you’re playing a rebuy tournament.” ~ Unknown


115. Hold'em is to stud what chess is to checkers. - Johnny Moss


116. There's no one that ever beat me playing cards, the only one that ever beat me was myself. - Stu Ungar


117. “The guy who invented poker was bright, but the guy who invented the chip was a genius.” ~ Julius “Big Julie” Weintraub


118. “OSCAR. (Sitting at table.) My friend Murray the Cop is right. Let's just play cards. And please hold them up, I can't see where I marked them.”


119. “Just play every hand, you can’t miss them all.” - Sammy Farha - I don't get this one ... playing every hand means 100 % VPIP lol .


120. “Poker is generally thought to be America’s second most popular after-dark activity. Sex is good, they say, but poker lasts longer.” ~ Al Alvarez


121. “Bermainlah Dengan Tenang. Maka Kamu akan menjadi raja di pot meja poker yang sedang ada.


122. “They're holding flushes of face cards, and I think we're the pot.”


123. I'd bust my own grandmother if she played poker with me. - Jack Straus


124. “In the long-run, there’s no luck with poker, but the short-run is longer than most people realize.” – Rick Bennet


125. On your bike! - Tony G


126. This just in. Breaking news! Our top story tonight. - Doug Polk


127. “Hold ’em” is to study what chess and checkers are to each other.” – Johnny Moss


128. “Avoid people who have gold teeth and want to play cards.” – George Carlin


129. “There are tides in a poker tournament. Sometimes, when hopes are high and the chips are flowing, hardly a minute goes by without a dealer calling, ‘Player down,’ sending another slump-shouldered player to the rail. Then there are other times nobody gets knocked out for half an hour or more, as the players hunch protectively over their stakes, taking no chances, waiting for somebody else to do something stupid.”


130. “Trust everyone but always cut the cards.” – Benny Binion


131. “I’d bust my own grandmother if she played poker with me.” – Jack Straus


132. “Without a stake, poker doesn’t quite rise to the level of boring: to stir interest, one has not only to beat someone but to beat him out of something.” – Joseph Epstein


133. “A man with money is no match against a man on a mission.” ~ Doyle Brunson


134. “I don’t play any two suited cards. I play any two non-suited cards. That way I’m drawing at two different flushes.” ~ Amarillo Slim


135. “A person should always gamble because it is so bad to be lucky and not know it.” – Robert Turner


136. “Is it really possible to touch the gaming tables without being infected instantly by superstition?” – Fyodor Dostoyevsky


137. “The one who wagers the most wins. Cards just break ties.” – Sammy Farha


138. Shuffle up and deal! - Unknown


139. “Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.” ~ Steven Wright


140. “Life is on the wire. Everything else is just waiting.”


141. “It’s not whether you won or lost, but how many bad beat stories you were able to tell.” – Grantland Rice


142. “Living in history is a Jethro Tull album, and not a smart poker strategy.” -Richard Roeper


143. Why do the pushing when the donkey will do the pulling? - Daniel Negreanu


144. “If you play bridge badly, you make your partner suffer, but if you play poker badly you make everybody happy.” ~ Joe Laurie, Jr.


145. “Fold and live to die again.” – Stu


146. “If you play bridge badly, you make your partner suffer, but if you play poker badly you make everybody happy.” – Joe Laurie, Jr.


147. “The day-to-day horror of writing gave me a notion of tournament time. Writing novels is tedious. When will this book be finished, when will it reveal its bright and shining true self? it takes freakin’ years. At the poker table, you’re only playing a fraction of the hands, waiting for your shot. If you keep your wits, can keep from flying apart while those around you are self-destructing, devouring each other, you’re halfway there. … Let them flame out while you develop a new relationship with time, and they drift away from the table. 86-7


148. “There’s more to poker than life.” – Tom McEvoy


149. Poker is a hard way to make an easy living. - Doyle Brunson


150. “Old card players never die, they just shuffle away.” ~ Unknown


151. “In Thai poker, two 5's are known as the, "Haha" hand.”


152. There's over 2000 donkeys in this tournament and I had to be at the table with none of them. - Mike Matusow


153. “Everyone is equal before the flop.”


154. “They say that sex is good, but poker lasts longer.” Al Alvarez


155. “Don’t tap on the glass”


156. “If you can’t spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.”


157. I like to see lots of flops. - Gus Hansen


158. “The smarter you play, the luckier you’ll be.” ~ Mark Pilarski


159. Not too many players try to bluff me. If there’s going to be bluffing or stealing going on, I’m going to be the one doing to it. - Johnny Chan


160. “The two most important things to succeed in poker are first, find the muck and second, don’t play your money.” – David “Devilfish” Ulliott


161. “This reminds me of the old saying about a guy who owned four farms. He lost three of them drawing to inside straights and lost the fourth one when he made it.”


162. “Bad beats can, from time to time, still rob you like crack addicts with an empty pipe.” – Rick Dacey


163. May the flop be with you. - Doyle Brunson


164. “My favorite chip trick is to make everyone’s chip stack disappear.” – Amarillo Slim


165. “My favorite hobby is being alone. I like to be alone. I also like dancing, fishing, playing poker sometimes and vegetable gardening—corn, tomatoes, cucumbers, I have a big garden every year.” – Emanuel Steward


166. “Poker, no. A game with cards for some purpose that is not known to this lexicographer.” – Ambrose Bierce


167. “To be a successful gambler, you must have complete disregard for money.” – Doyle Brunson


168. “Baseball is a poker game. “Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when they’re losing.” – Jackie Robinson


169. “Just play every hand, you can’t miss them all.” – Sammy Farha


170. “Cards are war disguised as a sport.” – Charles Lamb


171. My favorite chip trick is to make everyone's chip stack disappear. - Amarillo Slim


172. “Most poker players overestimate their abilities; it’s like the old story about 95% of American men believing they are above average drivers.” – Ray Cooke


173. “thepsychchic chips clips ii


174. Money won is twice as sweet as money earned. - Paul Newman


175. “No river, no fish.” ~ – Amarillo Slim


176. “Aside from lovemaking and singing in a shower, there aren’t many human activities where there is more difference between a person’s self-delusional ability or their actual ability than poker.” – Steve Badger


177. Every time you play a hand differently from the way you would have played it if you could see all your opponent's cards, they gain; and every time you play your hand the same way you would have played it if you could see all their cards, they lose. Conversely, every time opponents play their hands differently from the way they would have if they could see all your cards, you gain; and every time they play their hands the same way they would have played if they could see all your cards, you lose. - David Sklansky (The Fundamental Theorem of Poker)


178. Fold and live to fold again. - Stu Ungar


179. You can shear a sheep a hundred times, but you can skin it only once. - Amarillo Slim


180. “Never trust a poker player.”


181. The cardinal sin in poker is becoming emotionally involved. - Katy Lederer


182. “If there is one thing about poker that strikes me as odd, it is this. Poker is the only profession in the world where it pays to surround yourself with the biggest morons you can find.” – Phil Gordon


183. “Poker is a lot like sex, everyone thinks they are the best, but most don’t have a clue what they are doing!” - Dutch Boyd - this one is gold and is my favourite ... I will remember it for sure :P


184. “Whoever coined the phrase 'a man's got to play the hand that was dealt him' was most certainly one piss-poor bluffer.”


185. Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he’s losing; nobody wants you to quit when you’re ahead. – Jackie Robinson


186. “The luckier you are, the smarter you play.” – Mark Pilarski


187. “I have never seen a poker player’s cash that I didn’t like.” – Oklahoma Johnny Hale


188. “Play like a champ. Win like a champ. “Act like a champ.” – Frank Henderson


189. “Poker is 100% skill and 50% luck.” ~ Phil Hellmuth


190. Ship It! - Unknown


191. It’s not whether you won or lost, but how many bad beat stories you were able to tell. - Grantland Rice


192. “To be a poker champion, you must have a strong bladder.” - Jack McClelland


193. How much is that? - Phil Ivey


194. “Poker is a skill game pretending to be a chance game.”


195. “If there ever was a player who was as good as Phil[Hellmuth] thinks he is, we’d never win a single hand.” – Doyle Brunson


196. “All serious poker players try to minimize their tells, obviously. There are a couple ways to go about this. One is the robotic approch: where your face becomes a mask and your voice a monotone, at least while the hand is being played. . . . The other is the manic method, where you affect a whole bunch of tics, twitches, and expressions, and mix them up with a river of insane babble. The idea is to overwhelm your opponents with clues, so they can't sort out what's going on. This approach can be effective, but for normal people it's hard to pull off. (If you've spent part of your life in an institution, this method may come naturally.)”


197. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist for to be good at poker.” – Phil Gordon


198. “Crabtree's Parable of the Cards:


199. “The only bad luck for a good gambler is bad health. Any other setbacks are temporary aggravation.” – Benny Binion


200. Pass the sugar! - Joe Hachem


201. “If there weren’t luck involved, I would win every time.”


202. “Just play every hand, you can’t miss them all.” - Sammy Farha


203. “Trust everyone, but always cut the cards.” – Benny Binion


204. Lack of money is the root of all evil. - Mark Twain


205. “It is said that patience and stubbornness are the two most important psychological characteristics of snipers. Some might argue that the same holds true for poker players.” – Stephen Bloomfield


206. Boom! 9-high like a boss! - William Kassouf


207. Poker may be a branch of psychological warfare, an art form or indeed a way of life - but it is also merely a game, in which money is simply the means of keeping score.


208. When we play, we must realize, before anything else, that we are out to make money. - David Sklansky


209. “Poker is a combination of luck and skill. Although people think mastering the skill is difficult, they are wrong. “Mastering the luck is the key to poker.” – Jesse May


210. “No river, no fish.” ~ Amarillo Slim


211. “Poker is 100% skill and 50% luck.” – Phil Hellmuth


212. “Trust everyone, but always cut the cards.” - Benny Binion


213. The rule is this: you spot a man's tell, you don't say a f**king word. - Mike McDermott (Rounders)


214. “I’m certain I’ll win it because I’m ruthless. I’m a poker player and my job is destruction.” – James Woods


215. A pair of balls beats everything! - Unknown


216. “If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.” – Matt Damon (Mike McDermott), Rounders 1998


217. “No-limit hold’em: Hours of boredom, followed by moments of sheer terror.” – Tom McEvoy


218. “Forget about a chair and a chip; give me a hand, and I’ll stand.” – Warren Karp


219. The Main Event is the only tournament in the history of poker you never have to bluff. You just have to stay alive and wait for the idiots to give you their chips. - Mike Matusow


220. Welcome to value town. Population, you! - David "Viffer" Peat


221. “You can shear a sheep a hundred times, but you can skin it only once.”


222. “No-limit holdem: Hours of boredom followed by moments of sheer terror.” ~ Tom McEvoy


223. “Life isn’t always about holding good cards. Sometimes it’s about playing poorly.” Jack London


224. I like it when I lose so much money I can barely breathe. That's the feeling I go for. I'm addicted to that feeling. - Phil Ivey


225. “Poker has the feeling of a sport, but you don’t have to do push-ups.” ~ Penn Gillette


226. “They say poker is a zero-sum game. It must be, because every time I play my sum ends up zero.” ~ Max Shapiro


227. I call. - Viktor "Isildur1" Blom


228. Aussie, Aussie Aussie. Oi Oi Oi! - Joe Hachem


229. The only bad luck for a good gambler is bad health. Any other setbacks are temporary aggravation. - Benny Binion


230. It's hard work. Gambling. Playing poker. Don't let anyone tell you different. Think about what it's like sitting at a poker table with people whose only goal is to cut your throat, take your money, and leave you out back talking to yourself about what went wrong inside. That probably sounds harsh. But that's the way it is at the poker table. If you don't believe me, then you're the lamb that's going off to the slaughter. - Stu Ungar


231. “To be a poker champion you must have a strong bladder.” ~ Jack McClelland


232. It's morally wrong to let a sucker keep his money. - "Canada" Bill Jones


233. “The object of poker is to keep your money away from Phil Ivey for as long as possible." - Gus Hansen


234. “Poker has the feeling of a sport, but you don’t have to do push-ups.” – Penn Gillette


235. “May the flop be with you.” – Doyle Brunson


236. “In order to live, you must be willing to die." - Amir Vahedi (on tournament poker strategy)


237. I always carried a gun in my pocket because the problem for me wasn’t winning the money, it was getting out with it. Dave “Devilfish” Ulliott


238. “The beauty of poker is that everyone thinks they can play.” – Chris Moneymaker


239. “Poker does not allow the meek to inherit the Earth.” – David Hayano


240. “It never hurts for potential opponents to think you’re more than a little stupid and can hardly count all the money in your hip pocket, much less hold on to it.” – Amarillo Slim


241. He's been whamboozled! - Norman Chad (ESPN)


242. That's a position raise. I call. - TeddyKGB (Rounders)


243. “I can win anytime. Kevin's going to go back to Burbank and tell everybody in his cubicle how he won at the Golden Nugget. Sometimes the pot isn't the money.”


244. “To be a poker champion, you must have a strong bladder.” – Jack McClelland


245. “We divide the deck into numbered and face cards, and so we divide the types of men. The numbered cards are the underlings, the parasites of the world. When you play a man who is a numbered card, he looks out only for himself with no consciousness that others are in the game with him. If you wish to be kind, you can say these men are the subordinates of the world, but they are parasites all the same. They attach themselves to someone greater, learning if they are young or inexperienced enough, leeching if they are strong or experienced enough to know better but would rather remain weak. They don’t contribute to the world. They only take from it, and if a man remains in this state, he is no better than a sheep. Numbered men are as disposable and interchangeable as the animals they mimic.


246. “Omaha is a game invented by sadists and played by masochists.” – Shane Smith


247. “Poker may be a form of psychological warfare, an art form, or a way to live, but it is also merely the game in which money is just the means of keeping score.”


248. “Poker is a lot like sex. Everyone thinks they are the best, but most don’t have a clue what they are doing.”


249. “Daftar di Situs PKV Poker Online Terbesar dan Terpercaya di SENTOSA99


250. “May the flop be yours.” – Doyle Brunson


251. You cannot survive without that intangible quality we call heart. The mark of a top player is not how much he wins when he is winning but how he handles his losses. If you win for thirty days in a row, that makes no difference if on the thirty-first you have a bad night, go crazy, and throw it all away. - Bobby Baldwin


252. Ah, he's just another kid with a dream! - Norman Chad (ESPN)


253. “I must complain the cards are ill-shuffled till I have a good hand.” – Jonathan Swift


254. “If luck weren’t involved, I would win every single time.” – Phil Hellmuth


255. “No-limit hold’em: Hours of boredom followed by moments of sheer terror.” - Tom McEvoy


256. “Poker is good for you. It enriches the soul, sharpens the intellect, heals the spirit, and when played well - nourishes the wallet. Above all else, poker forces the player to face reality and deal with it head-on. [...] Your challenges for as long as you aspire to win at poker is this: Be willing to examine your character and game.”


257. If you look at poker like a business, then I would say I'm f**king Bill Gates. Because I've won over 50 million dollars playing poker. Who the f**k else has done that?


258. “One day you’re a chump, and the next day you’re a champion. What a difference one day makes in tournament poker!” – Mike Sexton


259. “Going on tilt is not ‘mixing up your play.’” – Steve Badger


260. “Poker is a fun game, but it is just a game. It is a game of some information, not total information. It is a game of some luck, but not total luck. It is a game of some skill, but not total skill. It is a game of hustling that doesn't always reward the hustler. It is a card game that steals from the artists to give to the scientists who then get robbed by the hustlers, before they give it back to the artists again. It is hilariously broken. You will die 500 years before your luck catches up to you. No game contains your redemption, so look not for it here. It is beautiful because it is so meaningless.”


261. Pay that man his money. - Teddy KGB (Rounders)


262. “Bad beats will, from time to time, still rob you like a crack addict with an empty pipe.” ~ Rick Dacey


263. We played 50 thousand U.S. hands today at NL25! - Joe Ingram (delerious after breaking the world record for most poker hands played in a single day)


264. “Poker is the only game that’s suitable for grown men. Then, your hand is against all men’s and every man’s is against yours.” – W. Somerset Maugham


265. “It's not luck, I'm cheating." (Allen Walker)”


266. “Old card players never die, they just shuffle away.” – Unknown


267. “Serious poker doesn’t involve gambling, but rock climbing is about taking chances.” – Al Alvarez


268. “Let me tell you how the Internet screwed up poker, okay? When a guy sucks out on the river, on the Internet, you cannot take the guy out in the parking lot and you cannot break his fucking knees.” – Deuce Fairbanks in The Grand(2007)


269. In order to be a successful gambler you have to have a complete disregard for money. - Doyle Brunson


270. There is more to poker than life. - Tom McEvoy


271. Raisey Daisy! - Sammy Farha


272. Poker is war. People pretend it is a game. - Doyle Brunson


273. “Depend on the rabbit’s foot if you will, but remember it didn’t work for the rabbit.” – R. E. Shay


274. My favorite hobby is being alone. I like to be alone. I also like dancing, fishing, playing poker sometimes and vegetable gardening – corn, tomatoes, cucumbers, I have a big garden every year. — Emanuel Steward


275. “The beautiful thing about poker is that everybody thinks they can play.” ~ Chris Moneymaker


276. “They say poker is a zero-sum game. It must be, because every time I play my sum ends up zero.” – Max Shapiro


277. “Long may the ignorant believe it’s a game of luck” – Harry Demetriou


278. “A professional poker game has many benefits. It helps to develop positive traits, such as patience, humility, control, and analytical thinking. Poker also teaches us to focus on those elements that we can control and to let go of those we have no influence over. The nature of the game and variance force us to acquire skills of capital management and distance ourselves from money. Poker primarily teaches us about discipline, self-control, and making decisions with a long-term perspective.”


279. “Bad health is the only thing that can bring down a good gambler. Any other setbacks can be a temporary aggravation.” – Benny Binion


280. “Don’t challenge the strong players, challenge weak ones. That’s what they are there for.” – John Vorhaus


281. You get your chips your way, I'll get my chips mine. - Phil Ivey


282. Poker is a wonderful card game, the money is just a convenient way of keeping score - Amarillo Slim


283. “I never saw a poker player’s money that I did not like.” – Oklahoma Johnny Hale


284. Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser. - Stu "The Kid" Ungar


285. “I put three kids through college playing poker. Unfortunately, they weren’t my kids.” – Max Shapiro


286. “Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.”


287. “Poker is a lot like sex, everyone thinks they are the best, but most don’t have a clue what they are doing!” - Dutch Boyd


288. “Everybody will eventually run worse than they thought was possible. The difference between a winner and a loser is that the latter thinks they do not deserve it.” - Irieguy (2+2 forums)


289. “Life is a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism. But the way you play it will be free will.” – Jawaharlal Nehru


290. “Whoever coined the phrase ‘a man’s got to play the hand that was dealt him’ was most certainly one piss-poor bluffer.” – Jeannette Walls


291. I thought you had pocket kings. - Jennifer Tilly


292. “What I know about poker, you can fit in a thimble with space left over, but that’s what I’m learning.” – Wilford Brimley


293. Really, if there’s one thing I’ve learned without question about poker, it’s that poker screws with people’s brains and drives them batshit. - Ed Miller


294. “I must complain the cards are ill-shuffled till I have a good hand.” ~ Jonathan Swift


295. “The beautiful thing about poker is that everybody thinks they can play.” – Chris Moneymaker


296. “Money isn’t everything unless you’re playing a tournament to rebuy.” – Unknown


297. Next


298. “If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker”


299. The kiddie game is down the street! - Mike "The Mouth" Matusow


300. “Play poker like an animal.


301. Show me your eyes and you may as well show me your cards. - Doyle Brunson


302. All you need is a chip and a chair. - Jack Straus


303. The key to No-Limit is to put a man to a decision for all his chips. - Doyle Brunson


304. “I think one thing I like about poker is that you can let your ego go and you’re done.” – Al Alvarez


305. A man with money is no match against a man on a mission. - Doyle Brunson


306. “Life, just like poker, comes with a certain amount of risk. It should not be avoided. It should be confronted.” – Edward Norton


307. I got top-top. - Jamie Gold


308. “A good lawyer, just like a good poker player, must always keep his cards close to his chest.”


309. Are you f**king kidding me? - Phil Hellmuth


310. I love the fact that I can mess with someone's head. - Antonio Esfandiari


311. Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well. - Jack London


312. “If I had a dollar for each poker player who stuck to a disciplined strategy for a whole day, I could make a down payment on a deck of cards.” – Mike Caro


313. “A person should gamble every day, because think of how bad it would be to be walking around lucky and not know it.” – Robert Turner


314. In the poker game of life, women are the rake. They are the f**king rake! - Worm (Rounders)


315. “Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he’s losing; nobody wants you to quit when you’re ahead.” – Jackie Robinson


316. I'm all in. - Tom "durrrr" Dwan


317. “You call, it’s gonna be all over baby!”


318. “If a player wants to have you fund their poker career, then you need to look at the reasons they are broke.” – James Guill


319. “Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards.” ~ George Carlin


320. “I can dodge bullets, baby.” – Phil Hellmuth


321. “Depend on rabbit’s feet if you like, but remember that it didn’t work out for the rabbit.” – R. E. Shay


322. “All losers exaggerate because they want you to know how bad they feel.” – Mike Caro


323. “Every poker player, just like every fisherman, needs a story in his box. Most poker stories are boring.” – Jason Alexander


324. “I must complain that the cards are ill-shuffled until I have a good deal.” – Jonathan Swift


325. You've got to know when to hold'em, know when to fold'em, know when to walk away, know when to run. - Kenny Rogers

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